


Earn a Happy Ending

by clockworkcuttlefish



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Post ME3, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-29
Updated: 2013-10-15
Packaged: 2017-11-19 20:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 100,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/577489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkcuttlefish/pseuds/clockworkcuttlefish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Reapers are destroyed. Shepard and Kaidan make good on a promise. But life will never be easy for the first two human Spectres or the galaxy they saved. Life after the Reapers, focus on Shenko but with a bit of galaxy-rebuilding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: The Chance for a Future

**Author's Note:**

> I plan on doing my KOTOR2 story soon, it was my NaNo, but I want to get back into Shenko.  
> Not sure how long this will be. :D  
> Chiaroscuro's Marrakech Shepard, Spacer/War Hero of the paragade flavor.

By the time she woke up, she'd almost forgotten where she was.

The words and sensations of the night before had disappeared into one of her usual nightmares, with the child she'd failed to save and everyone she'd lost, waking her up disoriented and (though loath to admit it) terrified.

It was only when the arm beneath her flexed, when the slightest huff of air danced on her neck, that she remembered where she was. Slowly, so as not to disturb her bedmate, she carefully extracted herself from his arms and sat up, nausea rearing up inside her as she ducked her head. The bed shifted as Kaidan rolled onto his back, the smallest grumble indicating a slow rise into wakefulness, and she hunched even further.

"Hey." His voice was even more raspy with early wakefulness, and the bed shifted more as he propped himself up on his elbows. "You ok?" Shepard didn't answer, leaning forward onto her knees and digging her palms into her forehead. His hand pressed into her back as he moved closer to her. "What's up?"

Her first instinct was the one she always had when she woke him up because of her nightmares, but before she could rush to put him at ease she'd looked up at her armor locker and blurted it out.

"Kaidan . . . are we going to make it?"

He sighed, pressing his forehead against her forearm as his hand traced across her shoulderblades. "We're ready. You've put everything together - you've built hope."

"I'm glad I inspire that, but . . ." She swallowed, looking back at him. "You're right." She traced a line down his sternum, comforted by the warmth of his skin underneath her hand. "Give us hope and a fighting chance. Hell, the Reapers better watch themselves." Shepard leaned in to press her lips to his gently, then moved off towards her shower. She could feel Kaidan's eyes on her, his worried gaze indicating that he hadn't believed a single word she'd just said. That like always, he'd seen straight through the facade that she never seemed to be able to keep up around him.

When she came back out of her bathroom, Kaidan was gone. Folded up next to her terminal - which she always checked as soon as she'd had her shower, a habit he'd long known - was a folded-up piece of paper that she was certain hadn't been present before, resting on top of a brand new, N7 painted Graal shotgun. With her hands shaking she unfolded the paper, instantly recognizing Kaidan's fairly bold handwriting.

_Hey,_

_I was going to do this when we woke up this morning, since this seems like it's it. But you'd had your nightmare again and, well, we don't have much time. And I think I might prefer it this way. I'll do it right if you want later._

_I love you. I always have, and I'll love you forever no matter what happens today._

_So, Shepard . . . when we get out of this, will you marry me?_

_Kaidan_

_P.S. I had them certify this for face-punching. You're safe. I'd still recommend using the shotgun for that, though._

Out of the last fold of paper rolled a simple silver ring, a single blue stone set into it at the top and rimmed with tinier red stones. It was on a short, thick chain with a silver tag, and she ran her thumb over the text. One of Kaidan's dog tags.

She swallowed, pinching the ring between two fingers and letting the tag dangle, her previous insecurities resurfacing with a vengeance.

 _When_  they got out of it? What if they didn't? That was far more likely - a complete annihilation of this cycle to make way for a new cycle free from the Reapers, a sacrifice that would allow anyone else ever born to live free without fear of harvest.

But what if they did? What if she did the impossible and destroyed the Reapers and they'd never come back . . . and that chance to move on to something  _other_  than this came?

What if?

She hesitantly slipped her own tags over her head, shakily removing one of the two and sliding the ring and other tag onto it in its place.

When she went down for breakfast carrying her new shotgun with the intent of modding it after breakfast, she slid the note back to Kaidan as she passed with a single silver tag and one word written at the bottom:  _Yes._


	2. There's No Happy Ending

 

* * *

_**There's No Happy Ending** _

He may have had a head wound that would've stopped a horse and been covered in his own and everyone else's blood, but he was  _not_  going to leave.

With gunships trying desperately to distract Harbinger, Shepard and Javik helped haul Kaidan into the  _Normandy,_ with James taking over for the Prothean on the ramp. Shepard caught his eye and nodded - wordlessly, James gave a single, slow nod in reply. Around them, other soldiers threw wounded comrades onto the ramp.

"Go!" Shepard barked, casting a glance over her shoulder at Harbinger.

"Shepard!"

"You've got to get out of here."

"That's not going to happen," Kaidan replied harshly, attempting to break away from the man supporting him.

"Don't argue with me, Kaidan." There was that tone of finality in Shepard's voice, the same one that had ordered him away three years before. Almost as soon as the words left her mouth the corners of her eyes softened. She knew full well what tone she'd just used.

"Marrakech. Don't leave me behind." The corners softened even further. "Not again."

She mounted the ramp in a single step, resting her gloved hand against his cheek. For the briefest second he considered giving the order for it to be closed, letting them run together. "No matter what happens," she breathed, thumb stroking his cheek. "I love you." Instead he wrapped his hand around her wrist, drinking in those green eyes he loved so much. Something exploded -- Harbinger had taken out a gunship uncomfortably close to the  _Normandy_ , and the ship rocked. 

:: _Commander, we need to get the hell out of here,_ :: Joker barked over her comm. :: _You know, or we're all Reaper food?_ ::

"I love you too," he whispered, holding onto her like a lifeline. She slid out of his grip, dropping back to the ground below the ship. "Be careful."

The smile she gave him was tense, belying the layers of stress that seemed to be the only thing holding her together. The Reaper behind her made a noise, and the stress was replaced by a strange sense of panic. "Go!" She barked, turning on her heel and sprinting back towards the beam.

Shepard didn't look back until she heard the roar of the  _Normandy_ 's engines. Dodging around a burning mako, she looked up. Harbinger noticed the ship as well - she would've expected no less of the Reaper - lazily lifting one of its tentacles and firing a beam towards it.

For a second her heart nearly stopped as the red laser swung towards the ship, and before it impacted she could almost see the explosion in her head and closed her eyes, running all the harder for it. But the beam missed, swinging low as Joker barreled the ship around it and shot back off towards the battle above. She spared the smallest of glances after it before pressing herself even harder.

She was so close to the beam, close enough that her hair was beginning to stand on end and her implants crackle. Harbinger blasted the mako she was half using for cover, knocking her to the ground. Her ankle twisted under her, sending her crashing into what was once a bush but was currently a collection of burnt twigs. Forcing herself back up, Shepard took three more steps.

She smelled Harbinger's laser before she saw it, a strange mix of burning flesh and foliage mixed with acridity from the heat of the weapon itself. Shepard had broken back into a run by then, her eyes moving from the beam to the Reaper hovering next to it. It was only then she saw that his main laser was pointed almost directly at  _her._

She had two seconds to throw up a barrier that she knew would do nothing before the ground exploded around her, Harbinger's metallic screech ringing in her ears.

Seconds, perhaps minutes had passed. She blinked, light wreaking havoc on the little vision she'd managed to regain. Everything hurt as she struggled to push up on her hands, dazed. What happened? Explosion - that was the most likely explanation. She managed to blink at herself. The armor on her left arm had been blown completely off, some pieces melting into her skin. It didn't hurt, which she thought was probably a problem. Her gaze traveled to her right arm - no, only the armor on her forearm had been blasted off, looking in much the same state as her left. The rest of it looked like it'd done its job, though the gentle buzz of her shield generator was nonexistent indicating that it'd short-circuited, and she didn't feel sluggish like she would if the medigel injectors built into her armor were working.

Something rumbled nearby, and she numbly looked up to see a Reaper - no, Harbinger, she'd recognize it anywhere - pulling off the ground and returning to the space battle still raging overhead. She hadn't been hit by it, had she? No. She'd would've joined the soldiers lying dead around her.

Shepard pulled herself up to her hands and knees, wincing. The beam, ahead. She was supposed to get there. Someone - she recognize Coats, that major who'd been with Anderson - was chattering into her staticy, damaged comm, calling for a retreat. She couldn't retreat. Not when she was this close.

She crawled for ten or twenty feet, the asphalt and rubble hurting her burnt hands terribly. Her hand gripped a gun she found as she crawled, then slowly pushed herself to her feet. Breaking into a staggering hobble-run, she forced herself towards the beam, an unbearably far fifty or sixty feet in front of her.

Halfway there she crashed back to her knees, a ragged cry escaping her lips. Shepard drug herself another several feet before managing to stand again, gun still clenched like a lifeline.

A burning pain ripped through her shoulder, tearing another cry from her throat. She staggered but managed to stay on her feet, returning the marauder's fire and somehow managing to take the huskified turian down.

When she'd reached the ramp to the beam, she collapsed back to her knees as her legs gave back out. Force of will encouraged her to crawl the rest of the way once again, her teeth clenched and eyes blurry with pain.

As soon as she felt the beam's tug the darkness cutting into the edges of her vision finally took over, and she collapsed into the blue-white light.

#

Kaidan stumbled into the cockpit, finding Garrus already standing behind Joker with mandibles flared as the Crucible cruised past. Joker guided the  _Normandy_  into its protective convoy. "Good to see you on your feet."

Kaidan figured it was. Getting almost hit by the flipping mako had left him with a ringing headache and, according to Chakwas a major concussion, not to mention several bruised or broken bones. But he'd argued with her diagnosis and her demand for him to stay in med bay, instead taking command of the  _Normandy_  in Shepard's absence. "What're you doing here?" he asked Garrus, the turian shrugging in reply.

"Hierarchy wanted the Primarch off the ground," he explained. "Admirals wanted Tali withdrawn too. They're in the war room with Liara and EDI, coordinating with the Crucible fleet. The  _Normandy_ was the only ship that could get in."

"We need to go back," Kaidan said, looking down at Joker. "Shepard's still there. We-"

Joker and Garrus exchanged a solemn look. "We got a transmission from Coats," Garrus said quietly. "Hammer's push to the beam . . ."

The bottom of Kaidan's stomach crashed into his feet. "No."

"They were decimated," Garrus continued slowly. "No survivors reported."

Kaidan thought his knees might give out, but forced himself to remain standing as he tried to draw a deep breath. If that was the case, he was the  _only_  human Spectre - he needed to focus, to take Shepard's place until . . . until what? Without her, they had no chance.  _He_  had no chance.

:: _Normandy_.:: Hackett's voice interrupted the conversation, cutting strongly through the cockpit. :: _We need to be ready to move the Crucible into position. Would you be willing to distract any Reapers taking offense to it?_ ::

"Sure, Admiral." Joker sighed, pressing a button on his console. "Not like it matters much anymore, if no one's there," he mumbled under his breath.

:: _Moreau,_ :: Hackett admonished. He tugged his hat down on his forehead. :: _Shepard will have the Citadel open. We need to buy her time._ ::

The trio exchanged a silent look. "We received a report stating that Hammer was destroyed," Garrus said. "When Harbinger landed."

:: _Shepard and Anderson made it to the beam_.:: Kaidan closed his eyes, digging his palms into them. :: _We just need to buy them time._ ::

Kaidan looked at the huge, closed, cylindrical station ahead of them, surrounded by the remnants of the Reapers' and their own fleets still fighting and struggling for superiority.

:: _Fleet, protect the Crucible._ ::

 _Be careful,_  Kaidan thought, gaze unerringly stuck on the Citadel, wishing he could project his thoughts out to her. Joker glanced over his shoulder, then back at Garrus. The turian shook his head. _  
_

Better to just let him be.

#

Shepard lifted her head off Anderson's shoulder where it'd fallen, her eyes reopening with a groan.

:: _Shepard, can you hear me?_ ::

Her breath left her in a drawn-out moan. "Admiral?" she managed to croak, forcing herself back upright against the platform behind her. "What do you need me to do?" Her voice was slurring unsatisfactorily, and she almost repeated herself.

:: _The Crucible's not firing. It's connected - it must be something on your end._ ::

She tried to stand and failed, her limbs simultaneously opting for mobile failure, forcing her to lug herself towards the console ahead of her.

:: _Commander? Marrakech!_ ::

"I can't . . ." She breathed, arm unable to stretch the remaining foot to the console from her spot on the floor. "I . . ."

Her voice trailed off as her body lost the ability to move, sending her crashing limply to the floor. She drew a slow breath.

She'd failed. God damn it, she'd failed. She had to get up . . . it was just one more . . . one more foot . . .

When she awoke, Hackett's voice had fallen silent, and a mass effect field tingled at the back of her likely damaged implant and amp. She lifted her head, numbness flooding her. She certainly hadn't climbed on top of the Citadel by herself.

With a newfound, strange strength she pushed herself to her hands and knees. The ward arms were open, the Citadel spread out before her like a flower, the Crucible humming ahead of her.

Ahead of her? Above her. Around her. It seemed like it was everywhere, all over her, crawling over her skin; a sheer concentration of energy and power and -

"Get up."

She lifted her head again. Glowing, standing before her, was - "Kid," she said dumbly, jerking to her feet. "You're glowing."

"I am the Catalyst," the child-image said, a tone of disapproval in his voice.

"Isn't the Citadel -"

"I am the Citadel."

Shepard coughed, her comment about Aria lost in the copper taste that welled up in the back of her throat. "Okay," she murmured. "Then, I need to stop the Reapers."

"I could, possibly, help. They are my solution."

"Solution?"

"To chaos."

Shepard wasn't exhausted enough to not arch an eyebrow.

He explained, everything. A foolish argument about organics and synthetics, about chaos and cleansing the galaxy through fire. She could feel her exhaustion taking hold, her voice growing weaker as she tried to follow his circular arguments and tried to make her own only to be rebuffed at every turn. Though it was not as if she was in fine form or anything - her brain felt rattled, numbness seeping through every limb.

"The Crucible changed me," he finally said, turning to look at the contraption connected by a mere beam of light to the Citadel. "Created new possibilities. But I cannot make them happen. If there is to be a new solution, you must act."

Shepard could only respond with a tired nod.

"You may choose to destroy us. But others will be destroyed as well - the Crucible will not discriminate, but will focus on all synthetics. Even you are partly synthetic. But there is another way." Shepard grimaced, her legs staggering under her own weight. "You can harness the energy of the Crucible to seize control of the Reapers.

"You will die. You will control us, but you will lose what you have." He looked towards the handle-like device on the left of the connecting beam. "Your physical form will desist, but your memories will continue. You will no longer be organic. You will remain aware of the existence of your kind, but your connection to them will be lost. But there is one last solution - the one we have been seeking to achieve. A complete synthesis of organic and synthetic."

"A . . . what?"

"Add your energy to the Crucible's. Combine all synthetics and organics into a new framework - a new DNA."

"That's . . . not possible," Shepard argued.

"Your organic energy will be broke down and dispersed. Your . . . essence."

He seemed to be waiting for further questions, but Shepard shook her head to try and clear the fluff. She could refuse, she thought. Just, refuse. But . . . the decision tugged at her. Hackett had said that they were unable to defeat them conventionally, and their forces were so depleted that . . . only one decision remained.

"Then let's get this over with," she hissed through clenched teeth, stumbling towards the volatile-looking tube to her right.

"Wait." Was that desperation? She smirked through the pain as she turned back.

"What? Oh, I'm sorry, you wanted to tell me which one you thought was better?"

"Synthesis is the ultimate evolution! Your kind is--"

"No," she said flatly. "I don't need a lecture in morality from a fucking pint-sized crazy AI."

"This is not about--"

"If you take away our morality we're no better than you." She turned back, dragging her increasingly numbing body forward. "Welcome to evolution, bitch." Raising her gun, she opened fire, murmuring under her breath with each word punctuated by a round.

"I will see you in hell."

#

:: _The Crucible is firing. All units fall back!_ ::

"Scan  _again_!" Kaidan demanded, watching as Joker's hands flew across his boards.

"Alenko, we need to-"

Kaidan whirled on Garrus. "We are  _not_ leaving without her, Vakarian! I'm-"

"Emotionally compromised!" Garrus gripped Joker's shoulder, careful to not make it too tight. "We have to go, Joker."

Kaidan flared, almost unconsciously. "We-" His flare flickered slightly, and he wavered on his feet. Chakwas, currently standing behind him as she had been the past thirty minutes, tucked something into a pocket. "We can't just . . ." He blinked drowsily.

"Lieutenant," Chakwas said, motioning to Kaidan with a nod at Vega. "Help me get the major back to the medical bay, please?" Vega nodded, forcibly looping Kaidan's arm around his shoulders. Kaidan struggled weakly, but wavered on his feet as he was half-lead, half-pulled out of the cockpit. Garrus tightened his talons on Joker's shoulder.

" _We need to leave_ ," he reiterated.

Joker drew a long, shaky breath as his hands paused, then flew back over the boards. "God damn it," he murmured, reaching up to self-consciously tug the brim of his hat down. "EDI, I'm gonna need your help."

:: _I_ am _helping, Jeff._ ::

After half-carrying Kaidan to the medical bay in an epic struggle that lasted approximately an hour with the other man beginning to stumble over his feet repeatedly and requiring at least one further sly dose of sedative, Vega managed to finally set him out on one of the few free medical bay cots and then catch him when he promptly tried to get back up. "You tranq'ed him?"'

"Shepard and I both knew it might be necessary." The ship rocked slightly. "I'll keep him here until Hackett calls everyone back. Shouldn't take us too long, I don't think."

Vega nodded, casting a dubious glance back at Kaidan as he tried to get back off the cot but only succeeded in moving his arm and part of his leg. "You sure you're gonna be okay with him? He tends to rip people apart if Shepard's involved."

Chakwas tsked, tapping a syringe as she started back towards the bed. "I'll be fine, Lieutenant."

Vega returned to the cockpit, now silent though almost completely packed. "Any news?" he asked quietly. Garrus shook his head.

"Nothing yet."

"Got an explosion coming up behind us," Joker said, as something flashed on his screen. "I'll try and outrun it. EDI, give me a hand?"

The AI nodded, sweeping her silver hands across her own board. "Calculating explosion velocity, vector and . . . and . . ."

"EDI?" Joker glanced over as EDI slumped in her chair, head slamming into the screen in front of her, and the cockpit exploded into alarms and activity as the ship lurched to the side with the sudden loss of its AI. "Shit!" Ignoring the commotion as Tali attempted to turn the synthetic back on and Garrus stormed out yelling for a full alert and the alarms chimed and things went to hell on the ship, he focused entirely on his boards as the ship rocked and systems began to fail.

They'd lost Shepard and, somehow, EDI.

They wouldn't lose the  _Normandy_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh, right, this would probably be a prudent time to note that I can't ship Joker/EDI. Tried, wanted to ... it's not as high a class as my Jack/Joker ship. Sorry. :( They're just too much ... siblings for me ...


	3. So They Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, there's been a lot of support for this..... Thanks :D

The Victory Fleet was devastated.

As they limped back towards Earth, the ships that hadn't made it with the bulk of the retreating forces began to report in. Mostly smaller ships -- a large number of the dreadnoughts and cruisers had been targeted and destroyed or crippled by the Reapers. But it was still far more than he'd even hoped for.

As they neared the broken Citadel, kept together only by mass effect fields with the occasional flicker of light dancing down an arm, Hackett released a long-held breath. Around the Citadel were the scattered husks of Reapers, completely lifeless. "Do a scan," he ordered quietly. The ensign at the scanner nodded, and reported back in a matter of minutes as the ship began to draw into what he considered “dangerously close” territory. A Reaper floated lifeless, though, as they moved carefully past its dead corpse.

"It appears that the Reapers' mass effect cores have been destroyed," she explained. "No chance of reactivation, spontaneous or otherwise."

Hackett nodded, looking back over the wreckage in front of his ship. "Send a message to Earth. Find out if anyone's still alive. And we will need to run rescue operations to the Citadel." He turned on his heel, heading back for the war room.

Now more work began.

They would need to get any survivors off the Citadel. If the station was as damaged as it looked, they didn't have long before the fields failed entirely. And if Shepard . . . no. She would want the focus to be on others. She always did.

:: _Sir_ ,:: the comm officer interrupted as soon as he'd reached the war room. :: _Major Coats reports that a good number of the forces not with Hammer on the ground survived. Most of the casualties were in that group._ ::

"Good. Tell him to coordinate with Urdnot Wrex and Major Alenko to form se--"

:: _Uh, sir . . .we've had no communications with the_ Normandy _since the retreat. They haven't reported in_.::

"What?" Hackett opened the ship's report from the haphazard retreat. "She was right behind us." The last ship to leave the field, as he would have expected.

:: _There's been no communications since._ ::

Hackett sighed, eyes closing. "Then tell him to coordinate with the Grissom students."

:: _Yes, sir._ ::

"I want teams scouring the tower and the Presidium within three hours. The Council is our top priority." Without them _and_ Shepard, he couldn't even begin to think what turmoil the other races would get into.

:: _Aye aye, sir._ ::

:: _Sir. All fleets reported in except the batarians and the geth._ ::

The news about the batarians didn't surprise him. The last anyone had seen, their last ship was being piloted into an unshielded Reaper, taking out both. The geth, though . . . "Any ideas why the geth are silent?" He squinted. No, there were the geth -- their ships hadn't retreated?

:: _No, sir. Their ships appear largely intact, but there is no  sign of activity, nor did they retreat with the rest of the fleet._ ::

This fight couldn't have claimed _two_ whole species -- or a species and a synthetic group -- could it? "Tell the quarians to check on them."

:: _Yes, sir._ ::

"Let me know when Wrex and Jack are prepared."

:: _Yes, sir._ ::

Hackett lowered his head and, for the first time in months, took a deep breath.

#

"Oi!" Bailey's voice rang through the nearly silent rubble, peppered by more falling rocks and dripping water. "Councilor?"

Tevos coughed, shaking her head to clear it. She'd been trapped under her desk when the Reapers moved the Citadel almost two days earlier, and hadn't quite been able to force her way out of it. And judging from the screams and roars outside her office the station had been crawling with Reaper forces, and in her current trapped state she would have been easily taken out. She cleared her throat and coughed again, dust lodging back in her throat. Something fell somewhere back in her office, landing on top of her desk with a loud _thud_. She winced as her desk shook above her head, and she again poked at the rubble blocking her under it as if trying to gauge its thickness for the seventeenth time. "Captain! In here!"

There was silence. "Door's blocked. Hang on, Councilor." A few minutes later there was a loud _crash_ , then footsteps. "All right. Let's get you out of there."

"The other councilors," Tevos asked, really wishing she could stretch. "Are they all right?"

"Fine," Bailey said, his voice far closer to her now. "We're diggin' them out of their offices now, Councilor. Hold still. Might get iffy here."

Her desk started to shake, dust falling off onto her head. She coughed, closing her eyes until she felt air around her, and Bailey's hand rested on her shoulder. When she opened her eyes she was surprised to see a young human woman, blue biotic glow slowly dissipating from around her body. She smiled at the Councilor as Bailey helped her to her feet. "Let's get you to a medic."

#

"Found Anderson." Wrex kicked a piece of rubble aside and off the lax, unmoving admiral. "Shepard's got to be nearby."

Once they'd located all three councilors trapped in their offices with only minor injuries, Wrex, Jack, and Grunt had refused to do anything more until Shepard was located. Grunt had sent the rest of Aralakh off with another warlord after they'd received a strict admonishing to behave from Wrex, and Jack had left her own students with Bailey after threatening him with severe bodily harm if any of them even came close to getting hurt.

"Looks dead," Grunt said gruffly. Wrex huffed in reply. "Can't be far."

The ceiling of the room -- which appeared to be the base of Citadel Tower, right under where the Crucible had initially docked -- was a mess. Rubble had forced its way through several holes, with remnants of the huge weapon crashing through afterwards. Jack had already climbed one large piece of plating, poking her head through one of the holes. It opened to space, but the mass effect fields that protected most of Citadel tower seemed to still be holding.

"There's a lot of rubble," she called down. "Bitch might have made it up here."

Had they been talking about anyone other than Shepard, Wrex might have dismissed it. "Go on."

Jack pulled herself through the hole, scarcely waiting for the krogan to pull themselves after her before opening her omnitool and initiating a scan for either lifesigns or Shepard’s omni-tool. She hadn’t gotten rid of the code after she’d started at Grissom, telling herself it was because Shepard would probably get into trouble again and need her to save her dumb ass rather than because she was being sentimental.

It surprised her when a faint _blip_ appeared to her right. "Got something!" she announced, sprinting towards it. Thundering steps indicated that at least one of her two companions was running after her.

At the bottom of the questionable pile of rubble, stretched out to the side was a single limp, burnt hand, connected to a limp, burnt arm. A faint orange glow wreathing it marked the remnants of an omni-tool, pulsing in time to Jack's signal.

"Make a call for a medical team," Wrex barked at Grunt. "Tell them we've got Shepard and I'll eat them if they don't hurry."

"I--"

"Do it!" Wrex grabbed one of the beams before the younger krogan could argue, throwing the steel to the side.

"It's half the fucking _Crucible_ ," Jack complained, flaring and throwing another piece aside in a wreath of blue energy.

"Stay still," Wrex ordered as he held out a hand, this time flaring a bright blue. Jack scoffed. He glared at her, then motioned. "Take that half."

"That's better. On three."

Together, they grabbed part of the rubble in a sheath of blue and pushed. Hunks of the Crucible flew off the pile, and they began stripping it layer by layer. Grunt jumped up and down at the far end of the platform, waving his short arms to try and attract the circling medical shuttle. Fortunately one didn’t miss a bouncing krogan very easy and the shuttle began to pull in, landing on the most solid looking part of the tower base.

Wrex and Jack finally pulled away the last layer of rubble.

Shepard had been caught in at least two explosions, the skin on her arms black and covered in melted ceramic. Her face was cut badly, blood crusting the side of her head and skin slightly pink from further burns, right arm still slung protectively across her face. Her hair was unevenly burnt, in some places down to her scalp, the bun holding it back long singed off. And there was no telling what other injuries were hidden under her armor. Her right hand still clutched a pistol, twisted and inoperable from where something had fallen on it. She didn't move, though no one had expected her to.

Wrex tore off the last piece of rubble, sharp ears picking up the squeak of a gurney behind him. He wasn't even sure the trauma team was needed, to be honest -- in all he did and didn't know about human physiology, she was _dead._ Again. But he stepped aside anyway, resisting the urge to head forward with them in case he shifted the rubble she was precariously perched on. Shepard _was_ very krogan-like, after all. If _anyone_ could have survived . . .

"Got a weak pulse!" the first medic to her cried, looking up from his omni-tool with shock. "Help me get her stable so we can move her."

"What can we do?" Wrex immediately interrupted as the rest of the shuttle team ran by him.

"Just stay out of --" he paused. "No. Wait. You two are biotics, right?" They nodded. "We'll get the brace and the vent on her, and you can lift her onto the board. Just keep her steady, all right? We don’t want to jar her too much."

"You know a lot about biotics," Jack commented.

"My brother was one," he replied simply.

As soon as the team stepped back with what gear they could get in place ready before the stretcher, the first medic nodded back. Jack and Wrex lifted Shepard carefully out of the rubble and onto the team's stretcher, settling her down. She didn't stir.

"Guess all that water lifting did something," Jack said, dragging the back of her hand across her forehead and leaving a trail of grime. The medical team retreated to their shuttle, anyone not pushing the gurney attempting to remove the unmelted parts of Shepard's armor and do whatever else needed to be done, and Wrex clapped his companions' shoulders.

"Well, better help those C-Sec idiots," he said gruffly, beginning to guide them back towards the hole they'd come up through with only the smallest glance back as the shuttle took off.

#

Kaidan swung his legs over the side of his cot, groaning. His entire body was on fire, limbs feeling strangely weak. He let his head fall forward onto his hands with a groan.

"Hold still, major," Chakwas said suddenly from his side. "How's your head?"

"Fine," he grumbled. He at least didn't have a migraine. That was a slight plus. "How long was I out?" Had he been _that_ badly injured?"

"Nearly a day," Chakwas mused, scanning him with her omni-tool. "I had to keep putting you under."

"You -- _what_?" His head jerked up, making his vision swim slightly. "You were _drugging_ me?!"

"You were half an inch from ripping Garrus' head off, Kaidan. And I mean that quite literally." She closed her tool. "You look fine. No remaining damage."

"So what happened? Where's Shepard?"

"We crashed," she explained. "We lost EDI."

"'Lost' her? How?"

She didn't reply immediately, jerking his head up and looking into his eyes with a light. Kaidan winced. "Comms are mostly down. We're getting some static here and there but can't call out. Adams and Tali should have the _Normandy_ spaceworthy shortly. Joker, Garrus, and Liara are working on the comms. I'm sure they could use your help, though."

"Doctor--"

"Didn't lose anyone in the crash," she continued, as if she hadn't even noticed his interjection. "Joker managed to crash-land safely. He informed me that he has plenty of practice -- I think he was referring to the time we wrecked on the Collector ba--"

"Karin!" He snapped. She looked away, busying herself on her terminal. Kaidan pulled himself to his feet and leaned over her desk. " _Do we know about Shepard?_ "

"Go up to the cockpit," she murmured. "They'll fill you in there."

Kaidan pushed off and stormed out, heading for the cockpit. He saw Garrus and Liara in there long before he heard them -- which he realized, as he drew closer, was because the entire cockpit was silent. As he got closer, static flickered through, and he started to recognize it. A list of names. A long list.

"Alliance Channel Seven," he said quietly, making all three jump. It hadn't been used since the Battle of the Citadel, only used in times of war or after major actions to read updated lists of the missing and dead. Since the Reapers invaded, it'd been running almost nonstop with new names added almost every hour.

"It's the only thing we're getting. All the other comms are down," Joker said, waving his hand. "Probably everyone trying to call people systems away."

"Probably." He swallowed, dreading his next question. "Uh, anyone we should know about?"

They were quiet for a second, then Liara cleared her throat. "We've been listening for several hours," she said quietly. "Anderson is listed with the dead."

Kaidan nodded, swallowing again. "Shepard?"

They shook their heads. "But they haven't gotten to the missing yet, either," Joker said. "But they were together, and . . ."

"No," Kaidan said. "We don't know. She could still be alive."  They traded a look. "Don't give me that. We don't know." They didn't answer, and he cleared his throat. "She's _fine_ ," he repeated firmly. _She said she'd wait for me,_ his mind added, almost a scream. _She'll wait for me!_

He missed the second look the trio gave one another.


	4. (Not For Me Anyway)

__

The  _SSV Montreal_ had been the Alliance's newest cruiser, finished only days before the Reaper invasion. Because of its newness it'd been quickly retrofitted into a mobile, armed hospital unit accompanying what was left of the Fifth Fleet as they moved system to system.

Wounded soldiers of all races had been shipped to the vessel and subsequently triaged, some already discharged with mild injuries that could be taken care of on other ships (though quarians were immediately transferred to the Migrant Fleet). But the presence of multi-racial patients wasn't the explanation for Hackett's presence.

It'd been three days. Three days since the Reapers were destroyed and the geth deactivated. Shepard had been in surgery for nearly twenty-four of those seventy-two hours, watched over by some of the Alliance's top specialists and a quickly recalled Miranda Lawson. The latter had been up for two days before she'd almost collapsed in Shepard's tiny ICU ward, after which the doctors forced her to go get some rest.

Shepard herself was still in critical condition, his inquiries repeatedly met with poor diagnoses and "night will tell"s. Because of her severe burns and laundry list of broken bones and internal damage and other injuries only her doctors and Lawson were even allowed in her room, and only then in full protective gear. "Infection risks," they said. "Bad shape," they said.

"Tonight will tell," they always said.

Even Miranda wasn't sure anymore if it was her implants or her brainstem keeping her alive.

Hackett drew to a halt outside the glass isolation room next to Admiral Shepard, silently looking through the window.

He didn't know half the machines she was connected to. It seemed that barely an inch of the room was free - a heart monitor next to the bed monitoring her thready pulse, nodes on her shaved and burnt scalp monitoring tiny, nearly imperceptible spikes in brain activity, a tube forcing air into her scorched lungs. She looked thin and tiny and weak, nothing like the woman who'd taken on two Reapers on foot, who'd united a galaxy and ended conflicts older than the Alliance.

A small shrine of datapads had started on the floor in a corner of the window, each one flashing well wishes and thanks into the room, held onto it by repair tape and probably glue, if he knew Alliance personnel. Hackett wrapped his arm around fellow Admiral Hannah Shepard's shoulder, and she leaned into him with barely a word.

"Any change?"

"Nothing," she replied quietly. "Still the same."

He nodded, casting his eyes around the room again. No. No change at all.

"Have you heard from them?" Hannah asked. He didn't need to ask who she meant.

"No."

Hannah nodded and sighed heavily, looking down at the dog tags she held clenched in her hand. The dog tags with one that wasn't her daughter's own, and a thick silver band that dangled off its own shorter chain. She'd had something to live for, going into this.

Something to live for that wasn't answering hails to his ship. Her ship.

"It's like Elysium all over again," she murmured. "The waiting, the not knowing . . ."

Hackett swallowed. "It's worse than Elysium."

"I know." She looked back up through the window. "I can't do this, Steven. I can't lose her a second time. 

He fished for a few seconds. Hackett had been forced to inform so many families that their loved ones were dead, dying, or hanging on only by sheer force of will, but it had never been like this. 

The first time he'd been forced to tell her that Shepard was dead, it'd seemed that everything had died somewhere inside her. Service had taken both her husband and her daughter from her, but she continued to throw everything she had into it. And now, service was doing it again, only this time more painfully.

It was one thing to be told that someone had died. It was another to see it happen so slowly in front of you.

"The doctors here are some of the best in the galaxy," he said finally, and it was true. Several of the Salarian Union's best physicians had traveled with the fleet and soldiers they'd sent, anticipating massive injuries, and several had been consulted about Shepard's. "And no one wants to lose her."

"Yeah," Hannah replied half-heartedly. "If only the universe cared about well-wishes and hopes." Without another word she pulled away and started back down the hallway. Hackett watched her leave for a few moments -- likely returning to get the Crucible scientists back to work -- and glanced back into the room. 

"You pull through, Commander," he ordered quietly, before his omni-tool blipped. A quick check noted who it was -- the Council. With a shake of his head, he turned and left the window.

Inside, Shepard didn't stir.  

#

It was two more days before the exterior damage to the  _Normandy_ was fixed, and the crew used their break to hold a small memorial before attempting to get the mass effect core back online in a final test of their repairs.

Joker had added EDI's name, though Tali swore she could fix the AI with the proper materials. Kaidan carefully lifted Anderson's name into place after hers was up, his hands shaking as he did. There had yet been no mention of Shepard, though the VI reading the list had only gotten to the Ns that morning.

There had been a lot of "Mc"s.

He stepped back, drawing a slow breath.  _Someone should probably say something_ , he thought, but he'd be damned if he could think of anything. Fortunately no one else seemed to be willing to speak either.

Liara cleared her throat, hesitantly handing him another strip of metal. He looked down at it and his breath caught in his throat.

_Cmdr. M. Shepard_

"The feed isn't at S yet," he said quietly, making a move to thrust the plate back at her. "We don't know."

"Kaidan," she said quietly. "Kaidan, you ha-"

"I am not putting this on the wall until we  _know_ ," he snapped. "When I . . . When I hear that she's gone, I'll put it up, but not before then. Dismissed." He turned on his heel and stepped back into the elevator, clenching the metal plate so hard that it dug into his palms. Before the door had even closed, he could feel pain flaring up around his implants.  _That_  was the last fucking thing he needed.

Once in the Loft, he kept the lights turned off and staggered, unthinking, to the bed. He hadn't yet been able to sleep in it, not without Shepard there to sleep beside him. For the past week he'd slept on the couch, face buried in one of the dress jackets she'd worn on the ship, still bearing the smallest trace of her on it but not enough that it wasn't bearable. But now force of habit pushed him to the bed, prompted him to throw the nameplate aside and bury his face in her pillow, breathing in the scent of gun oil, eezo, and the faintest trace of her jasmine-vanilla shampoo.

It was about then that his resolve broke. Clutching her pillow to him and fighting off the migraine building in the back of his skull, he didn't fight the first tear, nor the second, nor the body-shaking sobs that came after it.

"I'm worried about him," Liara said, pacing the batteries two decks down. Garrus, Chakwas, Tali, and Joker stayed silent as the asari rambled. "None of us want to believe it, but . . . we have to. Shepard's . . ."

Garrus held up a talon. "We know, Liara. But he's right. And even if he isn't, we can't force him into it. He'll have to come to terms with it on his own."

"Shepard's lived through worse," Tali added.

"The Citadel was  _exploding_ ," Liara protested. "She can't . . . it can't . . ."

"I know you're trying to help," Chakwas said gently. "None of us believe you aren't. But you need to let him do it on his own." She straightened off the board. " _You_  should get back to work. _I'll_  check on him." She strode out and towards the elevator.

She knew how he'd dealt with Shepard's first death. She'd been the only person who'd watched him break - partially due to her close association with him thanks to his migraines - and she recognized the signs. She knew.

Chakwas quietly opened the door to the Loft and stepped through. Sure enough, the lights were off, and as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she could just make him out curled up on the bed.

"Major?" she murmured.

"Top drawer, left side," he hissed, voice uncharacteristically raspy. Chakwas found the syringe and made her way over to the bed, injecting the drug into his arm. "Doctor . . ."

"Sh. You know you shouldn't talk."

"She's not dead," Kaidan continued, voice almost silent. "I'd know.  _I'd know._ "

"I know, Kaidan," Chakwas replied, gently reaching out to rub his back. "Just hold onto that. I'm sure she's fine."

"I have to know. I have . . . I love her."

"I know."

She stayed next to him until his breathing slowed, one hand gently rubbing his arm, and he fell into a drug-induced sleep.

#

"We need to focus all efforts the relays. All other rebuilding can wait."

Hackett sighed, leaning heavily on the table. "Councilor -"

Tevos shook her head. "Admiral, I understand that your scientists and engineers wish to help the rebuilding efforts on Earth, but too many of the asari and salarian relay specialists are systems away. The relays must be our primary focus."

"If you had let me finish, Councilor," Hackett continued, holding up a hand. "I will do my best to get people on board, but I can't guarantee they'll be thrilled about it. It may take a couple days."

"We may not have all the time you say you need," Sparatus interrupted, drumming his talons on the table. "The quarian liveships that accompanied the fleet will sustain us for some time, but we  _will_  run out of food."

"I'll do my  _best_ ," Hackett repeated. "I'll do what I  _can_. I'm warning you that without - it may not be enough." He was good, yes, but if anyone could've gotten everyone to focus, it was Shepard. But Shepard wasn't there, so attempting to reunify the disparate races of the galaxy was a thankless task that fell to him. "You will need to see to your own species."

And then there was the Terminus fleets. Damn. That's where he really could have used her.

Velarn held out a hand. "We'll do what we can," he said. "Trying to demand more is unfair to all of us. Every species has taken a great loss. I am certain that the humans will do what they can to assist us; but meanwhile, perhaps we and the asari should begin work on the relays."

Tevos nodded, and sighed heavily. "The humans have been hit hardest by the Reapers. We should respect that. I'll collect the asari we have here and attempt to open a secure line between Thessia, Sur'Kesh, and our fleet."

Hackett nodded. "I'll contact the Crucible scientists and do what I can."

"We'll attempt to keep a handle on the krogan," Sparatus said. "But without the Primarch . . . Urdnot Wrex may not be willing to cooperate."

"He'll cooperate," Hackett replied. They'd better.

They'd all better.

. . . Perhaps Wrex would be able to keep a handle on the Terminus clans, as well. Hackett made a note to contact him. It was better than nothing, after all.

#

"Ma'am."

The petite dark-haired woman ignored the orderly at first, making her way down the intensive care unit's halls. She wore a utility uniform that was too long for her, the civilians being run through the medical facilities on the  _Montreal_ often arriving in clothes too tattered for wear and given spare uniforms. She had the look of someone who had just gotten out of the routine checkups they were still performing.

"Ma'am!" he called again, picking up his pace. She turned. "Are you looking for a specific room?"

"Yes." She extended her hand. "Helena Alenko. I heard that a young woman came in here wearing half of my son's tags. I want to know who." She slid her eyes down to his nametag. "Michael."

"Uh . . ." He reached for a datapad. "What's your son's name?"

"Kaidan Alenko. Major Kaidan Alenko. He's a Spectre too. I'm sure you've heard of him."

Michael went pale, looking down at his datapad and back up at the diminutive woman. "Ma'am, I-"

"Don't ma'am me again." She pointed at him. "This young woman came in and there's only one reason soldiers ever trade tags, and I want to know who it is."

"Ma- Mrs. Alenko," he said, after a heavy breath. "Ma'am, the soldier you're asking about is Commander Shepard."

She didn't seem taken aback. "Of course it is. Now where is she?"

"Ma-Mrs. Alenko, only people with proper clearance-"

"Michael." The young man saluted as a woman in uniform, her graying red hair chopped at her jaw, came through the door behind them from the hospital proper. "Is there a problem?"

The orderly paled even further. "Uh . . . A-admiral, this is . . . This is Mrs. Alenko."

"Ah. Major Alenko's mother." The woman extended her hand. "Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard."

"It's good to finally meet you," Mrs. Alenko answered, grasping her hand. "Helena Alenko."

"I'll take it from here, Michael." The orderly nodded and scurried back to the desk. "She's back here, Mrs.-"

"Just Helena, please."

"Helena, then." Hannah gave her a smile, though it was tense at the corners of her mouth and belied an underlying concern. "How did you find ou-"

"Someone mentioned that a woman with half of Kaidan's tags was in ICU. I suspected it was Commander Shepard, but I wanted to be sure."

"So you know?"

"Of course I know. You didn't?"

Hannah chuckled. "Of course I did. There's . . . something else." She fished in a pocket on her uniform and handed her a set of dog tags. Helena ran her thumb over the raised type.

Shepard's had an N7 slashed across the blank side, rather than a raised Alliance one. The one dangling next to it on its own small chain was her son's, raised Alliance symbol on the back and his name and class on the front. Dangling on top of it was a bulky silver ring inset flush with a single blue stone, with smaller blood-red ones around it.

"They're engaged," she said quietly. Hannah nodded.

"He did it right, you should know," she said. "He sent a message to me, asking my permission. He said he would have called, but the Crucible's location was classified . . ." She took a deep breath. "Either way, Shepard isn't awake."

"How bad is she?" Helena breathed, running her thumb over the stones.

"Bad." Hannah stopped at a window, and Helena ducked her head after a quick glance through.

"May I have a few minutes?" she asked quietly. Hannah nodded, though she hesitated before walking back towards the nurse's station. Helena lifted her hand and pressed it flat against the glass, looking up at the still, frail looking woman inside the room.

"Pull through," she murmured. "Don't make him bury you again."

Helena stepped away from the window and walked back, finding Hannah leaning back against the nurse's station. With a smile she handed Shepard's tags back, and nodded. "How is the tea in this place, do you know?"

Hannah raised an eyebrow, and replied with a weak smile. "It's mostly coffee, you know."

"Well," she replied. "I say we find out. Don't you agree? Come on." 

If Helena had been asked, she would have said that she was terrified. Her son was missing, her only concern now that her husband and daughter were both MIA. But there was nothing she could do except worry, and when it was Kaidan the worrying was second-nature between his job and his implants. But she could do something now. She could fret over his fiancee and her mother, because if there was anything Mrs. Helena Alenko was good at, it was fretting over others. 

And if that meant, right now, pushing Admiral Hannah Shepard into getting out of the ICU ward, she'd do it.

#

The mass effect core, despite Tali, Adams, Donnelly, and Daniels' best efforts, did  _not_  want to come back online. Food supplies, already heavily rationed, were getting even more scarce. The biotics felt it the worst, their metabolisms begging for food, but no one dared try and hunt for food outside the ship. And Tali, Victus and Garrus were keeping careful stock on the dextro-safe food, though the looks they gave one another spoke volumes more than anyone could ask.

Kaidan pushed around the small pile of food on his plate, head resting on his fist as he stared at it blankly. The outgoing comm systems weren't working either, and they'd had to turn off the incoming comms to save power when the VI was only in the  _P_ s.

It'd been yet another week, and they were no closer to getting off the planet, and he was no closer to know what'd happened to Shepard.

"I'm letting them dismantle my equipment."

His head jerked up. Liara blinked at him. "What?"

"I'm letting them dismantle my equipment. To help with the core? I don't know if it will, but it's worth a shot." She had already cleaned her plate, and tapped her fork against it. "Glyph is integrating with the  _Normandy_ 's systems. He . . . he's not EDI, but . . ."

"Liara . . ." He held up his hand. "Thanks."

"Kaidan, you need to eat." Liara had long moved from trying to get Kaidan to admit that Shepard was likely dead to attempting to keep him alive long enough to admit it. He nodded.

"I know." He did. If he didn't eat his metabolism would destroy him from the inside out. It didn't mean he wanted to stomach the food. He forced himself to eat the all-too-small portion, reminding himself that Shepard would kill him if he didn't.

:: _Hey, Alenko? Adams is asking for you in engineering._ ::

He looked up and sighed. "Thanks, Joker."

"I've got this," Liara said, sliding his plate onto hers. He nodded and made his way to the ladder in life support - they didn't want to use the elevators for risk of losing even more power. Sliding down it, he made his way to engineering. The drive core didn't hum back in his implants, sitting dark and silent in the back of the large room. The engineering team stood silently in front of it. The air rang with the end of a vociferous argument.

"So," Kaidan said. "You asked for me?"

"Kaidan, yes," Tali replied. "We have a problem."

"I figured as much." He looked between the four-member team. "And?"

"We can't bring the core back online," Adams said.

"No." Tali held out a three-fingered hand. "We can."

"Can you or can't you?" Kaidan demanded. Any delay here . . . the more time they wasted on this planet . . .

"We can," Adams answered reluctantly. "But it involves someone going into the core itself. We've got the safety equipment for it but if anything spontaneously comes online . . ."

"Tali, Adams, you can ensure it doesn't."

"Well yes," Adams said. Tali nodded. "But the danger's still there."

"Who would go in?"

They were quiet, then Donnelly cleared his throat. "I would."

Kaidan stared at him for a few seconds. "This will tell you  _exactly_  what the problem is?"

"Without EDI to tell us?" Tali said. "It's the only way. Adams and Daniels didn't want to put Donnelly at risk."

But Tali was willing to - it was back in her voice. Not because she had any ill will against the engineer, since she'd worked with him longer than Adams. But after a life of living on the Fleet, doing whatever it took to sacrifice oneself for the others . . .

"Do what you can," he said. "Donnelly, if you want to risk it, do it. Adams, we need to get the  _Normandy_ in the air. That's our top priority." He nodded. "We need to be careful, but -"

:: _Alenko! Got another emergency! Need you upstairs, like, now!_ :: This time Joker's voice was hurried, which meant something several more shades of bad was happening upstairs.

Kaidan grit his teeth. "Do it," he snapped, sprinting back for the ladder. "Joker, give me details."

:: _Liara's going to rip the shit out of Allers_.::

He couldn't say that he blamed her, but -- "In the mess?"

:: _Yeah -- look, hurry, we_ just _repaired that bulkhead, I don't want it ripped out again_.::

Kaidan launched up the ladder and back into the mess. The mess had all but emptied, with James and Javik watching avidly from the steps to the sleeper pods. Liara had caught the reporter in a strong stasis in front of her quarters, glowing lividly.

"-imes have I had to tell you that you do  _not_  go into my quarters!" Liara yelled, voice high. James looked a little bit shaken, while Javik merely munched on his rations and watched in his usual amusement. "This is the  _twelfth_  time since we crashed on this god-forsaken planet that I've caught you sneaking around, and -"

"Liara," Kaidan interrupted. She frowned, slowly discharging her flare and releasing Allers from her stasis.

"If I  _ever_  catch you near my quarters again . . ." Liara threatened, then spun on her heel and retreated to her previous system harvesting. Allers brushed off her dress, and spun on Kaidan.

"Did you see that?!" she demanded, pointing after the asari. "You're in charge of this ship! You should-"

"Just . . . go back to your quarters or help Joker with the comms and don't bother Doctor T'Soni anymore." Kaidan waved his hand. Allers huffed and stalked off towards life support, and Kaidan glared back at James and Javik. "You two have something to do?"

"Nope," James said. "Just watching the show."

"Well stop watching the show, and get back to work." He motioned around the ship. "This thing isn't going to fix itself."

James chuckled and headed off, dumping his dishes into the scrubber. Javik blinked at Kaidan with all four eyes, and followed suit.

"In the future, Major," he said as he passed him. "You should let T'Soni tear her apart. She is a . . . useless person. They were illegal in the Empire."

"Stop with the 'illegal' bit and I just might let you airlock her," Kaidan retorted.

The Prothean paused and cocked his head slightly, then the smallest twinge of what may have been a grin jerked at the side of his mouth and he trotted off chuckling to himself. Kaidan sighed.

How the hell did Shepard run a crew of misfits like this? Two weeks had been  _far_  more than enough for him, and she kept this up for  _months_.

He needed her back.


	5. Chapter 4: Coming Home

"Try it  _again_ ," Kaidan barked into the comm.

:: _The patch we did should have worked,_ :: Adams replied. :: _I don't know why it isn't._ ::

"Well figure it  _out_." Kaidan slumped back into EDI's old chair, rubbing his forehead. Joker looked over at him and sighed, leaning forward on his console.

"This would be a lot easier if . . ." He trailed off without finishing his sentence. Kaidan nodded silently.

:: _We found the problem,_ :: Tali interrupted, after a long period of silence.

"And?"

:: _One of the FBA couplings was blown off in the crash. Damaged some of the parts around it. We should be able to compensate but we'll need to . . . take it slow._ :: The hesitation showed in her voice. He knew that the dextro cabinet was nearly unstocked, and the amount of weight the two turians and quarian had lost was  _really_ beginning to show. He picked at his own loose uniform. If they took it  _too_  slow . . .

"How slow?" Joker asked, glancing at Kaidan. The same thoughts read in his own eyes.

:: _We were only a little ways out when the_ Normandy _crashed, yes? Then_ maybe _, if we're lucky, a week. If we're unlucky . . ._ ::

Kaidan sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Will we be able to tell if we're pushing the ship too hard?"

Joker nodded. "It'd be easier if . . . but this ship was built with failsafes if E-if the AI would fail." It'd been nearly a month, and Joker had yet to be able to refer to EDI by name. He certainly slipped quite often, and would start to utter one syllable, but then his jaw would tense up and a little tic develop in his neck and forehead and he would finish with "systems" or "AI" and the smallest tint of pain would color his otherwise cold voice. "I'll just have to go old-school."

Kaidan nodded. "All right, Tali, Adams, give it another go." He lowered his head into his hands and closed his eyes, teeth clenched in focus.  _Please please please please please_ -

For the first time in a month, something tingled in the back of his implants, and the ship suddenly whirred to life. People cheered in the CIC, and Joker immediately put his hands to the boards. Kaidan slumped in his chair, a slow smile crossing his face.

"I'm coming home, Shepard," he whispered, before straightening and standing. "Joker, get us out several hours and open the outgoing comms. We may be able to get an Alliance ship to give us a tow."

"Aye aye, sir," Joker replied shortly, hands flicking through his screens. Kaidan gently rested a hand on his shoulder, then started out of the cockpit. "You may want to check on the dextros. Tell 'em to sit this trip out."

"Yeah."

#

Shepard had gone in for her fifth, and hopefully final, skin graft and other assorted surgeries that morning.

Hackett was at the window once again with Hannah Shepard, who'd barely left, as they slid Shepard back onto her bed and made sure all the proper machines were running. Miranda was the last to leave, carefully checking over everything a second and third time, before walking out of the isolation room and pulling off her mask.

"She's better," she said. "Not much, but she's a little more stable than before. The implants that were damaged are replaced or back in full operation, including her amp, but there still are no signs of high level brain activity, and she isn't breathing on her own. Her lungs are still very damaged. They're repairing, but it's a slow process."

Miranda looked back through the window as she pulled off her cap, long hair falling out in a dark wave. "We still can't tell if she'll wake up. There's no discernible brain damage, at least that we haven't repaired, but depending on the amount of oxygen she was deprived and if she ever entered a state of shock--"

"Is there any way to stimulate brain activity?" Hannah asked. Hackett glanced at her.

"Hannah-"

"There is." Miranda glanced down at her hands. "We can use the same method we did during the Lazarus Project to jumpstart neurological activity. However, it's risky and  _then_  we didn't have anything to lose. But . . ." She looked back up. "There's another catch."

"Yes?"

"Shepard changed her power of attorney just before hitting Cronos Station," she said quietly. "To Major Alenko. It went through the proper Alliance channel just before the assault on Earth. Of all the things to work properly in this damn war, it was that."

Hannah blinked. "But I'm her mother."

"Yes, but -" She sighed. "Admiral, has there been any word from the  _Normandy_?"

He shook his head in answer. "Nothing yet."

"Do it," Hannah ordered. "Do and if it works, we'll deal with it then. If it doesn't . . ." She didn't need to finish. Miranda glanced at Hackett.

"Admiral?"

He nodded. "If you believe it will work, Mrs. Lawson . . . then in Alenko's absence I make the calls."

"I don't know if it will work a second time . . . but at this point it's a choice between a vegetative state and the smallest chance she may wake up on her own." She nodded. "I'll make the calls then."

With that she clicked down the hallway, already stripping her smock. An Alliance messenger brushed by her, saluting as he stopped in front of the two admirals.

"Message for you, sir. They said you'd turned your omni-tool off and couldn't reach you."

He nodded. "Go on."

"They found the  _Normandy_."

Hackett and Hannah exchanged a glance, and he started back down the hallway with the messenger on his toes. "And?"

"All crew and civilians accounted for. Limping, but they requested a tow. The  _SSV Ipswitch_  answered their hail. They're about two hours out."

Hackett nodded. "Thank you." As he left the hospital and the messenger saluted and scurried out, he opened his omni tool. "This is Admiral Hackett to the  _Orizaba_ , stand by. We're going out to meet some old friends."

#

The  _SSV Ipswitch_  had found them nearly a day into their limping pace, answering their hail merely six hours after they'd first sent out the emergency signal. They'd docked with the  _Normandy_ , extended their kinetic barriers to include the ship, and shot into FTL with them.

Kaidan stood on the bridge of the cruiser, arms crossed as he watched out the viewport. According to the crew, Shepard hadn't been located, but her name wasn't on the missing or dead lists either. It was like they'd just erased her.

:: _SSV Ipswitch, this is the SSV Orizaba. Admiral Hackett wants permission to come aboard._ ::

"Permission granted," the captain, who'd be standing silently next to Kaidan the entire time, answered. "Probably here to see you, sir," he continued.

"I'll head down to the briefing room."

The captain nodded, and Kaidan stalked back towards the briefing room. Once there he leaned on the table, bowing his head and drawing a long, slow breath.

He had to prepare himself. Shepard was probably dead. No one knew otherwise and it had been a month, so it was best to just assume the worst. He should assume the worst. He had to.

The door slipped open, and he straightened up and saluted as Hackett walked in. The Admiral returned it, then warmly seized Kaidan's hand. "It's good to see you in one piece," he said.

"Yeah," Kaidan breathed. "Thank you, sir."

"What happened?"

"We lost EDI during the retreat. The explosion threw off the ship and Joker couldn't compensate in time."

"Too many variables. I understand." He nodded. "What do you mean, 'you lost EDI?'"

"The AI-"

"I know  _who_  EDI is."

"Right, sir. Ah . . . just at some point during the retreat she deactivated. Tali swears she can bring her back online, but we couldn't without the proper tools."

He looked surprisingly thoughtful. "The explosion that emanated from the Citadel must have targeted all synthetics, not just the Reapers."

Kaidan blinked. "What?"

"The geth were deactivated as well," Hackett explained. "The quarians have been trying to reactive the ones they can find."

"So the  _geth_  were targeted as well?"

"Yes. Fortunately the blast permanently deactivated the Reapers, so . . ." He sighed. "It did work."

Had she known, when she'd done whatever she'd done? Had she known that EDI and the geth would be killed as well? And then, had she done it anyway? "How many casualties?"

"We're still counting. The relays are deactivated, but the projections for bringing them back online are good, and we've already begun repairing the Citadel itself. It'll be a long process, but we've come out of this far less scarred then I'd expected."

Kaidan nodded, tracing a pattern idly on the table. "Admiral?"

"Yes, Major?"

"Shepard. No one knows, and -"

"We've been keeping it quiet," Hackett said carefully. "The galaxy is unstable and every species is trying for a power grab. We've been doing well at keeping things level, but I don't doubt for a second that there are things at work behind the scenes for and against us all. And Shepard could be a powerful bargaining chip, as we saw in the war."

"You've reduced her to a  _commodity_?" He spit the word out. That was what the Illusive Man had done, what so  _many_  had done, and -

"No. Never." Hackett's tone was surprisingly harsh. "Shepard is like a daughter to me. I would never disregard that." Kaidan nodded, his mouth still drawn into a thin line. "But we have been keeping her location and status quiet. We have little doubt that will change shortly with your arrival, but she should-"

A little more hope than he'd intended filtered into his voice. "She's alive?"

"Yes, she is, Major," Hackett answered. "Barely, but she is alive."

Kaidan felt his knees shake, and he leaned heavily on the table. She was alive. She  _was_  alive. He blinked several times, pressing back tears. That was the best news he'd heard in weeks.

"They're doing their best," Hackett continued. "But there's still no guarantee that she'll make it."

He swallowed a few times, then looked back up. "How bad is she?"

Hackett sighed. "She's bad, Major. I won't lie. They haven't . . ." He shook his head and handed him a datapad. "I suppose I shouldn't give you this, but since she gave you power of atto-"

"What?" Kaidan looked up from the datapad. "She  _what?_ "

"You heard me. I can't  _lecture_  you on fraternization but . . ." He nodded at the datapad. "It's been touch and go for a month. The likelihood of that changing anytime soon is incredibly slim."

Kaidan nodded and turned the datapad on, skimming the information, his heart sinking lower into his stomach. "They don't know if she'll . . ."

Hackett shook his head. "No. Lawson was making some calls just before the  _Ipswitch_  contacted us. She's willing to attempt the same methods they had used to - before, but now that you've been located she needs your permission."

Kaidan nodded, eyes still affixed on the datapad.

_When this is over, I'll be waiting for you. You'd better show up._

"Do it," he said, looking back up. "Miranda saved her once."

"It's risky."

"She's no better off now."

Hackett nodded. "And Major?" Kaidan braced himself. "You need to prepare yourself, in case it doesn't work."

Kaidan echoed his nod. "I should let the crew know."

"Yes. Yes you should." Hackett nodded and strode back out of the room. Kaidan followed, making his way to the bridge.

"I need back on the  _Normandy._ "

If the captain of the  _Ipswitch_  noted any changes in his demeanor, he didn't comment. "Yes sir. I'll order the airlock opened."

Kaidan nodded and made his way to the airlock, stepping through when the door chimed and opened. He made his way through the CIC somewhat numbly, ignoring the few people who did cast worried glances his way, and stepped through the flickering war room scanner. Once in the conference room, he sent a message to Joker and the ground team.

_Conference room. Stat._

Leaning on the table, he let his head fall forward again, the words from the report running through his head. Mostly everyone arrived together, likely having been in the mess with Garrus and Tali, and promptly assaulted him with questions. He shook his head and merely waited for Javik to show up, and when the Prothean finally stalked in Kaidan cleared his throat and looked up. If he was any judge of expressions, especially the expressions of his team, they all expected him to finally admit . . .

He cleared his throat again and traced the datapad still clutched in his hand with a finger. "She's alive."

Joker's head jerked up. "What?" Garrus' mandibles fluttered and Liara covered her mouth with a hand. Tali bounced a few times, hands folding over her chest. James, leaning back against the wall, half-laughed.

"They found her. On the Citadel. She's . . ." He cleared his throat again. "She's in a coma and she isn't breathing on her own, but . . ." Kaidan nodded. "It's better than nothing.

"The quarians, asari, and turians are asking for you three," he continued, motioning at Garrus, Tali, and Liara. "There haven't been any orders for everyone else. So as soon as we get back, you'll be taken to your respective fleets. Garrus, if you'll tell the Primarch?"

"Absolutely." Garrus reached out and clapped Kaidan's shoulder with his talons. "And Alenko . . . take care of her." Garrus headed towards the war room, Tali following him with a glance back.

"James, they're asking for help on the Citadel ward arms, so they'll want you and Javik there with Wrex and Jack."

"Search and rescue? After three months?"

"There are reports of survivors who were holed up in places with food and supplies, but they're running out."

"Kaidan," Liara asked quietly. He looked up. "What about you?"

"I need to go to the hospital," he replied quietly. None of the crew except Joker knew about their engagement and he intended to keep it that way for the time being. "Then, I need to see to my mother, and I'll likely end up on the Citadel or on Earth."

Liara nodded and left, heading towards the elevator. Javik stalked out, James glancing back at Kaidan suspiciously as he followed. Kaidan waited for a few minutes, quietly composing himself as he started towards the door. Joker cleared his throat. "Kaidan."

Kaidan jumped, barely having realized that the pilot was still there. "Joker."

"Hey, look." He rubbed his palms together. "If I could have landed the  _Normandy_ in there and gotten her out . . ."

"I know. It wasn't . . ." Kaidan swallowed heavily. "It wasn't your fault. You were following orders."

Joker nodded, rubbing his forehead under his hat. "Yeah. Thanks."

"And she's alive. Now I need you back on the bridge to coordinate the tow."

"You got it." He hobbled past him, starting towards the bridge. Kaidan followed him, starting for the elevator. Much to his chagrin, it opened to Allers.

"Ms. Allers," he said cordially.

"Major Alenko." She had her reporter voice on, and not to his surprise her video drone hovered over her shoulder. "Since we're going back to Earth shortly, I had some questions for you."

Kaidan sighed, changing his hand to press the button for Engineering deck rather than the Loft. "Fair enough. We'll do this in your quarters, I presume?"

Allers opened her mouth, then nodded. "That would work."

In a matter of minutes Kaidan was in front of Allers' drone, against the pale backdrop of her makeshift studio. She smiled at the camera, holding her datapad ready. "Now, Major. After three months stranded on an unknown world the  _Normandy_  is being towed back to Earth." He nodded curtly. "With our recent contact with the Alliance, have you been told what occurred on the Citadel?"

"No," Kaidan answered. "From what I know, even the Alliance isn't sure what happened."

"Has anyone looked into what occurred?"

"I don't know. I just had a ten minute meeting with Admiral Hackett and that was not what we discussed."

"What about casualties? How many ships were lost in the battle?"

"Er . . ." Kaidan thumbed the switch on his datapad. "The batarians lost all but one ship. The Alliance lost two of our remaining dreadnoughts, twelve cruisers, and four carriers, and an unknown amount of fighters."

"How did Earth fare, while preparations were being made for this battle?"

He eyed her suspiciously. "They're still searching for survivors and processing them through the  _SSV Montreal._ "

"And what about Commander Shepard?"

"What about her?" He tried to sound cool about it, but he wasn't. He was ecstatic (she was alive) while being simultaneously terrified (she possibly wouldn't stay so for long). So he decided to go for something somewhere in the middle and play it cool, and somehow pretend that he wasn't a strange little ball of emotions.

"Has there been any word on her condition? Is she alive, or dead? When will we know?"

"Commander Shepard's status is being kept secret for the time being," he replied simply.

"But the Commander is a hero. The public should know."

"The  _public_  should be focused on rebuilding," he said pointedly. "Not the status of one woman, no matter who she is."

"Oh. I'm sure you know though," Allers replied sweetly. "Give the public a hint?"

He stared at her blankly. "I can neither confirm nor deny Shepard's physical location or status."

Allers straightened up "Very well." She turned off the camera, and turned back to Kaidan with a hopeful smile. "Come on, Major Alenko. Off the record. How is Shepard?"

"You're just going to publish it later."

Allers' smile faded. "I want to know," she said quietly. "I know everyone thinks I'm an invasive bitch but . . . Well, we all counted on her. I won't publish it, I swear."

Kaidan studied her for a few seconds. "You won't."

"No," she replied.

"She's alive. Barely, but enough." When he looked up, Allers reached forward and patted his shoulder.

"Good," she said. "Thanks, Major." She sighed and took a step back. "I'll be leaving once we reach the rest of the fleet. There's really no call for news, but I'll be doing what I can. I've heard most journalists are working on lists of the missing and dead. I might go help with that."

"That'd be good, I think."

"Yeah. So do I. Good luck, Major. And . . . I hope Shepard gets better soon."

He returned her smile weakly. "So do I. And good luck, with the reunion broadcasts."

Allers grinned over her shoulder at him as she moved to dismantle her board. "Thanks."


	6. Shepard

With Garrus, the Primarch, Tali, and Liara safely transferred to their respective races, the  _Normandy_  docked with the  _Montreal_  to trade over the wounded soldiers Chakwas had been caring for since the battle on Earth. As she oversaw the transfer, Kaidan paced at the airlock while he attempted to look command-like.

She was so close. So close to him and he had to wait for the transfers to be done before he got there. At the moment, he couldn't have hated command more if he made an active attempt to.

Chakwas signed off on the last soldier and turned to him. "Do I have to sign you out too?" she said, voice light. He forced a smile and shook his head, and her voice lowered. "Are you ready, Major?"

"I  _have_  to see her," he replied. "I don't  _have_  to be ready."

She nodded, and they started through the airlock. At the other end stood a woman who looked almost exactly like Shepard, her graying red hair chopped to her jaw just above her admiral stripes. She turned her light gray eyes on them, and Kaidan saluted. "Ma'am."

"Stop," she replied. "Walk with me. We need to talk."

"Uh . . ." A few limping steps sounded behind him, accompanied by a few not so limping ones, as James and Joker made their way through the airlock, caught sight of her, and fumbled through salutes. "Yes, ma'am."

She started off at a brisk pace, casting a glance over her shoulder to make sure that Joker could keep up. He half waved, having brought his crutch to make sure he could move a little bit faster than he usually could. "Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard," she said, extending her hand as they walked. Kaidan shook it. "I believe we briefly met once at a formal function after the Battle of the Citadel." She looked exhausted, he thought, with dark circles under her eyes and a sag in her shoulders. "I knew you were important to my daughter, but it came as quite a shock when they checked her dog tags and found that one of them belonged to you. Which, by the way, you both know is a gigantic flashing sign pointing at fraternization."

James glanced over at Joker as they hung back behind Chakwas. "They what?"

Joker scoffed. "You didn't know?"

"Know what?"

"What the hell did you think you painted that shotgun for?"

"He proposed to her with a  _shotgun_?" James shook his head, not sure if he was

"And then," Hannah continued, still striding through the hospital ship and ignoring the people who quickly stepped aside to avoid them. "Then there was the matter of the engagement ring that was attached to the entire thing. It didn't take any real effort to put all the pieces together."

Kaidan opened his mouth to explain. "Stop. I met her father during a tour of service and I'm involved with a fellow admiral. I'm the last person to make any sort of comment on fraternization. What I  _wasn't_  expecting was to find out that she turned the right to make medical decisions over to you."

"I wasn't aware she'd done that either, ma'am."

"Damn, shit just keeps getting more real," James murmured. Joker nodded, grimacing as he nearly stepped wrong on one of the slippery hospital tires.

"Stop. If she pulls through you'll be my son-in-law, not a major. Or at least you'd better be." They piled into the elevator. "Your mother has been here as well. She came through as part of the routine medical scans they're giving survivors.  _Someone_  mentioned that a soldier had come in wearing one of her son's dog tags, and she managed to bludgeon her way through at least twelve different layers of red tape."

"She's fine then?"

"Yes." Hannah tapped her hand on her thigh impatiently. "She's fine."

"Ma'am," James interrupted, after he and Joker had shared a slightly awkward-feeling look. "Shepard."

Hannah sighed. "She's still in bad shape. You won't be able to go in the room."

"Why not?" Joker said.

"Her immune system is incredibly weak. She suffered extensive burns and internal damage, and the doctors don't want to take a risk." The elevator drew to a stop and Hannah strode back out, Kaidan trotting to keep up with her. His hands shook, and he thrust them deep into his pockets. "The closest we can get is the glass outside the isolation room. And even then they don't want us to stay for too long. She's up here on the left."

They drew to a halt outside the window, and Kaidan's breath caught in his throat. He didn't notice the steadily growing shrine of datapads and thermal clips outside the isolation room, or the nurse in full isolation gear checking the room. As he raised his hand and pressed it to the glass, all he saw was his Shepard.

The other two noted that she looked too thin and frail, limbs and what they could see of her chest covered in crisp white bandages with large patches also on her face. Her chest moved with the regulated movements of a ventilator, tubes and lines sticking out of the bandages and connecting her to at least twenty machines. Her vibrant red hair, the hair he loved, had been shaved down, partially because spots were also covered in white bandages and partially because nodes measuring her brain activity added even more wires to the ones measuring everything else.

All Kaidan saw was  _his_  Shepard, helpless and at her weakest and he'd fought so hard to get home to her only to be separated by a wall of glass while she fought death alone.

"Her fifth and last graft surgery was yesterday," Hannah explained. "They're hoping that she'll be ready for actual visitors in a few days, provided they take."

Kaidan could barely hear her. His ears roared, and he rested his forehead on the glass and closed his eyes. He needed to touch her, to assure himself that she was real, and she was really there. Chakwas took a glace at him, then stepped back to talk to Hannah a little more about what the doctors had said. Joker took her place next to him, glancing back at James before the marine leaned against the glass on Joker's other side..

"You all right?" Kaidan stared blankly into the room. Joker cleared his throat. "Alenko?"

"I need to be in there," he whispered. "I can't just stay here and do nothing."

Joker swallowed and nodded, looking back into the room as something clicked behind them. "Ah, good. You've arrived."

Kaidan didn't move, but the others did. "Ms. Lawson," Hannah said. "You've made your calls?"

"Yes," Miranda continued. "Major Alenko, may I speak with you, Doctor Chakwas and the Admiral in private?"

Hannah gently rested her hand on his shoulder. "Come on."

Numbly, Kaidan followed them down into an empty isolation room, leaving Joker and James outside Shepard's room. Miranda closed the door.

"If you looked at the records sent with Admiral Hackett, you know that Shepard is showing little to no brain activity. I just made some calls to a few . . . contacts . . . from the Lazarus Project. There is a way to jumpstart her neurological activity, but I didn't have time to compile the risks before the Admiral ran off." She leaned on the empty cot. "We need to discuss them."

Outside Shepard's isolation room, James shook his head. "Think he's gonna be okay?"

Joker shook his head. "I don't know what he's going to do if . . ." He cleared his throat. "I wouldn't worry about him unless this magic fix Miranda's prescribing doesn't work."

James nodded. "Yeah. Not gonna look forward to that."

"You'll be the one handling him," Joker replied. "We'll send Liara in if he starts going biotic."

"Was he that bad the first time?"

Joker frowned, then shook his head. "Worse."

#

The decision was made to attempt to revitalize Shepard's brain with the same tech that had been used during the Lazarus Project (though a milder method as her brain wasn't  _dead_ , just not working) as soon as she was cleared for interaction with uncovered humans.

That came about two days later, when the doctors were able to prove that the grafts had taken and her immune system was greatly improved. Kaidan waited in the glass-walled room that was now a simple ICU ward, head in his hands, as Miranda shuffled Shepard and the doctors off towards a surgery room.

Hannah paced by the window, hands behind her back. Her lips were pursed, and it didn't look like she'd been having any further luck sleeping. Kaidan himself hadn't sleep since they'd made it back, spending most of his waking moments either looking after his mother or staring helplessly into Shepard's isolation ward.

And now it was what they'd termed D-Day. They were hopefully jumpstarting Shepard's brain, and he sunk further into himself.

She was gone for most of the day, with no news. Kaidan's omni-tool continually  _ping_ ed from people messaging him, asking whether or not it worked.

After twelve hours, they spotted Miranda clicking down the hallway and carefully removing her smock, the disposable fabric partially stained red. "They're cleaning her up," she explained as she entered the glass-walled room. "But there has been a considerable increase in her neural activity."

Kaidan nearly collapsed in his chair. "Then it worked?"

"She's better off than she was," Miranda replied. "That much is for certain. I can't tell you when she'll wake up, but it didn't take long the first time."

They wheeled Shepard in then, plugging her back into the removed machines and reattaching the neurological nodes. A long, ugly cut bisected the top of her head, sutured and medigel'ed and bandaged. As soon as the neural pads were back on her skin, the monitor peaked with the activity that hadn't been there just that morning. Once the nurses had vacated, Kaidan stepped forward and carefully brushed her hand. It felt bonier than usual, and he swallowed.

"Hey," he murmured, thumbing her arm. He didn't notice Miranda leave with a slow look at him, or Hannah walking up to her other side and leaning heavily on the bed.

"She probably can't hear you," Hannah said, though she gently rested her hand on Shepard's arm just the same.

"Does it matter?"

She sighed and shook her head. "No."

Kaidan sighed and reached into his pocket, rubbing his thumb over the raised text on Shepard's dog tags. He carefully pressed them into her hand, curling her limp fingers around them. "Wake up," he whispered. "Please. For me."

Hannah gazed at him, then back down at her daughter.

 _Please_ , she willed as well.  _Come on, Marrakech. Please._

#

Shepard felt the first twinges of feeling, flooding every inch of her with a pain that was more discomfort than the searing agony she was acquainted with. She felt - floaty. Yeah, floaty. Floaty and sort of awkwardly uncomfortable.

She also couldn't move.

Somewhere a door slipped open. She instinctively tried to open her eyes, yet found that she couldn't. In fact, she was completely immobilized - the rest of her body may as well not have existed, except that she could feel the discomfort. The heavy weight of a ventilator mask rested over her face - no, a tube, forcing air into her lungs. Her gag reflex must have been on vacation, she mused drearily. The low, steady  _beep_  of a heart monitor chimed somewhere by her ear, low and distant like it was worlds away.

The hell had she done this time?

"Has there been any change since last time?"

Kaidan. Oh, that was Kaidan. She'd recognize his voice anywhere. She almost tried to form his name, but she had forgotten that she was frozen in place.

"Well," someone replied. Chakwas? "There is a marked increase in her neurological activity, and the remaining damage to her organs is healing well."

"Do we know if . . ." He trailed off, likely receiving a nod or headshake in return. The statement seemed to come from further away than the monitor . . . so far away . . .

#

Despite the Alliance's best attempts news eventually leaked out about Shepard's condition. And Kaidan was surprised that, when he called Allers to tear her apart, she'd seemed legitimately shocked about everything. The leak turned out to be one of the doctors that had initially operated on her bragging about working on Commander Shepard, then offering everything but a room number as proof.

Fortunately, after a week of people trying to come in and visit her - and "people" means hordes of requests to board the  _Montreal_  and tromp through ICU more due to aliens not understanding how human hospital ships worked - the Alliance formally issued a statement. Hackett, the unofficial face of the Alliance after the deaths of most of the higher-ups on Arcturus, ended up in front of a crowd of reporters of various species crammed into the cargo hold of the  _Orizaba_  as the Victory Fleet continued to float aimlessly around the Sol system.

"Six hours after the Fleet returned to Sol," he started, his usual calm demeanor just as strong in command as it was in front of what few reporters had traveled with the Fleet or been on the Citadel and survived. "Three members of the rescue team sent to locate the Council broke off to search for Commander Shepard. She was located and taken aboard the  _SSV Montreal_  in critical condition. At the moment, she is still recovering, though is still considered in critical condition. Thank you." He took a step back and turned.

"Admiral!" one of the reporters shouted, and he turned back.

"I don't recall saying this was a question-answer session," he replied, then nodded to the  _Orizaba_ _'s_ captain. He didn't look pleased with the task of trying to shoo off twenty irritated-looking reporters, but Hackett just wanted them off the ship.

Besides, he had another meeting with the damn Council in ten minutes.


	7. Finally Awake

Kaidan yawned as he disembarked his shuttle. The cruiser-turned-hospital still drifted aimlessly above Earth, processing and overseeing routine medical checks and emergency care for the million or so people still alive on the planet and the millions on the Victory Fleet.

Four months after the battle on Earth, two after their return to the Sol system, work was beginning on the Charon relay. A heavily damaged turian dreadnought had sacrificed its mass effect core and eezo had been carefully harvested from some of the damaged Reapers, and was being stored in a facility beside the relay while they attempted to figure out what to do with it.

The krogan had been posing a problem, but Wrex had put them to work on the Citadel and Earth, continuing to search for remains, move rubble, and some rebuilding. Many of the unoccupied soldiers were doing what they could planetside or on the damaged spacestation, with help from idle ships. At this point, they were merely trying to keep people  _occupied_. Garrus, Tali, and Liara had visited the comatose Spectre a few times, though they were mostly kept  _busy_  by their respective species. The relays were the most important, immediate concern, though some scientists had begun to work on power and water grid. But the non-human races were understandably focused on repairing the relays.

The Normandy was tasked with running supplies and personnel between the relay repair teams and the rest of the fleet, still hovering in orbit above Earth. Kaidan stretched as he stalked down the hallway towards Shepard's ICU room. He'd moved his mother, still reeling from his missing father and not ready to return to Earth, into Liara's old room, and other personnel with rescued family had moved into Allers' old quarters, life support, and the observation decks until other quarters could be arranged.

Not many were quite willing to move back to Earth just yet.

He hid a yawn with his hand, pressing his other into the lock and leaning on the jamb. Shepard still had apparently not woken up but just about two weeks before she'd started breathing on her own, a vent mask kept on as a precaution rather than a necessity. The short, hard chair that he'd grown very accustomed to was still next to the bed, hardly having moved from its position earlier that day. He stared at her, counting her breaths. Slow, deep, even . . . almost as if she were finally peacefully asleep rather than in a partial medical coma and partially in a real one.

One of her doctors slipped by him. "Major."

"Any change today?" he asked, following the man in as he scanned the screens and took notes on his datapad.

"Her neural activity has been peaking to normal levels more regularly, which indicates brief returns to wakefulness," he said, scanning the machine's history. "And as you know we've been cutting back on the drugs keeping her sedated. Hopefully this combination will encourage her to come out of her coma." He stepped back and nodded, apparently pleased with the progress. "We'll check her to see if her GCS has changed in the morning."

"Any idea if -"

"We'll see. We can't rush these things, Major."

"Thank you, Doctor." Kaidan resumed his seat and reached out for Shepard's hand, leaning forward to plant the lightest of kisses on her forehead. Ever since they'd started trying to bring Shepard out of her coma he'd slept at her bedside, intent on being present if she awoke sometime in the late hours. He couldn't help not being there during the day - he was still in control of the  _Normandy_ , after all - but he could be there for her at night.

Besides, Hannah Shepard was still coordinating the Crucible scientists, and she did most of that from her omnitool at Shepard's bedside during the day.

As he always did, he whispered updates to her as he rested his head on the bed next to hers. He doubted she could hear, but he chose to keep her updated like she would want. No one had started killing on another, the turians and quarians were still working together to survive, the quarians were still trying to reactivate EDI and the geth, the Reapers hadn't spontaneously reactivated, progress on the Charon relay was going well, and it was all because of her. She didn't stir, the slow rise and fall of her chest never ceasing, kept steady by the soft whir of the ventilation machine. He carefully wrapped his hand around hers, avoiding the IVs tracing their way out of her pale skin.

All of her wounds were mostly fixed. The extensive fractures, healed. The lungs, almost fully functional. She'd just been so exhausted by the end, and he knew that it'd only been sheer force of will, forcing each step because she knew someone had to, and it was better her than anyone else. 

He glanced back up at the screens, reassuring himself that everything was normal, that her heart beat with the gentle slowness of a woman previously in peak physical condition and not the thready beat it'd been once before. And he stared silently, hopefully at her still features until his eyes quietly slipped closed and he fell asleep himself.

#

Shepard felt the weight of the mask first, her dimmed senses telling her of a drive core back in her implants -- implants that felt strange, actually -- and the slow chirp of medical equipment before registering the sound of slow, steady breathing, almost in her ear. That overruled the other information, which was unimportant. Someone was breathing. Almost in her ear.

She ventured to open her eyes. Dim, like an Alliance ship - she ventured more, then turned her head slightly to the side where the breathing was coming from, the motion nearly draining all energy out of her. Her vision still blurry, she recognized the breathing and smiled between puffs of forced breath. A dark head swam into view, obviously Kaidan and obviously sleeping, just barely resting on the pillow beside hers. His hand gently held her own, stretched out at her side to hold it without moving and jarring the IVs likely connected to it. He looked hideously uncomfortable.

With that slight turn of her head, Shepard realized she'd used up what was left of her energy. Slowly her half-cracked eyelids drooped again, and she slipped back into sleep, her head sliding down the pillow a little more to rest on top of Kaidan's.

#

"We'll check her quietly."

Kaidan stirred slightly at the voice. He wasn't usually a heavy sleeper, far from it, so the abruptness and the fact that he hadn't heard anyone come in disturbed him.

His light sleeping had made sleeping with Shepard a bit of a pain - she tended to have nightmares quite a lot, usually coupled with an abrupt awakening, a startled mewling noise that occurred before she could stop herself, and then a quiet settling back both into him and her pillow with another attempt to sleep on the nights that it didn't lead to a bout of insomnia that saw her walking the ship.

He started to move, then became aware of a strange pressure on the top of his head. Without another twitch, he opened his eyes to see a nurse, an orderly - Michael, actually, the usual orderly - and Shepard's doctor standing at the foot of the bed. "Don't mind us," he said, noticing that Kaidan was awake. "We're just here to check her."

With that, he realized that the pressure on top of his head meant that Shepard's had slipped at some point, coming to rest nestled on top of his hair. He carefully moved so that she wouldn't slump to the side, settling her back fully on her pillow. "This, ah, isn't really what it looks like," he mumbled hurriedly. The doctor waved his hand.

"Please, Major. Your secret is safe with us."

He probably looked more visibly relieved than he wanted. "Uh, thanks." He scooted the chair back slightly in the small room and stood, retreating towards the rear of the room to give the trio room to work.

The test to determine how comatose a comatose person was had essentially remained unchanged for a few hundred years - improvements made, better ways to conduct the tests added, but not altered. It still remained the best test for humans. He leaned back against the wall, checking his omni-tool. Nothing new had come in.

Shepard was already pulling off yet another miracle. One doctor familiar with her medical files had commented that this was worse than the shape she'd been in after Elysium. And she'd been unstable for two months, unable to breathe unassisted and doctors fighting to just make sure the damage repaired itself, then barely stable and finally stable over the last two. Like always she did she hung on to life - sometimes with the flimsiest of grips, but always hanging on. Shepard was stubborn, and it was hardly surprising that she was refusing to let death take her again.

The doctor leaned over the bed, trying to get Shepard to respond with a simple voiced request. Usually this received no response - Shepard still lay there, eyes closed, breath regulated by a ventilator that hummed alongside the bed.

But this time . . . this time, something was different -- the smallest flicker of Shepard's eyelids. Kaidan thought he was seeing things, his desire for her to ever wake up again overtaking his knowledge that she may never. But the doctor jerked slightly, almost as if he hadn't expected it.

"Can you hear me?" he asked quietly, the nurse and orderly suddenly tense. There was the briefest flicker again, and then her eyes cracked the smallest, tiniest bit. Kaidan straightened, again not sure if he was imagining it or not, but hoping against all reason in the universe that he wasn't.

Then Shepard tentatively opened her eyes the rest of the way.

It was like Christmas.

Kaidan took a half-step forward, feeling hopeful for the first time. "Hello," the doctor said. "Name, rank, serial?"

It was the first thing anyone asked a soldier when they were waking up, an ingrained response drilled into them by the several weeks at bootcamp as the immediate answer to a medic who asked or an interrogator if captured. Shepard was no different - half the time, as he'd found out, she would spit it out without being asked if she blacked out for even half a second.

Her reply was murmured, broken, and barely audible, but present.  _Shepard, Marrakech. Lieutenant Commander. 5923-alpha-charlie-2826._

Kaidan couldn't move as the doctor continued the rest of his exam, seeming almost in shock that Shepard had actually done something other than lay there, flinching away from pressure or mumbling incoherently on really good days. For Kaidan, it was like he was dreaming. Shepard was awake.

"I think someone wants to see you," he murmured, then glanced in Kaidan's direction. "We've finished, Major," he said, louder this time. "Let's give them some room."

The trio of medical personnel left, and Kaidan stiffly stepped forward. "Hi," he said quietly, sinking back into his chair. Shepard looked up at him and smiled blearily.

"Mm," she replied, still smiling weakly behind her mask. He gently brushed a piece of hair back from her face.

"I . . ." He started quietly, then rested his hand fully on her forehead. His hand was shaking but he couldn't help it, and he swallowed hard. "Marra . . ."

"S'ok," she hissed, voice rough and harsh and quieter than it'd ever been, her words slurring together. Her hand twitched, and he moved his from her head to it. "'M not dead. Jus' banged up." Her brow furrowed the slightest bit. "I think."

He smiled down at her, relief blurring his eyes. "You know you did it," he said. "The Reapers are gone. You did it."

She made a noncommittal noise and smiled blearily again. She looked ready to fall back asleep any moment, and he knew she probably wouldn't remember anything he said to her later. But it didn't matter. She needed to know. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, smoothing her shave scalp. "I love you, Marra."

Her hand squeezed his weakly as her eyelids flickered again. "Kai," she said quietly, her voice coming out as even more of a low whisper than before.

"Yeah?"

"'ll you be here when I wake up?"

He nodded. She probably couldn't even tell if this was real. "I'm not leaving. Promise."

She smiled weakly again and let her eyes slip closed. He settled on his chair again, checking his omni-tool and starting to fill out a form for a brief leave of absence. He wasn't needed to handle the galaxy. He was needed here, at least until she knew what was real.

#

Shepard slept mostly, waking up long enough to smile weakly and say hello to a visitor, and very rarely carry on an actual conversation before slipping back to sleep. The doctor assured them that this was normal for a person coming out of a coma - long periods of sleeping interspersed with short periods of confused wakefulness. For mostly everyone who wasn't one of her doctors, life progressed as normal for the next month. Hannah still managed the Crucible scientists from her spot at Shepard's bedside, surrendering it to Kaidan at night.

He'd only seen her awake one or two times since the first day she'd woken up. She'd woken up, smiled weakly at him, and then fell back to sleep with hardly a greeting.

Kaidan didn't know what she knew. He didn't know if she knew that her hair was gone, its growth stunted and kept shaved for the modules monitoring her brain activity. He didn't know if she knew that one of her femurs was only held in place by metal rods, or that the same was the case with her right forearm, or that her left shoulder was stabilized with screws and likely always would be though her arm and leg may someday return to normal. He didn't know if she knew that she was now gifted with a metal plate in her head, though she'd likely approve if it meant she could better headbutt krogan. He didn't know if she knew that she'd lost almost all of her muscle mass, that the doctors didn't know how long it would be before she'd be able to walk again if she even ever was, that they were trying to transfer her to a restored facility either in the Midwest or on the restored arm of the Citadel for physical therapy. He didn't know if she knew that most of the skin on her limbs had been grafted after her armor had melted into her flesh.

He doubted she knew any of that. No one had even attempted to tell her much of anything, not when the doctors told them that she'd likely not remember anything the next time she awoke.

As he closed her door behind him, he was surprised to see her twitch. "Shepard?"

"Kai?" Her voice was still weak, but he could clearly hear her. Kaidan hurried to her side.

"Hey." His hand brushed over her head, her stubble grazing his palm. The nodes on her skull had slowly begin decreasing in number since she'd first woken up, and she smiled up at him as his hand skimmed her.

"No one will tell me how bad I look," she murmured, her eyes comparatively bright.

"How're you feeling?" He was eluding the question she hadn't asked, and he knew it.

"Better." She looked back at the IV bag dangling over her head. "They've stopped sedating me."

"Pain?"

"Hell yes." But she gave him a brave smile from under her oxygen tube. "So. How bad am I?"

He settled into his chair and clasped her hand in his, brushing her knuckles with his lips. "Beautiful as always," he replied quietly.

"Kaidan . . ."

"Don't Kaidan me. I mean it."

"I want to know."

He sighed, and explained. She had very little muscle mass left. She had metal holding parts of her body together. But she was beautiful and alive and his.

"What's the last thing you remember?" he asked, still holding her hand between his. Shepard squinted, looking up at the ceiling.

"I . . ." He rubbed her hand with his thumb, avoiding her IV ports. "I sent you away. Kaidan, I didn't . . ." A single tear slipped down her cheek. "I-"

"Sh. Sh. It doesn't matter." He reached out to touch her face, brushing the wetness away reassuringly. "I'm here now. It doesn't matter. Do you remember anything after that?"

She frowned. "It's a blur, but I . . . Anderson . . . Anderson's dead." He nodded, but didn't want to tell her that she'd missed her mentor's funeral in London. "And so is the Illusive Man. But I don't . . ."

"That's the last thing you remember?"

Shepard nodded, but her eyes darted towards the window of the ICU ward. "Yeah. Did everyone make it?"

"Yeah. Everyone made it. Garrus and Tali and Liara have been in here a few times. Javik's doing what he can on the Charon relay."

"What happened to the relay?"

He thumbed her wrist again. "The relays were deactivated. Everyone was stranded here after the battle."

"Oh . . . And no one's killed one another?"

"There's been some close calls." Shepard gave him a small smile, but there wasn't any real warmth behind it. "What's wrong?"

"Kaidan . . . I need to know what happened. What . . . how were they stopped?"

"No one knows. There was an explosion from the Citadel, and the Reapers just . . . stopped. Their drive cores exploded - completely inert." She nodded. "We lost EDI and the geth."

If it had been possible for her sickly-pale skin to go whiter, it would have. "What do you mean?"

"They deactivated. We crashed, and the quarians are still trying to get the geth online. They . . ."

"What about EDI?"

"They're working on her as well, but so far, no luck." Shepard released a slow, shuddering breath. "Shepard?"

"I thought . . . I thought it was just a nightmare," she murmured.

He frowned, rubbing her hand again. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She swallowed a few times, looking away from him. "I can't," she whispered finally, studying the glass wall. "I just . . . I don't even know if it was real. I don't even remember it all. I . . ." Shepard looked back at him, another tear tracing her skin. "Kaidan . . ."

Kaidan shimmied onto the bed next to her, carefully pulling her into his arms. "Hey, hey. No matter what happened, you did it."

She pressed herself closer to him, turning her face to nestle in his neck. He tucked her under his chin, the stubble gracing the top of her head bristling against his throat.

"You did it," he whispered again. "You did it and I love you."

* * *


	8. A Slow Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If you follow me on tumblr you may have read some of this chapter on it.  
> Chapter 8 is giving me some problems (Awkard Future Mother-In-Law-Times-Go!) so I don't know if I'll get to update until the weekend. Just an FYI.

 

"Now slide into the-"

"I'm wearing  _floaties_."

Shepard sat stubbornly on the edge of a pool in a reconstructed hospital in Vancouver, now the home of about a million Alliance personnel and citizens undergoing physical therapy, intensive medical care, or both. The IV port in her hand was covered, and she was still on heavy pain medication, but the doctors had wanted her to start her PT as quickly as possible -- possibly because she continually insisted that she was fine, and they wanted to prove to her that she wasn't.

Somewhere someone had found a suit that fit her new, frail form, but water therapy - especially on someone whose veins still hummed with narcotics - required flotation devices, and she wanted to take a combat knife to them.

"I'm Commander Fucking Shepard," she insisted. "And I'm wearing  _floaties_."

The physical therapist sighed in exasperation, and ran his hand over his head. "Yes. And they look wonderful."

"I'm  _Commander Fucking Shepard_ ," she repeated. "I don't give a flying shit if they look good."

"If you want to walk on your own  _ever_  again," Chakwas chided from her seat in Shepard's wheelchair. "You need to cooperate."

"Miranda undid two years of death," Shepard retorted, wiggling her toes ever-so-slightly in the water. "I'm sure someone can undo three months of muscle loss."

"When you were  _dead_ , you weren't losing muscle mass." Chakwas had her no-nonsense doctor-voice on. Shepard scowled in her direction. "Now get in the water, or I'll tell your mother that you aren't cooperating again."

Shepard's scowl deepened, but she hissed and slid into the water. The flotation devices caught her before she could go under, and she hissed again as her weak legs scrambled for purchase the bottom. The therapist steadied her.

"Oh this is gonna suck," she mumbled.

Several hours later she was back in her bed, staring at the blank walls of her semiprivate room. Private, in that there was no one else of the heavily injured variety in with her; semi in that the walls were glass and had only medical curtains for decency. A terminal on the wall opposite her was playing - some old Earth show, and not one she liked - but she wasn't paying attention.

She hated this. The sitting, the waiting, the uncertainty. She'd just been strong enough for physical therapy, and now they were shaking their heads and tsking again like she'd fail.

Shepard collapsed back against her cot, arms limp by her sides. A single tear leaked out of a tightly shut eye, then another.

"I fucking did it," she murmured. "I destroyed them."

Gritting her teeth, she clasped the rails of her bed and struggled to push herself upright. She'd been working on this, regaining upper body strength - for some reason it came more naturally, possibly because she was making herself do it as often as possible. Grasp the bed rails, lift, settle back down. Lift, back down.

This time, she lifted and struggled to slide her feet over the edge of the mattress, resting them flat on the ground. Step one, check. Using her arms, she pushed herself slowly off the hospital bed, and her brain registered that she was doing it.  _She was standing._

It barely had time to register it before she toppled to the ground, her knees buckling under her lean weight. She yelped, trying to catch herself on the bed but failing, sliding to the floor after painfully slamming her back into the metal of the cot.

Fortunately because the walls were glass and the one facing the doctors' station hadn't been covered in wellwishes and datapads bearing flickering candles, it was a matter of seconds before an orderly realized that she was attempting to escape and summoned the rest of her guards. When the troop of nurses and aides marched in, Shepard was still struggling to get herself back to her feet, her arms and legs deciding to no longer support her weight.

"I'm fine," she snapped as Michael the Orderly reached for her, her voice taut and sharp. He winced, looking over his shoulder at the orderly who'd initially called for reinforcements.

"Co-ma'am, I-"

"I've got it under control," she replied. She tried to stretch for the bed again, biting back a cry as it stretched whatever she'd knocked in her fall. "I can pull myself up. I-" This time the motion did produce a cry, and she choked on a sob as the army of medical personnel won over and drug her back onto her bed, checking her IVs and herself for any injuries, smearing medigel on the gouge the bed had left on her back. Before the last nurse left, she plugged something in at the end of the bed. "What?"

"Commander, you're still too weak to stand on your own," she replied in the doctor-patient tone Shepard usually received from Chakwas. "We thought you might attempt to rush things, and we're going to have to activate the bed alarm. If you try to stand again we'll have to sedate you. Understand?"

Shepard blinked dully at her, feeling another sob welling up in her throat. She nodded mutely, looking back down at the floor. The nurse nodded and left, and another tear slowly worked its way down her cheek.

She was  _Commander Shepard_. She'd saved the galaxy. She shouldn't be on bedrest. She needed to be out there, doing  _something_ , something that could distract her from the dullness the painkillers caused and the sterile smell of the hospital and the outrageous cleanliness and -

Shepard collapsed back against the bed, screwing her eyes shut. The walls were glass, she reminded herself. They were glass and she likely had several hundred eyes on her, trying to make sure she didn't attempt the same stupid maneuver twice. She turned her head towards her only solid wall - the reclaimed steel wall of the facility she'd been trapped in.

She'd never be able to do it. She was done, over. She'd be trapped on this bed the rest of her life and that was it. End of story. No more missions, no more walking around the Citadel or Earth or the  _Normandy_ , just a hospital bed and a buzzer that would go off if she ever tried to stand again.

She let a slow, small tear roll down her face and swallowed a dull sob, squeezing her eyes shut.

#

"Uh, Major!"

Kaidan stopped as he reached out for the lock on Shepard's door, glancing in at the woman inside. She was staring at the wall, motionless except for the rise and fall of her chest. The orderly - Michael, he remembered - was one of those regularly assigned to her, to the point where he'd been transferred with her from the  _Montreal_. "Yes?"

"There was an incident earlier." As Michael filled him in, Kaidan felt his stomach sink lower. Shepard had tried to stand; no, no major injuries; you may want to talk to her; hasn't moved in hours; hasn't responded to doctors checking her machines. Kaidan took in the information and nodded, letting Michael hurry back to his work, and pressed the lock for the door.

"Shepard?" he said quietly, letting it zip closed behind him. She didn't answer.

"Shepard, hey." Undaunted, he reached for his chair and pulled it up next to the bed. "Hey, what's up?" He reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. For the first time since she'd been awake, he noticed that their engagement ring was missing. "Marrakech."

"Not now," she whispered, still barely moving. "I just . . ."

"Please." He reached for her again, and she snapped.

"Stop! Just . . . just stop, Kaidan. Please." She sounded like someone had ripped her heart out. His stomach dropped into his feet.

"What's  _wrong_?"

"Everything!" she snapped, jerking her head around to stare at him with tear-filled eyes. " _Everything_  is wrong! I'm stuck here doing nothing while the galaxy is out there moving on and I can't even  _stand_ , I can't even take care of myself, I have nothing to do with my hands, I've got no privacy and I'm broken and I don't even . . . I don't even know why you want me anymore," she finished in a low murmur, turning her head back towards the wall with a strangled sob.

Kaidan bit his lip, moving to sit on the side of her bed and tugging her into his arms. She didn't resist, clutching at the front of his uniform and burying her face into his neck. "I'll always want you," he whispered, hands gently tracing her back. "I don't care if you walk or don't walk, if you become good as new or stay like this. I will  _always_  love you." He kissed the top of her head, then nestled it under his chin. "No matter what."

"But -"

"I mean it."

She smiled weakly and nestled closer to him. "I did stand," she said quietly. "It was only for a second, but I did."

"You had to stand enough to collapse anyway." He traced a circle on her bare bicep. "You'd your first day of PT go?"

"It was awful. I had to wear floaties."

Kaidan frowned, only partially thinking about their conversation. "You're a spacer kid. Do you even know how to swim?"

"Course I do. Crucial part of N7 training."

"Of course it is," he murmured.

"But _floaties_."

He nuzzled her hair, happy to notice that she'd relaxed against him. "And I'm sure they looked wonderful on you."

"You'd think anything would look good on me."

" _Especially_  nothing." He tilted her head and captured her lips, swallowing her laugh. "You'll walk again. If anything, you never give up, and I don't think you'll let this win."

"I . . . I know. It's just . . . Some days are better than others." She nestled back against him, closing her eyes. She loved the way he smelled - a mix of the sharp smell of eezo, spice, and oil. She tried to nestle closer - this was the first time he'd squeezed himself onto her bed, the first time she'd just felt him hold her since she'd woken up. He'd hugged her, yes, and he'd kissed her the first time she was awake for longer than a few minutes, but this, the companionable silence coupled with the warmth of his body pressed against her, his arms holding her . . . this was what she'd missed, what she'd needed. Especially after her 'escape' attempt, and the fact that despite his words she still felt imperfect and weak. "How is everything going?"

Kaidan started talking, describing the progress with the relay and the quarians with the geth and the krogan keeping the Terminus fleets in line and everything. Shepard barely listened, just focusing on the sound of his smooth, golden voice as she felt herself drifting off to sleep. She didn't want to sleep - she wanted to stay awake, for him - but her eyelids drooped shut as she nestled into him, safe and secure if only for a moment.

Kaidan let his voice trail off as her breathing settled, slowing down to the quiet, easy sleep of the exhausted. He buried his face in her hair, closing his eyes. It killed him to see her suffer like this. Shepard had always been strong and confident even when she wasn't. She had relied on him as her strength, but now, to have to do it when she wasn't even capable, while he had to see her so weak and hopeless . . .

#

The worst was probably when they brought in the shrink, four months after Shepard had woken up.

None of the doctors had thought to ask for Kaidan or Hannah's opinions on this, the nursing staff arguing that they were growing increasingly concerned about Shepard's mindset. She was depressed, they'd argued. The longer she was incapacitated the more listless, uninterested and negative she grew. Kaidan had told them, after he'd first found out, that of course she was. She was a trillion-credit special ops supersoldier kept tied down by the body she was used to controlling and more layers of red tape than an Alliance black-ops file.

Nonetheless, when he showed up one Saturday fresh out of discussions about what to do with the Citadel, he'd been surprised to see an unfamiliar woman in a stiffly pressed suit in Shepard's room, with Michael waiting to intercept him when he arrived.

"Who's that?" Kaidan asked, trying to look around him. Shepard was staring at the wall, occasionally shaking her head or shrugging while the woman made notes on a datapad.

"Doctor Jaye Alwai. Head of the hospital's psychiatry department. Just an assessment." He held up his hand. "And before you get upset, Major, Hackett asked her to come in."

"It's not ..." Kaidan sighed. "I just-"

"I know. I understand it's hard."

"How long will they be?"

Michael looked at the clock. "Well they've been in there four hours already."

Four hours? He knew from experience that was surprisingly long - they'd done the same thing to him after Alchera. "What the hell are they talking about?"

"Search me, sir. But Shepard's only thrown one datapad so far, which means I'm losing our poole on how many we'll be replacing."

Kaidan thought he should probably be irritated by the hospital staff making light of his fiancee's habit of breaking things when upset, but chuckled instead. At least that was something like her old self. "I'll wait, then." He figured he could grab some coffee. "Page me if she leaves before I get back."

"Absolutely."

Shepard caught Kaidan's back as he left through the window and frowned, losing whatever question she'd just been asked. Alwai clucked, drawing her attention back.

"I asked if you feel trapped."

Shepard shrugged. "Shouldn't I? I thought that was a natural reaction to being told that you've probably lost your job due to physical injury."

She sighed. "Commander-"

"I'm a soldier. It's all I've ever done. What the fuck am I supposed to think about having doctors tell me I may never walk again?"

She sighed. "You're exaggerating."

"Exaggerating or not, that's what it feels like." Shepard crossed her arms, looking away. "I'm fine. I don't need this or anything. I should be doing something out there, not stuck here."

The doctor pursed her lips for the seven thousandth time, and finally leaned forward on her knees. "Commander, I have had nearly thirty years of experience dealing with soldiers. I know every trick, every method that you can possibly use to make me believe you. You won't be of any use if I can't find out what's wrong. Admiral Hackett has already said he won't let you leave until a proper evaluation has been conducted, and if you continue to act like this it never will be, and then you will be stuck he."

Shepard stared at her stubbornly for some time, then frowned. "Just leave me the fuck alone."

Alwai shook her head. "You may be one of the most deadly women in the galaxy but I'm far from afraid of you, Commander."

She swallowed, looking away. "Please."

"Talk. Trust me, you'll feel better."

Shepard was silent for a long while, like the time spans that had made up most of their near-four hour session. "I've been having nightmares," she finally admitted.

Doctor Alwai made a note in her datapad. "Go on."

#

When Kaidan returned after locating coffee and then bearing out his metabolism's sudden cry for food, the doctor was just leaving. She gave him a small smile, a nod, and a "major" as they passed. He nodded back and stepped inside the room, holding up a small throwaway mug of coffee.

"You allowed yet?" He asked. Shepard shrugged.

"Why don't you ask one of the wardens?"

He did one better and checked the chart on her door, then stepped back inside. "You're good." He handed her the mug, and she took it like it was the most priceless item she'd ever seen. His eyes settled on her ring, still brightly polished and glistening.

"God, how do they even still have coffee," she moaned, taking a deep breath so its scent filled her senses.

"Private stores." He looked up. "I, uh, never did it right, you know."

"Did what right?" He nodded at her ring, and she shrugged. "Doesn't make it any less real."

"No, but ..." She flushed slightly when he gently pulled her cup out of her hands and set it on the table, drawing them down as he settled on one knee. "Marrakech Amelia Shepard, will you still marry me even though your engagement shotgun is buried somewhere in London?"

Shepard smiled weakly. "I think you should be reconsidering if you're going to marry me."

"Never need to." He leaned forward and kissed her fingers just under the ring. "So?"

"Still a romantic," she teased, tugging him up so she could kiss him. "Of course."

Kaidan grinned and settled down on her bed, handing her coffee back. "So how'd it go?"

Shepard sighed and shook her head, taking a sip. He noticed her hands trembling, and made sure he was ready to catch the cup if it fell. "She's a stubborn bitch, and I don't like that."

"Are you all right?"

Shepard was quiet for a while, staring at her coffee, before finally looking up at him. "No," she whispered quietly. He nodded and rested his hand gently on her leg. "I have nightmares. I feel useless. The more I remember about what happened on the Citadel, even in bits and pieces, I just . . ." she swallowed and looked away. "Sometimes I just think it would've been better for everyone if I'd died up there."

"Not at all," Kaidan replied. "It wouldn't have been better for me."

She looked back up and smiled weakly. "No, I'd assume not." He smiled back as she took another sip of her coffee. "I just ... I want to be back out there."

"Until we get the relays activated there isn't much to do. Promise."

"But just ... Something. I can hold a hammer. Or whatever."

Kaidan chuckled, shifting so he could pull her against his chest. "Don't worry," he said, rubbing her arm as she nestled into him. "You'll be back out there before you know it."


	9. Of Soon-To-Be Mothers-In-Law

Shepard stared listlessly at the terminal across from her, flickering through something she wasn't paying attention to. She was convinced she was going insane. Or would, if she was stuck here much longer.

Already bored she glanced down, moving her foot. The small action gave her a measure of satisfaction as she then pointed her toe away, then back, then away again. It gave her hope that she'd recover, even if she never made it back to a hundred percent. After all her hundred percent seemed to be most peoples' one hundred and fifty, which was more than enough.

Even the visits were tapering off, as people were recalled by their species and the rebuilding efforts skyrocketed to impressive lengths. Her mother and, of course, Kaidan were her most regular visitors, Kaidan often sleeping in her room overnight. But as he was taking over both of their Spectre duties even his presence was beginning to diminish. And even Joker hadn't been able to get away -- as one of the Alliance's top pilots, he was needed for any intricate shipwork in repairing the relay or the Citadel.

She picked at her blanket with a sigh. The damn hospital blankets were so itchy.

She reached for her datapad only to find the rolly table an inch out of her reach. Kaidan - no, Garrus was the last person who was there, so he must have moved it.

She tried to shift slightly, only for the nurse at the nurse's station to eye her suspiciously - come  _on_ , it'd been a  _month_ since she'd tried to escape last. At least a month. Her sense of time was oddly distorted.

So then she tried to refocus on the TV. Right. They were talking about the rebuilding process. Wonderful. Shepard leaned her head back on the bed and sighed.

"Well, they could turn the heat up in this place."

Shepard figured she must have dozed off, because the next she knew her room had been invaded by a petite, dark-haired woman who looked like she had some southeast Asian in her lineage. Michael had been right on her heels, stumbling into the room after she'd already settled herself down. Shepard was absolutely speechless, and looked up at her orderly. "Sorry, I don't believe we've been properly introduced," the woman said, without prompting. "I'm Kaidan's mother, Helena."

Shepard stared at her even more blankly, which gave Michael time to attempt to save face and return to the nurses' station. "Y-you're Kaidan's mom?"

"Of course I am. They're treating you all right here, dear?" She pulled a pair of gigantic knitting needles out of her bag, wound in a beautiful emerald-green yarn that she began to unwrap, revealing an in-progress afghan. "The food has been atrocious since the end of the war."

Shepard blinked.

"So, then, Commander," Mrs. Alenko continued, unwrapping it enough to work and beginning to stitch. "How long have you and Kaidan been together?"

Shepard realized she was still staring, and closed her mouth and swallowed. "You can just call me Marrakech, or Marra, I guess. Not many people do but there's no need for formality or anything. And, well, it's been . . . Um . . ." She blinked. Did she count the time she was dead? Probably not. What about those eight months she was a known terrorist? Probably not them, either. "I-"

"I know it's complicated. What do  _you_  think?"

She blinked again. She was completely out of her league. "Well . . ." God, that total made it seem like nothing. But she cleared her throat. ". . . Three months?" Helena glanced up with a raised eyebrow - when she did that, Shepard could definitely see the resemblance. "I would count the time between the  _Normandy_  going down in 2183 and me waking up in 2185, but I don't know if he would."

The smallest edge of a smile hinted at the corners of her mouth. "He said the same thing, you know."

"Oh." Then that settled that. She toyed with her ring, sitting heavily on her finger. "So, um, how is everything? You know, outside the hospital."

"They found a group of survivors holed up in the Amazon. Not many. It's still touch and go, but I hear New York is starting to get power back. You became involved around the Battle of the Citadel then?"

Shepard swallowed. "Yes?"

"Mm." She frowned at her knitting. "You're feeling better, I take it? The last time I saw you, you had just been pulled off the Citadel, after all."

"I . . ." Confused for the moment that she'd come to visit her when she'd still been braindead on the  _Montreal_ , Shepard frowned adn then nodded. "Yeah. I'm still on low-grade painkillers and I've only just managed to walk ten steps before falling, but I'm a lot better than I was."

"Good. I don't believe I could have borne it if Kaidan had lost you twice." She counted her row, and Shepard blinked.

"What?"

"Have you thought about children at all?"

Shepard blinked. "I-"

"Of course not. Kaidan says you haven't had the time to discuss it. And both of you have several years, don't you?" She looked up and smiled. "I'm not trying to badger you, dear. I just know that Kaidan's gone for the week and I didn't want you to feel alone."

Shepard swallowed heavily past the lump in her throat. She was almost sure Kaidan had asked her to sit with her . . . And if he hadn't, then she knew where he got his heart from. "Thanks, ma'am," she said quietly, looking down at her hands.

"Please, just Helena. Or Mrs. Alenko, if you still feel the need to be formal. We are family now, after all."

Shepard smiled for what felt like the first time in years.

#

Mrs. Alenko made a habit of coming back every day while Kaidan was out with the  _Normandy_ , always bringing the jewel-green blanket that Shepard was secretly lusting after the more it grew.

Finally, the third day, she set down a pair of large-caliber knitting needles and settled back in her chair. Shepard picked them up, turning them over in her hands. "What is this?"

"It looks like you need something to do. So I brought you some yarn, and I thought I'd teach you to knit."

Shepard pursed her lips. She'd picked up knitting once, over a decade earlier. She told Helena this, and she laughed. "That just means it'll be easier to pick it up. What color yarn do you want?"

"What am I making?"

"We'll start on a scarf, I think."

She considered for a few more minutes. "Do you have a nice dark blue?"

"Of course." She fished out for the appropriate ball. "It's the only one I have left after the war, though. So we'll have to not be wasteful."

"I'll do my best."

Helena leaned forward on the bed and helped her cast the first few stitches on. "Now, let's get down to the actual knitting. First, slide the needle through your first stitch ..."

"I'm going to regret this again," she muttered, scrunching her brow at the needles and the yarn.

"Don't be silly. How much do you remember?"

"It's been ten years."

"It's like riding a bicycle. Hold the needles like this." Shepard studied her fingers for a second, then worked hers around the needle. "All right. Just hold the yarn like this, and . . ."

Ten minutes later Shepard threw her needles on her lap. "This is insane. How is this even done? This makes absolutely no sense and I just ...  _ugh._ "

The amount of patience reflected on Helena's face possibly would have netted her a saintdom had Vatican City and the Pope not been eradicated during the war. She calmly picked up Shepard's needles, undid the bundle of knotted yarn, and held them up. "All right. Watch closely." Shepard sullenly watched as she slowly but deftly cast on a row of stitches, then knitted two rows. "Think you may be able to try it now?" She nodded and held out her hand. As Helena handed back the needles she casually undid her two rows of work, and Shepard's face fell.

"But-"

"You aren't used to anything being simplistic, are you? Now stop complaining and try again."

Shepard picked up her needles and glared at them with a stare that could have melted the  _Normandy_ 's hull.

#

"Major. Follow me please."

Kaidan had barely walked into the hospital lobby, finally back from the far rim of the Sol system, when Admiral Shepard's sharp bark caught his attention. He saluted, and she motioned him after her. Kaidan swallowed and wordlessly followed.

So was this what it would be like? Would he constantly be caught somewhere between Admiral Shepard's underling and her (future) son-in-law? Not for the first time he imagined her using that voice over vidcomm if she ever disapproved of how they were raising her grand kids.

Granted, he and Shepard had never discussed that so he couldn't be sure it'd even happen, either in their relationship or due to her trauma.

They stepped out onto a balcony that overlooked Vancouver, cranes and ships holding material steady as buildings were being patched and repaired. Hannah leaned on the balcony and was quiet for a few moments, Kaidan waiting patiently for whatever oncoming onslaught he was apparently going to get. He'd been in the military long enough to see the tells on officers.

"So. I initially consented without much concern because all simulations indicated that no one was coming out of this alive," she started. Kaidan nodded. "Now that Marrakech appears to be recovering, I have questions for you."

"I'm sure you do, ma'am."

"Cut the crap, Alenko."

He nodded again. "Yes, ma'am."

"I see why she likes you." Hannah turned back and leaned against the balcony railing crossing her arms over her chest. "How long have you two been involved? And this is off the record. So ... no shit, Alenko."

"Right. Uh. The Battle of the Citadel, ma'am, after we stole the Normandy. We'd, uh, sort of been skirting around the issue for a few months beforehand."

"Good. I'd suspected something around there. And in those two years she was gone?"

"Do they matter? I nearly didn't walk away from them. She did. We both said things we regretted, or at least I did."

Hannah nodded quietly, almost as if distracted. "And when the war started?"

He almost told her that the war had started for them on Virmire, for more than one reason. "We talked about it during the operation on Mars, when we weren't fighting Cerberus. Then I ended up in the hospital. We settled up."

"You nearly shot her."

"I didn't ... it was complicated."

Hannah  _hmm_ 'd and nodded. Kaidan realized where Shepard's way of expressing fifty things in one nonsensical syllable came from. "I have standards for her, you know. Every parent does." He nodded. "But you happen to full fill most of them, considering that Marra ended up in the Alliance rather than safely elsewhere." The latter part he was fairly certain he wasn't supposed to have heard. "That being said. You have no intentions of just running, do you?"

"Ma'am, if I was intending to run, I'd've done it long before now. Trust me."

"That's what I wanted to hear." She studied him for a few moments, and Kaidan resisted the urge to shift awkwardly on his feet. "Kids?"

"We haven't discuss-"

"I don't care. Answer the question."

"Maybe, once things settle and I know she's all right."

"And where are you going to live?"

"She'll want to live in space. I'll go wherever she does."

"I expected you to have more of a spine."

He grinned ruefully. "That's something you learn to bend a lot when you're in love with your daughter."

Hannah grinned back. "She was always like that. The first day of school she skipped was to go the Arcturus recruiting office on her eighteenth birthday and manage to get into OCS out of high school."

"You need-"

"Somehow she got in concurrently. I don't even know how." Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "You didn't know that?"

"She never talked about it. What does she have?"

Hannah shook her head with a small smirk. "Xenobehavioral psychology."

Kaidan echoed her head shake. "I'm really not surprised. "

"In light of what she's done, neither am I." She held out her hand and, a little confused, Kaidan shook it. "Major, I don't think she could have picked a better person. Welcome to the extremely small Shepard family."

He cleared his throat, trying to keep from looking relieved. "Thank you, ma'am."

"She's been all right this past week," she continued, releasing him. "I'm on my way back to the  _Orizaba_ , the admirals are having a meeting. Your mother is in there now. She's a lovely woman."

"She is," Kaidan agreed,

"Good talk, major." Hannah strode past him, and he stared after her a few seconds.

If he had ever questioned how Shepard was the way she was, his questions were all answered. Straightening his shoulders, he headed for Shepard's room.

When he got there, he was surprised to see both Shepard and his mother still in there, both of them ... knitting? With a shrug he stepped through, letting a warm feeling attack him as Shepard looked up, spotted him, and let a bright, brilliant smile light up her face. He hurried forward and she dropped her knitting into her lap, reaching out to meet his embrace. "How's the relay project?"

"Good so far." He kissed her cheek. "How's the Shepard project?"

"Going," she replied as he pulled away and went to hug his mother. Kaidan settled himself on the bed, letting Shepard settle back against him. "What're you making?"

Shepard held the strip of knitted fabric up, then wrapped it around his neck. He glanced down, then back up in time to see her catch her tongue between her teeth. "I think another few inches," she said thoughtfully.

"You're making this for me?"

She nodded, pulling it off his neck and setting it back in her lap. "The color reminded me of your eyes when you're flared." Shepard closed her eyes after the statement, nestling closer to him. Helena stood, and patted Kaidan's leg.

"You don't have to leave, mom," Kaidan said quietly. She shook her head.

"I'm sure the Commander is more than tired of seeing me," she said gently. "You two should be alone."

"I like her," Shepard murmured after the door closed. Kaidan settled himself more against the raised mattress, letting her nestle closer to him.

"She likes you too. Or at least I think she does."

"That's good. And you'd better like this damn scarf. You've got no idea what pain it's putting me through."

Kaidan chuckled and kissed the side of her head. "I like it already. Don't worry."

"You're sure?"

"Of course I'm sure." 


	10. The Final Victories

Kol'Xirel vas Dinbi was a typical engineer. AI specialization. He came from a long line of quarians who had previously worked on the geth, and who had let their skills be passed down. His father, in fact, had been killed on the _Alarei_ , when Admiral Rael'Zorah's experiments had gone wrong.

So he was a natural choice to be put on the team attempting to reactivate the geth, supposedly working under Admiral Tali'Zorah. Granted, the Admiral would often spend days working on a "side project" on Earth, so typically they were left attempting to do whatever they had discussed the previous week.

Kol typically worked long after the other engineers decided to call it quits, sitting in his lab in the research ship and poking at the geth prime model in front of him. He'd stared at it for days on end, trying to determine just exactly  _how_  he was supposed to reactivate what couldn't be reactivated. He'd chart a new plan that would only fail, or that would power on a unit but not the processes inside it.

So when he sketched out the three-hundredth way to reactivate the geth, then sat down at his bench, he wasn't expecting anything different. After all the quarians were going to have to give up at some point, and they could just completely reconstruct them. Except the galaxy would never go for that.

He worked for hours into his lab-ship's night cycle. A tweak there. An adjustment here.

Hours passed, and he finally stifled a yawn behind his helmet. One last try to reconnect the stupid repaired machine to its stupid repaired processors.

"All right, you bosh'tet," he hissed, trying to weasel two fingers into the geth. "Come ... on ..."

A pair of wires connected, and he jolted back with a yelp as it singed his suit. Clamping down seals around his fingers, he frowned and stood. "Fine," he snapped. "Fine. Just . . . Sit there, like the big stupid hunk of metal you are. I-"

He stopped, as the optic light of the geth suddenly flickered once, then fell dark. A second later it bloomed to full brightness, and Kol's eyes widened. The machine slowly sat up, looking around the room before its optic lit on the quarian, shock still, next to it.

"Greetings, Creator," it said. "This unit requests information."

Kol dropped his wrench, letting the tool clatter to the ground. "I-I-I-oh. All right?"

"Have the Old Machines been deactivated?"

Kol took a moment to answer. "Y-yes?" It cocked its optic, studying him.

"Where are the geth?"

He stared at the prime for a second, then cleared his throat. "Well, ah, it's complicated."

#

Joker hobbled onto the bridge of the  _Normandy_ and settled down in his chair with a sigh.

There really wasn't much of a call to be on ships, except that a lot of people still didn't feel safe or comfortable on Earth after months of enemy occupation. They were docked in the slowly-rebuilding Vancouver Alliance spaceport, most of the crew out trying to help with cleanup or their families. And even a year later they were having problems reaching the most remote places of the planet for potential survivors, even as a number of scientists and some special guests put the power grids and other essential systems back on for the biggest cities.

Special guests, indeed. Ten months after the battle, a quarian engineer had accidentally managed to reactivate a geth.

It'd been a heyday. One went up, and the quarians were able to activate half of the geth fleet in two months, and were quickly working on the rest. Meanwhile, the geth moved to help restore Earth's vital systems, rebuild teh Citadel, and help on the mass relay.

And the Citadel and the relay were almost completely rebuilt, and several more cities on Earth had started to turn the lights back on. There was even talk of sending a team through the Charon relay to see where it went, and if any other relays had been so damaged.

If they had it'd be a hell of a time trying to reactivate them all, and most of them would be dead long before they could be. Unless someone was looking into interstellar drives that didn't rely on the mass effect phenomenon, which he didn't think anyone was.

Joker opened the intercom. "How's it goin', Tali?"

"Could be worse." He jumped, spinning his chair to spot the quarian standing behind him.

"You're sneakier than I remember."

She shrugged, her arms crossed over her chest. "So. What did you need?"

"I was just checking on the progress. You know, on EDI." Tali had managed a renewed spurt of hope in attempting to restore the AI after the geth had first been reactivated. She'd been in the AI core for weeks, both with the server and with EDI's former platform, sleeping in one of the abandoned crew beds.

"I don't know." She shrugged again. "Her platform is a little more . . . complicated than the geths'. The geth were easy to reactivate, comparatively."

"But I must say that Tali'Zorah is a very skilled engineer." Joker was certain that damn quarian was smirking behind her helmet when EDI sidestepped out of the airlock. She was back in the Alliance fatigues she'd started wearing on the ship before the end, her metal hands folded behind her back. "Hello, Jeff."

Joker couldn't speak for a moment, eyes locked on the AI, then stood. EDI stepped forward, and Tali grinned behind her mask as they wordlessly embraced.

"You  _ever_  spontaneously deactivate again," he threatened, clinging to her. EDI ducked her head to account for their height difference, resting it on his shoulder.

"I assure you, I do not intend to do so again. Especially not, as Tali'Zorah explained, in the case of a large explosion."

"Hold on." Joker stepped back. "I think we need to take a trip and visit someone."

"And don't forget the celebration," Tali said helpfully. Joker blinked, then nodded.

"Right. Almost forgot. Damn."

EDI smiled, looking between the two of them. "I feel as if I should put on something more appropriate."

#

Shepard was initially alone on the first anniversary of the end of the Reaper War.

No one had quite determined what they should call the last battle. "The Battle of the Century" sounded too flippant, and many argued it should be the "Battle to End all Battles," but then the humans reminded them that the last time they did that a whole other war happened that was worst than the initial one and no one wanted to risk that. And she wasn't alone by choice, though that was what she preferred. She still couldn't remember what had happened on the Citadel, despite everyone - Hackett, her mother, Kaidan, Joker, Garrus, Tali, Liara - asking her what she remembered.

She remembered Anderson dying next to her.

She remembered shooting the Illusive Man, the way she'd sworn she would.

She remembered sending Kaidan away.

That was it. Nothing more. She had a nagging feeling that she'd done  _something_ though, something devastating, that whatever had happened to EDI and the geth had been her fault.

Shepard tucked herself back against her bed, sighing as she let herself fall limp against the raised mattress. She'd hoped to be out of her damn bed at this point, but the most action she was getting was sliding into a wheelchair.

They were cautiously optimistic though. In her last therapy session she'd been able to walk a good distance with a walker before one of her legs had decided to stop cooperating, and she'd managed to stand for at least ten minutes with something to lean on. She was convinced she could start doing things unassisted, but her therapists argued with her. She was still in danger sometimes of losing her balance. They didn't want to risk her falling and messing things up.

At least they weren't saying she'd possibly not walk again anymore.

And to top it off, the shrink was actually sort of helping, despite how long it'd taken Shepard to warm up to her.

But today? Today she should be walking. She should be back somewhere that wasn't this hospital with Kaidan, lost in gentle touches and whispered words. Not trapped here.

And that'd put her in a mood. A foul one. Or, at least, one where the hospital staff knew it was better to let the galactic hero wallow in her own misery, rather than bother her. Some would call it sulking. Others would just call it moping. She called it completely warranted.

"Commander? You have visitors."

"Not interested," she replied tonelessly, closing her eyes.

"Aww. Damn. I feel so loved." She opened her eyes as Joker stepped in, leaning heavily on his long-distance crutch. "How you feeling?"

Shepard managed a weak smile. "Mm."

"That bad, huh?" Joker settled down on the edge of her bed.

"Getting better." She picked at the sheets. "Just wish it'd go faster."

"Hey." He poked her leg. "You have no right to complain there, Commander. Now you just get to see life through the eyes of Joker."

She let one edge of her mouth tuck up in a grin. "Now I see why you're such a miserable old coot all the time."

"Old?!" Joker protested. "I'll show you old. Just . . . Let me get my . . . Crutch up here . . ." Shepard laughed and managed to grab one side of his cruch. "Hey! I need that!"

Kaidan was halfway down the hall when he heard a noise he hadn't in a year - Shepard actually laughing, not forced, not rough. Just a pure, honest laugh. He picked up his pace, grinning when he spotted Tali and an unknown woman in naval blues - the same skirted dress uniform Shepard favored, actually - outside her room. Through the mirror he spotted Joker halfheartedly wresting his crutch from Shepard, who let go of it to keep the man from falling off the edge of her hospital bed.

"Christ, you been lifting weights or something?" Joker barked, protectively hugging his crutch to his chest.

Now that Kaidan thought about it, they were  _both_  more animated than they'd been in months.

"It's good to hear that, isn't it?" Tali asked quietly. Kaidan nodded.

"Yeah. It is."

"Then I understand she hasn't for some time," the unknown female said. Kaidan's eyes widened as his head jerked around.

"EDI?"

"Yes," she replied with a nod. She was even wearing a cap with her uniform - how it was staying on, he wasn't sure. "It is good to see you, Major Alenko."

Kaidan blinked several times. "But, how -"

"I managed to reactivate her today," Tali said. She sounded proud. "Her processors and platform were far more intricate than the geth's."

"How much do you remember?" Kaidan asked. EDI blinked.

"My last back-up was between the attack on Cronos Station, and the attack on Earth. I do not remember anything after getting information on the Crucible. Tali'Zorah has since filled me in."

The quarian held up her hand. "I've been poking at your platform for over two years, EDI. I think we're past the surnames."

"Very well, Tali." She nodded with a small smile. "And thank you."

"Don't mention it." Tali nodded at the door. "Are you going to say hello?"

EDI glanced at Kaidan, who nodded. "If you want. Just . . . Don't ask her about the battle. She doesn't remember much anyway."

The AI nodded. "I will keep that in mind."

And with that, EDI stepped through the door. Shepard didn't look up for a second, Joker busy entertaining her with some comment or story or another. From the looks of her face and his hand motions, he may have been recounting the meeting he and Kaidan had recently been forced to attend where an elcor accidentally tripped and knocked over Sparatus and Velarn. He had just been in the process of trying to demonstrate with his hands the way the salarian and turian had ended up tangled when Shepard glanced at the door and froze, her eyes widening.

"E-EDI?"

EDI stood awkwardly by the door. "Hello, Shepard," she replied.

"I . . . But I thought . . ." She glanced between Kaidan, Joker, and Tali. "I don't understand."

"The geth were reactivated a couple of months ago." She nodded. Kaidan had told her. "I just extended the same idea to EDI and her platform. And you can see it worked out."

"I . . . It's good to see you," she said finally. That nagging feeling that she'd been the cause of EDI's sudden deactivation, and the  _Normandy_ 's crash, flared up somewhere. But she wasn't sure and it didn't matter. EDI was here, the geth were here, the crew had made it back completely safely.

"Hey," Kaidan interrupted gently. She looked up at him. "Want to go for a walk? Or, um . . ." When her face fell, he cleared his throat. "By that I mean you get to sit around while I cater to your every need, as usual."

Joker made a whipping motion, and Kaidan glared at him.

"Heh. I suppose when you put it that way." She raised an eyebrow. "Where are we going?"

"Just around. I brought you clothes if you want." He held up the bag in his hands. "I thought it might be a nice change from the hospital gown."

"Sure. Give me a second." She paused, then glanced down at her legs. Kaidan shook his head.

"You won't have to worry about pants if you don't want to."

"Man, I never get that luxury," Joker complained. Shepard pulled off his hat and tossed it into a nearby chair. "Ow! Hey! That thing's stuck on, you know!"

"Go on, shoo," she chided. Joker held out his hand and EDI helped him to his feet, letting him fetch his hat, and the trio left. Kaidan helped Shepard swing her legs over the side of the bed and undid the ties on the back of her hospital gown.

"What's wrong?" he said quietly when his hand unintentionally brushed her bare back. He could feel her shaking.

"It's . . . It's nothing," she replied. He sat down next to her and caught her chin between his thumb and forefinger.

"Hey. Talk to me."

"It's, um . . ." She tried to look away, but he held her still.

"Marrakech . . . sweetheart." Her eyes darted away as she swallowed nervously.

"It's just that you h-haven't seen me since -"

Kaidan tilted her head, leaning into her lips. Shepard froze for a second before letting him pull her gently into his arms. He pulled back from the kiss just far enough that their noses touched, their eyes still partially lidded.

"Why are you so worried?" he asked quietly. "You don't think I'd love you any less, do you?"

She swallowed, shifting slightly, though she made no attempt to push away from him. "I just . . . I don't want to lose you the way I've lost everything else to this war. And . . . I know it's me being stupid."

"Yeah. It is." He gently pressed a flurry of kisses along her jaw, satisfied when she leaned her head back the smallest bit and a small sigh slipped through her lips. "I'm not leaving." He pulled back again and looked down at her seriously. "I'm not. I promise."

She smiled weakly. "I know. Like I said, I know I'm being stupid."

"Well." He rubbed her back, then shook out the shirt in his bag and handed it to her. Shepard pulled it on, requiring his help when she lost track of her hands at once point, and followed it with the comfortable pair of track pants he'd brought with him. Once dressed, he took her hands in his seriously.

"All right," he said. "You want to try it?"

Shepard glanced over at her wheelchair, sitting folded in a corner of her room. "I . . . yes," she said finally, looking back over at him with a serious nod. "Yeah."

"All right." Kaidan positioned himself next to her, and wrapped his arm around her waist. She looped hers around his neck, half-turning into him. "On three." Shepard nodded. "Right. One. Two. Three."

Kaidan helped her to her feet. Her grip around his neck tightened as she adjusted to having her feet on the floor, but she nodded. "All right."

"Okay. Easy now." Each step felt like it took an hour, but they made it to the wheelchair with only a few near-falls when her knee had nearly collapsed beneath them and one of her ankles had twisted. But Kaidan had been ready and within five minutes he was helping her settle down in her wheelchair. "Want a blanket?"

Shepard glanced down at her legs. It was hard to tell through the track pants but her legs were  _just_  beginning to regain any muscle and looked small and chickeny. "Yeah," she said, suddenly self conscious. Kaidan leaned forward and kissed her forehead, then pulled out a knit blanket from the bag.

"From my mom," he said, as he tucked it around her hips. "She made you a sweater too. Same type she sent me for Christmas that year on the SR1."

Shepard grinned, smoothing it down. It was the jewel-green blanket she'd watched Helena knit for several weeks and drooled over, then had never seen again."It's a lot nicer than the hospital blankets."

"Uh-huh," he agreed. "There we go." He finished and kissed her gently. "Now, don't try to get me to break you out or anything."

She scowled. "Damn."

Kaidan wheeled her out into the hallway and nodded as they passed a pair of nurses. Michael stopped them to check on Shepard for a few seconds, but she waved him off. She hadn't been on IVs or oxygen for over three months, after all - it wasn't her fault that the doctors had taken everything cautiously slow with her. Michael finally let them pass and Kaidan rolled her out of the hospital's PT wing.

"So. Where are we going?" Shepard asked.

"I thought you might want to get outside. There's a courtyard on the second floor." He rolled her into the elevator, and she leaned her head back on the wheelchair. Kaidan grinned down at her and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Sound good?"

"Sounds wonderful."

The elevator reopened and he pushed her out. Shepard leaned back again, looking up at him. He glanced back down and grinned. "What?"

"Just . . ." She smiled weakly. "Just thinking about how much I love you."

"Well." Shepard's head jerked up. Garrus was leaning against the open arch to the courtyard, arms crossed over his broad chest. "Look what the varren carried in."

"I feel like I should be offended by that," Kaidan replied. Garrus' mandibles flared as he reached out to tap one of Shepard's hands with a talon.

"How're you feeling, Shepard?"

She shrugged. "Okay. I haven't seen you that much."

"Someone let it slip that Wrex and I don't hate each other. Victus has had me helping make sure Wrex keeps the krogan and the Terminus fleet under control. Same with Zaeed. It's kept me a bit too busy to make hospital runs, you know?"

Shepard grinned. "It's fine. Someone has to keep Wrex in line."

"Isn't that the truth." Garrus glanced up. "Everyone's here, Kaidan."

Shepard looked up. "Everyone?"

Garrus grinned again and stepped through, letting Kaidan wheel her out. Shepard gasped.

When Garrus had said everyone, he'd meant  _everyone_. It was where Joker, EDI, and Tali had apparently disappeared to, Joker already having stolen one of the benches with Jack perched on the arm next to him. Wrex and Grunt were on the other side of the balcony talking to Cortez and James, all four apparently exchanging some sort of amusing story judging by the way James was motioning and Grunt kept punching one three-fingered hand with the other. The rest of the crew milled somewhere in between - Miranda and Liara leaning on the balcony with their backs to the door, probably plotting world domination, Kasumi perched on the bench next to Joker laughing about something with Tali, and Javik hovering back in the corner looking typically grumpy and likely muttering about primitives under his breath.

"Hey, there you are," Joker finally said. "We brought pizza." He held up a box, and Shepard couldn't help but stare helplessly at it. Miranda spun in a second, snatching the box out of his hands.

"Until I can be sure that there's no further damage you  _know_ -"

"It's just one piece," Joker protested. Shepard smiled weakly.

"No, no, it's fine," she said. "So. Wow. This really is almost everyone, isn't it?"

"No thanks to  _someone_ ," James said, casting a dark look at Javik. The Prothean shrugged.

"Celebrations were-"

"Punishable by death in the Empire," the most recent crew of the  _Normandy_  interrupted in unison. Javik scowled again.

Surrounded by everyone it was almost easy for her to forget, just for a moment, that she was still confined to her chair. It was exactly what it should have been. Her and her mismatched crew of misfits, just having crested over the point where they would want to kill one another and could stand on a small hospital balcony for several hours just so she wasn't celebrating alone. It wasn't about her, which was how she'd preferred it.

Three hours later, just as it was falling dark, Kaidan quietly returned to the corner where she was laughing with Wrex and Javik. He had never been happier to have planned this with Joker several weeks before - now that EDI was back, and Shepard was in decent spirits, nothing could have been better than this. And he was sure that she hadn't laughed this much, or this honestly, for months. Perhaps years.

"Hey," he said, leaning over her. "I don't want to cut this off, but . . ."

"Right. Humans celebrate by blowing shit up," Wrex said gruffly.

"Vancouver's doing fireworks?" Shepard looked up at Kaidan. "Considering that there've been a million new cases of stress disorders that all involve shit blowing up?"

"You know the human race," Kaidan replied with a shrug. "Have a lot of things blow up, blow up more things to celebrate it. Do you want to try it out, or . . ."

Shepard pursed her lips, then ducked her head with a sigh. "I'd really . . . Er . . ." She cleared her throat. "I think I'll pass on the fireworks."

Wrex chuckled and patted the arm of her wheelchair, making it creak. He gave the chair a dubious look. "Get your ass better, Shepard. Bakara's talking about naming the next one after you if you don't hurry up and start walking."

"Well. We can't have that," Shepard retorted. Wrex laughed.

Fifteen minutes later they'd said their farewells - everyone had to go back to whatever they'd been doing, after all - and Kaidan had wheeled her back to her room, folding the blanket over the end of her bed. "You ready?"

"Yeah." She held out her hand, and Kaidan took it then wrapped his arm back around her waist. "No, no, let me try."

Kaidan scrutinized her for a second. "Shepard-"

"I trust you. You're not going to let me fall."

"Okay. Just . . . hold on, all right? If anything happens I'm going to hear it from your doctors."

She gave him a small smile. "I'm sure nothing's going to happen."

Kaidan held out his arm, letting her grip onto it. "All right. Ready?"

"Yeah." He braced himself as she pulled herself to her feet, teeth clenched with the effort. She wobbled slightly, and he stuck out his hand to steady her. "I'm fine!" she snapped.

"Okay," he placated. Shepard got her feet steady underneath her and nodded. "Ready?"

"Yeah." She carefully took a step forward, and Kaidan made sure to match it. They kept it up, Shepard taking the smallest, most carefully placed step forward, and Kaidan making sure to keep her exact pace as she clung to his arm for dear life. Her face was set in that grim determination she met everything on the battlefield with, and he felt it tug at his heart.

God, he loved her.

It took them some time to make their way to the bed despite its short distance, and Shepard collapsed down on it. Exhaustion had already started to show on her face, both from the exertion of walking almost on her own and from being surrounded by people for the first time in months. Kaidan kicked off his boots, laying back on the bed and holding out his arms. Shepard sighed, scooting back so she could swing her legs onto the cot and snuggling back into his chest. "You all right?" he asked. She nodded, curling into him. Kaidan held her against him, twining his fingers over her waist.

"Shouldn't be celebrating like this," she said quietly. Kaidan lifted his head. "Should be doing more. You know."

He chuckled. "I, uh, might have taken you up on that," he said, tilting her head. "But then I remembered that Miranda was around here, and she has that 'Shepard-Is-Doing-Something-Stupid' sense that starts tingling every time you do something she disapproves of." She laughed. "Besides. There will be  _plenty_  of time for that."

Shepard smiled tiredly.

Fortunately she was asleep by the time the fireworks began. Kaidan didn't leave, letting his eyes droop closed.

No, this was a perfectly fine way to celebrate.


	11. Chapter 10: The Walk

 

_**The Walk** _

Shepard grit her teeth as she looked up at the long track in front of her, lined on either side by white guiderails. Her physical therapist was blabbering something in her ear until she finally turned back.

"Doc," she interrupted. "Walk down to the other end. Yeah. I've done it fifty times."

"Er. Right." He nodded. "Go ahead, then."

Shepard had finally put her foot down the day after the one year anniversary of the Reaper's defeat. She was done pussyfooting around. She had decided it was no longer appropriate to sit around moping in her hospital bed, and that her PT should be moving forward more quickly than it was. She could walk, she was sure of it - perhaps not unassisted - but she just needed them to give her the chance. And more than that, she was bored and tired of being in the hospital. She didn't want back in the field, not quite yet (and maybe never, if she stopped to think), but she just wanted out.

Shepard gripped the bars, staring at the end. She was at least standing on her own, she reasoned, as she tentatively picked up her foot and placed it in front of her. Encouraged that she wasn't falling over she repeated the motion.

The primary problem was still muscle mass. While hers regenerated far faster than most, thanks namely to Cerberus, it had still been slow to regain. Previously her legs had had difficulty supporting her weight, heavier namely from the Cerberus implants, but after they'd focused on regaining that muscle mass she was quickly remastering the art of walking without falling on her face.

The problem was of course making sure that the brain didn't continue to overcompensate.

She took five steps. This was the longest they'd tried to get her to walk, previously concerned about the interplay of her pinned femur and growing muscle base. But she was going to do it, even if she hurt like a bitch later. Because the only thing she wanted to do at the moment was escape the confines of the hospital and do something.

Shepard glanced up about halfway down the path, spotting Kaidan leaning up against the far wall. She grinned, ignoring the way her new muscles were protesting her attempts to walk. He grinned back.

When she made it to the end of the path she was breathing heavier than she would have liked, but she turned and grinned triumphantly at the therapist. He made a few notes in his datapad, looking suitably unimpressed.

"I want to try you with a cane next time," he said finally. "But I think we'll wrap it for the day.

Kaidan's heart nearly fell when she looked up at him, pain in her eyes. The therapist helped her back to her wheelchair and Kaidan waved him off. "I've got this."

"He has the bedside manner of a fucking log," Shepard snapped when they were out of earshot, resting her head in her hand. Kaidan reached down and rubbed her shoulder.

"You're walking, though," he said. "Do you remember when you tried to stand on your own and cut your back open? Do you think you would've been able to do this then?"

Shepard huffed. "Why do you have to be sparkles and sunshine all the time?"

Kaidan frowned. She was just upset because of her circumstances, he knew. She wanted to walk on her own again. She wanted to be up and about and doing things. She hated being confined to her bed or her wheelchair when not under direct supervision, and she hated everyone doing everything for her. She just wanted freedom back.

But it didn't make her question sting less.

"Because," he said finally, as they entered the elevator. "You're doing a piss-poor job at seeing how far you've come."

"I'm a very negative person. My cup is half-empty and has a hole at the bottom."

"Marra-"

"Just stop, Kaidan. Please."

He sighed. "All right just ... try to see how great you've been, all right?"

She echoed his sigh, lifting up a hand and resting it on his. "All right," she replied. "I'll try."

"That's all I can ask for." He kissed the top of her head and began to push the chair as the elevator doors opened to her floor.

#

A month later later, Shepard was finally allowed to walk with a cane without supervision, provided she didn't attempt to escape. They also moved her to a new room due to the doctors merely continuing to supervise her, with the promise that she might be out in anywhere from one to two weeks. Her new room had a far better view, and a week after her move that was exactly where she was sitting.

The Sol relay, and reportedly many others, were repaired. Some, mostly those furthest away from Sol, had received only minimal damage. While a few had reportedly been activated, there were no reports about whether or not the mercy or pirates that had used them survived.

She'd been worried that whatever had deactivated the Reapers and destroyed the Sol relay had lost energy on the way out, if it'd needed to travel across the entire galaxy, and that it may not have deactivated every Reaper. And back in her mind the Leviathans still lurked. But there had been no indication that Reapers hadn't been deactivated -- in fact, all reports indicated that most of them had quickly traveled to Earth when the Citadel had been moved, leaving only their fellows on Tuchanka, Palaven and Thessia. And she thought that any Reapers out there would at least be weakened, and probably defeat-able when found.

Hopefully defeat-able, at least.

There was talk about, if the relay team survived their run through it, moving the Citadel back to the Widow Nebula as the last act of the Victory Fleet. Of course, a few of the remaining human politicians did not support this. Shepard had mentioned during Hackett's last visit that humanity keeping the Citadel in Alliance space would be an enduring mistake. The Citadel needed to be in neutral space, a neutral gathering area. What would happen when a war would undoubtedly break out, when each species slowly forgot the Reaper War's atrocity or another species rose into the galaxy without that knowledge? The next she knew, it was as if the human politicians protesting the Citadel's move changed their tune more rapidly than anything she'd ever seen. Out of no where, humanity added their vote to that of the other races, unanimously deciding to dedicate funds to determining how to relocate the mostly-repaired station.

It hadn't been hard, once the geth were reactivated. And somehow the Keepers, despite possessing Reaper technology and disappearing for several months just after the battle, had apparently survived the blast and nearly repaired the arms before the Victory Fleet, needing something to do, held them back onto the Presidium until the mechanisms for the ward arms could be repaired. People were even able to move back into their homes, and the Council had taken residence back up in the Citadel Tower.

The first team was going through the relay, and as she glanced at her open datapad, she allowed herself a small smile. The only thing the team going through the relay had asked for was a direct line to Shepard as well as Mission Command.

"You guys all right?" she asked into the vidscreen on her 'tool.

:: _Doing fine so far, ma'am._ :: The ship was completely volunteer-crewed by veterans of a number of different species. The captain was a human who'd lost his entire family in the initial attack on Earth, his second-in-command a turian who had lost her entire squad and her entire family on Palaven. They didn't particularly care that it was likely a one-way trip. :: _Coming up on the Sol Relay now._ ::

"Don't worry. You'll be fine."

:: _I'm sure we will be, ma'am._ :: He glanced into the screen.

"Really, you can stop with the ma'aming. It makes me feel like my mother." She didn't know how often she'd had to tell him that.

The captain flashed a small grin in her direction.

:: _Entering the relay, sir. Calculating approach run and initiating transmission sequence._ ::

:: _Hands to posts. Prepare for anything._ :: There was the distinct sound of the turian, somewhere in the back. She managed to spot her as she darted back behind the captain.

:: _Relay is connected. Calculating transit mass and destination._ :: Shepard bit the inside of her lip. This was nerve-racking. :: _Relay is hot. Acquiring approach vector_.::

"You ready?"

:: _Never readier, Commander._ :: The tension around his mouth belied it. After all, the last ship they'd sent through had been torn to shreds rather than successfully navigating the relay jump.

:: _Approach vector acquired. All stations secure for transit._ ::

The Captain found a seat, strapping in. Shepard closed her eyes.

If this didn't work . . .

:: _The board is green, approach run has begun._ ::

"Good luck, Captain."

:: _Glad to have you around, ma'am._ :: This time the tension was in his voice. Shepard grinned.

"Wouldn't have missed it," she replied gently.

:: _Hitting the relay in three. Two. One._ ::

Shepard could almost feel the tug of the relay in her implants. Her commlink fizzled, the image collapsing into fuzzy static. "Captain?"

She, and likely everyone else linked into the ship, waited with baited breath. For what felt like an hour but was less than half a minute, the galaxy held its breath.

Then there was one shout on the other end. Not a shout like one was being torn apart and sucked into the vacuum of space, but one where someone who had been holding their breath released it in a loud  _whoop_  of triumph. It was followed by another as the commlink image re-established, and the captain's face swam into view.

:: _The ship went dark for a second_ ,:: he explained, the tension almost completely gone around his mouth and eyes. :: _But the mass effect core held, and we're through the relay._ ::

Someone on one of the other vid-feeds, probably what passed as mission control, shrieked triumphantly.

:: _We will have to test the other relays before further explorations can be done, but technicians are reporting that most were not as heavily damaged as Sol,_ :: Velarn interjected from one of the feeds. :: _With a few further tweaks we should be capable of repairing the relay to a point where it will not short out mass effect cores the way your engineers are reporting. Give it a few hours to cool off, and attempt to come back through._ ::

:: _Aye-aye, sir._ ::

"Good job, Captain."

:: _Thank you, ma'am. And thanks for being along for it._ ::

"I wouldn't have missed it," she replied. He nodded. "Good luck coming back through."

:: _Thank you, ma'am._ ::

As the feed cut, Shepard leaned back in her seat and smiled. Finally. The relays being reactivated couldn't have come at a better time. The tenuous peace that had existed between the Victory Fleet was truly wearing thin. Each species wanted to get back to their own systems to fix, repair, and rebuild, and the tension had been starting to show. This was best for everyone.

Even if  _that_  meant it could be years before she'd see her friends again.

Shepard stared out over the skyline of Vancouver, still slowly fixing structural issues. That was all on humanity - the other races had only agreed to help get power, water, and other essential grids back online, and then only in the largest cities, and reliant on humanity's agreement to render assistance similarly once the relays were reopened. So the cranes in the distance were all human; the ships hovering and holding pieces of skyscrapers all marked with the Systems Alliance symbol. She opened a book on her omni-tool, leaning back in her chair, and quickly lost track of time. 

"The launch went well." Shepard looked over her shoulder, closing the book she was reading on her omni-tool.

"Admiral."

Hackett grasped one of the chairs, spinning and dragging it to sit next to her. They were silent for a few moments, staring out over the rebuilding city.

"How are you feeling?"

"Well enough." She gave him a strong smile, though she knew that he would see through it. "I've been better. But I'm more than ready to get the hell out of here, sir."

He nodded. "I assume you want to be cleared for duty as quickly as possible?"

He must have caught the noticeable pause before her answer. "Yes."

"You sure, Commander?"

"Yes, sir."

Hackett leaned back against his chair, glancing from the window to her. "Back on the  _Normandy_."

"I-if possible, sir."

Hackett was quiet for a while again. "Well," he finally continued. "The Alliance wants to promote you. Captain or Major, whichever you want. They say it's long overdue. I agree."

"Thanks. I think."

"Hell, I'd make you an Admiral. You've more than earned it, and with the Alliance stretched so thin..." He shook his head. "However, I'm not sure that clearing you for duty is-"

"I don't ..." Shepard swallowed heavily. "I'm not ready for the field. Not yet. Maybe not ever." If the Reapers had taken that from her, and she counted it her only loss, it was a fair trade. "But let me be on the  _Normandy_." Hackett studied her, scarred face making him look far more intimidating that she knew he was. "I've grown up in two places - Arcturus and ships. Being out there, being on the Normandy, even if I'm not doing anything, would be a thousand times better than being stuck here, knowing I could be out there just ... doing logistics, or harassing crew. I need something, Admiral. I can't just sit here moping and if I make another scarf, I might strangle someone with it."

Hackett looked back out the window, silent for a long time. Finally he cleared his throat. "Problems seem to be at a minimum at the moment," he said finally. "However now that the relays are being proven safe for travel, they will likely increase. I will need the  _Normandy_  and the  _Ain Jalut_  out doing reconnaissance, you understand." She nodded, heart already beginning to sink, and opened her mouth. Hackett raised his hand. "I came here because I had another suggestion."

Shepard nodded, and he continued. "I'm worried about you. You're a hell of a soldier, and always have been. But all accounts seem to show that the Reapers dealt you a blow you will not recover from." Shepard swallowed and looked away. "But there are other ways for you to continue the work you've been doing."

"You want me to take the open seat on the Council."

Hackett nodded. "We need someone there dedicated to humanity but cognizant of the other species' existence. Anderson was an excellent councilor, but ..."

"Admiral, I am  _not_  a diplomat."

"Aren't you? Curing the genophage then wrestling the salarians into aiding us despite it, ending the quarian-geth war through an armistice, bringing the Terminus clans in beside Council forces ... You united a galaxy, Shepard. You limit yourself by not recognizing your skill for diplomacy."

"It's not that. It's that diplomacy is a lot easier when you're carrying a shotgun."

Hackett chuckled. "The shotgun is your name, Commander. Who would threaten forces knowing that they have you behind them?" She was quiet. He looked back out the window. "You would retire as a full Admiral. It's the least the Alliance can do. If you ever chose to leave or were removed from office , as Anderson did, you would return as an Admiral, if you wanted. Hell, you could decide to sit on a beach in the Caribbean for the rest of your life and no one would claim you owed them anything."

"I don't expect that to happen," Shepard said ruefully. Hackett chuckled.

"No, neither do I."

They were silent for a while, Hackett studying the activity outside as Shepard stared at the wall. She finally cleared her throat. "I don't know. Maybe someday. But right now, I'm too ... I don't know."

"Just think about it," Hackett replied. "The acting councilor is doing a fair job for the moment. We're just in agreement that you may be a better fit for the role."

Shepard cast him a dubious look. "Sir, aren't you the current acting councilor?"

"Like I said, we both think you could do a better job." He stood and gently rested his hand on her shoulder. "Non-humans respect, even love you. The geth and the krogan all-but worship you. At least consider it."

"I will, sir." Shepard didn't look back as he walked to the door, preparing to leave, or as it swung open before he could reach it. "Major."

"Admiral." As Hackett left, Kaidan kissed the side of her head and took the admiral's vacant seat. "How's today?"

"We've made it through the mass relay," Shepard replied brightly. "So it's a good day."

He opened his arms, and she used her cane to lever herself to her feet long enough to swivel and settle down on his lap. "You're getting good with that," he commented as she settled herself against his chest, resting her head on his shoulder.

"I'm practicing," she replied. "I want out of here, Kaidan."

"Mm," he replied. "I know. And you'll be out of here before you know it."

"That's not what I mean. I've been ground side too long." She lifted her head. "I like this. I really do. Being on a planet, not worried that a random hull breech might be the death of me. But that's all I've known. I want to be back out there."

Kaidan nodded, hooking his fingers together over her hip. "Then I guess it's no good asking if you want the orchard house. Mom offered it to us."

Shepard sighed. "Maybe. I don't know. It's ..."

"Hackett brought all this up? What'd he want?"

She sighed again and adjusted slightly, burying her face more against his neck. "He wants me to take the Council seat."

"You turned him down?"

"I need time to think."

"Fair. Did you ask him to let you back on the  _Normandy_?"

She nodded. "He may. I don't know. I just want to be somewhere that isn't here. Somewhere with you."

He smiled and reached up to tilt her head, gently pressing his lips to hers for the smallest second. "Don't worry, you will be. Also, we need to talk about getting married."

"Right." She sighed. "I'm a captain, right? I can preside over a marriage?"

He chuckled. "I don't think you can preside over your own."

"Damn. In light of that I say a nice, quiet ceremony with just the crew and our mothers. Or just our mothers. I don't want any big thing, I don't want media or anyone to even know it happened until afterwards." Kaidan hummed and let his fingers trail through her hair, finally back to its original length. He remembered how thrilled she'd been to finally have it back. "I just want us."

"As much as I want to make nearly every man and a sizable number of women and asari jealous ..." He grinned when she laughed, nuzzling his neck. "I think we can do that."

"Good," she replied. "My life has been enough of a media circus."


	12. Release

_**Release** _

Unfortunately for Shepard the rumors only desisted until the Council's first press conference the next week. As part of the mission team, she was behind Tevos as the asari announced that the relays were once again safe for travel, and that they would be moving the Citadel back to the Widow Nebula as soon as the logistics were worked out. Shepard was just visible to her rear left, behind Hackett, wearing her dress uniform again with her shiny new Major's stripes and leaning heavily on a hospital cane. Kaidan was next to her, his hand invisibly ready to support her if she suddenly lost her balance. This event was unlikely, as she'd basically regained a sizable amount of her muscle mass and figured out how to walk with the large rod permanently stabilizing her femur.

A couple of days later, someone reviewing the footage examined it and noticed that Shepard was wearing jewelry. Not any jewelry, but jewelry that looked suspiciously like either a wedding or engagement band. Like all good journalists, they did their research and determined that a very similar ring had been "sold" by a jeweler on the Citadel, who had managed to survive and recalled it being picked up by a "mysterious-looking hooded woman" about two weeks after the second human Spectre had commissioned it. She'd said she was an official representative of the Spectre in question, showed a written authorization, and he was sure she'd swiped a museum quality eighth dynasty jade bracelet he'd had on display on her way out.

In fact, she had seemed rather gleeful about the whole affair, but he'd never heard from Spectre Alenko and so assumed that he'd either forgotten about or received the ring. When he was showed a high-quality still of Shepard's hand from the ceremony he had nodded profusely and said that was the ring he'd crafted.

The journalist did what any good, observant journalist would do when handed a story that had the potential to be either the most beautiful love story since Shakespeare or completely ruin two of the Alliance's best soldiers' careers.

He went straight to her editor holding the story, properly sensationalized.

She did what any good, solid extranet editor would do.

She published it.

EDI spotted the article first mere seconds after it was published (and about ten after hospital visiting hours had closed), coupled with frantic chatter from the Alliance. Joker, although he seemed rather amused by it to the rest of the crew, managed to seem concerned when he passed off the article simply titled  _Both Human Spectres Engaged - To One Another?_ to Kaidan.

The next morning as soon as the hospital opened Kaidan rushed to Shepard's room, finding her sitting in her usual spot by the window. He closed the door behind him, a numb feeling in his gut. "So," she asked, the edge of a wry tone in her otherwise flat voice. "Honorable or dishonorable discharge?"

"Shepard, I don't-"

"Really they can't discharge us," she continued, almost as if she hadn't heard him. "We're both Spectres. Nothing in the rules saying Spectres can't fraternize. And we did just save their asses. You'd think they could be a little grateful."

"It's the press. That isn't really in their dictionary."

Shepard shook her head as he sat next to her. "No. It really isn't." She sighed, and looked down at her hands. "I don't care that the press knows. I just ... I didn't want ... I wanted something in my personal life to stay personal. I wanted  _us_  to stay personal. I wanted to have something that was mine. But everything gets plastered all over the extranet and ..." She dug her palm into her eye. "I just want one minute where I'm not the only thing in the public eye. For God's sake, the mass relays just fucking opened. You'd think they'd have enough to deal with talking about how everyone fared over a year of separation! But no, let's have an over zealous reporter dig into Shepard's personal life  _just_ for kicks. It wasn't Al-Jilani, was it?"

"No. She was on the Citadel when it got moved. She's been dealing with the war fallout with nearly zero interest in you. Whatever happened to her seems to have gotten that bug out of her for the time being."

"That's a first."

"I wouldn't get used to it."

"Noted." She looked over at Kaidan, and he reached out to grasp her hand. She looked like half of her world had crumbled, and he knew why. She'd worked so hard to have exemplary service records - the Aratoht Incident had been the first major things to happen, as stealing the  _Normandy_  had been overshadowed in the wake of the Battle of the Citadel. But this ... this was a personal thing, something she tried very hard to keep away from the media. She knew her service record would stand on its own. And she knew this was part of the hero job, having every little bit of her life drug out for public view, even in the wake of the Reaper War...

But the look in her eyes bore far more pain than it should. Concern, really. Pained concern, maybe.

"What's the Alliance saying?" she asked quietly.

"Surprisingly not much, except - and I believe these were his exact words - Hackett's on the verge of making another media storm by telling a reporter that you'd saved everyone's ass and they could be a bit more respectful." Shepard smiled weakly. "The Council though ..."

"Oh God."

"I think you'll, uh, like it less than the fact that the news is out."

She winced. "That bad?"

He paused, searching her face. "Rumor is - from Hackett - that they want a flashy ceremony. Something for morale. The Alliance looks like they're going to agree."

Shepard stared at him, wide-eyed, then shook her head. "No. No, no, no, absolutely not, I am not getting married in some god-damn frilly hullabaloo."

He smiled weakly. "We may not have a choice."

Shepard glared out the window, almost as if she were judging the world at large. Kaidan smiled slightly and ducked his head. There she was. "I fucking hate the universe," she complained. "Why can't I ever have something the way I want it? I wanted to shoot Harbinger in the face. That didn't happen. I wanted to - fine. Just, fine. I don't even care anymore." She leaned forward, letting her head settle in her hands. "I don't know. I just wanted quiet."

He sighed. "I know, sweetheart. So did I. But you know, well, everyone and ..."

"It's not like you or I are that apt to disagree."

"No." She blinked, then looked at him and grinned with all the brilliance of a plan striking her like a freight shuttle. "Hey. Can't we get someone to marry us privately the way we want, then-"

"I think they'd find out."

She huffed. "Well, I'm going to make some calls."

Kaidan grinned, reaching forward to take her hands. "You do that," he said. "I'm not happy about it either."

Shepard leaned forward and rested her forehead on his. "I love you," she murmured, intertwining their fingers. Kaidan let his free fingers play over her neck, tilting her head to kiss her.

"I love you too," he murmured.

"The things I am gonna do to you when we get out of here ..."

Kaidan grinned, brushing her lips with his thumb. "And the things I'm gonna to let you do while planning my triumphant comeback."

Shepard replied with a surprisingly girly laugh. "I bet something will be coming back, at least."

"Heh. Stop it, Commander. You'll make me blush."

"Maybe I like it when you blush. Maybe-"

"Am I interrupting something?" Like a shot the two broke apart. Kaidan's hand instantly rose to the back of his neck, and Shepard's posture got five hundred times better. Her therapist chuckled. "Ready, Major?"

She nodded, and Kaidan stood then stooped to kiss her forehead. "I'll, uh, be back later, sweetheart."

"You'd better."

She waited for Kaidan to leave before settling down in the chair opposite Shepard. "How are you feeling today?"

Shepard shrugged. "I'm sure you've heard the news."

Alawai nodded. "And?"

"I'm fucking pissed." Shepard played with her hands for a few seconds. "But that's not what you're here for. You're here for the PTSD."

"I'm here for whatever you-"

"And right now I want to resolve that shit, all right? I don't want to think about this."

"Fair enough." She made a note. "How have the nightmares been?"

Shepard played with her hands, spinning her ring around her finger. "I keep seeing this kid," she said finally. "The same kid from before. Only ... not."

"How so?"

"It's glowy. Like a ghost. I don't ... is that even supposed to mean something? It-"

"What else happens?"

She shook her head. "Just ... fire, then. Like an explosion. Then nothing."

"Nothing?"

"I wake up." Alawai made a note. "What does that mean? Isn't that something like dying in the dream?"

"Dream analysis is a pseudoscience," Alawai replied. "It just means you woke up. However, this sounds like a flashback . . . which may mean we misjudged."

"Misjudged what?"

"Doctors initially attributed your event amnesia - after all, you remember nothing after your confrontation with the Illusive Man, or so you've told me - to an injury you sustained in a secondary explosion, but if it were psychologically-based rather than a result of the skull fracture you received afterwards . . ."

She leaned forward. "Think of it this way," Alawai continued softly. "You go through something that hurts so badly, that is so painful you can't stand it, and if you remembered it later in full, the amount of pain it would cause you may be too much to bear. It's a self-protection mechanism by your own mind. It's similar to how you don't remember your death." Shepard nodded. "Perhaps whatever occurred on the Citadel would be too traumatic to remember in its entirety, and therefore your brain is filtering it out."

Alawai leaned back in her chair again, then shrugged. "Or not. It's just a theory, really. It could also merely be a side-effect of the PTSD. Were you able to sleep afterwards?"

"Not really." Shepard sighed and looked away. "I just . . . and then . . . then I feel like what happened to the synthetics, to the geth and EDI . . . maybe it was my fault."

"Did this glowing child say anything?"

"I . . . he did, but . . . I don't remember."

She nodded and made another note. "Did you smell anything?"

"What?"

"Could you make out a smell?"

Shepard thought for a long time, perhaps several minutes. Alawai waited patiently. "It was like I was standing too close to a drive core," she said finally. "That metallic smell that you get when you just walk into an engine room."

Another note. "Feel anything?"

"No. Not . . . not really." Her implants had hummed, though, again like she'd been standing too close to the  _Normandy_ 's drive core.

A nod and a note. "Taste?"

"Does blood count?"

Another note. "It certainly sounds more like a flashback, in my opinion."

"I didn't think flashbacks happened at nig-"

"They don't. But they can occur when you're waking up." She made yet another note. "Have you had any problems falling asleep? Irritability? Hypervigilance?"

"I'm always hypervigilant. I have been since Elysium."

"Hm." Yet another note. "Startle response?"

"Not anymore."

"The other two?"

"Yes."

"Any desire to avoid situations reminding you of the event, or have we worked through that?"

"I asked Hackett to go back on the  _Normandy_. So I would say that's resolved."

"Any other persistent thoughts from the war? We've focused mostly on the Citadel, but I'd like to start going further back."

Shepard stared out the window. "Two things," she said. "Stopping the coup on the Citadel was rough, but I've seen dead civilians before. Same with helping Aria T'Loak with Omega. Banshees will never  _not_  be terrifying, so I think even normal people have nightmares about them. But . . . leaving Earth, knowing I had to leave everything behind . . . that comes back, sometimes. And Thessia."

"What about when your fiance was injured on Mars?"

She rubbed her hands together. "I wasn't going to talk about that."

"Does that ever come back?"

Shepard nodded quietly. "Not often, now that I know nothing happened. I more have nightmares where he . . ." She swallowed. "Where he doesn't recover." She didn't need to go into the fact that they were nightmares where she was holding him in the empty medical bay, Chakwas trapped in an R&D lab on the Citadel, watching as the monitors she'd managed to hook him to showed his heart stopping as he slipped away from her.

That was something Alawai didn't need to know.

"Hm." She made a note. "And Thessia?"

"The fact that we couldn't save it." Shepard shook her head. "But  _nothing_ 's blocked. I remember it all. I remember watching buildings fall on Earth, I remember the screaming on Thessia, I remember Leng. I don't know why I can't remember the damn Citadel."

"If you ever find out, let us know. I'll write a paper on it." She looked up and gave her a thin smile. "Do you think it's because you don't want to remember?"

Shepard shrugged. "Maybe I don't. How could I tell, if I can't remember?"

"Gut feeling? Instinct? If you ever find out, let me know the answer to that one, too."

Shepard just sighed and stared out the window.

#

"Look who's getting out of prison."

Shepard looked up, grinning as James leaned on the doorframe. Her doctor glanced up, then pointed at another part of the datapad. She signed it.

"Look who's . . . what are you, an N5?

"Yep, figured my 'meritorious service' during the War under an N7 covered most of my training. And  _damn_ , Lola, your legs go for miles, don't they?"

She ran a hand over the dress skirt of her new blues. "Aren't you afraid Kaidan might kill you for looking at his merchandise?"

"Nah. Sparkles knows I'm spoken for." Shepard grinned, reaching for her cane to push herself off the bed.

"Resorting to Sparkles now? Still haven't found a good nickname?"

"He ignores me until I call 'im Major or Alenko."

Shepard chuckled, then looked back over at the doctor as she steadied herself. "Thanks, doc," she said. He waved his hand.

"It's been a pleasure, Major. It's about time you got out of here." He eyed her cane.

"I couldn't agree more."

"You should really be in a wheelchair."

Shepard didn't waste another second, just in case he'd try it, limping for the door as quickly as her cane would let her. James stepped out, letting her pass. "I take it Kaidan sent you to pick me up?"

"He didn't want you driving the skycar, to no one's great surprise." She smacked him with her cane. "Ow! Damn, Lola."

She laughed as they reached the skycar pick-up pad, currently taken up with a blue car bearing a large Alliance symbol. James opened the doors, and Shepard lowered herself down into the seat. "So Sparkles has one hell of a fiesta ready, you know."

Shepard chuckled. "I'm sure he does. Did he manage to keep it quiet?"

"Far as I know, the press doesn't even know you're out of the hospital."

She leaned her head on the window as the ship whizzed over Vancouver, one hand nervously adjusting her newest set of medals, awarded to her with barely any ceremony while she'd still be in the hospital on the occasion of the Council's sole visit to her room. It was similar to how she'd been promoted one rank, up to Major - the Alliance had recognized that they were too busy dealing with the cleanup to do a proper ceremony.

She was damn happy with it. They were too busy for pomp anyway.

This, though . . . this, she  _wanted_.

"Who all did he wrestle down here?"

"Lots of folk. He's already had to break up a fight between Lawson and Jack. No one's sure if they're going to rip out each other's jugulars or start makin' out."

"It'd better be the former. Joker's mean with those crutches."

"Jack already might know 'bout that." James glanced over as she crinkled her nose and laughed. "How'd that even happen, anyway?"

"I feel like I should blame an over-enthusiastic master thief and an invasive Cerberus yeoman," Shepard replied ruefully. "I think they had charts. Up to Horizon they had me pegged as sleeping with Garrus."

James snorted. "Scars? That's loco."

"Tell me about it."

The city gave way to acres of barely-damaged forest and hill land, marred here or there by the remains of a smallish town or the corpse of a dead Reaper, so far left untouched. Shepard stared out the window with great interest, waiting for whatever Kaidan's family's land looked like. Finally the skycar began to sink lower, and she glanced over at her driver.

"Don't worry, Lola, we're there."

It wasn't much at the moment - she was sure that was because trees sat untended, their caretakers occupied or otherwise incapable of caring for them in the war. James landed the car on a pad near a modest-looking home, though Shepard didn't really know what to call modest, since she'd never really been exposed to Earth houses. But it looked sort of modest, maybe on the upper end of modest, modest enough that it had avoided Reaper notice at least. James popped the doors, and hurried over to help her lever herself out of the car. Despite being back in decent physical condition her muscles weren't used to being often used at the moment, and they were starting to be a little confused as to why she wasn't laying in bed or why she'd been sitting scoop-like in the skycar.

"Where are we going?" she asked, steadying herself on her cane.

"Thank you, Lieutenant." James saluted when Hannah walked down the house's steps. "I'd go let Kaidan know that you're back."

"Yes, ma'am." He saluted, then winked at Shepard. "Knock us dead, Lola."

Hannah watched him leave, then shook her head. "I can't believe you and Kaidan are-"

"Conspiring to undermine the sovereign Alliance's attempts to meddle in our personal affairs?" Shepard retorted. Hannah smirked, then straightened her daughter's hat.

"You ready? This is the legal and binding bit, you know. The Alliance can do what they want later."

"I think so." She grinned back at her mother. "It's more important to him, I think."

She studied her daughter for a few seconds. "You're happy about this?"

It was phrased as a question, but Shepard knew if she answered "no" her mother's next action would be dangerously swift. "Kaidan's the only man I think I could ever love, mom. He's the only man since Elysium who's seen past the name and the uniform. He gets me. He's the first person in a long time who has."

Hannah nodded. "Just checking. Come on." She stepped to the side without the cane and motioned Shepard along. "By the way, I had to bribe half of your crew with booze. Who's going to cry?"

"Kasumi. You. Probably Mrs. Alenko. Can turians cry? I don't know. I don't have enough of a sample base."

"I suppose we're about to find out. Provided everyone hasn't already passed out while Vega was off fetching you from Vancouver."

"They won't have." She glanced over, leaning heavily on her cane as they rounded the house. Hannah reached out a hand to steady her. "I'm fine," she snapped.

"Don't backtalk me, Marrakech Amelia Shepard."

"Sorry. It's . . ." She looked down at her feet. "I'm sorry."

"It's hard. I know." Hannah touched her arm gently. "Trust me. I know."

Shepard smiled back at her again.

"Hey, look who it is." Jack was leaning on the corner of the house, wearing a plain Grissom Academy Instructor t-shirt and her usual cargo pants.

"Hey, look who put on a shirt," Shepard replied.

"I was told there was a dress code," she retorted. "Who the fuck made one of those?"

"I believe it was me," Hannah said pointedly.

"Hey, Admiral," she replied. "Figured it'd be you. C'mon, Shep. You're late."

"It's not my fault. If Vega had let me drive--"

"We wanted you here in one piece." Shepard half-leaned around Jack as Tali appeared next to the biotic, and she and the quarian quickly embraced. "It's so good to see you on two feet, Shepard."

"Yeah. What's it been?"

"Three months. I've been on full-time geth repair, then full-time Citadel repair. It's been busy."

"I know." She stepped back and grinned. "It's good to see you. Had you, uh . . ."

"Kal?" Tali asked. "We found him." Her tone seemed happier than Shepard had expected, and she quickly continued. "He and most of his team were actually alive, but running out of antibiotics. We made it just in time. They're recovering."

"Tali, that's . . . that's great!" Shepard had liked the quarian when she'd met him back on Haestrom, and she'd been able to tell that the duo had a . . . special connection. Very special. Tali had been crushed when they'd heard he'd been killed in action.

"Meanwhile," she said, taking another step back. "This is supposed to be a special day for you and Kaidan, isn't it?"

Shepard shrugged. "Supposed to be. Less, now that the Alliance is trying to usurp it."

She knew Tali well enough to recognize when she was grinning, even from behind her mask. "Well, we should hurry up before they can, right?"

"I'll go get the fuckers in line," Jack said, tapping her fingers to her head in a sarcastic salute. She and the quarian disappeared. Hannah and Shepard waited, and a few seconds later they heard her again. "All right you fu-guys, sit your asses down and shut up!"

"I can't believe they hired her to teach children," Hannah said quietly.

"She actually does really well. I take it Jacob's here?"

"With his son, yeah. Probably why she censored herself." Hannah looked over at her. "You ready?"

Shepard straightened her shoulders and nodded. "Ready as I'll ever be, I suppose."

 


	13. Chapter 12: Undermining Authority

_**Undermining Authority** _

Kaidan, as soon as Jack had made her typically vehement return and gotten everyone quiet, made his way to Joker. The pilot was sitting back in his chair, crutches leaning up against the back, in the first row. "You have them?"

"Oh, god, you gave me the rings, didn't you?" Joker said, going pale under his hat. "I totally left them on top of the console on the  _Normandy_  and ..." Kaidan raised an eyebrow, and twitched his fingers. Joker sighed, dug his hand into his pocket, and smacked a pair of simple silver bands into his palm. "I swore I had you that time."

"The problem is that your attempts at humor are no longer unexpected, Jeff," EDI said, as Jack settled down on Joker's other side. Joker glared at the AI.

"Laugh it up, EDI."

The hired officiant - a Baptist minister who'd lead an underground church during the war while simultaneously holding a sizable amount of the North American Federation's western territory against Reaper forces - tapped him on the arm. The amount that Shepard had promised him to keep the ceremony quiet had been far beyond his previous fee, and he'd turned down half of it just to thank her and Kaidan for defeating the Reapers. "I assume that Major Shepard is here?"

"That's the thought," Kaidan said. He was, to most people, his usual cool and collected self. But even his strong focus couldn't stop his hands from shaking as he carefully tucked the rings into his pocket for safekeeping. "You're ready?"

"Of course."

"Get your ass up there," Joker hissed, shooing him. Kaidan stepped up to the front of the chairs, then turned. Shepard grinned at him from the far end, one hand heavy on Hannah's arm for support. Her other was white-knuckled on her cane. Kaidan stepped forward, nodding to Hannah. She replied with her own and settled down next to Helena, and Kaidan helped Shepard forward.

"I always forget how amazing you look in your blues," he murmured.

"You too," she replied quietly. "And they amazing things they do to your ass."

The minister cleared his throat, and Shepard glanced at him with wide eyes. He chuckled. "You ready?"

Shepard grinned and glanced over at Kaidan. "We're more than ready, I think."

"Definitely," Kaidan agreed.

"All right then." He opened his book, unfolded a piece of paper, and nodded. "Shall we proceed?" Shepard nodded, and he cleared his throat. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses to join Major Marrakech Shepard and Major Kaidan Alenko in matrimony, which is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, and solemnly. I must say you appear to have the 'discreetly' down."

Someone who sounded suspiciously like Wrex guffawed. "In this estate these two persons present now come to be joined. I would ask if there were any who would disagree with this union, but I suspect no one would dare." Shepard snorted. Kaidan rubbed her arm, grinning at her.

"I understand you two opted to write your own vows. Major Alenko?"

"Yeah. Uh." He glanced down at the hands they had joined, Shepard still leaning heavily on her cane with her free hand. "Look, Shepard - I mean, Marra. I-"

She rested her hand on his jaw, and he glanced up, surprised to see her eyes shiny with unshed tears. "God, you're adorable," she murmured. He grinned.

"I, uh, love you. I'll be there for you no matter how many times Wrex, Joker and Vega get you too drunk to walk -" The audible sound of Wrex chuckling and James' triumphant shout interrupted him. "- or how many krogan you headbutt during diplomatic talks, or however many times I have to keep you from using your shotgun to get your way during those talks. I'll always be there to care and protect you, to comfort you and carry you, and to try in vain to keep you from trying the miraculously stupid things that I love so much about you. For the rest of eternity, no matter what that brings with it."

Shepard stared at him for a second, then swallowed heavily and looked down. "Yours are so much prettier than mine," she said quietly. "Kaidan, for the rest of my life I promise to uphold you, to love you even more than that shotgun buried somewhere in London-" Wrex chuckled again, the rumbling carrying through the quiet. He obviously was finding this "quaint human mating ritual," as he'd called it, incredibly amusing. "- to grow old with you, and to cherish and respect you and let you stop me when I'm about to do something incredibly stupid. For the rest of our lives - and past that, if we have that chance."

"You've got the rings?"

Kaidan fished in his pocket for a second, passed Shepard his, and clenched her thinner band in his hand, hoping it would steady it. "Major Shepard, you first."

She looked up at him and smiled. "C-can you . . ." He nodded wordlessly and reached out to steady her as she released her cane. "Thanks."

"Major, repeat after me. 'I give you this ring as a symbol of my love-'"

"I-I give you this ring as a symbol of my love..." Shepard's hand was shaking where she held his, staring at it as if she couldn't figure out what to do with the band she was holding.

"'-my faith in our strength together, and my covenant to learn and grow with you.'"

"...my faith in our strength together, and my covenant to l-learn and g-grow with you." Her hand still trembling, she managed to slide the silver band onto his hand. He swallowed, closing his eyes briefly. She leaned back on her cane with a deep breath.

"Major Alenko, your ring?"

He repeated the vow, his own hands and voice trembling, as he slid her own ring just above their engagement band. She tightened her hand around his, and their eyes met.

How neither of them were crying, he wasn't sure. He blinked heavily and swallowed.

"Do you who are assembled here support this union and affirm that these two should be together?"

"Do we get to eat if we say yes?" Grunt asked. Shepard snorted again, ducking her head as barely-held laughter shook her shoulders. Kaidan grinned, watching her.

If he'd ever doubted he loved her - he didn't - he knew now that he did. It was painful, it seized his heart like a vice, as if the very thought of not being here, right now, was completely unthinkable. She was his, and he loved her more than he'd ever thought he'd be able to love anything. And as Jack told Grunt to shut up from across the audience, Miranda dug her forehead into her palm, Joker snickered in the front row, and their mothers merely shook their heads; and as Garrus replied that they would or he'd snipe them, which Tali replied was inappropriate, and Liara dabbed under one eye with a handkerchief that Chakwas handed her, he knew there was no place he'd rather be even with the hard road it'd taken to get there. Shepard looked up and met his eyes with a small smile, and he knew she was thinking the same thing.

"Then by the power vested in me by the Systems Alliance and the North American Federation, I now pronounce you married." Without waiting Kaidan swept her into his arms, kissing her hard. Shepard wrapped both arms around his neck, cane forgotten, responding with the same eagerness. Someone - Joker, and she'd kill him later - catcalled from the audience, and she was pretty sure she heard Grunt say 'finally' with a resulting hard smack from Wrex. Kaidan drew back, and Shepard let her eyes open.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he murmured.

#

"It's official now."

Kaidan glanced over as Shepard leaned on the balcony next to him, already looking tired. "No one's dead yet?"

"Not quite yet." She looked at her water and scowled. "I really need booze."

"Who-"

"Miranda."

"Ah."

"She did the same thing during the Collector mission." Shepard downed the rest of her water. "You all right?"

Kaidan shrugged. "I don't ... I'm fine. I just ..."

"You miss him. You never talk about it, but I know you do." She stared down at her empty glass. She'd asked about Kaidan's father once or twice, but he'd always evaded it. It wasn't that he had been refusing to tell her, but she knew it was because he hadn't wanted to talk about it. She set her glass on the balcony and tucked her hand into his elbow.

He sighed. "I never imagined this without him here. He was an ass for a while, when I didn't join the Alliance, but ... he was my father." Shepard leaned her head on his shoulder, but didn't speak. "I just wish we knew what happened to him." Kaidan shook his head. "He was probably turned into a husk."

"Don't say that. You don't need that image."

"We both know that's probably what happened."

"He may have gotten lost, ended up somewhere. We're still finding survivors, even in the big cities. You know that."

Kaidan sighed and wrapped his arm around her waist, leaning his head on hers. "I'm just glad we ... we made it this far."

Shepard sighed and nodded, opening her eyes. Back along the edge of the decrepit orchard she spotted something, and cocked her head."K-Kaidan?"

He opened his eyes when he felt her hand go for her gun, which was obviously not present, and looked. Just at the edge of the orchard, past where they were having their wedding party, a lone person was just emerging from the damaged orchard. Kaidan stared for a second, then jumped the balcony, edged around a brewing fight between Wrex and Jack, dodged a question from Miranda, and broke into a run at the far edge.

"Son of a bitch," Shepard muttered, trying to limp down the stairs after him. "Wrex, you know better. Jack, go make out with your boyfriend," she snapped, cutting through the small array of tables. The amount of food they'd needed to locate had been mind-boggling - Mrs. Alenko had apparently managed it by commenting that she was going to be playing host to some supersoldier biotics for several weeks.

"Shepard, I need to ask-"

"Not now, Miranda," she replied. The woman pursed her lips as Shepard limped as quickly limped back into open ground.

Kaidan drew to a halt as the lone figure drew closer. He was haggard, tired, and looked as if he hadn't seen civilization or a shower in several months. But he ... "Dad?" Kaidan breathed.

He looked up and squinted. "Kaidan?"

Before either of them knew what they were doing, they had pulled each other into an embrace. Kaidan didn't care that the dirt and grime on his father's old, outdated, repeatedly-broken armor was getting all over his uniform, or that to anyone actually noticing anything from the insanity that was their crew this would look exceedingly strange.

"We thought you were dead," Kaidan said quietly. "Mom's ..."

"She's all right?"

"She's fine. Dad ... where have you been?"

"Up near the Yukon," he replied, stepping back. "We didn't even hear news that the Reapers were gone until a few days ago." He finally appraised his son. "What're you dressed up for?"

"Um ..." Kaidan glanced over his shoulder and tripping over his words. "Well, there's, uh, been a bit of a development and I, uh ... come on."

He had barely taken a step and nearly ran into Shepard and his mother, catching Shepard as she nearly toppled off her cane. "Dammit, Kaidan," she groaned, one hand scrubbing at his uniform. "We just had this cleaned."

"Shepard." He gently steadied both her arms. "That's my dad."

Shepard blinked, then looked back at the house, then back at Kaidan. "Is he psychic or something?"

"Coincidence, I guess," he said. "But ..." She hugged him, ignoring the grime that was getting on her own uniform, and Kaidan buried his face in the side of her neck.

Meanwhile, Helena had already thrown herself at her husband, tears streaming down her face. Former Rear Admiral Michael Alenko finally looked up, still holding his wife to him. "So what  _is_  going on?" he asked again. Kaidan cleared his throat and wrapped his arm around Shepard's waist, gently holding her to him.

"Dad, this is my wife, Major Marrakech Shepard." God, that sounded strange ... but it was official and she  _was_  and he didn't think he'd ever get tired of saying it.

He nodded. "And when did this happen?"

"Three hours ago?" Shepard volunteered, then carefully leaned against Kaidan to hold out her hand. "It's a pleasure, sir."

He carefully took it, noting her cane. "Same to you. I understand we have you to thank for taking out those Reapers." She nodded, hand gripping her cane again. "We were stuck in the Yukon. Shuttle broke down, just got it working. No one thought to check that frozen waste for survivors, apparently."

"There is  _plenty_  of time for that," Helena chided, checking over her husband. "We should get you a shower, and there is plenty of food. We can talk later." She gently wrapped her arm around her husband's and guided him back to the house. Kaidan and Shepard watched them for a second.

"I think I saw a plate headed for Miranda's head," she said finally.

"Yeah, we should go reign the crew in."

"Yeah." Shepard glanced up at him as they started back to the party, leaning heavily on his arm. She smiled and rested her head on his shoulder. "Good day?"

Kaidan looked down at her and grinned. "Best day."

#

That night Kaidan pretended to fall asleep first, waiting for Shepard to stop fidgeting and fall asleep nestled against his chest. He let his fingers play over her waist for a moment, covered in the simple cotton of one of his purloined Biotics Division shirts, as he carefully studied her peaceful features. It was the first time he'd seen her this quiet sleeping since she'd just woken up from her coma nearly a year earlier, nightmares too often invading what should have been restful sleep. He let his hand slide down her arm, fingers toying over the combination of rings on her left hand.

Damn. It still didn't feel real.

Shepard shifted in her sleep, and he carefully wrapped his hand over hers. She mumbled something and shifted again, pressing her back closer to his chest. Kaidan smiled slightly, wrapping her tighter in his arms, and finally letting himself drift to sleep.

They wouldn't have long out here before they had to go back to Vancouver.

Then Shepard woke first in the morning, at first confused as to the lack of sterile walls and disinfectant cleaners, but then was content to lay quietly in Kaidan's arms. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept quietly through the night, having neither a nightmare nor just being startled awake in her sleep. She wondered if being away from the hospital and wrapped in her new husband's arms for the first time in over a year had anything to do with her sudden calm.

Kaidan finally stirred, and she rolled onto her back. "Morning, sleepy," she murmured, trailing a finger down his nose. Kaidan grinned without opening his eyes, pulling her closer to him.

"Morning," he replied, kissing the side of her head. "Wife."

"You like that, I take it?" Kaidan opened his eyes, and she couldn't help but stare into them - caramel flecked with gold, her favorite sight in the galaxy.

"Of course I do."

Shepard laughed and pushed him onto his back, releasing a short  _oof_  when he pulled her with him. She had just leaned down to kiss him, both their eyes beginning to close, when someone's omni-tool beeped.

"Yours or mine?" Kaidan murmured, lips still a hair's breadth apart.

"Mine, I think," she replied, just as quietly. "They might go away."

"Mm." Kaidan drew her the last centimeter down, their lips slowly pressing together. Shepard's omni-tool stopped beeping, only for Kaidan's to start. "Son of a . . ." He flared, pulling the small bracelet-apparatus from across the room, and quickly checked the holographic interface. "Hackett."

Shepard groaned, rolling off him. "Figures."

Kaidan waited until she was suitably out of view, having rolled to her side of the bed to stretch, and opened his vidcomm. "Admiral."

:: _Major. Is Major Shepard with you?_ ::

He nodded. "Why?"

:: _I need to speak with both of you in Vancouver. Where are you?_ ::

"Out on my family's land." Kaidan glanced up at Shepard, who was frowning as she brushed her hair. "We can be back in . . ." She held up three fingers before forming her hand into a zero, and he nodded. "About two hours."

Shepard pursed her lips and replied with a  _that is not what I said_  look. Kaidan shook his head.

:: _Don't be late._ :: Hackett's face disappeared, and Shepard sighed.

"God damn it."

Kaidan rolled to his side, rubbing her back. "We knew that was probably going to happen."

"The universe will function for  _one day_  without the Majors Shepard and Alenko," she replied sharply. "It's done well enough without  _me_ , it should last for a few days without  _you_."

"I know, I know," he replied, rolling to his own side of the bed and tossing her a pair of Alliance casuals. She nodded, and swiftly dug out her usual underwear from the bag at the side of her bed. "Maybe it'll only be a short thing, and we can come back out tonight."

"Maybe. If not, I say we just invade the  _Normandy_." She gripped her cane and stood, hobbling for the room's en-suite. Kaidan stared after her for a second, let the smallest bit of a grin play over his face, and quickly followed her.

Two hours. Plenty of time.


	14. Preparations

**Preparations**

_Pre-Reaper Invasion: 14.3 billion; Earth: 11.4 billion._  
 _Post-Reaper Invasion: 6.9 billion; Earth: 6 billion._  
 _Colonies Are Reporting Lists of Missing and Dead.  
_ _See An Alliance Representative For Access To Databases._

This was the sign that greeted Shepard and Kaidan as they entered the Vancouver Alliance HQ, the only functioning Alliance base currently operational.

It had taken a year for most areas to calculate their death toll from the Reaper invasion - some places, like Beckenstein, had been so glassed by the Reapers that estimating survivors wasn't necessary. Initial estimates of survival on Earth had been low but still considered optimistic - no more than two to four million  _must_  have survived - as search parties of Alliance personnel began to investigate undercities, sewers, subway lines, forests, mountains, and other natural areas where people had been known to retreat to, and shuttles and ships flew around the planet broadcasting that the Alliance had been victorious.

Then, they began to run the survivors through the  _SSV Montreal_  for medical exams.

The Alliance was quickly reminded that, if humankind had one thing that was the envy of many other species in the galaxy, it was creativity. If humans were to have one motto, it would be the old statement that  _necessity is the mother of invention;_  and as humans were often wont to do they seized onto that during the Reaper War and internalized it to a point where a surviving six year old be handed a ceramic barrel and a fractured rubber band and create a weapon capable of taking down a charging husk.

Only one and a half billion had died the first day, mostly in the cities when they were trapped in collapsing skyscrapers. In a normal war that number would have been far too high, but in a world where squidlike omnicidal AI death machines were raining from the sky that number seemed blessedly low. That number had only increased by five million within seven days. 

Because humanity, for all its flaws, had decided that the Reapers had no business killing them on their homeworld when they were perfectly good at killing  _themselves_  there, thank you very much.

And although they were thrown back into an age more reminiscent of a century earlier, they had survived. And coupled with the baby boom that had occurred primarily due to the "glad to be alive sex" a number of humans had immediately engaged in, some probably before the Reapers had even hit the ground, humanity could be described as recovering surprisingly well.

It was this reason - the release of the database of missing and dead civilians - that Alliance HQ was packed, several lines queued with hundreds of people, each waiting for the next Alliance representative to tell them if a loved one or friend in the Alliance or on a colony world had survived. Kaidan and Shepard weaved their way through the crowd, Kaidan staying close to make sure Shepard wouldn't be jostled if someone hurried by. It was easy, as she hung nearly on top of him, mouth drawn into a grim line as one hand held onto her arm and the other clutched her cane. A few people recognized them, staring as they passed. Shepard initially tried to draw back from him, but realized that she wasn't quite stable enough to make it through a crowd just yet. Kaidan shook his head.

"They all know," he said. "May as well act like it."

Shepard grinned. "There's always professionalism, Major Alenko."

"We're Spectres," Kaidan replied. "And I'm always professional."

"You aren't Blasto."

Kaidan grinned. "No. I've, uh, only got one lover in one port."

Shepard shook her head and leaned on her cane, but he caught the smallest flush lighting up her cheek as they finally made it through the crowd. Hackett's office wasn't too far inside the personnel-only area of the base, and Kaidan tapped on the door. "Come in, Majors."

To their surprise, EDI was casually settled in one of the two chairs, wearing her previously "usual" attire of Alliance BDUs that she'd borrowed from Shepard (by "borrowed," Shepard had gotten tired of EDI's typically nonexistent fashion choices and thrust them at her sometime before Rannoch, telling her that if she was going to serve on an Alliance vessel she better damn well look like a crewmember). Shepard sank down into the other chair with a sigh, extending her leg. "Hey, EDI."

"Shepard. I take it you have recovered from yesterday?"

"I suppose you know, then?" Kaidan asked, looking up at the Admiral.

"Know? Your mother invited me, Shepard." Hackett set aside his datapad. "I thought it may produce a conflict of interests, however, considering that people are demanding to see the two human Spectres' wedding as some sort of morale-boosting event." He shook his head. "I can see why they would, but we have far more important things to worry about."

"We are beginning the final stages of preparing to relocate the Citadel back to the Widow Nebula," EDI interjected.

"Sounds good," Shepard replied. "Why did you need us?"

"The  _Normandy_  will be needed for the operation."

"Admiral . . ." Kaidan started, glancing at EDI. "A frigate isn't going to be able to even help pull that station."

"The  _Normandy_  is only going to be used for guiding purposes. We are relying on Lieutenant Moreau's piloting and EDI's calculations to ensure we make it there safely." He checked his datapad. "Major Alenko, you will be in charge of the  _Normandy_. Major Shepard -"

"Admiral-" Shepard started, leaning forward.

"You're being reassigned to the  _Normandy_  as support staff, effective immediately and until being cleared by a doctor. Doctor Chakwas has been briefed on your therapy routine and -" He pointed at her. "If I hear  _one_  report that places you either groundside or slacking on that routine, you will be back in the medical center here. Do you understand me?"

Shepard nodded meekly. "Yes, sir."

"Good." He made a note.

"Preliminary projections show us beginning the move around nine-hundred hours this Friday," EDI explained. "We will begin placing the ships and tow lines tomorrow."

"I will want you on the  _Normandy_  ensuring everything goes as planned. The Council and I will be overseeing everything from the  _Orizaba_ the day of."

"So you're pulling us back on duty effective immediately," Kaidan asked.

"Exactly. I trust there isn't a problem?" Hackett eyed them. Shepard and Kaidan both shook their heads, though Shepard was sure that neither she nor Kaidan were  _quite_  happy with the arrangement. "Good. I will arrange to have the  _Normandy_ restocked, and I will expect you out in the morning. Your crew is already being recalled. Any questions?"

"No sir," Kaidan replied.

"No," Shepard murmured.

"Dismissed." He went back to his datapad, and the trio stood.

"It will be good to have you back aboard the ship, Shepard," EDI said. "It has been strange without you."

"I bet it has." Shepard glanced back at Kaidan. "Well, at least I'm not trapped here, huh?"

He nodded. "It's been too quiet without you. That's for sure."

#

A good number of the crew was new. Shepard had ended up sleeping in, rather than getting up in time to put her foot down with the new crew, which left the job to Kaidan. Apparently the  _Normandy_  was the most sought-after posting in the fleet, and soldiers had ended up requesting to be placed there. Original crew had top priority, of course, but a number of soldiers had decided to opt for a likely quiet posting after the chaos of the Reaper War. Especially those that had been accidentally kidnapped when EDI had overridden the locks and allowed Joker to take control of the ship.

Chakwas and Adams were, to no great surprise, returning, as were Cortez, Daniels and Donnelly, and Traynor gave Kaidan a small smile when he greeted her. The two marines who had guarded the war room we also present, with the other marines that had been assigned to the ground complement. Neither Joker nor EDI had bothered to leave the cockpit for inspection, which seemed to make a number of the newer crewmen confused. At the end of the line was an older, balding man who seemed very out of place in an Alliance uniform, and Kaidan stopped in front of him.

"Rupert Gardner," he said, fumbling through a salute. Kaidan frowned - the name sounded familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. "I was one o'Shepard's wh- before."

"Right." Kaidan nodded. That was where he'd heard the name, then. "Mess officer."

"And janitor," he replied, voice carrying an edge of amusement. "Know this ship like the back o' my hand,"

"Welcome aboard then, everyone," Kaidan said, nodding to Gardner as he stepped back. "We'll be organizing the Citadel move for the next several days, then setting out to look for damage and any remaining hostiles. Until we've checked routes between Palavan, Tuchanka, Thessia, Sur'Kesh, and Rannoch, we'll be at battle stations. There's no indication what we may run into out there, and as one of two Alliance vessels with a functioning stealth drive, we need to investigate the travel routes to ensure safety for the other vessels." There was a general nod. "Major Shepard is also aboard. She isn't cleared for active duty, and as such is mostly managing intel. Cleared or not, if she gives you an order, you damn well follow it. I don't want anyone complaining because they didn't jump when she said to, and she slammed their ass into the ceiling." There was another general nod and a few "yes sir"s. "Go continue to familiarize yourself with your stations. We'll be pulling out of the dock in thirty minutes."

The crew hurried off, Chakwas introducing Gardner to Adams as the trio headed to the crew deck. Kaidan made his way to the cockpit in time to hear Joker giving his newest copilot a stern lecture on how to run the ship without stepping on his toes.

"-and that interface is the stealth panel, and it's best you let me handle that. She's finicky and you-"

"Jeff, I am not finicky," EDI replied from the other seat.

"Oh, yes you are. You know what, just shut up and watch for this first week. You break a screw on this girl and you've cost the Alliance a million credits, you got that?"

The poor new copilot nodded wordlessly. Kaidan cleared his throat. "How about you go get some coffee?" He suggested. The copilot took the invitation with a quick but thankful-sounding "yes sir" and scurried off. "Joker, you're an ass."

"Like you didn't already know. I just don't like people flying my baby, you know? Shepard slept through inspection?"

"She's tired."

"I bet she is," Joker replied with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Shut up. She's only been out of the hospital two days. And both have been busy."

"I'm sure they have."

Kaidan glared at the back of Joker's head and turned, heading back towards the elevator. Joker chuckled and rubbed under his hat.

Shepard was still curled up in bed when Kaidan entered the cabin, chest rising and falling just as slowly as it'd been when he left. She'd already usurped his blankets, cocooning herself in them. Kaidan leaned on the case by the desk for a moment, just watching. She looked more peaceful than he may ever have seen her, and as he took a couple steps forward he preemptively regretted needing to wake her.

Not for the first time he imagined her curled around a sleeping toddler, maybe with her hair and his eyes.

Kaidan shook himself, settled on the edge of the bed, and trailed his hand down what appeared to be a arm beneath the mass of blankets. "Hey," he said quietly, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "You missed inspection, major."

She stirred, then nestled back into her blankets and pillow. "Mm. Did I?"

"Yes you did, sleepyhead." God, he loved watching her wake up slowly. Too often she was awake first, up and dressed before he even knew the alarm had gone off.

"Maybe I was just hoping I'd get my blanket back if I stayed up here long enough," she murmured, extracting her arm from the blankets to trail her fingers down his chest. He caught them before they could inch dangerously close to his crotch, pressing a kiss to her fingertips.

"Maybe," he replied, not falling for it. "We've got twenty minutes before takeoff. And I believe Chakwas wants to see you."

"We can do that in the air," she murmured, finally sitting up. It was only to rest her hands on Kaidan's shoulders, looking at him with half-lidded eyes. "Twenty minutes is plenty of time."

"Shepard, I need to manage the ship."

"Ten minutes then," she said, sticking her lip out slightly. Butterflies churned in Kaidan's stomach again. "Come on, Kaidan, we should be on our honeymoon. Just ten minutes for your new wife?"

"I hate it when you pout like that," he murmured. Shepard grinned.

"Did I hear a yes there, major?"

Kaidan cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. "You did," he replied.

#

Chakwas gave Shepard a pointed look when she finally wandered into the medbay after watching the ship burn through the atmosphere and slide into the dark blackness of space with the Citadel looming, closed once again, in orbit.

"You were supposed to be here thirty minutes ago," she chided.

"I got . . . distracted."

"Of course you did. Have a seat." Chakwas motioned to one of the cots, and Shepard managed to pull herself up on it. "I just need to perform a cursory examination of my own, considering the identity of your emergency care doctor."

"You don't like him?"

"I merely have doubts about his medical competency, especially when it concerns my favorite N7." Chakwas set a tray of implements on the cot next to Shepard's leg. "Hold still. This should only take a moment."

Shepard sat still, completely used to Chakwas' mother-hen routines, answering her questions yes-no as applicable.

"And I assume you're sexually active again?"

"Y- what? Do-"

"I need to keep it in my personal file," Chakwas replied. "Otherwise, there are some things I would greatly prefer  _not_  to know." She flashed a light into Shepard's eye, making her jump. "Still taking the suppressants?"

"Yes. We both are." Shepard blinked as the light moved to her other eye. "And yes, I'm still taking the shit the shrink prescribed."

"Good." Chakwas folded the light and tucked it in a pocket, then opened her omni-tool and made a few notes. "Dreams any better?"

"Not since last week. You should have the doc's file."

"I was asking yo--"

:: _Shepard, there is a call waiting for you in the war room_.::

"Of course there is." Shepard shook her head. "We done?"

"Go on," Chakwas said, though it sounded slightly exasperated.

Shepard carefully jumped off the table, steadying herself with her cane, and limped towards the elevator. She waved to Gardner, already set up at his old station - thank God, she'd missed him - and got into the elevator.

They'd replaced the war room scanner, notoriously slow, with a card-scanner. Shepard waved her omni-tool in front of it, and it opened. The war room itself was empty except for one or two intelligence analysts, who both nodded to her as she limped by. "Who is it, EDI?"

:: _It appears to be the Council, Shepard. A joint call with Alliance High Command._ ::

She had a feeling she knew what this was about. It was solidified when she spotted Kaidan tapping his foot and staring at the comm. The Council already hovered over one pad, and Hackett was over the other. "Well?" she said.

:: _We need to discuss your ... unorthodox situation, Spectres._ :: Tevos began. Shepard frowned. :: _We have never, in our long history, had this type of relationship develop between two of our operatives. This is unknown territory for us._ ::

:: _Normally, we decided we would admonish you and order you to have no further contact. Emotional connections are a weakness,_ :: Velarn continued. Shepard glanced at Hackett, who was standing silently with his arms crossed.

:: _However, it appears that your relationship has become the . . . what was that . . . the Romiette and Julio story of the current day?_ :: Shepard and Kaidan glanced at each other, and Shepard replied with a snort.

"I hope not. They both died."

:: _Either way,_ :: Sparatus continued. :: _Many individuals in the galaxy have come to see your relationship as a high point of the war, and we are inclined to agree. You are both symbols, and that is not surprising._ ::

:: _That is why we will agree to look the other way, provided one concession on your part_ ,:: Tevos continued. Shepard nodded, unconsciously stepping closer to Kaidan. They knew what this was about - why they'd needed the lead-time, she wasn't sure. :: _We are in agreement that publicly acknowledging your relationship in a traditional marriage ceremony would be a boost to morale and be an excellent way to mark the transport of the Citadel. We've already taken the liberties of setting some things up._ ::

Shepard glanced at Hackett, who shrugged unhelpfully. She sighed. "We could always just retire, you know," she said, more to Kaidan than the holograms ahead of them. He shook his head.

"You? Retire?"

:: _This isn't particularly a request, Shepard. The Alliance has also agreed to look the other way if this event takes place. It_ is _in everyone's best interests_ ,:: Hackett said pointedly, though he still sounded particularly irritated about it. Granted, he usually sounded particularly irritated. 

"Shepard," Kaidan warned. She hadn't been realizing that she'd been tensing until he'd said something, and slowly relaxed. Even though she'd known this was coming, it hadn't made her any more ready for it. Or willing. She flashed a quick, tense smile at him.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I just don't see how it's any of your business. I'm sure you understand."

:: _It is our 'business' when two of our operatives become emotionally compromised_ ,:: Velarn barked. :: _I was against this entirely._ ::

"Well, good for you," Shepard replied.

:: _This is the only way we can foresee this compromise,_ :: Tevos explained. :: _It is either this, or we separate your posting._ ::

"I'm not even an acting Spectre at the moment. It doesn't matter."

:: _Then we will remove you and place you on Earth or the Citadel. It is that simple, Shepard._ ::

Shepard glared at both of the sets of recordings and turned on her heel, leaving the small alcove about as fast as her cane and her feet could carry her. Kaidan sighed, and looked after her.

"I'll talk to her, Councilors, Admiral," he said diplomatically, turning on his heel and following before they could speak. He didn't even need to jog to catch up with her, even though she was moving surprisingly quickly. "Shepard-"

"I just need a moment," she snapped. "It's hard going from the queen of the board to a fucking pawn."

"You need to stop hanging around Traynor."

"It's true. A year and a half ago I was the person everyone listened to, including those flapjawed jackasses. Now I'm just another person they can push around."

"You're right though. We could always just retire."

"No. They're right, Kaidan, neither of us are ready. Hell, I may never be able to go groundside again, but I can't not hope for it. That's all I've known and I don't . . . I don't want to give up on that yet."

Kaidan sighed and nodded. "I know," he said. "I know, and I'm not happy either. But we don't have much of a choice." She turned to face him, and he held up his hands. "Sweetheart. You know that I  _would_. I  _would_  give up my career if you asked me. But neither of us want that."

She sighed and turned again, steadily limping for the elevator. "It isn't fair," she murmured. "I saved the galaxy, I stopped the Reapers. I figure it's time the universe hands me a few of the things it's been owing me. And it's not doing that, is it?"

As the elevators closed behind him, Kaidan sighed. "I know. Look, I'm not -"

"I know," she replied quietly. "I'm just frustrated. I just want everyone to stop thinking they have control over my life. I want to do something for myself for a change."

"Well," Kaidan said. Shepard looked over when he didn't say anything else. "Just because they say they have  _some_  things planned doesn't mean they have  _everything_  planned. I'm sure I can enlist someone for help, if you wanted to do your own thing."

Shepard paused for a moment, then let a small grin cross her face. "You know, I think I have seen a dress I don't mind."

Kaidan grinned. "There's no reason for us to do everything the way they want, is there?"

"I don't think so." She grinned again. "Sounds like I have to put a call in to Kasumi, doesn't it?"


	15. The Great Move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This required the use of math, and that math didn't even end up in here. You should love me.

Moving the Citadel was going to easily be the most tedious and technically challenging thing any race had ever done.

Essentially, it required every ship in the fleet that was still present to attach tow lines to the closed Citadel, the remaining dreadnoughts concentrated near the rear for pulling it forward and frigate-class ships in front to help steer, while every ship transmitting the same combined mass with slightly altered approach vectors. If the station was even half an inch off when it went through the relay, it could have disastrous consequences for the ships towing it.

That was why the fore-most ship, directing each ship to increase or decrease speed accordingly and making sure the massive station stayed on route as if one had been drawn was the  _Normandy_.

It was mostly because only a fully-functional AI with the genius computing capacity of EDI could ensure that they stayed precisely on course, and only a pilot like Joker could ensure that the ships all managed to make the jump to her precise coordinates. Every helmsman in the fleet was linked into his terminal and he could be heard barking into his comm link to them every few seconds. His hapless new copilot, Lieutenant Jared Larcher, sat staring helplessly at his console, afraid to touch it lest Joker threaten to rip his fingers out of their sockets.

Shepard sat in EDI's usual chair, staring blankly outside of the viewports. Kaidan was busy in the war room, coordinating with the other fleets, and EDI was in the AI core so she could better process.

::Destiny Ascension _, you are off course by .000083 milimeters. Please bring your course in with the_ Orizaba.:: EDI's voice rang through the cockpit again.

"Shepard, you know what is crazier than this?" Joker asked. Shepard shook her head. "Nothing. Absolutely  _nothing._ "

"Come on, Joker. Afraid you can't pull it off?"

"Hey it isn't me I'm worried about. Check out all the idiots we're trying to manage." He glared at his console. "I'm talking about you too, Chodzie."

"EDI's assured me that this will work. In fact, she's assured me of that a lot. We just have to make sure everything and everyone acts as she directs, and we'll be fine. It shouldn't be that bad."

Joker huffed and scratched at his forehead briefly. "I'll be happy when we get through the goddamn relay. Coming up on Jupiter. Hey, looks like it's still stormy, Major."

Shepard rolled her eyes and looked back out the viewport, watching as they moved past the planet. It was three days into the move, which meant neither she nor Joker had gotten much sleep. With a sigh she settled back in her chair, reading through her omni-tool. Joker glanced over, switching off his comm.

"Yeah, so, how's the wedding planning going?"

"Shut up," Shepard growled.

"It isn't as if you aren't already hitched. And don't try to deny that, Mrs. Alenko, I was there."

She scowled at him, though it turned into a half-grin at what he'd called her. She still had to get used to being Kaidan's wife. "I'm undermining everyone's attempts to make it about them."

"Well good, isn't it supposed to be all about you anyway? I mean, that's just what I've heard."

Shepard huffed.

"So how's it going?"

"Kasumi's getting me a dress and I told the Council that they need five hundred extra cake slices to account for a 'human tradition of desserts.'"

Joker snickered. "But between you and Kaidan, that's last what, five days?"

Shepard raised her eyebrows in silent agreement. "Also, that I wouldn't even look at the aisle if my entire crew wasn't there."

"Any other 'human traditions' I should know about?"

"Cheese plates."

"Where the hell are they going to find cheese?"

"Exactly."

Joker snickered. "Shepard, you're an evil bitch."

"Well, I didn't stop the Reapers by teaching them to love. Either way, they'll sadly realize that half of them are wrong. Or Hackett will tell them."

He snorted, then straightened and reopened his comm. "All right, we're headed through the asteroid belt. Everyone look sharp, they don't move fast but it'll take us a few hours to get through."

True to Joker's word the asteroid belt took approximately six hours to traverse at the speed they were going and two frigates, a cruiser and a dreadnought took enough damage to need to retreat. That caused them to move even slower, having lost a large part of their pushing power, but EDI assured them that they would be able to make it through the Relay.

Nearly a day later, Kaidan wrestled both Shepard and Joker away for a decent night's sleep. Then the Charon Relay pulled into view, repaired and slowly orbiting the once-planet Pluto. The tension in the fleet could be felt even several ships away, and the cockpit of the  _Normandy_  was mostly silent as the fleet and the hulking station drew to a stop, the dreadnoughts pulling back to halt it.

:: _We will proceed towards the relay at thirty percent speed,_ :: EDI said. :: _I will transmit precise vectors to each ship and updated transit mass. We will then negotiate the Arcturus relay with similar calculations._

:: _From there, we will proceed to return the Citadel to its approximate location, four-hundred thousand kilometers from the Widow Nebula Relay. Approach vectors must be precisely acquired, or the potential for damage to towing ships is increased. I am transmitting vectors now. Inform Lieutenant Moreau when you are prepared._ ::

"Ours is the same as the Citadel's, fortunately," Joker explained, beginning to input them.

"And what are the odds EDI gave us for success?"

"Getting jumpy, Commander?"

Shepard shook her head. "Just forgot what they were, is all."

"Infinity to one. Essentially."

She nodded. "We've done more with less."

"It's funny, I don't remember jumping the Citadel halfway across the galaxy."

"It isn't halfway. It's only a few systems." Shepard pursed her lips. "We just have to jump through the Arcturus relay after this, and then we'll be in the Widow Nebula. Then it's just a matter of maneuvering."

"Halfway," Joker reiterated, then tapped on his screens. "Getting people reporting in," he said. "Dreadnoughts reporting readiness."

There had initially been an idea to just throw the Citadel at the Relay, but then someone had reminded everyone that an asteroid only slightly larger than the station had destroy the Aratoht Relay and it was promptly overruled as an idea. Shepard shook her head as Joker continued to relay readiness reports from the other ships.

"Sounds like everyone's ready," he said. She nodded, opened her omni-tool, and typed out a quick message. "Just waiting on EDI."

:: _Jeff, begin the approach._ ::

"Roger that, EDI." He flicked a switch. " _Normandy_ to all ships, beginning approach run. Get your approach vectors in order."

Shepard's omni-tool beeped, and she glanced down at the message and smiled slightly.

"Stop sexting your husband and give me moral support," Joker replied, as he pulled off his hat and hung it on the back of the chair. Shepard raised a finger at him, and he chuckled.

:: _SSV Lepzig, you're veering .000093 millimeters to the left._ ::

:: _Correcting._ :: Some members of the fleet hadn't been happy that they were essentially under an AI's command. In fact, many had been upset by this - and most of them had been quite vocal about it. Shepard was fairly certain those feelings would linger for a long time, and she did feel badly for it. For an AI who had developed a wicked sense of humor and could explode a banshee from the inside out with a flick of her wrist EDI was, somehow, a genuinely nice individual.

:: _Asari Cruiser_ Naimai _, move .0021 to the right._ ::

:: _Copy._ ::

::Normandy,  _turian frigate_ Herit _has lost its tow._ ::

"Pull out, then," Joker retorted. Shepard snorted. "Shut up."

As they pulled closer to the relay and Joker rattled off the approach sequence and EDI continued to correct the tiniest distances off, Shepard found herself holding her breath, almost unconsciously. This was projected to do one of three things: destroy the relay, firstly; destroy the Victory Fleet, secondly, if it  _didn't_  destroy the Relay; destroy the Citadel, which would inherently destroy the Fleet; and, way at the bottom of the list in tiny-ass print, actually work. That had all its own subcategories: working without catastrophic loss of ships and life, and working with catastrophic loss of ships and life, and then whatever fell in between.

Not for the first time, Shepard wondered if it wouldn't have been better to leave the Citadel, maybe build a new station. But no, that wouldn't be ideal. People, despite the fact that it had been a Reaper death trap, still considered the Citadel home. They steadfastly refused to leave, and Shepard couldn't let it stay in Alliance space. She didn't trust humans, after she and the other survivors of the Reaper War were dead.

The  _Normandy_  suddenly lurched, and Joker swore as Shepard felt the familiar lurch of the relay in her implants. A welcome feel despite what they were doing and the tone her pilot had suddenly adopted.

"Fleet,  _Normandy_ 's lost her tow!"

:: _Relay's attached, we can't drop back._ ::

Shit. If the  _Normandy_ 's cable snapped . . . it wasn't the end of the world, but if there was no ship keeping the nose of the Citadel in line - Shepard jumped on the comm. "Strap in. Now!" That would mean that their course had been altered, which would mean they'd enter the relay at a random angle - "Can you correct i-"

"I don't know!"

:: _SSV Ain Jalut, Hastings, new vectors transmitted_.:: EDI's voice was still calm, though Shepard knew she was moving at flying speeds to correct for the loss of the  _Normandy_ in the equation.

"EDI, they'll never corre-"

:: _Be quiet, Jeff._ ::

The  _Normandy_  was flung through the relay.

Joker fought to straighten the ship out, having nearly entered the relay sideways, and they were flung back out into the Arcturus system. He swore vehemently when the angle of their entrance into the relay and his inability to fully correct in time meant that, rather than his usual perfect precision, they were thrown straight out into the middle of the Arcturus Station rubble field.

Joker's language, a steady stream of invectives to a comm thankfully muted by a swift knock with Shepard's cane to the appropriate button, accompanied what she recognized easily as the ability to calculate and re-calculate at the speed of light that made him the best pilot in the fleet. So even as she held onto the arms of her chair, she knew that he would at least do his damndest to keep them from smashing into the old Parliament building as it floated lifelessly past them.

The copilot reached for a field. "Keep your fucking hands off that panel," Joker barked, prompting the copilot to press himself back into his chair and close his eyes. A piece of Arcturus' framework slammed into the side of the ship and an alarm blared, and Joker swore again.

When they finally cleared the debris field and Joker sat back and released a slow breath, the copilot was staring at him with wide eyes.

Shepard released her own held breath, then chuckled."That went better than last time." Joker glanced over at her. "At least we didn't crash onto a giant space station teeming with at least a hundred thousand enemy combatants."

Joker echoed her chuckle, leaning his head back on his seat. "Jesus H.  _Fuck_ ," he muttered, glancing over his screens.

"Did the Fleet make it?"

Joker shook his head, then leaned forward and checked a screen. :: _Excellent flying, Jeff,_ :: EDI complimented.

"Thanks. Did it all without your help this time."

There was a replying half-laugh over the comm. :: _I will let you believe what you want. The Citadel has successfully passed through the relay with the fleet intact. Shall we send Lieutenant Cortez out with a new tow line?_ ::

Joker nodded. "Yeah. I'll rendezvous."

:: _Good to see you in one piece,_ Normandy _,_ :: Hackett interrupted. :: _Just Arcturus left. We ready?_ ::

:: _We're here now. We'd better be._ :: There was the turian Primarch, Victus, just as Shepard would have expected. He was directing the turian fleet with Sparatus' help, and in direct command of it during the Citadel Move.

"We're sending out Steve with a new tow line," Joker said. "We'll be back on the nose. Everyone should probably check their tows while we're at it." He clicked off his comm and glanced over at Shepard. "And I'm sure half the fleet commanders need to change their pants."

She grinned, glancing over her shoulder as running steps announced someone's approach. Kaidan dodged through the doorway, skimming both Shepard and Joker. "You're all right?"

"We're fine," Shepard replied. Kaidan walked over and leaned down, kissing her gently. "Nothing even caught fire this time."

"You aren't going to do that to me are you?" Joker asked as Kaidan took a step back. He eyed the helmsman thoughtfully.

"You shouldn't knock it 'till you try it," he replied.

"Jesus, Kaidan, no. Just no. Larcher, take the helm, I need to go vomit."

"Really, sir?"

Joker glared at him, which seemed to be enough of an answer, and the copilot sank back into his chair. Shepard chuckled and patted Kaidan's arm. "Head on back and do Spectre-y things. Hopefully the next relay jump will be less exciting."

Kaidan kissed the side of her head and nodded. "You be careful, all right?"

"Always," Shepard replied. He turned and headed back for the war room, and she looked over in time to see Joker crinkle his nose. "What?"

"I liked it better when you two were pretending we all didn't know."

Shepard poked his chair with her cane.

#

Moving the Citadel through the Arcturus relay, now that they knew what they were doing, was far simpler than it had been to move it through the Charon relay. Within another day they'd moved back into the Widow Nebula. A few of the dreadnoughts unsnapped long enough to help clear the debris of the Citadel Defense Fleet, destroyed when the Reapers had swept in to take the Citadel. By the end of that day they'd moved the Citadel back into position, detached, and cheered as the ward arms stretched open almost in victory before Kaidan and Shepard collapsed into bed together, not even pretending to be awake enough to make love first.

Kaidan was gone when Shepard first woke up, and she stretched and scratched at his t-shirt before stumbling for the shower. Her leg was usually worse in the morning, and she relied more heavily on her cane to help her get across the small room after making their bed.

When she headed out of the shower, wrapped only in a towel, she nearly shrieked to find someone sitting on her bed.

Kasumi laughed at Shepard's reaction as the woman scrambled to make sure she was actually wearing a towel. "Just me, Shep. Special delivery." She patted the garment bag next to her. "Found that dress you wanted. Good choice. I might go back and one for myself."

"Jesus, Kasumi," Shepard said, stepping back into the bathroom to pull on her shorts and t-shirt. "Knock first?"

"Knocking is boring. You learn more when you don't knock," she replied cheerily. "Also, Kaidan wanted me to give you a shit ton of datapads. Apparently the Council is serious about this."

"You sound far too happy about that," Shepard replied, unzipping the garment bag. "God, yes, this is it."

"What did they want you in?"

"Some dumbass asari thing that left very little to the imagination in front." She flipped the dress over and examined the back. "Considering that's where most of my recent scars are, I'd prefer to keep that mostly covered. They didn't seem to get it."

Kasumi didn't speak for a few seconds. "How do you feel about shoes?"

"I -"

"You are not wearing combat boots if I'm your unofficial wedding planner," she scolded, wagging her finger.

"I wasn't going to- I have a pair of heels!"

"Those black things? I don't think so. I'll find you a pair next time I'm on the Citadel. Actually, I'll just hook you up with everything. That is my job, after all."

"I hate you sometimes."

"I can take that back."

"I said 'sometimes.'"

Kasumi grinned from underneath her hood. "It better only be sometimes. So. How much have they planned?"

"Everything," Shepard said with a frown, examining the tulle train that draped off the crossed back of the dress. "Tell me you didn't steal this though?"

She shook her head, another small grin playing at her lips. "I still have access to Major Alenko's accounts."

"He's going to kill me."

"I think he'll forgive you. This is going to look better than that black thing you wore to the heist."

"Wore it to me and Kaidan's first real date, too. I've gotten a lot of use out of that - hey!" Kasumi batted her hands away from the dress and tucked it back into the garment bag.

"If you stop looking at it like it's a gun you're dissecting, I'll let you keep it."

Shepard scowled at her and limped over to the sofa, dropping down with the stack of datapads. Another grumble. They really were planning everything, from the guest list to the entire ceremony, which while it was amusing to see alien interns attempting to decipher human wedding traditions, it definitely bore the marks of her mother's tampering. "Mom's in on this."

"Of course she is. She knows you don't care."

Shepard looked up at Kasumi, a sharp bite on her tongue, then realized that she really didn't give half a damn and shrugged. "As far as me, Kaidan, and the legal establishment are considered, we're already married," she said. "This is just the frilly stuff I never really cared about."

"Never?"

"Maybe once. When I was sixteen. And insisted I'd marry a singer named Lebonah Haigh-Beesla."

"You too? He was dreamy." Shepard snorted. "Never took you for the pretty-boy type."

"I was sixteen. The next week it was the nice-looking marine who outshot me at the firing range and then gave me pointers." She paused. He'd helped her with the bulky-ass sniper rifle the range-attendant had sworn she wouldn't be able to handle, and he had probably been the only reason she'd been able to use one on Elysium . . . and he was probably dead now. She thought he may have been an admiral, and a high-ranking one though still under Hackett, which would have meant that he was on Arcturus when . . . "It doesn't matter."

God damned Reapers.

"Anyway." She tossed the datapad aside and leaned her head back on the sofa. "Make whatever changes you want. I'm tired of pretending to care."

#

Shit fuck what was she god damn it what was she  _doing_.

Shepard stared at herself in the full length mirror, the dress she'd loved accentuating every bit of her body she no longer loved, the breasts that were just a little too big and the hips that were far too big from years of having to sprint across battlefields wearing a hundred pounds of armor and weapons, the waist that was just barely keeping time with her usual size thanks to her heightened metabolism, the thighs that were the same thing as her hips and the shoulders that were just a little too broad.

But, hey, it covered up the scars that laced over her torso, given to her courtesy of the explosions she'd suffered on Earth and the Citadel.

She turned to look at her back. The white, silky fabric twisted and crossed between her shoulderblades, wrapping around to meet the fabric on either side of her hips, dipping down to the small of her back. Her scars here were fewer, mostly from Elysium or Lazarus or when she'd tried to stand in the hospital and cut her back open - that accounted for the one that curved from her left shoulder and then down her spine, at least. The skirt clung to her muscular thighs, falling suddenly down to the floor in loose, wide twisted straps were held in place by a long train of tulle that wrapped and tied invisibly around them behind a broach and fell down to the floor, following her with a vast sea of thin white that nearly seemed half her height.

"I look like a dumbass magazine photo," she complained.

"You look good. Shut up."

Shepard scowled at Kasumi, then carefully touched the elaborate way someone had done her hair.

"Stop it," Hannah scolded. "I've got her from here, Kasumi. Thanks."

"Anytime, Admiral Shep," Kasumi said, raising her hand in a mock salute before disappearing. Hannah turned back to her daughter, carefully adjusting the silver and diamond hair vine that Kasumi had mysteriously "found." "You ready?"

"I look stupid," she replied. Hannah sighed.

"You're going to make everyone in there jealous of your husband," she replied. Satisfied, she stepped back and handed Shepard her cane, wrapped in silver and blue ribbon. She'd been walking fairly well without it recently, but only for short distances, and not when standing for very long. "He isn't going to know what hit him."

Shepard shook her head. "This is stupid. It's a bunch of idiots who are using us again for their own purposes and I just . . ." She looked up and swallowed. "I just wanted to be left alone for a while."

Hannah swiped her thumbs under Shepard's eyes. "No crying, dear. You'll smudge your makeup, and the Alliance paid good money for it. You look . . ." She swallowed and smiled sadly. "You look beautiful."

Shepard studied her for a second, then echoed her sad smile. "I wish he was here too, mom." It never took much to know what her mother was thinking when she had that look on her face. Shanxi had been decades ago, but the wounds were still fresh in the Shepard family.

She smiled again and rubbed her daughter's arms. "Come on," she said. "The sooner we're gone, the sooner this will be over."

Shepard nodded, and settled her hand on her cane.


	16. Chapter 15: Mr. and Mrs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wishing everyone a happy new year and such! This is a relatively short chapter, but things are going to pick up in the next chapter, so I'll make up for it. :D

 

**Mr. and Mrs.**

Kaidan stood at the front of the decorated room - where the hell had they gotten flowers anyway? - trying to resist the urge to thrust his hands in his pockets and rock back on his heels like Shepard was so wont to do. Garrus let Tali walk to the left as he joined James and Joker behind Kaidan, mandibles fluttering awkwardly at Kaidan as he passed.

"You ready?" he mumbled, distinct doubled voice rumbling as he tried to keep it quiet.

He wet his lips when he saw Kasumi slip back into one of the chairs, her lips drawn in a smile under her hood. If Kasumi was back, it meant that it would only be seconds now. Kasumi had used his account to buy Shepard a different dress, claiming he'd "love it" when he finally saw her in it, and finally breaking down and confessing that Shepard had been too upset to wear the one they wanted because it showed off the vast network of scars on her torso.

He finally cleared his throat quietly and glanced back at the turian behind him. "Ready enough."

Joker shifted on his crutch, only necessary because he'd be on his feet for longer than he usually was. "Better damn well be."

His first notice that Shepard was coming in was Admiral Shepard's quiet slip into a seat in the front next to Hackett and his mother, her encouraging smile up at him. It was followed quickly by the people in the back – political dignitaries, high-ranking and surviving members of the Alliance and other militaries, people she'd directly helped during the war, members of her old crews – standing, the aliens following the humans' lead. Kaidan stared at the aisle, anxiously awaiting anything.

He finally saw her, leaning heavily on her hand, and she met his eyes and smiled radiantly up at him. His breath, only just deciding it was safe to return, decided that a tactical retreat was once again in order.

He'd seen her in a dress once, and he'd known she'd worn it to get a reaction out of him, when they met on the Citadel after the attempted coup. And this . . . simple, but something that seemed both alien and perfect for her, hugging her body in a way that made him think quite seriously about the best way to get her out of it. But what he loved more than the dress or how her long hair had been piled on top of her head in a way so different from its usual regulation bun was the way her face had lit up as soon as their eyes met, the shadows he so often saw lurking there vanishing in a heartbeat.

As the actions of the humans encouraged the crowd to sink back into their seats, Kaidan reached out his hand and Shepard took it, her smile widening. "You, ah . . ." he started, voice stopping in his throat.

"Galaxy in the balance," she whispered, and he managed to grin around the lump in his throat. God, she was beautiful - the fact struck him as like a sack of rocks. "You ready?"

"Better be."

They turned to face the civil servant in charge of the public spectacle, and Kaidan ignored him as he rambled. He watched Shepard instead, eyes tracing the new scars on her neck and currently-bare arms, her hand warm in his, barely cognizant of the people around them as so often happened when they were together off a battlefield.

And after this spectacle there'd be another, this one a public celebration, and they would expect Shepard to dance at least once. And she would scowl and they would beg and she would finally stand up and fumble and limp her way through it, probably leaning on him for support when they didn't let her have her cane, and then go back to her second favorite pastime of feeding her biotic metabolism and her second least favorite (after dancing) of playing with dignitaries and politicians and people who wanted to thank her and name their children after her. And at some point, if he didn't keep an eye on her, Wrex and Vega and Garrus and probably Joker would try to break her off from the party to get her drunk, and she wouldn't refuse. If he was lucky, she'd only have a little, and if he was very unlucky she'd make an absolute idiot of herself and possibly lose all their money to Wrex again.

Shepard squeezed his hand and he snapped out of his reverie, unsurprised that she had been paying partial attention. She smiled, and when she replied to the officiant's question with a quiet, easy "I do," he thought his knees would give out under him. He repeated her answer without hesitation when asked, Joker discreetly fishing out the small metal bands that they'd removed just for this and passing them to him without either of them dropping them. He slid her ring back onto her finger, Shepard following his action a second later. And when the officiant told him to kiss her it had been all he could do to not sweep her off her feet and out of the makeshift hall and to where they could be alone, and instead just kiss her, both of them forcing themselves to step back long before they would otherwise have done so for formality's sake.

"Well, Mrs. Alenko," he murmured as he gripped her hand. She grinned back.

"Mr. Shepard."

And with that, they started down the aisle.

#

Kaidan managed to lose her sometime during the reception, after all the reception-type things were over.

Little did he know that Wrex, Garrus, Jack, Joker, and Vega had stolen her away to the hotel's bar, and they were currently sitting in a booth with the krogan shoved in the corner on one bench, Jack squeezed onto the end of it, Joker in a chair on the end, and Shepard, Garrus, and James crammed onto the other.

"And what's with all the frilly shit?" Wrex asked gruffly, big hand holding a giant mug of ryncol. "Surprised you humans ever mate at all."

"Shepard'd be the first to tell ya the wedding's not necessary for that," James said. Shepard snorted into her bourbon.

"Tell you what, Wrex," she said, holding up her glass. "Me and Kaidan have been doing  _quite_  enough of that without all this shit."

Wrex guffawed and slammed his glass on the table. Joker shook his head. "Shepard, dammit, there's some things I don't want to think about."

"Too late," she replied.

"That . . . can't be comfortable," Garrus said, from where he was crammed into the corner of the bench by James. Shepard glanced down and shrugged.

"It's not all bad." She emptied her drink and waved for another. "The one they wanted me in initially was worse."

"I don't get this shit," Jack said, waving for a refill on her own drink. "Why the fuck are they so intent on getting you guys married?"

"We made a deal," Shepard explained. "They don't try to separate us, we endure this torment."

"Torment," Wrex guffawed. "How much torment was it when they made Alenko crawl up your skirt?"

"That wasn't my idea," Shepard replied hotly, grabbing her drink from the waitress. "The fuckin' interns looked at every stupid human wedding thing and decided to use it. Including having to make Kaidan crawl up my dress in public." She took a large swallow of her drink and nearly choked on it. "I suppose you approve of the fact that Kaidan winged it at James' face?"

James rubbed his forehead as they laughed. "It stung!"

"So'd the fucking flowers," Jack added. "Did you have to throw 'em at  _my_  face?"

Shepard merely chuckled and took another drink. "I was aiming for the back of EDI's head. Not my fault your face was in the way."

"What is it with human females and flowers?"

"Wrex, have you been watching too many human vids again?" Joker asked.

"It's supposed to make things nice looking," Shepard said. "And it's traditional. Again, the damn Council wanted everything 'authentic.'" She framed the words with air quotes. "I would have said fuck 'em, but it was our careers on the line. Or, Kaidan's, at least." She scowled and downed her drink. "How do krogan do these things, Wrex?"

"Gonna change now that the genophage got cured," he said gruffly. "Used to be making sure you had a decent line. None of this mating for 'life' shit." He  _hmph_ ed. "Hope Bakara doesn't get any ideas."

James snorted. "That'd be a sight. Wonder what a krogan wedding would look like."

Shepard snickered. "Bet there'd be a lot of flowers." She made a motion with her fingers. "Right there, looped over your crest-"

"Not on your damn life," Wrex said.

"I don't know, Wrex, you might look good in a dress." Garrus paused, swirling his drink. "Bakara would be wearing the pants, right?"

Garrus winced when Wrex nudged him under the table. "Shut up, Vakarian."

"I think he's getting a bit touchy," Jack said with a laugh. He elbowed her, and she flailed a bit before ending up on the ground. They laughed, Shepard hiding her face in her arm.

They let their laughter trail off. Wrex finished his ryncol and waved for another - Shepard was pretty sure he'd put back at least 5. As the waiter brought them another round and Jack was still chuckling over Wrex dumping her on her ass, Shepard was sure she caught sight of at least one asari dignitary and her human female partner eyeing them suspiciously.

Shepard took her drink, and Wrex motioned with his. "Lookit that. Can't -"

"Wrex, stop. You're turning into a judgmental eighty-year-old woman," Joker said.

"It's a wedding. You always have one of those people," Shepard explained. "They  _really_  like to put on the judgy-specs."

"They whaty-what?" Garrus asked, stumbling over his words.

"Judgy-specs, really, Shepard?" Joker asked. Jack was too busy laughing into her drink.

"It sounded good at the time," she retorted, laughing into her own.

#

"God. Not again."

Kaidan couldn't, to be honest, be happier that Shepard was possibly providing them a reason to leave. He wasn't happy that her method of doing so, however, was to get drunk - quite drunk, if the sound of the group in the corner was any indication. He grabbed the back of Joker's chair, waiting.

"Hey, Alenko!" James said, raising his beer.

"Oi, look who it is," Jack said. "Bet we know what he's after."

Shepard glared at her, making them laugh harder, and braced herself on her cane to stand. "What's up, Kai?" she murmured.

"People are asking after you."

"Too bad," she said. "I'm having fun."

He nodded. "And if I leave you here much longer you won't be able to walk up to our room. Come on." Shepard pouted, then wobbled slightly on her cane.

"Fair," she said with a nod once she'd righted herself. Kaidan gently steadied her with a hand on her back. "I suppose I can play politician for a bit." She grinned, and leaned heavily on him as he led her back towards the ballroom. "Maybe for the right . . . incentive?"

Kaidan grinned, carefully kissing the side of her head. Her hair was still stiff with hairspray, and for a moment he wondered if he might be able to get a nice shower out of her tonight when she inevitably tried to brush her hair out upstairs and found it so crinkled and stiff that she would demand one, and hopefully demand his presence with it.

"Come on," he said with a chuckle. "Try to not act wasted."

"I am not wasted!" she protested.

And much to her chagrin, the first two people they ran into were the asari and her partner from the bar.


	17. Chapter 16: The Honeymoon Is Over

**The Honeymoon is Over**

It was the day after the wedding that the  _Normandy_  and the  _Ain Jalut_ headed out through the Citadel relay, flying completely and totally dark and off the radar, all crew at battle positions.

There was no knowing what they could possibly find out past the relays. There were no reports that Reapers had survived but if they had, they would come out of the woodwork soon enough. And if they did, then there may be a problem. And not only that, but the Leviathans - or just the Leviathan, Shepard hadn't been told how many had survived - were still out there, possibly posing a danger to the fragile galaxy.

The  _Normandy_  volunteered to skirt around in the Terminus Systems, checking out relays towards the Perseus Veil. The  _Ain Jalut_  went on the other side of the galaxy, going through the Traverse and checking out human colonies, with short jumps into the batarian space it was more familiar with.

It was this mission that they set out on the day after the public wedding, which was a source of great amusement to several members of the crew. They had shipped out early in the morning, around 0400 hours, which had meant Kaidan and Shepard were the last two crewmembers present and Shepard was still slightly drunk after drinking through the latter parts of the reception and promptly collapsed in the captain's cabin on Deck One. Kaidan filled a mug with coffee and stood on the bridge behind Joker, watching as he continued to put his copilot through the ringer and jumped the ship through the first relay towards the Terminus Systems.

All hands were at stations, with a few of the spares running around taking people coffee. Joker finally sent his copilot on the same mission, his own problems evident in the way he wore a pair of dark glasses at his post and winced around loud noises.

"Stealth systems are all engaged, Major," he said, voice sounding rough.

"Thanks, Joker."

"So . . . officially married, are you? It's respectable now?"

"Well, if you don't consider us sell-outs for doing what the Alliance and the Council wanted."

"Gotta do what you've gotta do," Joker replied, checking the screens. "Nothing on the ladar so far."

"We've only been out here a few minutes," Kaidan replied.

"You never know, people know the relays are open." He glanced over his shoulder. "Where are we trying to get to first?"

"Push through to Omega, I suppose. Shepard can check in with Aria over vidcomm and we'll find out how the region is."

"Think Aria'll talk?"

"Maybe. Shepard did save her life. A few times."

"Well. We'll see." Joker shrugged. "Or she'll just try to have us shot out of the sky."

"Nah. Aria will recognize the  _Normandy_. And she owes Shepard a favor."

Joker shook his head. "Shepard's not going to call a favor in just to find out if the Terminus Systems are playing  _nice_."

"Just . . . head out that direction, all right?"

"Aye aye, sir," Joker replied, half sarcastically.

Kaidan started back into the ship, checking a few of the consoles as he passed. EDI was standing next to Traynor, the duo talking quietly at the tech's terminal.

"Major Alenko," she said, stopping him as he headed towards the war room.

"Yes, EDI?"

"There is a non-Alliance unauthorized individual aboard the  _Normandy_."

Kaidan blinked. "Where?"

"In one of the cargo holds on engineering deck."

". . . How could someone have gotten on board without you knowing?"

"I never said that I did not let her aboard," EDI replied, the smallest hint of smugness in her voice. Kaidan shook his head and started for the elevator, taking it down.

The interior of the small room was covered in signs and maps and papers and in the corner, studying something while surrounded by a pile of books, was a certain master thief. She glanced over her shoulder. "Major Alenko. I guess EDI ratted me out, then."

"Why are you squatting in my cargo hold?"

She scoffed, standing. " _Your_  cargo hold? This is Shepard's ship, isn't it?" Kaidan stared at her for a few moments, and Kasumi sighed. "I've got some people after me. Again."

"Rob the wrong person?"

"Please. I've been out of work for a year and a half. No. Someone suspects Keiji's greybox has more intelligence information, and apparently I'm quite valuable in some circles now."

Kaidan quirked an eyebrow. "Have you found anything?"

"Not yet. I'm working on it. But I thought it'd be best to lay low for a while. Avoid those guys."

"So you . . . come on board an Alliance warship."

"No," she repeats. "I came on board  _Shepard_ 's ship. Or . . ." She tapped her lower lip. "Are you seriously considering ratting me out? Because I might have to go talk to your wife about than."

Kaidan sighed, and shook his head. "No. Look. Fine. Just stay out of trouble, and refer to yourself as a contractor if you have to."

"You got it, Major. And don't worry. It won't be the first time I've had to blend it." Her lips twitched up in a smirk and she turned back to her books. Kaidan shook his head and stepped into the hallway.

"EDI?"

"I have already added Ms. Goto to our official roster as a civilian contractor," EDI replied immediately. "Obviously I have used one of her lesser-known aliases. I trust this will be satisfactory?"

"It will. Thanks, EDI." Kaidan shook his head and continued back up to the crew deck. With Shepard passed out upstairs, it was up to him to do her usual rounds.

#

"Aria."

:: _Shepard_.::

The conversation between the two heavyweights was being closely watched by Kaidan, with a few curious crewmembers pretending they weren't peeking over the war-room steps. Shepard was leaning on her cane in front of the comm, Aria hovering over it with her arms crossed over her chest.

"How's Omega?"

:: _Rebuilding. No thanks to the relays going offline, which I assume was_ your _doing._ ::

All Shepard did was nod, though Kaidan thought she may have winced. "Not by choice, as far as I know," she replied.

:: _And t_ _here's no way you called me to 'chat'. What are you after, Shepard? Don't waste my time._ ::

She chuckled. "Wouldn't dream of it. Looking for information, about what's been going on since the relays opened. Any increases in pirate activity or-"

:: _You're pretty far out of your space, Shepard. I wouldn't poke my nose around too much._ ::

"Aria, you know damn straight that I'm just trying to make sure trade and travel routes are relatively safe. You can either help me, or I can fly in there and bust your ass in the middle of Purgatory. Maybe crawl around and find and adjutant or something. How's the center console of Afterlife treating you? Try to catch you in any electrical fields recently?"

:: _Fuck you, Shepard. Terminus Systems have been quiet since the relays came online. People are taking stock of their losses before starting anything._ :: She paused, suddenly, then rubbed her chin with her hand. :: _Actually, there is something I've heard of._ ::

"What is it?"

:: _Ah-ah-ah, what am I getting in return for this?_ ::

"Me not telling half of Omega that you nearly got us killed by being a dumbass."

She huffed. :: _Fine. Besides, if you deal with them, I won't have to. Heard of Echidna?_ ::

Shepard glanced over at Kaidan. "The small egg-laying Earth mammal?"

:: _What? No, you dumbass. They're a human organization. Continuation of Cerberus, I've heard. Calling themselves Echidna._ ::

Shepard glanced at Kaidan again, then shifted nervously on her cane. "How do you know about this?"

:: _Caught one, two weeks after the relays went on line. I won't bore you with the details - it might tear your little bleeding heart up - but he confessed. He didn't spill much, but enough. Definitely talking Cerberus shit, just under a different name._ ::

"Think they're looking at Omega again?"

:: _I can't be sure. But if they are, I'll bash their leader's head in with his own spine._ :: For once, Shepard wasn't willing to call Aria's bluff.

"Anything else? Know who their leader is, or what their plans are? General location?"

:: _No._ ::

"Nothing?"

:: _Do you think I wouldn't tell you? They're your problem, Shepard, not mine._ ::

"They'll be your problem if they show up in force on Omega."

:: _Be serious, Shepard, Cerberus didn't have the numbers to take Omega again._ :: She was right. Sanctuary and Cronos Station had been Cerberus' last strongholds. Whoever, or whatever, this group was, they were operating on their own terms. Maybe using former Cerberus bases or resources, but having risen from the ashes.

"And you're sure they're Cerberus? Or,  _were_  Cerberus."

:: _He had Cerberus-type optical flashbangs, cyanide molars and evidence of Reaper implants. You tell me._ ::

Shepard sighed. "All right. Thanks, Aria. Let me know if you find anything else out." She nodded, and shimmered back out of existence.

"Echidna," Kaidan said. Shepard nodded.

"Sounds like it. But I don't understand why anyone thought this was a good name for a terrorist organization. Echidna aren't even that scary."

"They probably mean the Greek myth. The mother of Cerberus and other Greek monsters?"

Shepard smacked his arm gently. "And I'm talking about the not-anteater. People are going to get confused. They should have really looked for alternative names."

He shook his head and stepped further in. "We should contact Hackett."

"Agreed." Shepard nodded, and plugged in the contact. After a few seconds, Hackett stepped into view.

:: _Shepard. Have you found anything?_ ::

"I contacted Aria T'Loak, to see if she had any information."

:: _She cooperated?_ ::

"Enough," Kaidan replied. "She claims there's a new Cerberus-style organization out there, calling themselves Echidna."

Hackett was quiet. :: _The mother of Cerberus?_ ::

"Not the first thing I thought of," Shepard said quietly.

:: _Not the first thing I thought of either. Did she have proof?_ ::

"She says she captured an Echidna operative who had Cerberus-class suicide implants and signs of formerly being implanted with Reaper technology," Shepard replied. "That's a former Cerberus operative."

Hackett nodded. :: _Agreed. We expected another organization with Cerberus' ideals to show up at some point, just not this soon._ _Continue your mission and scout out the relays. I'll present this information to the Council. Keep your ears open, and contact me if you hear anything._ ::

"We'll do that, sir," Kaidan replied. Shepard added her own nod.

:: _Hackett out._ ::

"I don't like this, Kai," Shepard said, almost before Hackett had disappeared. Kaidan shook his head.

"Neither do I. That this sort of group showed up so quickly after Cerberus' dissolution -"

"We don't know that Cerberus was entirely gone," she corrected. "I killed the Illusive Man, but I didn't hunt down anyone with that philosophical leaning and kill them."

"But we have lists of Cerberus bases and all of Chronos Station's data. We'll find them, if they're using Cerberus' resources."

"Yeah." Shepard shakes her head. "I'd just hoped we'd be done with those jackasses after TIM was gone."

"Any idea who would have stepped up?"

"I would have thought Petrovsky,  _maybe_ , but as far as I know he's still in Alliance custody. And he rolled over awfully fast on Cerberus. I'm not sure if that had anything to do with Aria or not, but the fact remains that I doubt it's him. Apart from that . . ." She shook her head. "We should possibly contact Miranda. She may have an idea."

Kaidan nodded. "You do that, I'll get EDI to -"

:: _I have already begun to search the extranet for any mentions of Echidna, minus the small mammal. I will update you if I locate anything._ ::

"-do that. I suppose I'll be on the bridge, then."

"Go on," Shepard said with a small smile, leaning in to kiss him. "Go be Spectre-y. I'll take care of this."

Kaidan gave her a sideways grin and kissed her back. The crew had dispersed by then, fortunately, especially when Shepard patted his rear as he turned to leave. He glanced over his shoulder at her with a raised eyebrow, then kept walking.

#

He hadn't been one of Cerberus'  _best_  operatives, or most highly rated within the organization. But what he had been was a strong financial backer, giving the just pre-war organization most of its money to pursue its research into indoctrination, biotics, and other protosciences and pseudosciences, and the Illusive Man had trusted him with some of the more sensitive, secretive projects.

He'd only barely escaped the war unscathed. He had been seriously injured, during one particular skirmish with Reaper and Alliance forces, but the best medical care and reconstructive surgery had preserved his life. Rebuilding the organization itself with the relays down had been difficult, but they'd been left alone. And the Cerberus network had still been open and active, and each remaining facility was able to stay operational while the Alliance and the aliens repaired the relays for them.

"Sir."

He turned away from his screen, glancing back at the aide that addressed him. "Yes?"

"The reports from Hermes Cell are here. Would you like them now, or later?"

"I will take the reports now." He held out his hand, and accepted the datapads. "Thank you, Oxley."

Oxley nodded and turned to leave.

"Oxley!" He paused, looking back. "Spectre reports."

"I'll find out what is taking so long."

"Thank you."

He'd been busy. Placing moles on Alliance ships, placing monitoring on alien vessels, replacing agents in the councilors' employ - all these took time and money and effort. But Echidna, although certainly not in the same vein as its predecessor organization, was already on its feet. His interests had been too narrow before - his close brush with death had demonstrated that - and while he was keeping up with his previous goals he  _knew_  he had to expand his interests if the philosophy he had started to espouse was to survive. And it had to survive.

With Shepard's apparent influence, humanity would lose their rapid gains. At the moment they were poised right at the cusp of what could be humanity's golden age - subjection of the still devastated aliens under humanity's banner was possible, but Admiral Hackett was the  _de facto_  leader of humanity, and Shepard had his ear. And there were even demands for Shepard to step in as the human councilor! Any ability for humanity to step in and claim a rightful place at the head of the galaxy would be completely lost if she had her way. He did not intend to let that happen, even if that meant undermining the influence of the Alliance.

And, more particularly, the Alliance's golden child.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Finally we're up to what I'm more comfortable writing - plot. It only took us sixteen chapters. Thanks for your reviews and follows and this is the last chapter I've had written, so it may take a few days to update thanks to graduate applications and school and such.


	18. Chapter 17: Shepard's First Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaack! I have quite a few chapters written, now. So I should be able to post a little more regularly. I love you all and this story is probably going to go in a slightly unforeseen direction. Just a warning. Hold on to your hats. And your sidearms.

 

The survey of major trade and transit routes took about two weeks. The  _Normandy_  was on constant alert, all hands at battle stations ninety percent of the time. Shepard and Kaidan had purposefully placed themselves on opposite shifts, stealing a kiss when one of them left the Loft for duty and the other went to collapse in bed. Shepard began to walk around without her cane, prompting Chakwas to mention clearing her for fieldwork in passing, which meant that Shepard almost demanded it if it meant some return to normalcy.

The last day, then, of their tour was a major day for both Shepard and Kaidan. Shepard was cleared for future ground missions, provided she was closely supervised, and they celebrated the same way they celebrated everything else.

As soon as they cleared the last relay out of the Terminus systems, Kaidan and Shepard hailed the Council. They didn't have a chance to report.

:: _We have an assignment,_ :: Sparatus said, by way of greeting.

:: _Hackett has informed us about Echidna. This is troubling._ :: Apparently Tevos, and the rest of the Council, was not wasting time. :: _As you are very familiar with their predecessor organization, you are the logical choices to pursue them._ ::

Shepard and Kaidan traded a glance, then both looked over at Hackett. He shrugged. "We already have a few leads," Shepard said finally.

:: _Excellent. You'll begin immediately, then,_ :: Velarn said.

"We will," Kaidan replied. "Reports should be along shortly, but the relays appear to be clear."

As the terminal cleared, Shepard leaned on her husband. "There's an old Cerberus base on Chasca," she said. "EDI and Traynor have said it's transmitting again. It's a good place to start."

"Sounds good." Kaidan kissed the side of her head and turned. "I'll tell Joker to set course."

#

They remembered the smell of the planet more than anything else.

Five years ago - had it really been so long? - they'd cleared out this base personally. And as Steve landed the shuttle, and Shepard jumped to settle her armor, she smiled.  _This_  was what she was, not a politician or an intel worker, but a soldier. She hadn't realized just how much she missed it until her weapons were weighing on her back, coupled with her armor and her HUD blinking in her helmet.

"I'm feeling a little exposed out here," Steve said, glancing over his shoulder. "You'll hurry?"

"Fly around a bit. We'll call you when we need you," Kaidan said. Shepard nodded in agreement as she stepped out onto the planet, rolling her neck. They'd brought five of the ten-person marine complement on the  _Normandy_ , and the marines filed out after them.

"Remember this base?" Shepard asked, as the shuttle lifted off behind them.

"Yeah," he replied. "Crawling with thorian creepers, if I remember correctly."

"Yeah. Cerberus killed the entire colony when they went berserk." She unsnapped her shotgun, another Graal that Kaidan had painstakingly repainted once during his downtime. "After you, Major."

"All right. Stay together and check your corners," he ordered, pulling out his own assault rifle. "Shepard, try to not charge a guardian, if we see one."

"Aww, first groundside mission and I can't even charge a guy with a shield," she replied. He half-glared at her through his helmet, and she grinned.

"Ignore Major Shepard's desire to charge everything that moves and keep your eyes open for hostiles. Ready?"

There was a general nod, and Shepard tried to ignore the tingle in her limbs as Kaidan and the other marines prepared to open the door and she settled down with the other marines, gun ready. Kaidan slammed his elbow into the lock, and as the first pair swung in no one appeared.

"I don't like this, Alenko," Shepard said quietly.

"Neither do I, Shepard." He nods. "After me. Come on."

Shepard brought up the rear of the group, trotting next to a young marine named Kebelson. The young woman looked over at her and smiled. "Pleasure to finally be working with you, ma'am."

"Likewise," she replied, as they cut through the wide front room of the base. They cleared the next door, and Shepard jerked back. "Grenade!"

Kaidan tossed out his hand, almost casually, and a shimmering field covered the small disk as the grenade exploded safely away from them. That gave the marines time to roll into cover, Shepard finding her own behind a supply crate. She craned her neck over, and Kaidan held up five fingers and flashed them. Ten. Then . . . one turret.

She watched as he flew through the orders, pointing Kebelsen and one of their other techs to hack the turret and for he and Shepard, the unit's only biotics, to pull people out into the front room. She nodded, and he gave the sign.

Shepard hadn't tried to move anything larger than a chair for some time. Kaidan had unofficially taken over with her biotics re-training, helping her deal with the implants she'd needed re-installed during her recovery to replace the ones that had been irreparably fractured on the Citadel. So when she reached out and grabbed a plainly-armored man from the far end of the hallway, she probably over-focused. He flew forward, a scream sounding out of his throat before he slammed into the far wall with a nasty-sounding crunch.

"A little lighter on the pull, there, Marra," Kaidan shot back, pulling his own to collapse in a heap just on their side of the hallway, one of the marines gunning him down.

"Very funny, Kai," she retorted, trying to do the same to the man operating the turret. Their sniper, Leschkau, sent a round through his skull before she could pull him out. Kaidan motioned, and another man flew out of the hallway.

"Got it!" Kebelsen said triumphantly, omni-tool flared around her wrist. At the end of the hallway the turret slumped, sparking.

"Blow it," Kaidan replied.

That was when Shepard felt the first tingling around her that signified she was being pulled in by another biotic. It wasn't the first time she'd felt this - Jack had pulled her off the Collector Base when she nearly hadn't reached the  _Normandy_  after being shot in her calf during the escape, and Javik had pulled her out of the way of a sneaky banshee once - but to the untrained eye the blue glow would only barely clash with her personal biotics' green.

"Don't," she snapped. If there was another biotic she was being pulled into the hall, and . . . Kaidan had barely turned to look at her when she flared a brilliant green and charged.

Whatever the other biotic - sneaky, hiding behind the turret - had expected to do when he'd pulled one of the enemy biotics, likely not knowing who it was, it wasn't for her to turn the momentum of his pull into a full-scale biotic charge.

Shepard flew down the hallway, and in the split second before she impacted him she heard Kaidan's aggravated groan over her commlink. Then she was slamming the enemy biotic back into the wall with a crunch before barely stopping herself.

There were five humans left, all looking a little shocked by the sudden appearance of a fully armored and armed Alliance vanguard in their midst. They recovered about the time that Shepard straightened herself out, and in a flash she moved and took the force of a second charge through her arm and straight into the ground.

There was a flash of blue to her right, and one of the men snapped back into a wall. Another fell, a round from Leschkau slamming perfectly through the center of his forehead. Kebelsen overloaded the turret again, and Wickham, the other tech, rendered a third's rifle inoperable. Shepard swung her shotgun, blade-first, into his neck, nearly decapitating him with the force.

Kaidan stuck his hand over his shoulder, catching one of the two remaining combatants in a solid stasis. Shepard spotted the man coming up behind him and quickly rolled, coming up in front of him and blasting point-blank through his face with her gun.

For a moment there was little more than panting in the hallway as Kebelsen and Wickham hurried forward to make sure the turret was deactivated completely. Kaidan checked the woman held in stasis and turned to Shepard.

"I told you not to charge," he said quietly.

"They had a biotic and he caught me in a pull," she replied. "I don't think that he knew who we were, specifically. I had to do something."

Kaidan nodded, and gently reached out to brush her arm. "You're all right?"

"Yeah." She nodded, then glanced down at one of the bodies. Turning him over with her foot, she drew her knife. "Let's see if what Aria was saying was right."

"These look like common pirates," Kaidan said.

"Mm," Shepard replied, then jammed her knife straight into the corpse's skull. The marines winced - neither Kaidan nor Shepard seemed phased, even when she worked the knife down and around the eye socket and pried it loose. "Optical flashbang. Cerberus-grade." She let it fall, then checked inside the man's mouth. "False teeth. Probably cyanide pills." A few deft motions pulled off his rough breastplate, and she nodded. There were scarred over holes, where what may have once been cybernetics and tubes would have crossed his chest. "Reaper tech, if I've ever seen it. He was a Cerberus operative." She stood, wiping her hand on her thigh. "We should see if there's scientists here, or if it's just a functioning base at the moment. Griner, sedate and stay with the prisoner." The gunnery chief nodded, and Kaidan waited for him to do so before letting her out of his stasis field.

They cleared the living quarters - two large bunk rooms surrounding a mess hall - and prepared to enter the labs. The first room was full of nothing but laboratory equipment.

When they opened the door to the second room, they promptly fell back behind the door. A group of scientists were huddled in a corner, and Shepard and Kaidan nodded to one another before swinging out with their guns ready.

"D-don't shoot," the first one called, hands raised.

"You're Cerberus?"

They traded a glance at Kaidan's question. "W-we were?"

"Is this your idea of surrendering?" Shepard queried. They nodded vigorously. "All right. Up. On your feet." The group of four scientists hurriedly did so, hands upheld. "What are you doing on Chasca?"

"E-Echidna thought this would be a g-good established base." Obviously this poor scientist had been selected to be the spokesperson, by the way the others were huddling behind him. "N-no need to rebuild and all the l-labs are already here."

"And what's your connection?" Kaidan asked.

"W-we were Cerberus, like I said. Pure research. Easy stuff."

"Like what?"

"G-gene modification, biotic augmentation, t-things like that. N-nothing like indoctrination o-or Reapers or -"

"All right, so just . . . run of the mill stuff?" They nodded vigorously. Shepard lowered her gun, and turned her head slightly.

"We'll arrange a meeting with Hackett," she said quietly. "Get a ship to take 'em back to headquarters on the Citadel. They can be interrogated and put to use or otherwise dealt with by the Alliance."

He nodded. "Agreed. And the other?"

"We'll work her over a bit ourselves. See if we can't get a lead. I doubt these guys know anything."

Kaidan eyed the scientists, then nodded. "Leschkau, Wickham, secure these men. I'll look for an information terminal-"

"Next room, right on the back wall," one of the scientists helpfully supplied, her hand wavering when she pointed.

"And Shepard, make sure they get secured on the shuttle. Kebelsen, with me."

Shepard couldn't help but cast him a small smile as she helped escort the scientists back towards the entrance.

#

The Alliance had strict rules on interrogation.

The interrogator was supposed to maintain a respectful distance from the prisoner, and physical contact was not supposed to be made. It kept them from complaining about mistreatment in a prisoner-of-war situation, and kept the Council and the Alliance happy.

Spectres, on the other hand, had no such requirements.

Once the myriad of suicide devices were deactivated or removed under anesthesia, their captured operative was handcuffed to a chair in the remaining side cargo hold. The scientists were being watched in the cargo hold, calmly questioned by Kebelsen and Griner using proper Alliance protocol. Kaidan and Shepard, meanwhile, waited for the woman to wake up.

When she did, it was obvious that she took one look at the duo and attempted to find a suicide method that hadn't been compromised. They watched, and finally Shepard cleared her throat.

"None of them will work," she said pointedly. The woman's head jerked up. "We deactivated or removed them. Yes, including the flashbangs."

"Go to hell," she said.

"Been there, done that," Shepard replied. "Who are you?"

She sneered. "Don't see that that's any of your business, Shepard. Don't look surprised, everyone knows your fucking face."

Shepard and Kaidan traded a look. Neither of them looked surprised. She rested her hands on her knees, meeting the woman's eyes.

"A name," she said, slowly. "Or I'll give you one."

The woman straightened up. "Carius, Europa," she started. "0-"

"Stop," Shepard chided. She knew EDI was already running the name. "You're an Echidna operative?"

Carius bared her teeth. "What's it to you?"

"Stop being an idiot," she retorted. "Who's behind Echidna? What are their goals? What were you doing on Chasca?"

She remained silent. Shepard straightened, and sighed. "If you know who we are," she said, pointedly. "Then you know that whatever you learned about Alliance interrogation no longer applies. So I suggest you hurry up and answer me."

"What's he here for, then?"

Kaidan shrugged. "I'm here to ensure you keep what's left of your teeth," he said pointedly.

"Now," Shepard continued. "Talk to me, and I won't start pulling your fingernails off."

"What?" Carius asked, going pale. "I-"

"But, that's right," Shepard continued. "Cerberus operatives were trained to resist standard torture methods. What else can I do, Alenko?"

He shrugged. "What do you feel like today?"

"I don't know. Maybe . . . Hm . . ." Shepard made a show of drawing her knife out of her boot, testing the edge against her sole. "You know I can skin people with this."

"I'm sure you can," Kaidan replied, noting how big Carius' eyes had gotten. She must have been a fairly new operative to Cerberus, probably recruited from Sanctuary in favor of not getting brutally murdered or turned into a husk. Likely not even enough time to be completely indoctrinated. "She won't do it, you know," he continued. "Trust me, last time she skinned someone . . . it wasn't pretty. We were washing blood out of the floors for weeks." Her eyes widened again. "So if you just tell us what you know, we'll let you go. Or, we'll at least hand you over to the Alliance."

She licked her lips, then looked back over at Shepard. She was watching her with a pensive look. "I could always feed her her own spine," she said, a small green corona beginning to wreathe her. The operative swallowed.

"Look, I don't know anything. We don't know who the new leader is. And it was just run-of-the-mill stuff on Chasca, the scientists could tell you more. I was just doing security . . ." She shakes her head. "We saw how well that turned out," she mumbled.

Kaidan studied her for a second, and then glanced at Shepard. She was telling the truth. And if the new leader was anything like the Illusive Man, she wouldn't know. Shepard caught his look and nodded.

"Well, I suppose I can let it go this time," she said. "But . . . any other bases that you know of?"

"Yes!" she replied, eyes lighting up slightly. "There's a base on RXDN9 in the Horsehead Nebula. I-I have the system name. I'll give it to you."

"Excellent." Shepard looked at Kaidan. "When are we rendezvousing with the Alliance?"

"Another hour or so. We'll keep her with the scientists."

"Will you take her down?" Shepard asked. Kaidan nodded, and she waved her hand when he gave her a look she knew well. "I'm looking for food."

Shepard got into the elevator and made her way to the mess, leaning on Gardner's station. She was thrilled to have the mess sergeant back - the  _Normandy_  hadn't been the same without him. "You made anything?"

Gardner glanced around the mess, almost conspiratorially. "Here," he said, reaching under his counter. "Made 'em this morning."

Shepard bit into the brownie. God, Gardner made the best brownies. "These don't have anything in them."

"No ma'am. I'm on an Alliance ship now, gotta keep my nose clean." He tapped it, as if to prove his point. She grinned, and he handed her a sandwich and a cup of coffee. "Here you go. Figured you and the Major would be coming up here about now, looking for food."

"Biotics," Shepard said. "Like clockwork."

As she sat down with the sandwich, she shook her head. Something about it was offputting, if she had to be honest.

Which was strange - she loved food.  _Loved_. With a  _passion_. But . . . she didn't know what it was. But her metabolism demanded she not turn down a sandwich made by  _Rupert Gardner_ , and so she started to force it down.

"Hey." Kaidan. She glanced up as he rubbed her shoulders, thumbs working over her back. "You feeling all right?"

"Yeah," she said with a small smile. "Get your food."

 


	19. Chapter 18: Spectre Team

"You're sure you're fine."

Shepard glanced up. Kaidan, as usual, had devoured his sandwiches, and she glanced back at her plate and poked the half-finished meal.

"Yeah," she replied. "I just . . ." She made a face. "I feel . . .  _gross_."

She hadn't wanted to say anything. It'd just worry him. And from the look on his face, it had. A biotic not wanting to eat usually meant something was terribly wrong, and he knew that. Of course he'd know that.

" _Gross_ ," he said pointedly.

"Gross," she repeated. "I'm fine, I just . . . I don't want to eat. For some reason."

"You probably overextended yourself with your charge. Go lay down."

"I'm fine." Shepard rested her forehead in her hand, poking at her plate.

"Are you just not hungry?"

"I'm starving." She looked up. "I never said this made sense."

"Go on." He picked up the plate and handed it to her. "Go up and lay down. If you need anything, just get EDI to call. I can take the ship for now."

"You're a lifesaver, Kai," she murmured, getting to her feet. She didn't want to go off duty yet, but she knew there wasn't much choice if she wanted to go on the next mission when they got to their next former-Cerberus base. If she wasn't back to one-hundred percent she  _knew_  Kaidan would force Chakwas to keep her on the ship. She accepted her plate and headed for the elevator, even looking at her food making her queasy.

Once up in the Loft, Shepard set the plate on her desk.

Maybe it'd be a good idea for her to stay in the bathroom for a little bit.

Possibly a shower. Yes. A shower may be good.

#

"Doctor Chakwas?"

Chakwas looked up from her screen. "Major." Kaidan leaned his hip on the edge of her desk, arms crossed. "Everything all right?"

"I'm worried about Shepard."

The doctor glanced at her screen, then leaned forward on her desk. "What's going on?"

"Are we sure her implants weren't damaged?"

Chakwas nodded. "She was re-implanted with the same ones she had before, and you helped her get back in control. She shouldn't be having problems. Why?"

"She just went upstairs to lay down. Doesn't want to eat."

". . . strange." She paused, then looked back up at him. "Are you sure that you two haven't skimped on your suppressants recently?"

Kaidan held up his hands. "Yes."

"Just a question, major, no need to be defensive. Did she do something on the mission?"

"Turned an enemy pull into a charge-nova, but that's it. Nothing different, but -"

"No, that shouldn't be a problem, especially if she's been actively using her biotics." Chakwas shrugged. "I can go up and talk to her, if you'd like."

Kaidan considered it for a moment. "Would you mind? I . . . I'm just worried. If she's not eating . . . It wouldn't be a side effect of the PTSD, would it?"

"Maybe." Chakwas stood. "I'll head up there, Major."

"Thank you." He straightened and left the medbay, and Chakwas headed for the elevator.

Getting off at the Loft, she knocked on the door. "Major?"

Nothing.

"EDI, is Shepard still in her quarters?"

"Shepard is currently in the head."

"Thank you. Open the door?"

The Loft door flashed green and slid open. "Shepard?"

There was a groan from the bathroom, and Chakwas stepped through. Shepard lifted her head off her arm, slung over the edge of the toilet.

"Any particular reason that you're vacating your stomach contents?" Chakwas asked, kneeling down next to her and letting her omni-tool bloom around her wrist.

"I don't know," she moaned. "I just feel awful."

"Something you ate?"

"I don't know." She finally pulled herself up, and Chakwas closed her omni-tool. "I just feel sick."

"Kaidan says you charge-nova'd on the mission. Did you overextend yourself?"

"I . . . I don't think so." Shepard let Chakwas help her out of the bathroom and back to the Loft's bed, where she collapsed down. "I just feel sick."

"Hm." Chakwas rubbed her chin. "Are you sure you've been keeping up with your suppressants?"

"Yes," she snapped.

"Mm." Chakwas pulled Shepard's pills out of her desk and examined the number remaining. Seemingly satisfied, she set it on the desk. "I can give you something for the nausea, if you want. Is that the worst?"

"Yeah." She looked up. Shepard was looking seriously glum from where she was sitting on the edge of her bed, and Chakwas pursed her lips.

No, nothing would show up on a scan or blood test yet, if this was her first bout of illness.

"Have you felt like this before?"

"No."

"All right, Major." Chakwas helped her back to her feet. "Let's get you something for this."

And when they got down to medbay, Chakwas made sure that what she mixed up was safe for pregnancy.

Just in case.

#

Kaidan was just finishing relaying the information they'd gotten out of the former Cerberus operative when he spotted Shepard out of the corner of his eye, quietly joining him. He noted she still looked a little green, but fairly better.

:: _Shepard. Nice of you to join us,_ :: Sparatus said.

"Anytime, your highness," she replied flippantly. Kaidan hid a smile. Since the Reaper's defeat, Sparatus and Shepard had gone back to sniping at each other - apparently, not even the war-to-end-all-wars could permanently stop that. "Apologies, I was being violently ill in my quarters. Have you filled them in, Major?"

"I have," Kaidan said. "We're en route to the first base she specified as we speak. We should be there within the next few days, and Shepard and I will be heading groundside again."

"Hopefully we'll find out more." She quietly thanked everything that Kaidan hadn't decided against taking her groundside yet. "I don't like the lack of information we're getting. Even Cerberus left more of a paper trail than this."

:: _Keep us updated,_ :: Tevos ordered. Both Spectres nodded, and the Council disappeared.

"You're sure you're all right?" Kaidan asked, settling his hands on her shoulders. Shepard nodded.

"Chakwas mixed something up for the nausea. I've already been by Gardner. Ate about twice what I usually do, so I think I'm a lot better."

Kaidan chuckled, then kissed her forehead. "I was worried."

"I know." She grins. "But I'm fine, Kai. Promise."

"As long as you're sure. Just . . . keep the biotics simple, for now. For my sake." He pulled her into his arms, and Shepard closed her eyes as she nestled against him. "I almost lost you on the Citadel. I just want you to be safe."

"I like that it gives you greys," she said quietly, reaching a hand up to touch his greying temple. He shook his head.

"You do that enough without nearly dying," he retorted. "I'd prefer that kept to a minimum, you realize."

"I didn't just nearly die," she snapped, then suddenly clapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh god, Kaidan, I . . ."

He stepped back, holding her shoulders again. "Shepard, are you sure you're all right?"

She dug her palms into her eyes. "I-I'm fine," she murmured quietly. "Just, I think I'm tired. I might . . . I might go try and sleep. I didn't sleep well last night."

Kaidan studied her a few more moments, brows scrunched. "Okay," he replied. "Just . . . get EDI to call me, if you need anything. Promise?"

"Yeah," she replied. "Promise."

She sighed, and turned. Kaidan watched her leave, worried. "EDI."

:: _Yes, Major._ ::

"Please keep an eye on Shepard."

:: _Absolutely. I will inform both you and CMO Chakwas if there are any changes in Shepard's vital signs._ ::

"Thank you." He sighed and stared after her.

Something was wrong. His stomach turned as he thought about pulling her off the next mission. Technically, he couldn't stop her. They were equal rank, and she was the senior Spectre. But . . . he had pull, as her husband. He didn't want to go that route, but he'd do it if it meant protecting her, and to hell with the consequences.

He squared his shoulders and went to go check that his marines were sending in their reports.

#

Kaidan didn't restrict her from the next mission, though Shepard was back to sleeping longer seeming more tired and still seemed nauseous almost constantly. He also noticed she wasn't relying on her biotics as heavily as usual, over that and subsequent missions.

They hit four bases over the next two weeks, all in a relatively localized cluster. Three were still abandoned; at the last, they captured a pair of scientists but couldn't save any of the guards.

After the last base, the  _Normandy_  docked at the Citadel. Part of the crew left on shore leave - Kaidan and Shepard retreated to their quarters for a well-deserved quiet evening.

"How many times is that?" Kaidan finally asked the second time Shepard collapsed back into bed, the light from the head still blaring in his eyes.

"I drank a lot," she defended, snuggling back into him. Kaidan kissed her shoulder, then frowned.

"Marra."

"Mm?" She already sounded as if she were falling asleep.

"Are you . . . are you absolutely sure you've been taking your suppressants?"

That had gotten her attention. Shepard's head snapped up. "Of course I have been!" she replied. "Have  _you_?"

"Of course I've been." He shook his head. "It's just . . . never mind."

"You've been talking to Chakwas." Shepard shook her head. "She's convinced. Besides, Miri told me I probably can't get pregnant anyway. I'm just coming down with something. So you should probably not be all handsy."

Kaidan chuckled and pulled her closer to him. "Never," he murmured, nuzzling her neck. She giggled, wiggling in his arms.

"Stop," she complained, a huge yawn breaking the word. Kaidan laughed, nuzzling harder. Shepard squirmed, finally pulling up his head and kissing him. "Stop," she repeated, more seriously. Kaidan stuck his lip out slightly, and Shepard leaned forward to draw it between her teeth. "Sleep now. More in the morning."

"Deal," he murmured, tightening his hold on her. She smiled and nestled impossibly closer.

Kaidan watched as her eyes closed, his fingers tracing the cotton shirt she was wearing. His cotton shirt, really. She slowly drifted back to sleep, and he sighed before tucking her head under his chin. He wouldn't sleep.

Not when he was preoccupied with the complete conundrum that was his wife's current health.

#

"Sir. This weeks' cloning reports."

He rifled through the reports briefly, sighing. "Nothing worthwhile," he summarized.

Damn galactic ethics regulation. Cloning research had never been a focus of Cerberus, and the wider more ethical scientific community meant that most of the research (that wasn't on non-sentients) was impossible to locate or poorly done. As he was now finding, after trying to implement a major cloning program in one of the few Cerberus bases that had managed to remain undiscovered by the Alliance.

"Another batch destroyed," he continued, dropping the datapad onto the table.

"They were initially solid," Oxley explained. He was nervous. Understandable, really. "But gained too much personality too quickly. The scientists were not able to compensate in time." He shifted on his feet, silent on the metal floor but still apparent. "One nearly rampaged through the base and had overcome the built-in failsafe. It had to be destroyed manually."

He was silent for a few moments, which prompted Oxley to shift on his feet again. But he was thinking. Running Echidna was no small feat, as he was quickly learning - business was nothing compared to an underground terrorist organization.

"Tell them to allot another hundred thousand credits to the creation of a new clone experiment," he finally said. "Perhaps choosing a less volatile subject." He paused again, tapping the arm of his chair. "And there are other plans in motion, should that one fail."

"Yes, sir."

"My meeting with Mr. Wahlgren is in three hours. Bring me his dossier." Oxley nodded. "His backing will be essential, and he previously donated large sums to Cerberus."

"Right away, sir."

Oxley hurried out, and he stared at his terminal.

No. He wasn't obsessed, he decided, as he typed  _Marrakech Shepard_ into his database. She was a threat to the furtherment of humanity, and always had been. The Illusive Man had been a fool to think otherwise.

He tapped his desk again, staring at the picture that had been snapped at her recent wedding by a extranet news source. She could yet be useful.

He just had to keep that in mind.


	20. Chapter 19: Strange Behavior

A week after docking, Liara had compiled a list of transmitting former Cerberus bases. The  _Normandy_ set off from the Citadel, heading out towards the closest one.

They reached it within a day, hovering over the planet that night. The marines, Kaidan, and Shepard prepared to drop on the planet at 300 the next morning, but as Kaidan prepared his armor in the shuttle bay he realized that Shepard hadn't followed him down.

He was just about to ask EDI where she was when the missing Spectre exited the elevator, heading for the armor lockers lining the open area beside Vega's old post. She looked pale, and he thought he may have seen her hands trembling when she opened her locker. He attached his chestplate.

"Shepard, you all right?"

"Yeah," she said quietly, letting her uniform fall to the floor and beginning to latch on the ceramic plates. He studied her seriously. "I'm fine. Just . . . feeling a bit sick. It's all right. Promise."

"Maybe you should stay off the mission," he said gently.

"No! No, Kaidan. I'm fine."

"You're sure."

"I'm sure." She pulled on her weapons, settling the sniper rifle on her back before jamming her beloved shotgun under it across her hips. After a couple bounces to settle the weapons, she nods. "Let's just get underway."

He nodded, still worried, and she followed Kebelsen into the shuttle. Kaidan settled across from her. "We're ready, Steve."

"Taking off, sir," Steve replied from the shuttle's cockpit. Shepard leaned her head back on the seat.

Truth be told, she had woken up feeling awful. After Kaidan had left she'd ended up in her bathroom, struck with another bout of nausea and the things that came with it. She still felt a little queasy, if she was honest, but it was no worse than anything she'd gone on missions with before. She knew Kaidan was worried, and he had every right to be even if she insisted she was fine. It still made her irritated that he kept shooting her worried looks.

The shuttle swept through the atmosphere and landed just outside the small collection of prefab structures that marked a former Cerberus base. Kaidan popped open the shuttle and dropped out, and Shepard carefully followed him. The shuttle moved off to a safe distance, and Shepard readied her shotgun. "I'll take Kebelsen, Lewis, and Jolinski," she said quietly. "You want Griner, Wickham and Tripp?"

Kaidan nodded, and motioned to the three marines. Shepard jerked her head at her own, and headed for the other side of the compound.

The four marines prepared to enter one of the structures, lining up as Shepard prepared to hit the latch. After checking that they were ready she did, and the trio ran through to clear the entryway. Shepard followed them more slowly, trigger-finger tensed on her Graal.

So when what formerly would have been called a Cerberus phantom jumped off a crate next to her and body-checked her, she was ready enough to send a bolt that accidentally slammed into a wall over Kebelsen's head before being rolled several feet, the phantom pinning her as gunfire rang out.

Shepard snapped the woman's knife in half, jamming her free elbow into her wrist so she dropped the jagged hilt. She swung it back into the side of her masked face, hearing a satisfying yelp from her opponent. Shepard rolled her, struggling to draw her knife.

The phantom slammed her fist into Shepard's jaw, and she winced, another bout of nausea striking her without warning. Fortunately, nothing happened, except that she was struck with a sudden swing towards  _righteously pissed-off_. She stopped worrying about the knife, a biotic corona flaring around her arms. With some struggle she managed to bring one hand behind the woman's head, fingers clenching into the back of her helmet. She used her elbow again to repeat the phantom's strike to her face, slamming it into the side of her head and pulling with her other hand. Her neck snapped, the crack sounding through the sound of gunfire.

Shepard quickly rolled behind a crate, grabbing her dropped shotgun as she did.

"You okay, major?" Kebelsen shouted, slamming her hand into the side of her gun. The thermal clip clattered on the floor, and she smoothly replaced it.

"Fine," Shepard replied, pulling on the Graal's trigger. It racheted back, and when the weapon beeped - her own addition - she swung out, aimed, and fired. The spike slammed through a thin barrier wall, striking a man using it for cover.

Her hands were shaking again.

"How many?" she shouted back.

"Ten?" Kebelsen answered. Shepard nodded.

"How many left?"

"Four?"

"Three," Lewis said, replacing the clip in his sniper rifle. She shot him a small smile, fighting against her nausea.

They finished off the last three people, unable to take a survivor for questioning. Shepard braced herself against the wall, pressing the back of her hand into her mouth.

No, she hadn't puked on a mission since Aratoht and she wasn't going to let this get the better of her now. Steadying herself, she straightened and replaced the clip in her gun. "Right," she said. "We'll clear the rest of the building and the next one over, then meet up with Alenko.

They managed to clear the building, Shepard's nausea continuing to plague her. An inventive string of language continued to run through her head.

The next building contained the central mainframe, which Kebelsen downloaded before Shepard called back the shuttle. They climbed on, and Shepard stood in the doorway as she radioed Kaidan.

:: _Almost finished with this one,_ :: he reported. :: _Just checking. Did you find any civilians?_ ::

"No, did you?"

:: _No. You don't think we're missing anything, do you?_ ::

Shepard shook her head, but stepped back out onto the ground. "I don't think so. This type of base . . . everything should have been here, unless there's a mine. Steve, do a scan?"

:: _Aye aye, ma'am._ ::

She leaned against the shuttle, closing her eyes. God, her stomach was churning again, and this time it was accompanied by tiredness. She could probably have laid down and slept there, if she had a mind to. She leaned her head against the steel.

:: _Nothing, Major._ ::

Shepard jumped when Steve's voice came over her comm. "Thanks, Cortez," she replied, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Maybe this was just a training facility? We knew Cerberus originally had military cells. I . . ."

This time, she wasn't able to stop herself and quickly turned off her comm and retreated back to the rear of the shuttle, out of sight and sound from the shuttle interior.

#

"Where'd Shepard get to?"

Kaidan was worried when she wasn't waiting by the shuttle. He stepped away just before she rounded the corner of the shuttle, a weak smile on her face.

"I think we're done," she said calmly. "Twenty-four bad guys down. It's a good day."

Kaidan cupped her jaw in one hand, studying her. "You're feeling sick again, aren't you?"

She considered lying for a moment, then nodded glumly. "Yeah. I'm coming down with a flu or something. Have been."

"All right." He sighed. "We'll head back, and you can head up and sleep. Do you want Chakwas to take a look at you?"

She shook her head. "No. I just . . . just think it's a flu."

"I'll get Gardner to bring you some soup, all right?" He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her back to the shuttle. "All right, Cortez, we're all here."

"Heading back to the ship, then." Kaidan nodded, and he and Shepard settled on one of the seats as the shuttle pulled back towards the atmosphere.

"This is gonna be the worst report," Griner complained, checking over his gun. "Not like anything happened."

"Not every mission is exciting," Shepard chided. He saluted.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Sometimes you take out some bad guys, sometimes you go and save a cat in a tree. We never know," she continued. "Complaining about it doesn't change that fact."

"Straight from a Spectre," Kebelsen said. "Gotta know it's true, Griner."

He made a face at her, and Shepard managed a small laugh as the shuttle pulled back into the  _Normandy_. Kaidan half-grinned.

"All right, ungear and get me your reports in an hour," Kaidan said as the shuttle stopped moving. "We should be hitting the next base in two days."

With a chorus of 'yes, sirs' the marines headed off. Kaidan walked Shepard towards the elevator.

"You're sure you don't want Chakwas to check on you."

"Yeah, I'll be fine, Kai." She kissed his cheek. "Promise I'll call her if I feel worse, okay?"

"Okay," he replied. "I'll send Gardner up with something."

"That'd be lovely." She backed into the elevator with a small smile at him, then keyed in the button for the Loft.

It took nearly all she could to strip her armor and shower, collapsing into bed with a groan. She was so exhausted - it was like the mere act of thinking was exhausting her.

She didn't know how much time had passed before EDI's voice suddenly woke her up. :: _Shepard, Sergeant Gardner is requesting entry to the Loft._ ::

"Let him in," she grumbled, rolling onto her back. Gardner stepped in, holding a tray.

"Heard you ain't feeling great," he said, by way of greeting. Shepard grumbled in reply. Whatever he was carrying somehow managed to be delicious and disgusting smelling at the same time.

"What is that?" she hissed as he set the tray down on the bed.

"Soup. What's it look like?" He gave her a look. "Brought some ginger tea too. Might help with the nausea. My wife swore by it when she was pregnant."

". . . I'm not pregnant, Gardner."

"Sure you aren't, Major."

Shepard glared at him, then pulled herself up and stared at her food.

"I'll bring the tray back down," she said finally. Gardner nodded.

"I'll be waitin'," he replied.

She stared at it again, then blinked a couple times and swallowed.

Maybe she  _should_  head down to Chakwas.


	21. Chapter 20

**Reveal**

Doctor Chakwas looked up as her door slid open. "Ah. I was wondering if I'd see you today. Kaidan said you looked rough." She eyed her visitor. "I see he was right."

Shepard collapsed into Chakwas' other chair. "I feel awful," she moaned, arms flopping bonelessly over the chair's arms.

"I can tell." Chakwas raised an eyebrow. "How long?"

"A few days, at least. Everything hurts, and I  _just_  stopped puking my guts out again."

"Hm." Chakwas stood. "Come over here. We'll do a scan. Might be a flu." She doubted that, however.

"I hope not." Shepard pulled herself up on the indicated bed.

"So do I. Because then I'll have a ship full of sick crewmembers and it'll be their CO's fault." She closed her eyes as Chakwas started the scan. Her head ached, echoing the throbbing in her back and feet. She hurt  _everywhere_. "Well, nothing looks ou-ohhh." Shepard tried to look over at the screen, but Chakwas moved it away, a small self-satisfied smile playing over her lips.

"What?!" She tried to turn the screen back.

"I want to do some bloodwork," Chakwas answered, picking up a needle and batting Shepard's hand away from the screen. "Hold still."

Shepard did, though it was more because she didn't want Chakwas to mess up the blood draw currently occurring. "Doc, tell me what the hell is going on."

"In a moment." Chakwas dropped a blob of medi-gel on where the needle had been and moved off to put the blood into her . . . thing. Shepard had never bothered to learn what all Chakwas' gadgets were. She bounced a few times on her cot. "Stop it."

"I'm not dying, am I? Because that would be awful."

"Don't be ridiculous. You're not dying." Chakwas brought up the results of the test on her screen. "Although . . ."

"Although  _what_?  _What_?!"

"You've been taking your fertility suppressants, as you've insisted? You and Kaidan?"

"Of course we have. You've asked that twenty times in the past two weeks. What does –" She suddenly stopped talking, and Chakwas looked up. Shepard looked strangely terrified. "Oh, god. That's not possible. We haven't – I haven't . . . oh, god. You aren't just fucking with me, are you?"

"I wouldn't do that to you."

Shepard's voice was almost silent. "Please tell me you are."

Chakwas shook her head. "I'm not." She sat down on the bed next to her, and Shepard dropped her face into her hands. "It's not that bad."

"Says the woman who's not benched."

"Stop. You won't be out forever. And you know that plenty of children who grow up on Alliance ships turn out perfectly normal."

"If you're referring to me, I'm  _far_  from normal, Doc." She rubbed her forehead with her palms. "Kaidan's going to have a heart attack."

"He'll be fine," she said reassuringly.

"But it doesn't make  _sense_. We were both taking the suppressants, there shouldn't . . . this shouldn't . . ."

"You  _do_  have other options."

She shook her head. "Kai and I'll have to talk. I just – I don't know." She sighed, accompanying the noise with a sad chuckle. "This is scarier than an entire fleet of Reapers."

"You'll be fine, Marrakech. Women have been doing this for millions of years."

"That's not the scary part. Me and Alenko as parents? I'm not sure the galaxy can handle that."

Chakwas laughed. "It might be good for it." She rubbed Shepard's shoulders. "Want me to call him down here?"

"No! I – no. I need to think. I'll be in the cargo hold. I . . ." She glanced down towards her lap. "The firing range isn't . . ."

"Only if you shoot yourself, which I'm not concerned about."

Shepard pulled herself off the bed and headed through the door, dodging crewmen as she made her way to the elevator. Chakwas smiled to herself as she put Shepard's results into her file. It might be good for everyone. The galaxy was shattered enough as it was.

#

"Everyone out. Take a break."

The war room crew were fairly used to being shooed during more confidential meetings, so when Shepard stormed in looking pale and irritated they decided that something must have happened and quickly went for coffee.

Shepard, meanwhile, went straight for the vidcomm and plugged in her mother's contact information. Looking around to make sure that the war room was empty, she swallowed.

This couldn't be . . . but it was. She had to admit it was, because that was what people did. They admitted that things happened and then dealt with it.

:: _This is Admiral Shepard_ ,:: Hannah said, almost sounding bored as she swam into view.

"Mom," Shepard said quietly.

:: _Hey, sweetheart. What's wrong?_ ::

Shepard opened her mouth, but couldn't speak. How did she do this? What was . . .

"Mom . . ." she managed to choke out. Hannah studied her for a few moments.

:: _Marra. What's wrong?_ ::

"I-I . . ." she stuttered. She was never going to be able to tell Kaidan, if she couldn't tell her own mother. "I'm pregnant," she finally whispered.

Hannah blinked at her for a few minutes. :: _You are?_ ::

She blinked back. "What sort of reaction is that?"

Hannah stared at her for a few seconds, then made a flailing motion with her arm. :: _Better?_ ::

"Mom," Shepard repeated, irritated. "This isn't . . . this isn't funny! I really am, I'm . . . I don't know what to do."

:: _Does Kaidan know?_ ::

She shook her head. "I haven't told him."

:: _Well, first you talk to him. Then you decide if you want to have children. Then you go from there. It's really quite simple._ :: Shepard sighed. Hannah was already beaming, probably having visions of bouncing grandchildren and sunshine and rainbows. :: _It's the same thing nearly every woman does, Marra._ :: She noticed the look on her daughter's face, and sighed. :: _What do you want me to tell you, sweetie? It's great, for both of you. When did you find out?_ ::

"Like . . . five minutes ago."

:: _. . . Oh._ :: Something in Hannah's attitude changed. :: _Marra, it'll be fine. I promise. Trust me, the first twenty-four hours are the worst. You'll realize thirty times that you'll be a terrible mother, and then turn around and wonder if you won't be as bad as you think. The next moment you'll be excited, then terrified again. It's perfectly natural, dear. I promise. Just, go find a quiet spot and think about it, for a few moments. I promise it'll be better later._ ::

"You're sure, mom?"

:: _Of course I am, Marra. You don't think I didn't go through this with you? Us Shepard women are very predictable. I love you, sweetie, all right?_ ::

"Love you too, mom." Shepard swallowed heavily. "I . . . I think I should go and think."

:: _Okay. Call me if you need me, all right?_ ::

"Yeah mom. Promise." Hannah shimmered as the line closed, and she lowered her head.

Definitely time to head to the firing range.

#

Kaidan gently pushed open the door to the makeshift firing range that seemed to always crop up on Shepard's ships and, just as Chakwas had said, Shepard was in one of the stalls with her pistol. When she paused to eject a clip, he cleared his throat. "I knew you were there," she replied, setting her pistol down. For a moment he wondered why she wasn't using her Widow or her Graal.

"Chakwas said you needed to talk to me."

Shepard tensed. "Yeah. Come on."

Kaidan followed her into the elevator, where he could feel her nervousness grow even more pronounced. He started to tense, mind suddenly jumping to the worst. Had something happened? Was she really sick? Was she – she seemed to notice and gently interlaced her fingers with his, giving him a small smile.

Once inside the Loft, he placed his hands on her shoulders. "Marra, are you all right? Of course you aren't. What's wrong?"

She gently pushed him back. "Sit. I mean it." He settled on the sofa, and Shepard leaned back against the wall. "So, ah . . ." Her voice trailed off as she stared at the floor, then sighed.

:: _Major, I would be more than happy to inform-_ ::

"Shut up, EDI!" Shepard glared up at the ceiling. "She gossips more than Kasumi."

Kaidan stood again, this time gripping her arms. "Just tell me what's going on."

"I, ah . . ." She swallowed, and finally looked up at him. "I'm pregnant, Kaidan."

 


	22. Chapter 21: The Plot Thickens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the delay! I had a sudden attack of Real Life. We know how that is.

 

**The Plot Thickens**

Kaidan blinked once or twice, speechless. She was what? What did he do? What she really . . . what? "You're  _what_?" He narrowed his eyes. "This isn't like that time where you told me you were requesting my transfer off-ship and Ash was hiding under the bed with a vidcam, is it?"

"What?! No!" She suddenly frowned. "Unless Chakwas is in on it."

"So . . ." Kaidan frowned. "That explains quite a bit, actually, like the fact that you nearly, uh, decapitated me with a pillow yesterday."

"Hey!" God, she looked so adorable when she was trying to be offended, and he rested his forehead on hers while ignoring the churning in his stomach. She drew a deep breath and closed her eyes.

He took advantage of that to kiss her, picking her up by her waist and spinning her. She squeaked in surprise, throwing her arms around his neck. This was . . . it couldn't be happening. He wasn't even sure what he felt, some bubble of excitement, terror, love, joy . . . he set her back down and kissed her again.

Kaidan finally pulled back and looked down at her again, hands gripping her hips. "But . . ." He shook his head, rubbing his thumbs in small circles. She swallowed heavily, gaze dropping. "How? We weren't . . . I was still taking the suppressants."

"So was I. I don't know how it happened." She ran her hands together, staring at them. "But now we have to talk about it, I guess. Neither of us planned for this, and we're woefully inadequate when it comes to the stable lifestyle stage of life."

Kaidan pulled her back to the couch, letting her sit down. "All right. So . . . we'll talk."

If he was being honest with both of them, they'd never had this discussion. For all they'd known, Shepard wasn't even  _able_  to get pregnant. How could the Illusive Man have even figured Shepard would  _live_  long enough to have children, or that Shepard would even  _want_  them? He'd taken the suppressants just in case once they'd resumed their relationship (Shepard always took them, so she didn't need to get back into the habit), but it'd never been a major concern. Now it was.

She sat down, pressing herself against him. He slid his arm around her. "Well?"

"I don't know, Kaidan." Her voice was quiet.

"We should probably start with the obvious then." She looked up at him. He shrugged. "We never had the 'do we want children?' talk."

"I . . ." Shepard sighed. "I gave up even thinking about it after . . . well, after Lazarus."

He nodded, resting his head on hers. "Did you ever?"

"Once." She shifted her weight nervously. "Once I met someone I'd considered having them with."

The intention of her statement didn't escape him. "And now?"

"I don't know. We don't live the most child-conducive life, Kai."

"No. That we don't." He rubbed her shoulder. "But we can make it work."

"What about you?"

Kaidan shook his head. "To be honest, I've never really thought about it at all. I'm usually too busy making sure you aren't going to get yourself killed."

"True."

"And, I don't know. I-I like the idea on principle, but . . ."

"I need a straight answer, Kaidan."

Kaidan took a deep breath. "The Alliance is very used to parents having children on ships, and either way, we're Spectres. Sure, if we have kids, they'll be a target. But, now that the Reapers are gone, there's no ship that can bring down the  _Normandy_. And you have to admit . . . anything we have is going to be one badass kid."

Shepard managed a small laugh. "Very true. I was beating up other kids at seven."

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me." He leaned his head on hers. "But I don't know, Marra. This sort of came out of nowhere."

"Do you think we can do this, Kai?" She lifted her head to look up at him. "I mean, really? I . . ." She sighed. "I'd be a horrible mother."

"After seeing what you do to your crew . . ." He shrugged. "I think there could be far worse parents than us out there."

"Worse, yes."

"We don't have to decide now either, you know."

"I know." She leaned her head back on his shoulder. "But you know what I think we  _should_  do?"

"Hm?"

"Go down to the med bay and find out what the hell happened with the suppressants."

"I agree." Kaidan stood, and Shepard followed. He grabbed her hand. "It, uh, might be nice, you know."

She smiled. "Yeah, I've thought of that too."

They grabbed the pill bottles out of Shepard's desk and headed back to the elevator, taking it down to the crew deck. When they passed through the mess hall someone who sounded suspiciously like Joker cat-called; Shepard leaned around Kaidan and made an ignominious gesture in his direction, leading to uproarious laughter from the crew.

Chakwas looked up as they entered the medbay, and Shepard closed the door behind them. "So I suppose you either told him, or panicked and are relying on me to?"

"No, I know," Kaidan said. Though he still wasn't entirely sure he believed it, if he were honest with himself.

"We're going to investigate the strange case of the fallible fertility suppressants." Shepard held up the bottles that they kept in the Loft. "We need analysis." Kaidan shook his head, took the bottles, and handed them to Chakwas.

"Sure." Chakwas began sorting out the pills. "You two are sure you're not just overreacting?"

Shepard pulled herself up on one of the cots. "It's me. I can't exactly rule  _anything_  out anymore."

"True." Chakwas glanced up as Kaidan pulled himself up on the cot next to Shepard.

"We also need to consider," he murmured, just barely loud enough for her to hear. "The effect that both our biotics."

"Mm. I hadn't. My tech, too."

"Most of the medical research seems to indicate that biotic potential may be inherited," Chakwas said, by way of answer. "Nothing has indicated that a parent being biotic causes birth defects or any of the other problems of usual eezo exposure in utero. Granted, this is only on children with one biotic parent." She glanced up. "Not two. And you shouldn't use your biotics, Shepard. There's no evidence as to what that will do."

"Awesome," Shepard said. "Glad to know the academics are keeping up."

"It may become more widespread. All those Reapers' mass effect cores exploding over Earth – biotic humans may become the norm." She looked back down at her console, waiting for the results. "Have you made a decision yet?"

"No." Kaidan shook his head.

"Well, do you want the standard literature?"

Shepard nodded. "It wouldn't hurt. Haven't you figured that out yet?"

"No, Major. These things take  _time_." She compiled her 'standard literature' onto a datapad. "Here."

Shepard promptly turned it on and started reading. Kaidan slid off the cot and joined Chakwas. "You are concerned as well?" Chakwas murmured.

"Marginally," he answered quietly. "I'm still worried about Cerberus, or Echidna, or whatever it's calling itself now. We may have taken out the Illusive Man, but . . . well, I know what EDI says about Cerberus cells."

Chakwas nodded. "I can think of a lot of people who'd be interested in anything sharing half of Shepard's DNA, even more if the other half is yours." She glanced over at him. "But you know what that means, Kaidan? If we find out that someone tampered with the drugs . . ."

"It means one of the Alliance crew is a mole for whoever it is, I know." He looked back at her. "We'll deal with that when we come to it. I'm far more willing to accept that one or both of us forgot to take our doses in all the excitement recently."

"What the hell is this? My feet are going to get  _bigger_?"

Kaidan sighed. "She would be concerned about the  _feet_."

"I have huge feet!" Shepard held up her hands. "I should be allowed to worry about what I damn well please!"

"She has a point, you know." Chakwas tapped something on her console. "She  _is_ -"

Shepard suddenly bolted for the medical bay lavatory. They both looked after her.

"How long is that going to last?"

Chakwas shrugged. "It's different for everyone. And while I said that the research looks good for children born to biotics, I never said the pregnancy was easy."

"Oh. That's wonderful." Kaidan ran a hand over the side of his face. "I thought  _that_  only happened in the mornings."

"Never said the pregnancy was easy," Chakwas repeated. "If you two decide to keep going, it will get worse for a few weeks, then better. That is until she is walking around the ship swearing because she feels like a whale and can hardly walk without tripping over her feet."

"Personal experience, doc?"

"No. I've merely known too many pregnant soldiers."

Shepard wandered back out of the lavatory, looking pale. Kaidan wrapped an arm around her. "You all right?"

"I feel awful," she moaned.

"You've been drinking?" Chakwas asked.

"And making myself eat, yes. I still feel awful."

Chakwas clucked her tongue. "You need to drink twice as much if you're vomiting this much."

Shepard moaned and dropped down on her vacated cot.

Chakwas' terminal chirped, and she sat back down. "Let's see. We've got . . .  _oh._ "

"That's the second time you've said that, doctor, and I didn't like it the first time," Shepard said, lifting up her head. "What?"

"That . . . can't be right." She tapped something again. Her terminal whirred and beeped. "That . . .  _no_. That means . . ." She stood, storming to her drug cabinet. "I have to test everything." There was only one reason Alliance protocol would mandate the CMO to test every drug for content. And this seemed particularly bad, not just due to their circumstances.

"Doctor." Kaidan quietly put his hand on her arm.

She sighed. "Both of you have been dosed with fertility supplements,  _not_  suppressants."

Kaidan and Shepard traded a look. "Someone had to get them into our quarters," Shepard said quietly.

#

"Marra."

Shepard moaned and turned onto her side.

"Marra, are you asleep?"

"You damn well know I'm not," she muttered. Kaidan's hand settled on her arm, gently running down it.

"You going to be able to sleep tonight?"

"I'll be fine." She pulled her pillow more firmly under her head. "Go to sleep, Kaidan."

He settled his arm over her waist, leaning down to kiss her neck. She grinned. "Love you," he murmured.

"This is what got us into our little issue, Kai."

"I don't know if it's so much an  _issue_  as just a . . . well, I don't know."

Shepard laughed. "Eloquent as always." She rolled over, staring up at him. "You really want this, don't you?"

Kaidan shrugged. "I don't know. I think it might be nice, though. You know, do something good that doesn't involve blowing things to hell."

She smiled up at him. "That's very true."

"But I will do whatever it is you want, Major." He leaned down and kissed her. "After all, I just want whatever you do. Within reason."

Her smile widened into a grin. "And I just want whatever it is you want, Major," she replied. "But . . . I don't know." She folded her arms across her waist. "I'm just not sure what I think about someone forcing this on us."

Kaidan rested his hand on top of her arms, propping himself up on his elbow. "Neither do I."

"You know, you're taking this awful well."

He stared back with an absolutely blank gaze. "I'm pants-shittingly terrified."

Shepard snorted. "Ah. Kaidan Alenko. Master of hiding your emotions so well." She leaned up and kissed him. "You'll be fine. If anything, you'll be the rational one and I'll be the one cleaning my shotgun when it starts dating."

He grinned. "I guess we'll have a chance to find out."

"I'm sure Chakwas is going to have us swing by the Citadel for me to get checked out by a real doctor," Shepard said. "Not that she isn't a real doctor, but . . . you know what I mean. So I'm reserving judgment until after that, and I think we both should. All my tech might cause problems, and we should be able to get a yes-no answer on the biotics. After that . . . well, we'll have this talk then, I suppose."

"I think that that is a very good idea." Kaidan collapsed back to his pillow, still staring at her. She turned her head to face him.

"But who could have gotten in here?" Shepard settled back into her pillow. "They would've had to do it when we weren't here, and they'd need to know the code for the door. EDI might know."

:: _I am not aware of any unauthorized entrances to your quarters. I will search the logs._ ::

"God, EDI. Eavesdropping!"

:: _I am sorry, Major. I am merely concerned with flying the ship at the moment, which takes less than a third of my attention. You and the second shift crewmen are the only people awake at the current moment._ ::

"Well, go bother one of the second shifters." Shepard waved her hand.

"Logging you out, Captain."

Kaidan sighed, resuming their previous conversation. "If Chakwas is right, we've been getting dosed since before leaving Earth. Someone could have replaced them on the ship before EDI came back online, but . . . how would they have known you  _would_  come back?"

She sighed. "I'd say Cerberus, but . . ." She shook her head. "We killed the Illusive Man. That leaves Echidna."

"And he may have planned this. We don't know."

"No. And we won't. Aside from that," Shepard shook her head again. "I've made more enemies than any sapient being has a right to make, but I can't think any of them would consider knocking me up revenge. They're usually far more straightforward." Kaidan laughed. "So apart from Cerberus, or Echidna, I just can't think of anything else that would get some sort of benefit out of this. But without the Illusive Man-"

"They just found someone new."

"Maybe."

They fell quiet, Kaidan rubbing his thumb over her bare arm. "When're we going to tell the others?"

"Oh, hell. Joker's going to have a fit."

"No, he won't."

"Yes, he will.  _Laughing_."

"Oh." He paused. "Yeah. That he will."

"Chakwas already knows. Everyone else who'd have a fit about it, except Kasumi, are off ship." She settled again. "We'll call Liara tomorrow. See what she's heard about Echidna. We should probably tell Hackett, just because of our suspicions. I'll contact some of my contacts and see what they might have heard."

Kaidan nodded. "I'll hit up mine."

"They're probably the same people."

"True enough."

"As for the ship? I don't know. I'm not looking forward to explaining it. I think we'll wait until people start to notice. EDI. You hear that? No talking."

:: _I hear that, Shepard._ ::

"I'll just . . . not go groundside . . . for a while." She frowned.

"All right." He kissed her again before dropping back down to his pillow. "We should at least  _attempt_ to do some sleeping."

"God knows we won't be doing any shortly." She sighed and rolled back onto her side, smiling to herself as Kaidan wrapped his arm around her.


	23. Grounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So sorry about the lack of updates. Life. As usual. And my sudden discovery of Minecraft didn't help, well, anything really.
> 
> So to make up for it, I'll post two chapters now.

**Grounded**

As was becoming the norm, Kaidan awoke to the sounds of Shepard violently vacating her stomach contents in the bathroom.

"This is getting really old, really fast," she groaned as he handed her a washcloth.

"Anything you can take?"

"I don't know." She sighed. "I think anything they've ever developed has horrible side effects. Like fish heads."

"There isn't a drug on the market that can cause fish heads."

"You never know. And if we go through with this, I don't want our baby looking like Admiral Ackbar."

He couldn't resist a snort of laughter. "Well, come on." He helped her to her feet. "Let's find you something you can eat and  _not_  immediately get rid of."

They threw on their uniforms and headed down to the mess. Shepard staggered into a chair with a moan, rubbing her forehead with her palms. "Anything you don't want?"

"Eggs. No eggs."

Kaidan sighed as he headed up to Gardner's station. "Got anything without eggs today?"

Gardner glanced at Shepard. "She feeling any better?"

"No. About the same."

"You sure she isn't pregnant?"

Kaidan tried his best not to look suddenly panicked. "Absolutely."

Gardner shook his head. "I just know my wife used to look like that. Here. Certifiably egg-free."

"Is there anything with oranges?"

Kaidan sighed. Gardner gave him another curious look. "Are you  _sure_?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Breakfast?" he prompted.

Gardner finished filling up the trays – Kaidan didn't miss him adding another spoonful of oatmeal or whatever to Shepard's – and handed them to him. He carried them back and set Shepard's in front of her. She scrunched up her nose.

"What is _that_?"

"Oatmeal. I think. Gardner put oranges in yours."

Kaidan watched her as they ate. It looked like she was forcing every spoonful down. "Marra?"

"I'm fine," she murmured. "It's just hard to eat when you're imagining everything coming back up."

:: _Shep._ :: Joker's voice came over the intercom. :: _We've got a distress call from a nearby colony. Getting hit by pirates._ ::

"Damn scavengers," Shepard said. "Kai, you up for it?"

"You certainly aren't. Go lay down." He finished up and returned his tray, kissing her cheek as he passed back by. "Joker, get Kebelsen, Jolinski and Lewis to suit up."

:: _You got it, Alenko_.::

Shepard glared at the crew staring at her from the other end of the table, managing to force the rest of her breakfast down. She returned her tray to Gardner.

"Major, you know what you have yet?" He dropped the tray in the sterilizer.

"No, not yet."

"Still saying." He shook his head. "You sure you ain't pregnant?"

Shepard tried her hardest to keep her face steady. "Yes. Chakwas ruled that out."

"Hm." He still didn't look convinced. "Don't get me sick, then."

Shepard half-smiled. "I'll do my best."

She made her way down to the cargo hold, waiting for Alenko and the marines he was taking down. He showed up first. "Not surprised you're here."

"Well, I have to live vicariously through you now." She grinned. "Just . . . be careful."

He wrapped his arm around her waist and gently kissed her. "Don't worry about me. You know that."

"Eh. I can't help it. So be careful."

The marines showed up. Jolinski noted first that Shepard wasn't armored. "You aren't coming, ma'am?"

"I've come down with something," she said with a small, Majorly smile. "Alenko's more than capable of taking out some pirates on his own. Good luck."

"All right. Into the shuttle." Kaidan motioned them in. Shepard waved as he stepped in. "See you in a few hours, Shepard."

"I'd better, Alenko." She retreated to the hallway above the cargo hold as the shuttle door closed, and watched as it took off.

:: _Major Shepard to the cockpit_.::

Oh, hell. Shepard rolled her eyes. "What, Joker?"

:: _I'm lonely._ ::

"Talk to EDI."

:: _. . . I want you to listen to the comms with me?_ ::

She sighed, knowing he wouldn't give up. "I'll be right up, Joker."

#

"Something you want to tell me, Major?"

Shepard froze behind the pilot's chair. Had EDI . . . if EDI told Joker she was going to take a blowtorch to the AI core. "Uh . . . I'm sick as hell?"

"Ew. That's not what I was talking about. EDI says you've been snapping at her recently."

Shepard glared in EDI's direction. "If EDI would mind her own damn business and stop eavesdropping on me, I wouldn't be."

"I have not been eavesdropping on you, Shepard. . . . no more than usual, at least."

She sighed, dropping onto one of the slender bars framing Joker's console – Jack's former perch. "I've just been moodier than normal lately."

"You know, there's a lower-deck rumor saying that Alenko knocked you up."

Shepard choked on the water she was drinking. "What?!" That was fabulous.

"Yeah, well, with how you've been recently I wouldn't be surprised."

"Shut up," she snapped.

"Shepard." She looked up.

Joker was concerned – she didn't blame him. He'd been through her with literally  _everything_  – finding out she was a biotic, enlisting, finding Saren, dying, waking up, committing genocide twice, destroying the Reapers . . . every step of the way. In some ways he was just as close to her as Kaidan was.

While she loved Kaidan more than she could possibly explain, Joker  _had_  been through a lot more with her – but it was a different relationship. Joker was more like her annoying younger brother. "What's wrong? I've seen you sick before, but not like this."

She sighed. "EDI, close the cockpit. And turn off surveillance in here. And don't talk to anyone about what happens in here."

"Right away, Shepard." The door slid closed, and she leaned forward on her knees.

"Joker, if this leaves here, I swear I will kill you myself."

"Absolutely." It wasn't the first and wouldn't be the last time he heard that.

"I  _am_  pregnant."

Joker blinked a couple of times, then hid a snort of laughter in the back of his hand. "Since you're saying this seriously I'm assuming you  _are_  serious. Still, though."

"Yeah. Laugh it up. Get it out while you can."

"Ah, calm down, Shep." Joker waved his hand. "I'm just glad to know you're not dying of Reaper Flu or something. It'd suck to come through that just to get taken down by a bug."

"Eh. Tell me about it." She rubbed her forehead.

"How far?"

"Five or so weeks. There's a reason I'm telling you this." She clasped her hands together in between her knees. "Someone changed out Kaidan's and my suppressants."

Joker raised an eyebrow. "For what? A placebo?"

"Supplements."

He tapped his armrests. "Huh. You don't say."

"Yes. So either someone on this ship thinks that having a kid underfoot would be good for us, or-"

"Someone's really interested in you and Alenko having kids." He drummed his fingers again. "You sure we killed the Illusive Asshole?"

Shepard shook her head. "Yes. But that doesn't mean he didn't have a failsafe, or someone else took over for him."

"So we have a mole on the ship?" Joker frowned. "I'd really hoped we took care of this."

"Same."

"You and Alenko are going through with it?"

She shrugged. "Maybe. I would just like to stop vomiting my guts out first."

He made a face. "Didn't need to know that, Shep. Anyone else know?"

"Chakwas, obviously. I think Gardner's starting to suspect something. And probably whoever's behind this is either aware or suspecting based on my recent health."

"EDI, you want to scrub our systems again?"

"Beginning the scrub, Jeff."

Joker turned back to her. "So . . . when are you going to tell everyone?"

"When I start showing. If we keep going. Until then, I'm just not going on ground missions. I'll micromanage up here."

"Great. We need more micromanaging." He rolled his eyes. "And I hate to break it to you, but now that you mention it . . . you do look like you put on a couple pounds."

"Fuck you."

He held up his hands. "Just saying."

"It's fine." She leaned back. "I noticed. After Chakwas told me it all started to make sense."

"Not surprising." He leaned back as well, tenting his fingers. "So let me guess. You want help figuring out who messed with your suppressants?"

"Yeah. EDI's scrubbing the systems, so hopefully she'll find whatever's going on."

"Unless it  _is_  Echidna, at which point they may know how to get around EDI. You talked to Liara yet?"

"The pirate bit distracted me. Speaking of which, didn't you say you had the comms on? Lying bastard."

Joker sighed, leaned forward, and pressed a button.

::- _through there._ :: Kaidan's voice came across the comm. :: _That's where they said they went. Jolinski, take Lewis. I'll take Kebelsen._ ::

"See, they're fine." He turned back. "You're going to be up here every mission now, aren't you?"

Shepard nodded, one side of her mouth quirking up. "Well, I can't go groundside anymore."

"Never thought I'd see the day." He grinned. "You do realize that half your former ground team is female and will therefore go spastic when you tell them."

"I'm counting on Kasumi to steal me stuff," Shepard retorted. "I'm surprised she doesn't know yet."

"She probably does."

Gunfire ripped over the comm link. They ignored it. Shepard nodded towards his console. "Any news on how rebuilding's going?"

Joker shook his head. "Most of Earth still looks rough. The most recent bit is that London might be too glassed to salvage. Australia too." Shepard sighed heavily. "Not your fault. No one could have done what you did faster."

"I know."

"The Citadel's fine, and they said that the Arcturus rebuild is about thirty percent done. Hey, wait, you can't drink coffee, can you?"

She moaned, dropping her head into her hands. "I'm already going through withdrawal." She stood. "Let me know if anything changes on the comms. I'm going to walk the ship."

"Yep. See ya, Captain."

"And Joker, if you tell  _anyone_  . . ."

"My lips are  _sealed_ , Shepard.  _Sealed_."

"That goes for you too, EDI."

"I will not tell anyone of this conversation, Shepard."

"Good." Shepard opened the cockpit and wandered back towards the CIC, stopping to chat up some of the hallway crewmen and check their screens. He looked after her, reading her anxiety in the set of her shoulders. He knew she didn't like not being groundside, especially when Alenko was leading the troops outside of her sight.

"Shep." She turned. "Calm down. He'll be fine."

"I know." She resumed her path towards the CIC, then disappeared into the war room.

Joker swung his chair back around.

:: _Joker. Joker. You there?_ :: Alenko's voice cut through the cockpit.

"Yep."

:: _Got a bit of a problem._ ::

"What sort of problem, Alenko?"

:: _They've got us pinned down in one of the buildings. Can't get back to the shuttle. You mind sending a few people down to clear them out from behind?_ ::

:: _I'll head down with someone_.:: Kasumi's voice suddenly entered into the comm. :: _I'm bored._ ::

:: _Grab Griner and get down here. We just need a decent strike from the back._ ::

"Shepard to the cockpit, again," Joker announced into the shipboard. It wouldn't do for her to find out from someone else and try to go off and drop groundside.

A few seconds later, he picked out Shepard's footsteps hurrying up behind him. "What?"

"Kasumi's taking Griner down in the vehicle. Alenko's pinned down in one of the buildings."

Shepard didn't reply for a few seconds, sucking her teeth. "I'm going down."

"No, you aren't."

"I have to."

"No, Shepard. You aren't going."

She didn't answer, finally turning on her heel and storming back into the CIC. Joker opened the comm to the med bay.

"Joker to Chakwas. Run interference on Shep. She's insisting on going groundside."

:: _Copy, Joker._ ::

Shepard was going to kill him.


	24. The Alliance Hospital

They waited until the cargo hold doors were closed to leave the shuttle, and Kasumi and Griner climbed out of the vehicle across the hold from them. Kaidan glanced up as he pulled his helmet off, spotting Shepard on the walk above him looking relieved. Chakwas was standing next to her, apparently trying to get her to understand something by the way the doctor looked to be lecturing her. "No one's hurt?" he inquired.

"No, sir."

"I got a bit of a burn." Kebelsen pointed to her shoulder.

"See Chakwas for that. Go on. You're all dismissed." He moved off first, heading towards the elevator as the others started whatever they did after a mission. Kasumi caught up with him.

"So. What's up with Shep?"

"Nothing," Kaidan replied.

"Aw, come on. It's obvious that something's changed, and recently. You know what I think?"

"I think I know what you think, and the answer is no." He nearly reached the elevator and found himself suddenly body-checked by Shepard throwing her arms around him.

"Don't you ever get pinned down again when I can't come with you," she murmured as he put his arms around her.

Kasumi suddenly laughed and skipped off towards the elevator. Shepard glanced after her. "I think she knows," Kaidan said.

"I think you're right." He moved her out of the way as the rest of their marines headed for the elevator, and she took a step back.

"How are you feeling?"

She shrugged. "Managed to get through several hours so far without revisiting breakfast."

"I caught her suiting up," Chakwas said, joining them. "She was very close to going groundside."

"Marra . . ."

"I know. I just . . . I don't like being helpless. And I'm not." She pointed her finger at both of them. "Anything happens and I need to start shooting, I will."

"I don't doubt that. Just don't use your biotics." He wrapped his arm around her. "Come on. I need to unsuit, and I'm starving."

Shepard nodded, and the trio called back the elevator. "I wonder if Gardner still has that peanut butter stash under the sink."

"For you, he just might let you have some," Chakwas said. "Now, I want us to set course for the Citadel. That's where the closest functioning Alliance hospital is, and it shouldn't be too overstaffed. Your hormones were fairly high, and I don't have the proper equipment here to do any more tests."

"I'll tell Joker to set course," Shepard said as the doors opened onto the crew deck. Chakwas nodded and stepped out. "Kaidan, I'll meet you for lunch. If you get there first, make sure you ask about the peanut butter."

"I suppose this is a bad sign, right? I'm going to be the stereotypical husband running down to the mess at one in the morning because someone got a craving for vanilla pudding and pickles?"

She gently punched him. He hardly felt it through his armor. "You're an ass."

"Guilty as charged." They stepped apart as the doors opened to the CIC. "Fifteen minutes?"

"Sounds good." She started towards the cockpit, and the elevator closed behind her. Joker glanced over his shoulder as she approached.

"So, the doc kept you from running into the line of fire?"

Shepard shook her head. "Thanks for that. I lost my head. I'm not sure what happened."

"I do. And I'm not talking about it because I like not having broken legs."

"I appreciate it, Joker. Set course for the Citadel."

He did, but paused before finishing the coordinates. "Why didn't you put this in on the galaxy map?"

"Because we're going to dock near the closest Alliance hospital. And you're going to tell them that so they don't send us to C-Sec."

"Wh-oh. Doc wants you to get checked out." He finished inputting the coordinates. "ETA twelve hours."

"Thanks." Shepard patted the back of his chair and headed back towards the CIC.

"Hey. You getting lunch?" Shepard looked back and nodded. Joker pulled himself to his feet. "EDI, take the helm."

"Enjoy your lunch, Jeff," the AI replied, looking over her shoulder.

They headed back towards the elevator. "Just think, Major," Joker said as the doors closed. "Now you can see how I feel!"

"Shut up," Shepard grumbled. "I'll remind you how I feel when I'm the size of an elephant."

"Don't get that big. The ship's too small for an elephant." They stepped off at the crew deck and headed for Gardner's station. He grinned when he saw them coming.

"Good to see you got his lazy ass out of the cockpit for once," Gardner said, pulling out a pair of trays. "Any special requests this time, Major?"

She looked at him hopefully. "Any peanut butter back in the stash?"

"Oh. Can I have some?"

Gardner glared at Joker as he dug under the sink. "For you, Major, yes. For you, Joker, no."

Shepard settled herself at the table next to Kasumi, happily unaware of whatever lunch was that day but possessing a large glob of peanut butter on her tray. Kasumi looked over. "Where'd you get that, Shep?"

"I'm special," Shepard answered, diving her fork into it. "Gardner likes me."

Kasumi and Joker traded a knowing look as Joker sat down across from the thief. "I think there's something you're not telling me, Shep. Out with it."

Shepard couldn't reply, her mouth full of sticky peanut-flavored glory. She finally swallowed. "What makes you think that?"

"For one, no one eats peanut butter plain."

"I do," Joker protested.

"Apart from you and Joker."

"Jack does too."

Kasumi didn't answer, and they assumed she was rolling her eyes. "You didn't go groundside, and Chakwas stopped you from it, and EDI tells me you've been snapping at her."

"God, that AI gossips more than you do," Shepard retorted. "I'm fine, Kasumi."

"She's fine, Kasumi," Joker echoed.

"Gardner swears you're pregnant."

Shepard coughed into her soup. "I'm not."

"She's not," Kaidan said as he walked by the table towards Gardner's station.

"I don't know. I reserve the right to make my own observations," Kasumi protested.

Kaidan sat down across from Shepard. "She's sick. That's it," he explained.

"And I have to keep eating," Shepard said through another mouthful of peanut butter. "Because otherwise my biotic's'll have problems and I'll end up in med bay in a coma again."

"Mm." Kasumi said little more than that as she started to finish up her lunch.

Kasumi knew more about what went on on the ship than anyone short of EDI, and she could – and did – eavesdrop on almost any conversation while using her tactical cloak. She usually used it to keep entertained when she wasn't borrowing a shuttle for . . . "fun." But now . . . Shepard cleared her throat as Kasumi stood. "Kasumi, my office in twenty?"

"Sure thing, Shep." She moved off. Kaidan leaned across the table.

"Marra. . ."

"I told Joker." She nodded her head to him, and Joker nodded. "Kasumi's able to eavesdrop on anything. We put her, Joker, and EDI full-time on finding the mole and –"

"Hadn't thought of that." Kaidan nodded and resumed eating, reaching for the salt shaker. Shepard grabbed his hand.

"You already put enough salt in there."

"Oh, stop." He shook her off and snagged it before she could react. She frowned. "Don't give me that look when you've got a huge pile of peanut butter on yours."

Her frown deepened. "I have a reason to," she said sullenly. "When we're on the Citadel I'm sure Chakwas is going to want to pick up some extra equipment. I don't think we're going to want to drop by the hospital every couple of weeks."

"Not really. We could be out in the Veil with no human doctors for hours." Joker suddenly perked. "Hey, can I tell Tali?"

"No," Shepard replied. "Because I want to see her reaction."

#

Shepard checked her gun as Joker brought the ship into the Citadel dock. "Give the crew two days of shore leave," Shepard said in his direction.

"You got it, Captain."

"You ready?" Kaidan asked. Shepard nodded.

"You sure you want to come along?"

"I wouldn't miss it for anything," he answered. Chakwas' hurried steps sounded behind them.

"All right." Shepard nodded back at the doctor, dropping her gun into its holster. She nodded as the airlock chimed, indicating it was sealed with the dock. "Let's get this over with."

Joker waited for them to leave before announcing shore leave, which immediately resulted in a rush from the crew. He tapped his chair arms, trying to decide if he was going to leave. He shook his head. He'd wait until Shepard got back.

Chakwas knew where the hospital was better than they did, even though Shepard had been in there for a week after defeating the Reapers. Kaidan had never left, so he didn't know exactly where it was. He gently picked up Shepard's hand, interlacing their fingers as they walked through Alteri Ward, and she looked up and smiled weakly. She looked strange in civilian wear, and he thought he probably did too. But it was the easiest way to try and not be recognized – especially if they, for once, acted like they were married instead of pretending to be merely Alliance soldiers. It felt almost relieving to do so.

They headed through the doors and Chakwas motioned them towards the elevator. "Fifth floor. I contacted them and made an appointment for you. I'm going to see if I can find what I need."

"All right. Be careful." Shepard and Kaidan stepped into the elevator, and he pushed the button for the fifth floor. Shepard started pacing.

"It'll be fine, Marra." He reached out and pulled her into him. She didn't resist.

"You've been awful clingy recently," she murmured, laying her head on his shoulder. "I'm not complaining."

"I'm just . . . still trying to believe you're all right," he whispered.

"So am I." They pulled apart as the doors opened, and he retook her hand as they headed into the wing Chakwas had indicated. Shepard approached the desk. "I have an appointment for ten-hundred?"

"Name?"

Shepard coughed delicately and handed over her dress uniform's name-tag. The nurse's eyes widened. "Right, ma'am. Uh, fill out this datapad and give it back. I'll tell the doctor you're here."

She hurried off, leaving Shepard holding the datapad. "You might want to sit down to do that?" Kaidan suggested.

"Uh, yeah. Right." She sank down into one of the chairs. "Maybe we should just go. I hate paperwork."

"You, Marra, are a paperwork genius." Kaidan nudged her as he sat down next to her. "It won't be that bad."

She quietly filled out the datapad, and Kaidan looked around the room. It looked cushy for a hospital waiting room, and he'd seen more than enough of those. He glanced back at Shepard, who had captured her tongue with her teeth as she thought over part of the questionnaire, and he gently wrapped one arm around her shoulders and rested his forehead on top of her head.

"Yeah, I know," Shepard murmured. "I don't have fond memories of hospitals either."

Without warning, Shepard released a sudden snort of laughter. Kaidan looked down over her shoulder. "Previous injuries," she said, pointing out the section on the datapad.

In spite of himself, Kaidan found himself grinning. "Can you just checkmark everything?"

"Maybe I should." She finally caught her breath. "I'll leave it blank. There's no spot for resurrection." Finally done, she stood and handed the datapad back to the nurse. "We're keeping this on the down-low, right?" she asked.

"I might. If I get an autograph out of it." The nurse held up a datapad expectantly. Shepard sighed and took it.

"If I walk out of here and see even half of a reporter," she threatened, scribbling her name. "I will be back for this."

"Not a word," the nurse answered with a smile, tucking the datapad into her desk. "They'll call you back when they're ready for you."

Shepard returned to her seat, studying the other people in the waiting room. It was rather full, and she let herself feel a little bit of pride in her species. She figured most of those pregnancies were probably a direct result of the glad-to-be-alive-sex that a lot of people had engaged in after defeating the Reapers and it seemed like an appropriate, final nail in their coffin that humanity was able to look at the trillions of casualties and deaths, give the machines the finger, and start reproducing immediately. She rested a hand on her stomach, and suddenly it felt fairly fitting that she was among them. "You know . . ." she started.

"It's kind of fitting that we've already begun to repopulate, and that we, especially, get to tell the universe to go to hell with everyone else?"

She grinned. "You sure you can't read minds?"

"You know I can't. I just know you too well."

Someone else was called back – a heavily pregnant woman. Shepard winced. "God, I'm going to look like that."

"You may not."

"Joker said I was."

"Has Joker ever been pregnant?" Shepard snorted. "I didn't think so."

"Major?" A nurse came out and gave her a pointed look, and they both stood. Kaidan walked her over. "Will you want the father in the room for the exam?"

Kaidan looked at her, only to find her staring at him. "Up to you."

"Are we just doing the . . ." Shepard's mind blanked. She really needed to learn more medical terms.

"Is it a full exam?" Kaidan finished the sentence for her.

"It'll be a full exam. Your ship's doctor requested it."

"I want him. At least for the scan," Shepard said hesitantly. He rubbed her shoulder.

"We'll call him back then."

"Good luck," he murmured, before starting back to his chair.

#

"Major Alenko?"

His name was uncommon and certainly recognizable enough that a few heads turned in his direction, but no one seemed willing to say anything. Kaidan hurried over to the door. "Yes?"

"We're moving on to the ultrasound. She wanted you in there."

"Right." He followed the nurse back to one of the rooms, finding Shepard laid out on a table in only her bra and slacks.

"Thank God you're here," she said, voice exaggeratedly tired. "They've been torturing me for the past hour."

"She's exaggerating," the doctor said.

"And it's cold."

"There, she's not exaggerating. It is cold."

"Eh. I might have been exaggerating. A little." Kaidan moved up and kissed her forehead.

"How's everything look?" Kaidan asked. The doctor nodded.

"Everything looks sound so far. Some of the bloodwork is elevated, so we would have done the scan even if your doctor hadn't wanted it done." He picked up a small handle that bloomed into an orange interface, and Kaidan suddenly went cold. "Are you ready?"

No. No, he wasn't. The wave of panic that swept over him surpassed even the one a year and a half before when Coats had said that Harbinger had wiped out Hammer Squad's rush to the beam . . . He took a deep breath, not sure how Shepard looked so incredibly calm (though she was probably approaching this like an enemy assault, not a routine prenatal visit, and therefore her infamous battlefield calm had taken over). "Scared, marine?" she murmured.

"Just a little, ma'am," he replied quietly.

Shepard squeezed his hand. "Go ahead."

The doctor began moving the wand over her midsection, and immediately the screen behind him changed. "All right. Everything looks good. You're about six and a half weeks along. This right here, Major, is . . . oh."

"I really wish everyone would stop saying 'oh' during this," Shepard said. "It's starting to get me worried."

"Well . . ." He turned the screen a little more. "This is one embryo here." He circled one of the empty-looking spaces. "And this is the other one."


	25. Chapter 24: Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Last chapter I have completely written. I'm sorry updates have been so sporadic. It may be a little while before I can update again.  
> And don't get jealous of the other story I have going now, I wrote it for NaNo. So it's got a lot done already.

 

When she came to, Kaidan was gently massaging her forehead. The doctor was looking at her worriedly. "Major Shepard, are –"

"I'm fine," she mumbled, batting him away. "Are you sure you didn't read it wrong?"

He frowned, probably tempted to make a comment about having gone to medical school for this sort of thing. "I'm sure. It looks like twins to me."

Shepard frowned. "I-I . . ."

"We got dosed, Marra, remember?" Kaidan murmured. She glanced up. His skin was stark white, and his hand shook where it rested on her shoulder. "It's not surprising when you take that into consideration."

"Mm." She sighed, looking back at the doctor. "Sorry. I'm used to getting shot at, not told all this. It's a bit of a shock."

"Yes, I realized that when you told me the circumstances." He glanced up. "We'll need to send this to Command, if you're right."

"Oh, hell, no," Shepard said. "No. They'll find out when they need to."

"Whatever you want. We're already doing this on the down-low for you." He handed her a pair of datapads. "You are set to go. I compiled all this for Doctor Chakwas. The second copy is for you."

"Thanks." Shepard pulled her shirt back on and slid off the bed.

"If you can manage it, I would like to see you in another six weeks."

"We'll do our best," Kaidan said. "And you're sure everything's fine?"

"I'm sure everything's fine, Major Alenko."

"Thanks." Kaidan gently wrapped his arm around Shepard's waist as they left the room, then passed through the waiting room. He felt eyes on him again; this time, he was pretty sure Shepard did too.

"Great," Shepard murmured as they entered the elevator. "Twenty credits says there's a reporter out here."

"I'm sure there isn't."

Shepard flicked on the datapad, opening up to the first image. "It's weird," she said, scrunching up her nose slightly. "This is all going on right now. And I didn't know any of it."

"Explains why your symptoms were so bad."

She nodded, biting her lip. "Yeah."

He was suddenly worried. "Marra?"

"Sorry. It just seems  _real_  now." She glanced up at him. "It was all well and good when Chakwas told me and I got the initial shock but I still sort of hoped I was just sick. Now it's . . . I mean . . .  _Kaidan._ "

The doors opened into the lobby before he could answer, and they headed towards the doors. Chakwas was waiting for them. "I've got some equipment and medications coming into the  _Normandy_ ," she explained. "How was your appointment?"

Shepard silently handed her one of the datapads. Chakwas turned it on. "Huh. Well. Congratulations, Majors."

"Thanks." They started out the doors and into the Ward. "Alenko nearly passed out."

"Shepard did."

Chakwas fought to hide a small smile. "I'm not surprised. I'm sure it would have come as a shock."

"Yeah. It did," Shepard replied quietly.

"But everything looks all right?"

"So he said," Kaidan answered. Shepard grabbed his arm. "What?"

"I'm getting a . . ." she said quietly, one hand falling to her gun. "Someone's watching us."

"Keep walking," he murmured. One hand went protectively to her back, his other to his sidearm. "Doc-"

"I'm well able to take care of myself," Chakwas assured them. They made it a few more steps.

"Major Shepard." A nondescriptly dressed man stepped in front of them, blocking their path forward. "So good to see you again."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry. Have we met before?"

"Probably not. There's a matter I need to discuss with you privately. Would you mind coming with me for a few minutes?"

A few days before, Shepard might have taken him up on the offer just because she'd have been amped and carrying all her weapons and feeling, if not at one-hundred percent, at least at about fifty. She'd cleared Project Base on about ten percent, and finished off the Reapers on about five.

At the moment, however, she had no amp, was forbidden to use her biotics by a professional obstetrician, and had a reason to not put herself in a sketchy situation. So she shook her head. "No."

"Did something give you the impression that I was asking?" No weapon was drawn, but the implicit threat was there.

"You've really got a quad," Shepard replied. "You'd openly accost two Spectres for no reason in the middle of the Citadel?"

Kaidan stepped the slightest bit in between her and him, already flared. "I suggest walking the other way," he said calmly, but his voice still carried a hiss of pointedness. An implicit threat that he  _should_  walk the other way, lest he find himself suddenly and violently thrown the opposite direction.

Shepard felt Chakwas' hands on her arms, quietly moving her away. "Hey, wait, what-"

"Sniper," she murmured.

"What?! I-"

Kaidan suddenly flared even brighter, the man in front of him suddenly flying into the air as a gunshot sounded and Kaidan tossed himself to the side. The sniper round intended for Kaidan hit the man instead of him, and he let him drop as he drew his sidearm and retreated. Chakwas pushed Shepard into cover inside a store and suddenly produced a pistol.

"What, is that part of medical training?" Shepard asked. "Where did you even  _get_  that?"

Chakwas didn't answer, instead firing a single round through the doorway.

Shepard checked the clip on her own weapon, then looked up at the panicked shoppers. "This is Spectre business. Just stay in here." She waved her hand, looking very unconcerned. They seemed to accept that – a few recognized her – and hid behind whatever they could find in the store. Kaidan dove through the store himself, taking cover behind the other side of the arch.

"What the hell is going on?" Shepard tried to see out the door. Chakwas nudged her back.

"Nice shooting, Doctor," Kaidan said, as he reached out and found one of the other snipers, pulling him into the open. Shepard leaned around the door and fired, and Kaidan let him drop to the ground.

"Thank you, Major." Chakwas nodded. "I've had practice." The way she said it indicated that the circumstances had been less than ideal.

Shepard opened her omni-tool, feeling hideously useless. "C-Sec, this is Spectre Shepard. There's a shootout near Huerta Memorial involving myself and Spectre Alenko. No rush, but you're going to have bodies to clean up." Shepard tried to ready her weapon again. "Come on, let me do  _something_."

"Stop it," Chakwas chided.

"I've got a clean line of sight on the last one," Kaidan said. "I only counted five out there."

"Rather shoddy operation."

"Yeah. I'm thinking we might have another surprise or two on the way back to the  _Normandy_." Kaidan swung out and fired a couple of times into a spot Shepard couldn't see, and then ducked back in. No returning fire came. "I think it's clear. Stay here."

"Kaidan-" Shepard stood and tried to follow him. Chakwas pulled her back.

"Even if you're wearing a shield generator, I'm  _not_  risking it," he replied, after a nod at the doctor.

Shepard frowned, watching as Kaidan stepped out into the now-empty square. She jumped when his shields suddenly flared and a sniper rifle retorted. He spun and fired. "Clear," he called back.

Chakwas finally released Shepard's arm and she headed out, finding the body of the man who'd first stopped them. "Check his omni-tool," she said, pointing, and Kaidan pried it off his wrist. Shepard was busy patting down the man's pockets.

"What are you looking for?"

"Anything," Shepard replied. "There has to be something around here."

"Nothing on here." Kaidan dropped the omni-tool into his pocket. "You?"

She shook her head. "Not yet." Kaidan bent down to pick up a sniper rifle by the body of one of the men he'd grabbed.

"Looks like they were firing concussions. They wanted to take us out, maybe alive."

"They must have realized that you were both wearing shield generators." Chakwas scanned the hallways, keeping her hand on Shepard's arm. "We should get back to the  _Normandy_."

"She's right." Shepard stood. "With how bad this was, there might be more waiting for us."

"Oh. Wow. You weren't kidding." A turian's voice suddenly stated from behind them. They turned, Shepard and Kaidan's hands on weapons, only to be relievedthat he was wearing a C-Sec uniform. "Lieutenant Kallick."

"Shepard," she said, nodding. "And that's Alenko." He nodded. "We got jumped."

"Someone jumped the two most famous Spectres?" Kallick shook his head. "Poor bastards never stood a chance. We've got it from here."

#

Joker looked up as the airlocks chimed, admitting Shepard, Alenko, and Chakwas. "So how's the Citadel?"

"Hideous, as usual," Shepard replied sharply, starting for the elevator. He looked up at Kaidan.

"What's eating her? Obviously not you, with that attitude."

"We got jumped," Kaidan explained, leaning on the entrance to the cockpit and ignoring Joker's comment.

"No shit. Who?"

Chakwas followed Shepard into the CIC, jogging to catch up with her.

"No idea. It might have been Echidna, but there weren't any logos or IDs on them."

"Huh." Joker frowned. "In the middle of Alteri Ward?" Kaidan nodded. "Only a Cerberus-like organization is that stupid."

"I don't like it." Kaidan sighed. "Either way, Shepard's exhausted. She's going to lie down."

"She's your wife, Alenko, you can use her name."

"Force of habit. There's two times I use her name, and only one of them's in public."

Joker made an exaggerated gagging display. "Too much, Alenko."

"You asked," he retorted as he started for the elevator.

He found Shepard already sprawled on the bed in their quarters, fast asleep. He shook his head but didn't go any further into the room, settling down at her terminal. She'd had one installed for him on the other desk, but it was too close to the bed and he didn't want to disturb her. As he sat down, he rested his elbows on the desk and set his head in his hands.

He didn't want to worry Shepard, but this was terrifying – even more so now. A myriad of concerns were running through his head. He glanced up at the sleeping woman on the bed. How, or were, they going to have young children on a ship this small? Could they expand the Loft? They would have to find somewhere to live and rotate on-off like a normal military family (and Shepard would hate that). Was she going to be all right?

Most of all, who was after her? And – he looked down at the datapad in front of him, laying where Shepard had casually thrown it, and thought that the next phrase was incredibly hard to think – who was after their children?

That was his most pressing concern.

He pulled the ringleader's omni-tool out of his pocket, turning it back on and flipping through the holographic interface. It turned up nothing more than his first cursory glance had: Shepard's exact description, orders to take her alive with minimal harm, the location of the hospital, and the time they left the  _Normandy_. 

_The mole strikes again,_  he thought, powering the device back down. He'd told her that nothing was on the omni-tool because it would just worry her - he knew her too well. And he knew that adding to her stress, with the pregnancy, would just make things worse.

Shepard murmured something in her sleep and rolled onto her side. He sighed and turned on the datapad, staring down at the first image.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Don't have to be so quiet," Shepard's quiet voice said. Kaidan looked up, surprised to find her pushing herself up and sitting cross-legged on the bed.

"You were asleep."

"Yeah. And now I'm not." She rubbed at one side of her face. "How long have you been sitting there?"

"About . . ." He looked at the time on his omni-tool. "An hour."

"Uh." She stretched. "Still tired."

"Go back to sleep."

"Why would someone jump us?" Shepard murmured, continuing to stretch. "They'd know it was stupid. They'd know we'd win. I don't know why . . ."

"I don't either." Kaidan settled on the bed next to her and pulled her into his arms. She leaned her head on his chest, closing her eyes. She was quiet for a while, and he contented himself in holding her.

They had too few moments like this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Re: Chakwas being a raging badass: If you've read Chiaroscuro, there was a throwaway line in the attack on the Normandy (Chapter 36) there's a throwaway line to Joker seeing a large pool of Collector blood around medbay door. It isn't clear, but the inference is that you don't mess with Karin Chakwas. I would explain where this headcanon comes from but my words aren't working at 1:14am so ... yeah.


	26. Chapter 25: Synthetic Asparagus and Cheese

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Publishing this before work. I'll probably publish Chapter 26 today as well because: I honestly don't know when I'll be able to update next. It may be next week, but it may not be until March. I really need to bust my ass on my master's thesis and unfortunately, that means I need to put fanfic on the back burner (*sobs*). But I want to give you what I have (especially because the next chapter has a bit of a cliffy and I love leaving you guys hanging).   
> In other news, I'm now approaching my thesis like NaNoWriMo. Because if I can write 50k words in a month three years in a row, I should be able to write a 50k research paper in 1.5-2.

 

Rupert Gardner was a very intelligent man. He just went out of his way to seem otherwise occasionally.

Of course, he couldn't fly the ship, and he would have been useless on the  _Normandy_  during the war, but he  _knew_  things. Like when a woman, no matter how badass or scary, was expecting.

After she seemed to be getting more in control of her desire to stop eating, Shepard's appetite skyrocketed to previously unseen heights. She also developed a sudden, intense love of oranges and asparagus and hatred of egg, whereas previously her appetites had been completely reversed. She was drinking a reservoir's worth of water. And he was pretty sure she may have put on a couple pounds, but he'd be damned if he was going to comment on it.

To top it off, she sometimes spent all day "on duty" in the Loft, and he'd answer a call from EDI for food only find Shepard curled up on her bed wearing two sweatshirts. And, if that hadn't been enough, he'd spotted her making routine trips into the medical bay.

He may know very little about ships and a lot about food and plumbing, but he definitely knew when a woman was pregnant.

It was about two weeks after they'd last docked at the Citadel that Shepard called him up to the Loft for a regular food delivery while Kaidan was groundside. As usual she had the comms on in her cabin, and she was curled up in bed. "Just set it on the table," she mumbled, waving her hand. He sighed and did so. "Rupert."

"Yeah, Major."

"You know, don't you?"

"What, that you're pregnant? Shit, I've known for a few weeks."

"Did Chakwas tell you?"

"Nah. Figured it out all on my lonesome."

She lifted her head and smiled at him. "Rupert . . . thanks."

He patted the bed. "No worries. I-"

"Hey, Shep! How you feelin?"

As Kasumi bounded into the room, Gardner straightened up. "Brought you some more ginger tea up too," he said. "You get EDI if you need anything else."

"Thanks, Gardner," Shepard said, struggling to sit up. Kasumi waved her off and flopped down on the bed. Gardner gave them a small smile and left.

"I'm feeling like shit," Shepard complained. Kasumi nodded.

"You look it," she replied. "So, I have an update."

"Great," Shepard said, rubbing her eyes as she rolled onto her back. One hand settled on her stomach as she closed her eyes again.

"Well, we've ruled out the marines," she said, handing her a datapad. Shepard yawned. "And EDI keeps scrubbing the systems. Whatever's in here, she says it must have been here since the ship was being built. Probably before she was installed."

"So it's got to be someone who has access to Cerberus' databanks."

"Who's in charge, yes. Probably not whoever's on the  _Normandy_."

"That's what I meant." Shepard let her hand fall to her side, the datapad dropping to the bed. "God damn it. Who could it be?"

"Search me." Kasumi held up a hand and began ticking off fingers. "TIM's dead. So's Lawson. Petrovsky and Jana're in custody. Leng's dead. Miri and Jacob defected. Ashe's dead. Archer defected. So no, everyone's dead. Or arrested. Or on our side. Though if you want me to be thorough, I'll volunteer to go through Jacob's underwear drawer."

"He's married. With a kid."

". . . There's no reason I can't  _look._ "

Shepard grinned and shook her head. "Kasumi . . ."

"Hey. He's pretty. I can look."

She shook her head again and forced herself up, heading for the couch and her food. "Just don't touch. His wife's got connections."

"If you want me to go through  _her_  underwear drawer, I'm going to have to decline."

Shepard grinned wider, settling down and starting to peel her orange. Kasumi flopped down on one of the chairs. "So. What week's this?"

"Nine. Bones, face stuff, intestines, fingers," Shepard replied, pulling the orange apart and popping a slice into her mouth. "And I have to requisition new pants."

"Fun," Kasumi replied, with a tone that suggested it was anything but. "Figured out what you and Kaidan are doing yet?"

"We're apartment shopping. With twins . . . we're going to have to rotate duty."

"You're thinking of leaving."

Shepard looked up. Damn that woman's ability to read people. "Yeah," she admitted. "Hackett offered me a chance to get the human councilor position, while I was in the hospital. No one wants to step up. And . . . I don't know. Just, after the war, fighting sort of . . . lost its draw."

"Can't imagine why," Kasumi said, propping up her feet on the edge of the coffee table. "Not like you've been fighting everyone in known and unknown space for a few years or anything with barely a break. But . . . the Council? After all the shit they give you?"

She shrugged. "Just think, the ability to snipe with Sparatus all the time. It's like a dream come true."

Kasumi laughed quietly. "Yes, okay, I see that." Her lips darted upwards at the corners. "What're you having? Know yet?"

She shook her head. "Won't. Not for a few more weeks at least." She picked up the first sandwich - synthetic asparagus and cheese - and bit into it. Kasumi wrinkled her nose. " . . . don't judge me. I'm pregnant."

"I'm not judging you. That's just . . . eugh."

"'Eugh' indeed," Shepard replied. "But it's delicious."

"You know what?" she said, standing to beat a hasty retreat. "I'll leave you to it."

"Bye," Shepard called after her, continuing to munch on her sandwich.

#

Shepard lifted her head from where it was resting on Kaidan's stomach as he slowly played with her hair, a drowsy look on his face. "You all right?" he asked, letting his fingers trail down to her shoulder.

"Yeah," she said. "Just thinking."

Another week had passed since she'd first admitted to Kasumi that she was considering the Council position. She'd thought about it almost nonstop since then, the idea becoming increasingly attractive as she considered the idea of raising twins on a ship that, while the largest frigate in the fleet, was still a frigate. And neither she nor Kaidan wanted to leave the  _Normandy,_  a ship perfect for Spectre activities.

"'Bout what?"

"Kaidan." She propped herself up on her elbows. "I think I'm gonna take the Council position."

He blinked, then shrugged. "Okay."

She blinked back. "Okay?"

"Okay," he repeated. "If that's what you want to do."

"It's just . . ." She let her head settle back on his stomach. "I don't know. After the Citadel I just . . . this job isn't the same. I don't know what it is. And I don't - I don't want you to get pulled away from it. But I think I can give it up. I've done enough for this galaxy."

"You've done more than enough, Marra," Kaidan murmured, gently brushing her hair back out of her face. "I-I'm not going to talk you out of it, unless that's what you want me to do."

"No. No, I don't think so." She sighed and closed her eyes. "The strangest part will be living in one place all the time."

He smiled quietly, reaching down so their fingers intertwined. "It's pretty nice," he replied. "But it'll work. I'll home-base on the Citadel, and, uh, you'll get to order me around like you love to do."

She grinned up at him. "That's just a perk," she replied.

"Have you told Hackett yet?"

"No." Shepard shook her head. "I-I don't know if I'm ready to admit it to the man who wants to stick me in there. I'm . . . I'm not  _quite_  ready to leave the  _Normandy_."

Kaidan's smile broadened. "No, she is addictive like that." He looked up at the skylight. Shepard moved and snuggled up against him, head resting on his arm. She smiled slightly when his hand settled on her stomach, on top of the smallest amount of weight gathering around her hips.

"I love you," she mumbled, kissing the five o'clock shadow that seemed to permanently decorate his jaw.

"Love you too," he replied quietly.

:: _Er, bridge to Major Alenko._ ::

"What is it, Joker?" Kaidan asked, gently extracting himself from his wife.

:: _Got a vid message coming through for you. It's your folks._ ::

They'd told the Alenkos that they were expecting a little bit after their first visit to the hospital. His mother, of course, had been promptly ecstatic and set to work on knitting everything they could ever not think of for the babies. His father had, of course, been more restrained, curtly congratulating them and showing very little emotion though Kaidan had assured her that he was happy and excited.

"I'll take it up here," he replied.

:: _Patching it through._ ::

"I really should get him to take a vacation," Shepard mused.

:: _I heard that, Shep._ ::

Kaidan grinned at her as he moved behind the desk, and the rack of model ships turned dark. She could make out the moving image of his mother and the conversation, but let herself slip back into the pillows with a contented sigh.

:: _And how are you feeling, dear?_ ::

Shepard raised her head off the pillows. Mrs. Alenko couldn't see her, of course, but she knew it was directed at her. With another sigh, she got to her feet heavily and joined Kaidan at the screen. His mother beamed down at her. "Just tired," she replied. "They think the twins, or at least one of them, is a biotic. It's a heavier draw on me, physically."

:: _Oh . . . Is there anything you need me to send you? I've already made a few things - nothing for the twins until we know what you're having, of course._ ::

"I-I think we're fine."

:: _Have you found your apartment yet? Kaidan said you were looking for one._ ::

Shepard couldn't help a small smile when he wrapped his arm around her waist, tugging her against him. She nestled against him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"We're working on it. There's some things we're working on right now, out here," he explained. "We'll have more time to look when that gets taken care of."

"Besides, I'm sure someone somewhere would nearly give us one," she added.

Mrs. Alenko was quiet for a few minutes, then swept a thumb under her eye. :: _Sorry_ ,:: she said quickly. :: _I'm just so happy for you. And, of course, that I'm getting my grandbabies._

:: _You'll have to let us know when you're settled,_ :: she continued. :: _We'll come visit, help you get things set up._ ::

"T-that'll be nice," Shepard said. She tried to not feel suddenly pressured - while Kaidan's parents, and certainly his mother, wouldn't say anything about having a poorly set up apartment or anything, it still made her nervous. She liked the Alenkos, but she was too much of a perfectionist.

:: _Maybe if you're still out on your business, we'll set it up for you. It'll be good._ ::

Kaidan chuckled. "Probably."

:: _Don't you take that tone with me, Kaidan Michael Alenko._ ::

Shepard laughed, pressing the back of her hand into her teeth. Kaidan made a face at her, which only made her laugh a little more. "That'd be appreciated, Mrs. Alenko. I'm hoping our current mission will be resolved in time to set everything up."

:: _I hope so too. Oh . . ._ :: She grinned again. :: _I'm so excited. Call me for anything. I'll come live in your cargo hold if I have to._ ::

"We wouldn't make you live in the cargo hold, mom," Kaidan replied.

:: _You should get some more rest, dear,_ :: she continues, nodding at Shepard. :: _You look exhausted. You shouldn't work her so hard, Kaidan._ ::

"I-" he started to protest. Shepard grinned, and bounced up to kiss his cheek.

"It was good to talk to you again, ma'am."

:: _Please, Marra, just Helena._ ::

"Yes, ma'am," she said again, then corrected. "I mean -"

:: _Just blame it on pregnancy brain, dear. I know. I had it bad when I was pregnant. Kaidan sucked it all out of me._ ::

" _Mom_  . . ."

Shepard grinned back at her and walked back down to the bed, collapsing onto it. Kaidan said his goodbyes and settled back down next to her. She smiled when he curled around her, pulling her back flush against his chest. One hand gently settled over her stomach again, running over it.

"Don't you have work to do?" she asked quietly, though it was more her years in the Alliance that made her ask rather than a desire for him to let go. He shrugged, fingers trailing over the small bulge starting to marr her otherwise smooth, lean form.

"You want me to leave?"

"No," she murmured, settling back closer to him. "I like it when you do that."

"Mm." He stroked again.

"I'm sure they like it too," she murmured. "If they can feel it. Being close to their daddy."

He hummed quietly behind her and kissed her neck. "Need anything?"

"No," she replied, already feeling herself starting to fall asleep between her general fatigue and the warmth of her husband at her back. "Think I'm good."

Kaidan smiled at the sleep starting to color her voice and kissed her neck again. "I love you," he murmured.

". . . I want a dog," Shepard replied.

"You . . .  _what_?"

"I want a dog," she mumbled again. "A big one. Maybe a wolfhound."

Kaidan wasn't entirely sure where this was coming from.

"It'd be nice, when we have kids. They're good with kids. And really really big."

"I-"

"So they're scary, but they're not, because they're not guard dogs. And I think it'd be good for the kids."

"I . . ." He blinked, half propping himself up. "Shepard-"

"Sorry." She blinked up at him drowsily. "I just thought about it."

Kaidan shook his head. "We find an apartment we like," he said, settling back down. "And we'll get a dog. A big one."

She shifted again, pressing back into him. "Or a Newfoundland," she murmured. "Really big and scary looking but really good with kids."

He shook his head and kissed her neck, and let her ramble about dogs until she finally fell asleep.


	27. The Next Human Councilor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This will definitely be the last chapter for a while.  
> I don't think I've left you with TOO much of a cliffy, but it should be enough to keep you marginally interested. :)
> 
> I'll see you when I'm at least halfway done my thesis and decide to take a couple days to myself, which will be comprised of Minecraft, SWTOR, and writing.

 

Shepard shifted on her feet slightly, one hand hooked in a pocket and the other resting on her stomach. She hadn't "popped" yet, as Chakwas had called it while fawning over her earlier, but anyone paying attention would notice the slight bit of weight she'd put on, especially around her stomach.

This was a call she'd been dreading to make.

With a deep breath, she plugged in the contact details for Admiral Hackett. A few minutes later, the man swum into view. :: _Major._ ::

"Admiral." She hoped dearly that her mother hadn't said anything - she'd asked her to keep it quiet. "I've made a decision to take the Councilor position, if it's still open."

Whatever he  _thought_  she'd been calling to tell him, that had apparently not been it. But as always, Hackett was stoic in his surprise.

:: _What made you change your mind?_ ::

"I . . ." She swallowed, then glanced down. "I'm ten and a half weeks pregnant. Twins."

:: _. . . Oh._ :: He thought for a moment, then nodded. :: _Then this is your way of retiring from the Alliance?_ ::

"I'd like to remain on the  _Normandy_  for a little while longer," she continued. "Until Kaidan and I can find a place on the Citadel."

:: _That's good. It'll take that time to start the actual process. I know you weren't present when Anderson joined the Council, so you would be unfamiliar with it. Especially without a sitting Councilor now._

:: _However, I can let them know that you do intend to take the open seat. I am sure that Sparatus will have quite a lot to say about that._ :: Shepard grinned. :: _Any idea when you will be ready to take the position?_ ::

"No. I - yes." She sighed. "Maybe in a month. We'll be letting people know in the next few weeks, and after that . . . Well, as soon as we've got a place. We're aiming to soon."

Hackett nodded. :: _That can be arranged. You realize that the coverage of this will be quite extensive - you may want to wait-_ ::

"Until I have two young children? I'd rather be settled in the position before that occurs."

:: _I understand._ :: He nodded. :: _I'll get the ball rolling, then._ ::

"Thanks. And . . . don't spread this too around, yet. The reason I'm retiring."

:: _Don't worry, major. My lips are sealed._ :: He paused. :: _Though, I suppose I should begin calling you Admiral._ ::

"Don't, sir. I don't think my ego could take it."

Hackett grinned, and nodded. :: _I'll contact you when I have information for you._ ::

"Thank you, sir." She saluted, and he nodded and disappeared. Shepard leaned on the terminal, drawing a slow breath.

"You let him know?"

She glanced over her shoulder. Kaidan was leaning on the doorway, arms crossed.

"Yeah," she replied with a nod. "I'm officially taking the seat on the Council."

Kaidan stepped up and rested his hands on her hips, kissing her cheek. "Good. I've got some leads on some places on the Citadel. Part of the restoration zone on the Presidium is opening up."

Contractors had taken the option, after having to rebuild a sizable portion of the Citadel's inner ring, to put large, well-finished apartments in that area for the foreseen influx of returning diplomats and aides. At least Tevos had moved her apartment to one of the few open sections, and there were reports that they were remaining exclusive for another few months.

"Will we even be able to afford that?" The amount of credits those places would cost had to be exponential, if just to remain exclusive to diplomats and the like. It'd be quiet, at least.

"Um . . ." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I, um, sort of went ahead and made an inquiry."

She looked back at him, and raised an eyebrow. "And?"

He handed her a datapad, and she looked at it. "It's a two-floor. That's going to cost us."

"I like stairs?" he asked halfheartedly. She glanced up at him. "Keep looking."

"Kaidan . . ." He didn't like that exasperated tone. "What are we going to do with all this . . ." She must have found part of what had caught his eye, and sure enough her eyes lit up. "Kaidan, it has a built-in library?"

"I thought if you were taking the seat you'd need an office," he said. "And I thought we'd need more than two rooms for our families or, you know, the fact that Vega'll probably crash the place every week or so."

"I'm making sure they keep Vega damn busy," she replied with a small smile. "But you're right. With the crew and all . . . But Kaidan, there's no way we can afford this. How much is it?"

"Thirteen-point-one."

"Kaidan." She pushed the datapad at him. "Kaidan, that's way too much. Neither of us have enough to even cover part of that, to begin with. And-"

"I didn't say that's what we'd buy it for." She stopped mid-sentence, mouth open. "I, uh, sort of talked to the building owner. I may have said who was interested in it."

"Kaidan . . ."

". . . Marra, I had to talk them out of almost  _giving_ it to us. He wanted to drop the price by almost ninety percent." He held up the datapad. "We can see it when we dock next. If we want it, we can have it for five."

She mouthed wordlessly, then looked down. "That's still a lot of money."

"The Alliance owes us a lot of overtime." He paused. "And I still have a lot of money from . . . Well, I, uh, worked a lot. After Alchera."

Shepard didn't say anything, merely stepped forward and nestled against him, letting him wrap his arms around her. "I'm sorry."

"No," he replied, burying his face in her hair. "There's nothing for you to be sorry about, sweetheart."

"There is," she murmured into his chest. "But it's okay. We're here now, right?"

"And we're together. So, theoretically, it'll all be all right." He tilted her head and kissed her.

"Yeah," she agreed, settling her head back on his chest. "It'll be all right."

#

"We have a report that she's taking the open position on the Council, sir."

He held his hand out for the datapad, and Oxley placed it into his palm. "And the Citadel ambush was successful?"

Oxley shifted on his feet. "Yes, sir."

He made a hemming noise, then set the datapad on his desk. "Casualties?"

Oxley paused for a moment, shifting again. "They went up against Shepard and Alenko, sir."

He huffed, turning on another datapad. "They were merely clones. Are more ready?"

"Um. Yes. Sir. Here are the reports." Oxley shuffled for the right datapad and handed it over. "All of them are in near-perfect condition."

This would be an interesting report for someone in the scientific community to read.

"Thank you." He skimmed it, then set it aside. "Are you satisfied here, Oxley?"

The man blinked a few times, then cleared his throat. "Of course I am, sir."

"You aren't going to be stricken with any sudden bouts of morality? You still believe in what we're doing?"

"Yes, sir. Of course."

He nodded, apparently satisfied by the response. "I have taken the liberty of providing several nets." He handed Oxley a datapad. "While I am in my meeting this afternoon, I expect them set. Our target will fall into one of them."

Oxley nodded, studying the datapad. "I'll send operatives out at once, sir."

"Just remember." He stood, brushing off his suit. "She is to be taken alive, and handled with the utmost care."

"Yes, sir."

#

Shepard frowned, studying the message on her screen.

_Shepard._

_I heard a rumor about your mission. We may have seen a group with Cerberus ties on Illium. I'll meet you at my office._

_-Detective Anaya_

"Kai." She waved him over to her terminal, and Kaidan studied the message.

"Is it real?"

"As far as I can tell," Traynor answered, from the other side of the galaxy map. "EDI and I both scanned it."

"The message does not appear to be false," EDI said, from her position next to Traynor. "I will test it again, if you would like."

"No, that's fine, EDI," Kaidan replied, waving her off. "Do you want to meet with her?"

Shepard chewed on her lip. Illium had been nearly left alone during the war. It would have been the perfect spot, perhaps, to set up after Cerberus' destruction and wait for the relays to reopen. "It may be worth a shot, and we're only a day or so from the planet," she replied finally. "None of the bases we're going to are giving us any information, Liara's running out of leads and we're starting to get dead in the water."

"Agreed." He leaned in, resting his hands on her hips. "And I think it might be time to tell the crew. You'll be leaving in a month. They should know."

She nodded. "You get the crew together. I'll send out messages." As she spoke, she opened up a blank message form on her terminal. Kaidan kissed her cheek and headed towards the elevator.

#

_Message Log - Major M. Shepard-Alenko - 30 March 2189_

**Outbox:**

_To:_  Admiral Tali'Zorah vas Normandy; Vakarian, Garrus; [Encrypted- T'Soni, Liara]; Lieutenant Commander Vega, James; Lawson, Miranda; Jack; Taylor, Jacob; Urdnot Bakara; Urdnot Wrex; Massani, Zaeed; Javik; Samara

 _CC:_  Major Alenko, Kaidan; Lieutenant Cortez, Steve; EDI; Cmdr. Moreau, Jeff; Goto, Kasumi; CMO Chakwas, Karin, Admiral Shepard, Hannah; Alenko, Helena

 _From:_  Major Shepard-Alenko, M, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]

 _Sub:_  Voice Message: Announcement

 _I just wanted to let you all know that I'll be retiring from the Alliance on 28 April as an Admiral, and taking the human seat on the Council on 10 May. Kaidan will take complete control of the_ Normandy _and continue his role as a Spectre._

_The reasons for this abrupt career change is that Kaidan and I are now expecting twins, in approximately six months. This change will allow us to be settled in time for their arrival._

_Bakara, Wrex, pass this on. Grunt deleted his account again. Probably on accident. You know how he is._

#

**Inbox:**

_From:_  LtCmdr Vega, J. Rio de Janeiro, Earth.  
 _To:_  Mjr. Shepard-Alenko, M, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]  
 _Sub:_ Re: Voice Message: Announcement

_Damn, Lola! Congrats! You tell Esteban his pretty ass better be taking good care of you, all right? Lemmee know the next time you're on Earth, I'll see if I can get leave. Can't take you out for drinks but I can still show you'n Sparkles a good time._

_#_

_From:_  Vakarian, Garrus, Palaven.  
 _To:_  Mjr. Shepard-Alenko, M, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]  
 _Sub:_ Re: Voice Message: Announcement

_That's a good thing, right? I'm going to assume so. So, um, congrats? It's good to hear you're still doing well. Well-ish?  
_ _I should be on the Citadel soon if you want to meet up. You'll never guess what Victus and Sparatus bullied me into.  
_ _Also, you, in politics? I may have to find another galaxy to move to. No offense._

_#_

_From:_  [Encrypted - T'Soni, Liara, Thessia]  
 _To:_  Mjr. Shepard-Alenko, M, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]  
 _Sub:_ Re: Voice Message: Announcement

_Please, Shepard. As if you thought I didn't already know. Humans tend to theme their nurseries, don't they? Let me know as soon as you know what you want. I can source some absolutely adorable asari toys for you._

#

 _From:_  Massani, Zaeed, unknown  
 _To:_  Mjr. Shepard-Alenko, M, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]  
 _Sub:_ Re: Voice Message: Announcement

_Guess this means you ain't comin' to my planet for a visit, are you? Good. Can drink in peace then. Call me if you need to bash in some heads._

_#_

_From:_  Lawson, Miranda, Gagarin Station.  
 _To:_  Mjr. Shepard-Alenko, M, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]  
 _CC:_  CMO Chakwas, Karin, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]  
 _Att_ _:_  
 _Sub:_ Re: Voice Message: Announcement

_This is excellent news, Shepard. Congratulations. I did my best to ensure that this option would be open to you, if desired, but I hadn't been sure of my success. How is your health? Is the pregnancy going all right? Are you concerned about the effect your tech will have? I've been going through the most recent papers and I believe the attached may be able to help - if you are interested in looking at it, Doctor._

#

 _From:_  Jack, Elysium  
 _To:_  Mjr. Shepard-Alenko, M, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]  
 _Sub:_ Re: Voice Message: Announcement

_Fuck. You ain't gonna want my help, are you? I don't do babies. Babies are freaky little fuckers._

#

 _From:_  Urdnot Bakara, Urdnot Wrex, Tuchanka  
 _To:_  Mjr. Shepard-Alenko, M, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]  
 _Sub:_ Re: Voice Message: Announcement

_Sincerest congratulations, Major. Or, rather, soon-to-be Admiral. You have the proper instincts to be a wonderful mother, you just must remember that._

_SHEPARD! IT'S ABOUT TIME. WE'VE GOT ABOUT TEN OVER HERE._

_*sigh* Wrex . . ._

_YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BRING THEM OVER._

_Wrex, humans are too soft to play with krogan children, and you know it._

_*grumble*_

_Ignore him, Shepard. Message me if you require my assistance._

_ALSO, YOU TELL THOSE IDIOTS ON THE COUNCIL THAT IT'S BEEN A COUPLE YEARS, WE SHOULD BE SEEING A KROGAN EMBASSY._

_I'm sure she'll do her best, Wrex. I'm hanging up now._

_AND-_

#

 _From:_  Taylor, Jacob, Vancouver Resettlement Zone, Earth.  
 _To:_  Mjr. Shepard-Alenko, M, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]  
 _Sub:_ Re: Voice Message: Announcement

_Congrats, Shepard, on both. We have some things from when Bryn was pregnant, if you want me to pass them on. It'll save you some money, at least. I'll let her know, too. I'm sure she's got some advice for you too._

#

 _From:_  Javik, unknown  
 _To:_  Mjr. Shepard-Alenko, M, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]  
Sub: Re: Voice Message: Announcement

_I suppose this would be the natural recourse from the consistent mating your and your subordinate did._

#

 _From:_  Samara  
 _To:_  Mjr. Shepard-Alenko, M, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]  
 _Sub:_ Re: Voice Message: Announcement

_I believe motherhood will suit you well, Shepard. And I would not be concerned about the Council. There is no shame in leaving the military after your efforts._

_I will send you some things I am sure you will find useful. Asari mothers swear by them._

#

 _From:_  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, Rannoch  
 _To:_  Mjr. Shepard-Alenko, M, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]  
 _Sub:_ Re: Voice Message: Announcement

_[the first minute of the message is a high-pitched squealing noise]_

_Shepard! That's - I - I'm going to visit you, okay? You tell me and I'll get a shuttle off Rannoch. Oh, keelah, I'm so excited for you. You aren't going to need bubbles, are you? No, that's just a quarian thing. Er. I can. Um. I'll find something for you. Oh! I know what I can do! Oh keelah, this is exciting!_

#

 _From:_  Admiral Shepard, Hannah, Citadel.  
 _To:_  Mjr. Shepard-Alenko, M, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]  
 _Sub:_ Re: Voice Message: Announcement

 _Congrats on the Council position, sweetheart. And you could have_ told _me you were having twins. Don't you ever tell your poor mother anything?_

#

 _From:_  Alenko, Helena  
 _To:_  Mjr. Shepard-Alenko, M, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]; Mjr Alenko, Kaidan, SSV Normandy SR-2 [Encrypted]  
 _Sub:_ Re: Voice Message: Announcement

_You'll make a great councilor, dear. Far better than the last one, at least. Have you found an apartment yet? Do you need me to send you anything? There's furniture in the attic we aren't using if you want it. I love you two very much and I'll come up as soon as you need me, all right? With twins you'll want the extra hands. You'll thank me later, Marra._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And unfortunately, now ... temporary hiatus.


	28. Chapter 27: Illium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So a lot has happened since I last updated, part of it good! I lost power in the Great Snowstorm That Plowed Boston for the entire weekend last week, and managed to write out a chapter. On top of that, last Monday I found out that I was accepted into Michigan State's PhD program -- so that's a big weight off my shoulders! Granted, that's more pressure to get my thesis done but . . . 
> 
> Anyway, since I wrote this and I needed some pick me ups, I thought I'd edit and post it tonight. I'm still on hiatus, but I didn't want everyone to think I'd forgotten about them! (That and I'm still running off the Acceptance High)

 

"I still think this is a trap," Kaidan said, as they left the ship.

"Even if it is," Shepard replied. Neither of them were wearing their armor, but both were armed. "We're running out of leads. EDI is keeping an eye on communications and we'll hopefully have a warning before anything happens."

Kaidan sighed, but knew she was right. "I've just . . . I've got a bad feeling."

"So do I." She shook her head. "But we have to go." She reached the skycar terminal first, and summoned a cab. The automated car landed, and she and Kaidan had a momentary, silent battle over who would drive. He relented, and she climbed into the driver's seat with a smug grin.

"Where's her office?" Kaidan asked, after quickly conferring over text with EDI.

"Down by the docks. I met her when she was dealing with Samara. Saved her life – Justicars are only supposed to be held in custody for twenty-four hours, and then they're fully allowed to fight their way out."

"Sounds pleasant." He glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "The Samara we met in that asari temple? Who offered to get you asari maternity gear?"

"The same." Shepard pulled the car into another lane of traffic. "Justicars are complicated folk."

"Sounds like it."

They rode in silence for a few moments, and Shepard started to steer the car for the docks landing pad. It was about that second that something on the car panel blinked, and the dash stopped responding.

"K-kaidan—" Shepard's hands flew over the panel, even as she stuttered out her husband's name. Kaidan swore, and opened his omnitool.

"Someone's hacking the car," he said, opening a military-grade hack program on his omni-tool.

"Kaidan, do you see where we are?!" she snapped as she struggled to regain control. The car jerked away from the docks, heading lower into the cityscape. "What if  _everyone_  loses control of the car from you doing that?"

"I'm not going to let whatever's happening happen," he replied, hand flying over the screen. "They've cut communications too. We can't get EDI to get a lock."

"Maybe we should land. See what happens."

"I'm not putting you in a firefight."

Shepard glared over at him. "Kaida-"

Something in his counterhack worked, but not at all in the way they wanted. As soon as Kaidan let out a half-whoop of triumph, the interior of the car turned black.

"Shit," Shepard barked, trying not to panic. The car was completely dead, dark except for the glow of Kaidan's omni-tool. His teeth were clenched, focus completely on trying to reactivate the car's systems. "Kaidan-"

"I've got it under control," he said, hardly paying attention. Shepard unconsciously rested a hand on her stomach, the other hovering over the panel, and drew a deep, shaking breath.

The steel of another docking pad was looming ahead of them.

"Kaidan!" It came out in a half-sob. She could stop the car, she knew. But they'd told her not to use her biotics, and the exertion it'd require –

Kaidan abandoned his omnitool as the gray floor loomed closer, and suddenly flared bright in the dark car. The door next to him flew open, blasted off its hinges, and Shepard reached for him when he leaned out and directed the energy forward, slowing the car's momentum so that  – Shepard reflected as, without thinking, she threw a shield around herself seconds before her head slammed forward into the panel, and – the crash was a lot less  _bad_  than it should have been.

#

Consciousness slowly returned to her, and Shepard groaned as she lifted her head, only to be met with the cacophony of sirens and flashing lights that surrounded their car. She started to lift her head, and –

"No, no, don't move."

Shepard cracked her eyes open, spotting an asari medical tech standing just outside the car's door. It'd apparently been sliced off already.

"Wher's Kai?" she managed to croak out.

"He's fine," the asari assured her, stopping her before she tried to make her way out of the car. "They're taking care of him now. He said you were pregnant?"

Shepard blinked, still dazed. "Yeah," she replied. "Twelve weeks."

"Are you feeling any pain? Anything strange in your abdomen?"

She thought for a moment, then shook her head. "No. I-I don't think anything's wrong."

"All right. Hold still, we're going to get you out of there." She stepped aside for a small medical team, and Shepard held still as they fastened a brace around her neck and carefully pulled her out, settling her onto the backboard. She winced, but she'd been injured a lot, and to her this felt more like she'd just been smacked around a bit rather than seriously injured. Then again, that could have been the adrenaline, she thought as she swallowed heavily.

"We're just going to run you back to the hospital," the lead medic explained, after a cursory examination revealed no external issues indicating problems with the pregnancy. "And check you over, and then we'll release you."

"Hey!" She almost cried in relief when she heard Kaidan, and felt a hand wrap around her own. "I'll ride to the hospital with her, all right?"

"Spectre Alenko, we really have to ins-"

"I'm riding with her," he snapped. Whoever had admonished him disappeared, and as she was loaded into the medical transport she smiled weakly at him when he finally loomed over her. A neck brace was hanging half off his neck, and it was obvious that he was completely disregarding medical advice to be at her side.

"How're you feeling?" he murmured, brushing hair out of her face.

"Think 'm fine," she replied quietly, as someone pricked a needle into her elbow. "Wha' happened?"

"I slowed us down, but we still landed too fast." She noticed a trickle of blood on the side of his head, and concern welled up inside her. "I wanted to rehack the car, to at least settle us down. They shut out our systems as soon as they saw what I was doing. I got thrown out, but I slowed the car down. Marra, I-"

"'m okay," she replied drowsily. "I think they're okay too."

Kaidan glanced down at her stomach, worry furrowing his forehead. He was concerned for her, of course, but something about the thought of losing their children nearly crushed him. "We'll find out at the hospital," one of the techs assured him. He grit his teeth, but turned back to Shepard.

"You've gotta stay awake, sweetheart," he murmured. She blinked at him.

"'m awake," she replied, though her voice was still heavy and drowsy. Kaidan, still leaning over her, opened his omni-tool to find that communications had been restored. With a thankful sigh, he raised the  _Normandy_.

#

Chakwas hurried into the hospital lobby, Kasumi and EDI hard on her heels and beelining for the front desk. "A pregnant woman was brought in by medical transport," she says quickly. "I'm her ship's medical doctor."

"Spectre Shepard?" the asari receptionist asked. "Her husband said you would be by. CMO Karin Chakwas?"

Chakwas held up her ID. "These are two of Shepard's crewmembers. They'll be coming with me."

"Fair enough. Wing C, Room 388. It should only be temporary, I believe she just has a bad concussion. They'll probably release her to you for care."

"Thank you," Chakwas replied, hurrying towards the elevators. Kasumi jogged after her, with EDI casually watching the rear.

"You don't think that -"

"I don't know. I feel like we would have heard." Chakwas keyed in the floor, and it took off. As soon as they stepped into the proper wing, it took a few anxious moments to find Shepard's room.

"Stay awake for me, okay?" They heard Kaidan murmur, rounding the corner to find him cradling Shepard against his chest.

"I am awake," she mumbled, sounding irritated. He looked up.

"How is everything?" Chakwas asked. He shook his head.

"We're fine. Shepard's got a bad concussion, but that's it."

"What happened?" Kasumi asked, leaning back against the wall as Chakwas flicked open her omni-tool, scanning the drowsy-looking Spectre.

"Someone hacked our car. I think it was Echidna, but I can't be sure." He shook his head, then carefully settled Shepard back on the bed. "Kasumi, we'll go meet with Anaya. EDI, do you mind staying here?"

She nodded. "I will keep an eye on Shepard," she assured him.

Kasumi, meanwhile, cast a dubious look at the bandage that coated the side of Kaidan's head. "You sure you're up for it?"

"I'm fine. Now that the doc's here to keep an eye on Shepard." He glanced back at Shepard worriedly, but squared his shoulders. "I want to know if this was a trap or not. Will you be all right?"

Chakwas nodded, waving him away. "Do your job. I'll take care of Shepard."

Kaidan nodded, and he and Kasumi headed out. Chakwas settled on the side of the bed.

"Good news," she said, as she turned Shepard's head to shine a light into her eyes. She could have easily read the chart, but preferred her own exams. EDI, meanwhile, opted to stand by the door, quietly watching the nurses. "The scan is showing that the twins are still doing well. I'm sure they'll want to do an ultrasound, but it doesn't look like there's anything wrong. How are  _you_  feeling?"

"Like I drank too much," she mumbled. "'m all woozy and shit."

"A concussion will do that to you." She checked her pulse, making a note on her omni-tool. "Any blurry vision, hearing loss . . ."

"No."

"No real speech problems . . ." She nods, making another note. "You should be fine, I think. Just lay back and rest a little. Don't fall asleep on me yet, though."

Shepard settled back into the pillow, lidding her eyes. "I think I used my biotics," she murmured. Chakwas looked up from her omni-tool.

"You did what?"

"It's all blurry. I . . . what if I really messed somethin' up? I—"

"I'm sure it will be fine," Chakwas assured her, settling on the side of her bed. "Trust me, Major."

Shepard nodded drowsily. "Yeah. 'm sure."

"Mathematical projections indicate that a biotic woman can use her biotics for small things occasionally during pregnancy," EDI said. Chakwas and Shepard looked over at her. "However, it is not recommended to do large-scale things, nor to use them frequently. I would proceed with caution, Major."

"Thank you, EDI," Chakwas said. "Shepard, just relax. It'll be fine."

#

"Detective Anaya?"

The asari detective looked up from her desk. "Can I help you?" she asked gruffly.

Kaidan produced the tag that identified him as a Spectre, and handed it to her. "Need to ask you a few questions."

"Spectre Alenko. Got hitched to Spectre Shepard, last I heard." He nodded as she handed it back. "Good luck with her. What can I do for you?"

"Just, a quick question, I think," he said. "Did you contact Shepard recently?"

She shook her head. "Haven't had a need to. Why?"

Kaidan and Kasumi traded a look. "Just a question," he said. "She received a message from you, and we were involved in a shuttle crash on our way to see you."

"That was you? Heard about it. Everyone all right?"

"We are." He nodded.

"Well, if I didn't send you a message, who did?" She tented her fingers under her chin.

"There's a group we're hunting," Kasumi said. "It's probably them."

"Well. That's insulting." Anaya shook her head and turned back to her datapad. "What's this group's name? I'll keep an eye out."

"Echidna."

She glanced up, and raised an eyebrow. "What sort of name is  _that_?"

"Depends on who you ask. Small, egg-laying Earth mammal or a mythological Greek monster," Kaidan answered with a shrug. "A continuation of Cerberus, is what it looks like."

"Sucks. I'll give you a call if I hear anything." She shakes her head, checking her terminal. "Just insulting."

#

When they came back to the hospital, they found Chakwas and Shepard waiting in the lobby. Shepard was sullenly in a wheelchair, arms crossed, Chakwas behind her. "They're releasing her to my care," she said. "We can head out. But we wanted to meet back up with you rather than head back ourselves."

"Fair enough." Kasumi grinned. "How you feeling, Shep?"

"I'd feel better if I was back on my ship," she replied sullenly.

"Won't be long. We've got a shuttle waiting," Kaidan said, leaning down at kissing her forehead. "Come on."

"I've got 'er, doc." She grabbed the back of the chair and started for the door. "Don't make me try and cheer you up, Shep."

"You do any wheelies in this and I will personally kill you," they heard her say as they left.

"You're sure she's all right?" Kaidan asked quietly. Chakwas nodded.

"Everything is fine. The babies are fine, there's been no complications with the pregnancy, she's just concussed." She glanced over. "She's fine, Kaidan. She just needs to rest some."

He nodded, frowning, and started behind the other two.

#

It took only a few minutes for the news to spread on the  _Normandy_. By the time they actually made it back several hours later, the entire ship was abuzz. It was all the XO, a man named Willschek, could do to calm the hubbub long enough for Chakwas and Kaidan to get Shepard down to medbay. After plugging in the coordinates for the jump to the Citadel – he wanted to get Shepard checked out by those doctors as well – he headed to check on Joker.

Waiting until they'd pulled out of Illium and into the relay queue, Joker looked over his shoulder. "You and Shepard all right?"

"We're fine."

"The kids?"

"Supposedly fine."

Joker shook his head. "Echidna's getting awful bold," he said. "Hacking your car in the middle of Illium. It could have killed both of you."

"Probably their goal." Kaidan crossed his arms. "Take out the two people with the most knowledge of Cerberus and best ability to find them. I wouldn't be surprised if Miranda and Jacob weren't on the watch list either."

"Would you like me to send them a warning?" EDI asked, from the secondary copilot's seat. Kaidan nodded.

"Any idea what they're after? Apart from, you know, you two dead on at bottom of Illium."

He shook his head. "Probably the same things Cerberus wanted. Human superiority, things like that. And, of course, me and my wife dead at the bottom of Illium."

"Cheery," Joker replied. "So, Citadel?"

"They're saying everything's all right with Shepard. But I want her doctor to check her over."

"Understandable." Joker nodded. "Chakwas has her?"

"Just for observation." Kaidan turned on his heel and started off. "I'm going to go check on her."

"Have fun," he called after him. "Tell her I said hi!"

#

The curtains were still drawn around one of the cots when he walked in, and Chakwas glanced up. "She's fine, Major," she said. "She's asked about you a couple times."

"Thanks," he replied quietly, slipping through the curtains. Shepard was curled up on her side, eyes closed. "Hey, sweetheart."

"Hi," she mumbled, lifting her head. He tsked, and carefully settled himself next to her. She curled into him, nestling her head against his chest. "How're you feeling?"

"Lots of shit hurts," she said drowsily. He smiled weakly, closing his eyes as he held her close.

He had a decision to make, and he was positive she was going to hate him for it.


	29. Chapter 28: Argument

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm in a bit of a mood today, so I'm probably going to post two chapters (lucky you guys) and then continue writing ahead while I'm in hiding.  
> Um . . . you'll see why I'm going into hiding soon.

 

Shepard, despite complaining that she was sore and had a massive headache, seemed mostly back to normal the next day. Chakwas still kept her for half the day for "observation," but after that she was back to wandering around the CIC, double-checking screens and micromanaging personnel. After the announcement most were fine with it - after all, not being so would just result in a very cranky, hormonal still-CO.

A couple hours later she ended up in the copilot's seat again, opposite EDI, after Joker sent his copilot on a snipe-hunt of an errand that would take him several hours. Shepard, of course, figured she should probably tell him to go easy on the new guy, but she knew it was just Joker's hazing. He did it to the short-lived copilot of the SR1 after the Battle of the Citadel too.

"So . . . just a few more weeks," Joker said, glancing over at her. "Gonna be weird."

"Don't worry, Joker. I'll call you and harass you every few minutes. Might tell you to come get me out of an exploding volcano every so often."

"Oh, yeah. Gotta watch out for those Citadel volcanoes, they're a bitch. Just so you know, my skills don't include flying out of piles of puke and shit. Literally."

Shepard half-grinned, leaning back in her chair. "No, that's what Kaidan is for."

Joker snorted. "I can't wait to see this. Mr. Badass Biotic up to his elbows in diapers."

"I'd've thought you would have been more amused by  _me_  up to my elbows in diapers."

"Well, I just thought that went without saying, you know? Right EDI?"

"I would like to continue keeping my processors intact, Jeff. I know better."

Shepard snorted. "I knew I liked you, EDI."

"And here I believed it was for other reasons, but I will not turn aside your affections, Admiral."

"Still 'Major.' Just for another few weeks." She closed her eyes as she leaned her head back against the chair. "Don't rush this too much."

"Having second thoughts?"

"No," she replied simply. "No. Combat it . . . it all just doesn't hold the same draw, like I've said. After everything that's happened, all I remember is seeing people die. Anderson, Thane, Mordin, Legion . . . all the civilians who died on Earth or the Citadel or Thessia or Palaven . . . I don't know. Maybe this is just finally the last straw, you know? But I don't know if I would have stuck around for very long without getting knocked up."

"I didn't think you would." At her look, he shrugged. "What, I know you too well. At the least I figured you'd stop going into the field, maybe take a shipboard position. Turn navy on us."

She shook her head. "Fair. You do know me far too well."

"So. I'm gonna be a godfather? Not, you know, like the old mafia movies, but -"

"I thought you were going to be the corrupting uncle."

"There's no rule saying I can't be both, right? I mean I didn't see it in any laws."

"Well, if you're all of the above, what are Garrus and Wrex and James going to be?"

He thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Be honest, can you see Garrus dealing with a human baby?"

". . . good point."

"Though Wrex . . . what kid wouldn't want a krogan uncle? And we all know James is just going to be the human jungle-gym."

"True enough." She grinned. "So, you gonna help us put together furniture?"

"Hell no. I'll get myself one of those Yoda hover-pads and watch though. I can direct, you know? 'Fit, that piece does not. There, should it go.'"

Shepard snorted. "I can actually  _almost_ picture that," she said. "Enough that I might have to buy you a little hover-disk you can shoot around on the  _Normandy_ with."

"You're too kind, Shep. What did I ever do to deserve a CO like you."

"Probably pissed on a statue on church grounds or something."

Joker laughed. "There was that one time on the Citadel we got drunk -"

Shepard shook her head and punched his chair as she stood. "I've got a bit of ordering to do. Marines need some new gear from requisitions and all."

"Don't break anything!" Joker called after her. "Req would love a bunch of forms from you this week!"

"They always love seeing my forms!" she shouted back.

Joker chuckled to himself.

"You should really try to help them," EDI chided.

"And what, break an arm trying to put a chair together? I don't think so."

"What will you be doing with this chair, handstands?"

"Maybe I will," he protested, then straightened up. "All right. Pulling into the Citadel."

Steps sounded behind him, and he glanced over his shoulder. "Sure you heard me, Alenko."

"I did." Kaidan drew to a stop, folding his hands behind him. "Have you seen Shepard?"

"She just headed upstairs. Something about requisitions. Why?"

"N-nothing." If he didn't know better, he'd think Kaidan seemed  _nervous_. "Just need to talk to her. Thanks."

"No problem. Should I tell EDI to make sure the kinetics are ready to go?"

"I don't think that's going to be necessary."

Joker glanced over at the AI as Kaidan retreated. "Should I turn on the cameras in the Loft?"

The look she replied with could only be considered 'exasperated.' He chuckled. "All right, all right, I won't."

#

"Marra."

Shepard looked up from her terminal as the doors slid open, letting Kaidan into the Loft. He sounded worried. "Kai?"

"We need to talk."

_Oh_. Those were words no one ever wanted to hear. "What about?"

"We're coming into the Citadel."

"Yeah. We have a meeting with the Council. And we were going to go check out that apartment." To say she wasn't excited about it would have been a lie. She'd had an apartment provided to her once, but it'd been demolished when the Reapers moved the station - and even then it'd never really been home. That had always been the  _Normandy_. Apart from the apartment the Shepards had been provided on Arcturus, this would be the only place she'd ever lived in for longer than a few months.

"Yeah. I know." He leaned back against the tank, rubbing his neck. "Marra, I want you to stay on the ship. For the meeting, and when we're not at the apartment or the hospital."

She blinked. "What? Why?"

"Um . . . Because something out there is trying to get at you, and I want to keep that from happening? And -"

"We're  _only_  going to be on the Citadel."

"Yes, but I still don't want to risk it. I-"

"You are . . ." Shepard held up her hand, pointing at him. "Seriously, you are . . . I can't . . . This isn't . . . You're being an ass!"

Kaidan blinked a few times. "Wow, Marrakech. That's one way to react."

"I'm not going to stay on the ship like some prisoner!"

"The hell you aren't! I'm  _trying_  to protect you."

"I don't  _need_  protecting! I am  _perfectly_  capable of protecting myself!"

"Mar- _Marra."_ He held up his hands. "Calm down."

"I'm  _perfectly_  fucking calm!"

"Listen to me!" Shepard fell silent, surprised that Kaidan was actually raising his voice. He'd never really flat-out yelled at her before, and the desire to stop breathing recycled air for a few hours was anything  _but_  monumentally stupid. To her, at least. "You can't use your biotics. If you happen to need armor, you need a size up. Or specially made, which they  _don't_  make, because most pregnant women don't go running towards people with guns! Someone is trying to get at you, Shepard. Leaving the ship means they  _do_! Or did you forget what just happened on Illium?"

"Oh, so that's what this is about? That incident on Illium? And they're apparently after  _you_  too if Illium is any indication!"

"It's about the fact that you nearly got yourself  _killed_."

"That car wouldn't have crashed if  _someone_ with an omni-tool hadn't started trying to counter-hack it!"

"Marra, I won't let you leave the ship."

"You -" Shepard took a deep breath through her nose. "What the hell is it with men and pregnant women? You and Joker and Gardner and  _everyone_ is treating me like I can't even shoot a  _gun_  anymore! I don't  _need_  to be locked up, Alenko, I can handle myself!"

"I'm not doing this for you!"

"Yeah, right, so the fact that I'm going to be sullen and resentful is going to be better for me?"

The first crack in Kaidan's still-calm exterior started to show, and Shepard suddenly, and actually, felt a little scared. She'd never seen him angry enough to lose his composure, not even when she was doing something idiotic on the battlefield. She knew she wasn't in danger, no. But the raw concern, the raw emotion that he never showed . . .

"In this case, yes! Because if that means you don't just disappear and we can't find you,  _yes_! Why are you having such a damn problem understanding this?!"

"Because I don't like to feel trapped, Kaidan, and I'm feeling pretty damn trapped enough without your help!"

There was the briefest glimmer of concern. "I know, Marra. But you're not leaving this ship. You aren't going to win this."

"I'm not looking to win this!" she snapped. "I'm looking for my right to get off this ship!"

"Shepard!" Kaidan finally snapped back. "You are  _not_ getting off this ship."

"And when did you  _ever_ get the authority to order me around?!"

"When you started carrying my children!"

"Then maybe we shouldn't have gone through with this!" Shepard spun and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

"Fuck," she heard Kaidan mumble, barely audible, from behind the door. "Marra . . ."

"Just . . . go the hell away," she said. "Go enjoy your time on the Citadel. I'll see you tonight." Shepard let herself sink down the wall, leaning her head back against it. "Have fun."

"Marra . . . just come out."

"No. We obviously can't have a civilized conversation right now. Go. Have fun. You win."

She expected Kaidan to argue again, or to simply hack the door. Instead, she heard the exterior door open and close, and closed her eyes.

"What the hell is going on?" Shepard murmured quietly. She scrubbed at her face with the back of her hand.

The bathroom door slipped open. "Shepard, the female body releases an overload of hormones when-"

"Shut up, EDI." She dropped her head. "Let me know when they leave."

"I will. Would you like me to stay around?"

"No, that's fine, EDI. Thanks, though."

#

Joker glanced back as steps sounded behind him again. "Heya, Alenko. Where's Shep?"

Kaidan checked his sidearm, tapping his foot by the airlock. "She's staying on the ship."

"No shit." As the airlocks hissed together, he turned. "Oh. You two just got into it, didn't you?"

He nodded, putting the gun back in its holster. "It's the hormones."

"Must be. Your head's still intact."

"Ha. Very funny, Joker."

"Kaidan. Relax. She doesn't mean it."

He looked up at the pilot. "Yeah. I know. I want to leave Kebelsen to watch her and make sure she's not going to slip out."

"EDI and I'll keep an eye on her. Right, EDI?"

"I will ensure that Shepard does not leave the ship, Major."

"Thanks, EDI." He started out the airlock. "Give everyone two day's worth of shore leave."

"Yessir." Kaidan left. "Attention all crewmen. You now have two days of shore leave, courtesy of your favoritest Spectre Alenko. Be back by 1200 on Thursday. In other news, Kebelsen to the cockpit."

The ship burst into activity. Someone knocked on the cockpit entryway. "Why am I not getting leave?"

Joker turned around, addressing the marine. "You and I get to babysit Shepard. You'll probably get off the ship later today, when Alenko comes back."

She nodded. "All right. Mind if I sit up here?"

Joker shrugged. "Not at all."

The airlock opened as crew started to flood out. "Great. I'll get a deck of cards and get back up here."

"Sounds good." Kebelsen disappeared, fighting the crowd. Joker spotted Chakwas and Adams in the crowd. "You two leaving?"

"I have supplies I need to locate," Chakwas said. "Greg has invited me to lunch."

"Hah. Well. Good luck with that, Adams. See you two tonight." They disappeared. Kasumi slipped through the crowd and waved over their heads.

"See ya, Joker."

"Don't get arrested."

"Never do."

As the crew cleared out, Joker started to turn back towards the console. A lone set of quiet steps came up behind him, and he didn't bother turning. "Hey, Shep."

She dropped down into her usual chair, leaning back and closing her eyes. Her arms almost bonelessly flopped into place, one over the arm and the other so her hand rested on her stomach. "Hey, Joker."

"So, you and . . ."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh-kay. Good to know." He leaned back in his own chair. "Kebelsen's getting a deck of cards."

"Good." She fell silent, and Joker started to power down the ship with a sideways glance at his friend and CO.

"You all right?"

"I'll be fine."


	30. Chapter 29: So Bleed Your Heart Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: As a side note, the last chapter I was this nervous about posting was the one in Chiaroscuro where *spoiler*Grunt decks Kaidan*spoiler*. I'll be in hiding for a bit after this.
> 
> (I've extended my master's program to August because the lack of work I've been doing in the past few weeks, for mental-emotional reasons, has been low. Which equates to writing this on the T, basically.)
> 
> Extra note: Chapter title for the next two chapters are from "Slaves and Bulldozers," Soundgarden. That in itself might be a bit of a spoiler for this chapter come to think of it, if you know the song.

 

* * *

**So Bleed Your Heart Out**

The deck of cards was exhausted and lying forlornly next to Shepard's elbow. The Major was leaning back in her chair again, hands tented over her torso and eyes closed. Kebelsen's face was lit by the orange of her omni-tool as shea checked her messages, keeping one eye on Shepard and the other on the mail she was writing. Joker adjusted his hat, folding his hands back behind his head.

"So no leave for you either?" Shepard finally asked.

Joker shook his head. "Nah. It's boring out there."

"Liar. You feel bad leaving me and Kebelsen all alone."

"I don't mind, ma'am," Kebelsen said immediately.

"Bullshit." Shepard opened her eyes. "Ships are boring when everyone's on leave or off in meetings."

"I didn't say it," Joker said. "You feeling better?"

She nodded. "The puking's stopped, mostly. Now I'm just starving all the time."

"You look good. Ma'am." Kebelsen cleared her throat slightly.

"I'm off active duty," Shepard replied. "No ma'aming." She leaned her head back again. "I just don't like that Alenko took off to deal with the Council without me."

"He'll be fine, Shep."

She sighed. "I know he will, Joker. Let the woman with crazy hormones worry and hold grudges." Shepard frowned. "The truth is that I hate being confined to the ship, the fact that Kaidan's put the kabash on me doing anything that isn't micromanaging up here, and that I'm not allowed to even defend myself."

"I think that you'd still be able to defend yourself if you had to, Major."

"You really want a nice Christmas present this year, don't you, Kebelsen?"

"If you're offering and flattery will get me there, yes."

"Can I get a nice Christmas present too this year, Shep?"

Shepard threw the deck of cards next to her at Joker, who mockingly shielded his face as they scattered around him. "You kidding, Joker? I owe you nice birthday and Christmas presents for the rest of our lives."

"Ooh. Can I have a pony?"

"Don't make me shoot you." She pointed at him threateningly.

"Do you hear that, Kebelsen? Have you ever heard such harsh words from any CO you've ever had?"

Kebelsen was laughing. "You two have been together for far too long. You fight like siblings."

Shepard grinned. "We do. And he and the ship fight like an old married couple."

"I told you before, Shepard, what Jeff and I exhibit—"

"—is a purely platonic symbiosis. Yes, I remember, EDI. Besides, Jack might space you if she found out."

Shepard smirked as she checked her omni-tool. "Heard that the Elysium kids might be on the Citadel on a trip, you know."

Joker glared at her. "She would have messaged me. Don't lie to me, Shepard, it hurts my feelings."

"Oh." There was a pause as she saw something in her messages, and opened it. "God damn it."

Both Joker and Kebelsen's interests were peaked. "What?"

"Message from Kaidan." She frowned, tapping her finger on her leg. Something churned in her stomach, a "bad feeling" of sorts. This was the same shit Echidna had pulled on Illium . . . but if there  _was_  a problem with the Council . . .

"Well? What does it say?"

"It's a level three Alliance encryption . . . Hold on." Shepard waited for the program to run, nervousness growing. Why would he use an encryption . . .? "There's a problem with the last report. The Council is demanding I get there." She pushed herself to her feet, picking up the sidearm from where she'd set it next to Joker's console.

"Are you sure it isn't . . ."

"No. But if there is a problem, then they need me there."

"You can't use the communicator?"

"Not if the Council is being this insistent."

"Wait, ma'am," Kebelsen said. "Let me get a rifle. I'll accompany you. You've got your shield gen, right?"

"I will go as well," EDI said, almost gracefully getting to her feet as she followed the marine to the elevator.

"I'm going too," Joker called after the duo.

"You are not," Shepard said, checking her clip.

"I am too," he insisted. "I'm not letting you walk out there and having Alenko chew my ass out."

"If this  _is_  Echidna, you'll just get yourself killed."

"So will you, so I don't see how it's much different." Shepard started towards the airlock, and Joker pulled himself to his feet and grabbed her arm.

"You stop it," he snapped, and Shepard jerked out of his weak grip and turned. "Just stop it right there. I watched you die twice, Shepard. I saw you get pulled out of the  _Normandy_  over Alchera. If Jack hadn't pulled you in you would have missed the ship on the Collector base. You were comatose for  _three days_ after Aratoht, and you weren't even let out of medbay for a week. And just how long were you in a coma after the Citadel, six months? A year?

"I heard that the shuttle crashed on Illium and I thought you know, after everything you've done, you were fucking dead  _again_. And I swear to everything holy if you get your stupid self killed  _again_  I will  _never_  forgive myself, do you understand me?"

Shepard stared at him, then swallowed. "Jeff—"

"Don't 'Jeff' me. I've known you longer than anyone else on this damn ship, Shepard. If I say I'm coming with you, I'm coming with you — and I'm  _not_  saying that as your pilot."

She swallowed again, and nodded. "All right. But if you get yourself killed, it's your own fault."

"Fair enough. Besides, we've got EDI and Kebelsen." He grinned. "And if I'm flying the skycar, we aren't getting hacked."

Kebelsen and EDI returned then, EDI with her submachine gun on her hip and Kebelsen hefting one of the Revenant rifles. EDI handed Joker a pistol. "I believed this would be far easier for you to handle than a rifle."

"Fair enough." Joker pushed it down into one of the pockets on his pants and picked up his crutch, leaning on it more for stability than necessity.

"Come on then," Shepard said. "We'll just need to make it to the taxi terminal."

The docks were surprisingly empty that day, but part of that was likely due to a combination of rebuilding, lack of interest and the crew being on shore leave. The only people present were stacking food stores back up by the ship, overseen by Gardner. He nodded to them as they left.

"Major?"

"Kaidan needs backup at the meeting," she said. Gardner nodded and half saluted.

"See ya in a bit then."

They moved through the quiet docks, cutting through the waiting area out of sight of the ship. The taxi terminal was just through a series of doors, but the main thoroughfare was blocked off by the supply boxes being brought in for their ship, forcing them into the longer way around through the seats and barking news terminals.

It was halfway across that waiting area EDI suddenly jerked wildly, then slumped to the ground as her platform shut down.

"EDI!" Joker shouted, as Shepard pulled him back and all three ducked into cover behind a set of seats. "I told you this was a trap," he snapped as all three readied their guns.

"Call C-Sec," Shepard said, ignoring him. "I wasn't expecting an ambush close to the ship."

"Obviously," Joker retorted sardonically as his omni-tool bloomed around his wrist. "Maybe you were expecting Echidna to bring you cupcakes."

"Shut up," she snapped.

"Major," a voice called, and the trio traded a look. "If you hand your gun over, we won't have to hurt you."

"Who are you? Who sent you?" she called back, even though she knew. She just  _had_  to hear it for herself.

"I think you know."

"Kebelsen," she murmured. "How many?"

The woman had already had her omni-tool open. "Twenty hostiles in various spots."

"Comms are jammed. Probably locally." Joker swore under his breath — if they hadn't shorted out EDI's platform this would be a lot easier, since it meant she couldn't take control of his 'tool either. "I'll work around it but without EDI, it'll take a while."

"Fuck," Shepard murmured. "For what?" she called back over the seats.

"Your marine and your cripple get off free."

"Oi," Joker protested under his breath.

She glanced at both of them. Kebelsen shook her head. "No, ma'am. There's only twenty. We can handle this."

"Damn right we can," Joker replied. "Shep, this is a military grade block system. I need EDI to break it now. Otherwise it'll take time."

"Do it." Joker nodded, though she noted that the color had faded slightly out of his face, and she took a deep breath. "No deal," Shepard called back. "So get out of the way and I won't send your remains home in a matchbox."

"Really big talk for someone in your state, isn't it?"

Shepard took another deep breath, hand steadying her gun. "Let me see your readout." Kebelsen held it over, and she glanced at it before spinning, popping the smallest bit out of cover and firing, dropping the speaker with a shot that landed directly between his eyes. Kebelsen took the distraction to stick her own head out, flooring another as she took in the field.

"Three at twelve, two, and ten, three meters," she murmured. "Four more at one and nine, six meters. Others are snipers, I couldn't see them. Dropped singles at twelve and two."

"Fucking attack force," Shepard replied quietly. "I feel special."

"I don't think anyone would send less for you, ma'am."

"All right, if that's the way this is going to play out . . ." They winced as a shot slammed into the ground just beyond their legs, the retort obviously from a high-powered sniper rifle. "We are authorized to take you however necessary."

"We're going to need a crossfire," Shepard said quietly. "Kebelsen—"

"I can get over to that row of seats, ma'am," she replied with a nod, motioning with her gun. "Can hopefully get a clean shot on one of the snipers."

"I'll give you some cover fire." Shepard hated the fact that the seats were terrible cover — one good shot could take someone down in a second. "Go!"

Shepard opened fire with her pistol, forcing the men into their own cover as she fired over their heads. Kebelsen dove out, rolling to the side and into cover before opening her own fire as Shepard ducked down.

"We're going to take them out by groups," she said quietly, signing the directions to Kebelsen. "We're going to get the left groups at ten and eleven; she's going to get the ones at two and one. You aim for ten, you're more likely to hit."

"I thought I was just along for cover fire," he replied, still tapping on his 'tool.

"Not anymore." She glanced up and nodded. "If we can just get one each round we may have time for Gardner to sound the alarm, I'm sure he heard. Go!"

Shepard swung up, opening fire on the far group. Joker waited for Kebelsen to open fire on hers, and carefully jammed his hat down and poked his head the smallest bit up. After a few seconds of exchanging fire, they ducked back down. "Kebelsen?"

"Got four," she said. "I—"

"Maria!" Shepard interrupted, her voice a sharp bark; but her reaction hadn't been fast enough. The small, red targeting dot that she'd spotted on Kebelsen's forehead changed into a larger, natural one as the sniper round slammed through her skull. Kebelsen dropped, life-signs disappearing immediately on Shepard's omni-tool.

"Shit," Joker hissed.

"Yeah," Shepard agreed quietly. That meant at least one sniper had a decent line of sight . . . She tried not to panic. She was apparently to be taken alive, but that was only  _her_. . . "How far down can you get into cover?"

"Doin' my best, Shepard,  _trust_  me," Joker replied quietly as he sunk even further against the seats.

Shepard glanced at the body of her lieutenant, then back at Joker. He shook his head. "Don't you fucking do it, Shepard."

"Doesn't look like we have much of a choice. Where the hell is C-Sec?"

" _Don't you fucking do it_ ," he snapped. "You hear me?"

"I got her killed by walking like an idiot into an ambush - something _I_  have to explain to her parents. I'm not going to get you killed too," she replied, just as sharply.

"So, Major, you ready to come on out, or are we gonna have to kill him too?"

"She says no," Joker snapped for her. There was a quiet laugh.

"We're at an impasse," Shepard shouted out. "I'm not coming out, and you're not leaving. So how about we make a deal, all right?"

"What sort of deal?"

"You get the hell away from my ship." Shepard moved to a gap between seats, firing towards the group at ten. Since they weren't expecting it, she managed to drop all three of them before having to duck back into cover. "How are communications going?"

Joker shook his head. "I told you, Commander, this is a military-grade comm blocker. It's going to take time without EDI."

"She can't get through?"

"No."

Shepard rested her head back on the seat, drawing a slow breath. A shot tore through the seat next to them, making Joker jump and Shepard merely glance over, looking irritated.

"Joker —"

"No, Shepard.  _No._ "

"What choice do we have?"

"Uh, I don't know. Running? Running is always good."

Shepard raised an eyebrow at him. "How fast can you run?"

"Right. Good point."

Shepard grit her teeth as she glanced between the seats again. Years of special forces training had taught her only two things for a situation where she was pinned down with what practically could have been a civilian and subpar or nonspecialized weaponry.

Well, three things, but "create the biggest explosion possible" was not an option at the moment. Nor was a sudden fourth, "blow everyone skyhigh biotically," which was more from biotics special training than anything.

But no, in this circumstance the old commands "don't die" and "if you do die, make everything as inconvenient as possible for everyone around you" were the only ones she could cling to. And that was exactly what she did, as she slammed her palm into the side of her pistol to eject its clip and replace it with another she drew out of a pocket.

 _They_  were probably going to win. But she was going to make them bleed.

#

When Kaidan sprinted through the doors separating the  _Normandy_ 's official dock from the rest of the docking bays, he walked straight into what was both a crime scene and a scene of absolute and utter chaos.

"Executor." He spotted the turian near the turn to the  _Normandy_  airlock, talking to the mess sergeant — he and the man had become  _quite_  friendly recently — who was slumped in a seat with his head in his hands. EDI stood next to him, not even moving as she curtly answered his questions. At Kaidan's shout he turned back, then waved to the C-Sec lieutenant to let him through. "Executor Chellick," Kaidan repeated as he drew to a stop. "I came as soon as you said there'd been an attack. What happened?"

"I'm afraid it's not good news, Major," the turian answered, possibly with more calm than he should have.

Kaidan pinched his first two fingers and thumb together across his eyes, the sweeping motion creating starbursts against his eyelids. "Cut to the chase and tell me what happened. Is Shepard all right?"

The Executor paused, and motioned to the general scene in reply. "Fifteen casualties out of an estimated twenty attackers. One of yours." He nodded back towards the far right of the waiting area, where a bag was being loaded onto a stretcher. "A Lieutenant Maria Kebelsen. One shot, sniper round. Exited behind her left ear. Never felt it. Rest are all unknown. Some merc group we don't recognize. None injured. Five of them had knife wounds." Chellick handed him an evidence bag, and Kaidan ducked his head and drew a deep breath when he recognized Shepard's combat knife.

"And  _Shepard_?" he asked quietly, somehow managing to tear his gaze away from it and hand the bag back.

"Kaidan," EDI said gently. "Shepard is gone."

"What do you mean  _gone_." Even the word sent his pulse rising, and really the tone couldn't have been considered a question. He wasn't interested in speculations; he wanted to know where the hell she'd gone and how the hell to get there, and he would tear through whoever this merc group was by himself if he had to.

"We . . ." EDI made the AI equivalent of clearing her throat as she carefully folded her hands behind her back. "As I informed the Executor, Shepard had received a message that seemed to be from you stating there was a problem at the Council meeting. She insisted on going to meet you. Neither I nor the lieutenant agreed to let her go alone. Jeff insisted on going as well."

" _Joker_  was out here?" He turned his attention to Chellick again. "And where is my pilot?"

The turian shook his head again. "We . . . aren't sure, either."

"Is there anything you _are_  sure of?" he snapped, dropping his hand.

"Sergeant Gardner heard the exchange," EDI said. "From the supply boxes. He made the correct decision to not become involved."

"Sorry, major," Gardner murmured, voice muffled by his palms as he held his head.

"You wouldn't have been able to do much," Kaidan admitted, though it hurt to do so. No, Gardner from all reports had barely been able to hold the proper end of a gun. He would have just been another casualty, probably another death.

"What about you?" Kaidan turned his attention to EDI. She said she had gone with them - why was she still here?

"The group that attacked us  _had_  to be Echidna," she said in her typically calm voice. "They shorted out my platform and laid down a communications block in the immediate area. By the time I was able to break it, they had been gone for several minutes. This indicates that they had a knowledge of how to deactivate this platform as well as known Cerberus jamming technology."

"And you think they have both of them."

"Yes."

As Kaidan opened his mouth it was almost as if EDI could read his next statement, and raised her hand in a placating fashion. "I have already been going through all C-Sec information. They were taken to a long-distance shuttle that landed at the CRT panel, then into the lower wards before exiting the tip of one of the ward arms. The shuttle has already entered the Widow Relay despite a valiant show of effort by the only cruiser I could reach."

"You sent a cruiser after them?" Even Chellick sounded surprised. She nodded as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I only told them that there were important political hostages aboard, however. I suspected if I did not the ship would merely be destroyed." She turned back to Kaidan. "Unfortunately, Major, I have not yet been able to track their trajectory through the relay."

Kaidan clenched and unclenched his fists a few times with a few deep breaths before turning his attention back to the Executor. Yes, this was his wife - his  _pregnant_  wife - but years of experience had easily demonstrated that flipping his shit over half the Citadel would get nothing done. He would have to do it later. He clenched his fists again, took a few more deep breaths, and said, "do we know if either were injured?"

"It looks as if they resulted to a gas grenade. Likely an anesthetic." Kaidan nodded as he pointed out the relevant areas of the scene. "Spectre Shepard and your pilot were behind this row of seats. She was probably able to resist the effect longer, hence the close combat. There's some blood, but it isn't too much." He pointed out the areas. "Genetic match is still-"

"It's Jeff's, Major," EDI said quietly.

Kaidan swore quietly. "Any indication how bad it would have been?" All he'd need to know was that, then just multiply it by seventy or so.

"Superficial at most. Judging by the remains of the Alliance tech-ops grade omni-tool over there, it was probably aimed at that." He nodded to a blackened band of circuitry on the floor just near where they had been. "They apparently handled them quite carefully. Do you know why?"

"I may." Kaidan traded a look with EDI and Gardner. "I need to go back to the Council. Transmit me your report as soon as possible." Though he was particularly unconcerned about the Council's response - or the Alliance's, for that matter. Shepard  _would_  be back and he  _would_  be the one to do it, come hell or high water; he didn't much care who tried to stop him. He delivered one last order as he turned on his heel. "EDI, call Liara."

"Right away."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Um . . . yeah. I'll be in hiding.


	31. Chapter 30: There's No More Rides For Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: *pokes head out of hiding place tentatively* *posts new chapter* *ducks back into hiding*

 

* * *

**There's No More Rides For Free**

When Joker slowly started to regain consciousness, he quickly came to a conclusion that would not have required being on Shepard's crew to reach — the situation they were in was absolutely FUBAR.

He slit his eyes, ignoring the dull numbness in his arm indicative of medigel application, and tried to take stock of the situation. He was in what looked like the back of a Kodiak shuttle, cuffed to one of the armrests. His other arm was wrapped in a splint and bandage that extended all the way to his elbow, which he thought was probably nice of them.

"How's it looking back there?" The voice came from the cockpit, and he felt someone shift on the bench seat next to him.

"Shepard's still out. Think Moreau's coming around. I'd shake 'im but I'd probably break 'im."

"Keep Shepard out. I don't wanna deal with that bitch unless I have to."

Joker lifted his head slightly, opening his eyes more. There she was, her head slumped forward on her chest and hands bound behind her back. One shoulder on her uniform was torn, bearing the glossy sheen of recent medigel application, and there was a bit of blood lingering on her forehead from another glossy area that looked like it may have come from the butt of a gun. He wasn't an expert, of course, but he'd seen Shepard show up with gun-shaped bruises before. One of their attackers was next to her, gun held lightly across his knees but his hand tense on the stock.

That was his last straight thought, before someone pushed the barrel of a gun against the side of his head. "Morning, sunshine," the man sitting next to him drawled. "Cooperate and I'll do my best not to pull this trigger."

"Yeah, that's all sorts of comforting," Joker replied, though he froze in place. "Mind . . . you know . . . putting that down? I mean, what am I going to do, break my arm at you? Again."

The man thought for a moment, then lowered and holstered his gun. "Just don't try anything."

Joker huffed. Right. Like he was going to try something. "What did you do to her?"

"Shepard? Just keeping her sedated. Our employer wants her intact." He glared at the pilot pointedly as he added, "Though he was less specific about the spare."

"That's ... comforting." Joker cleared his throat as he glanced back across at Shepard. "How much longer are you gonna keep her like that?"

"Few hours. Now shut up."

Joker eyed the man's sidearm, frowned, and sighed heavily, resting his head back on the frame of the shuttle.

Alenko was going to have a fit, of that he was sure. Someone was probably going to get biotically shoved off something, probably the Executor. But ... they'd track them down. They had EDI and Liara ... it was only a matter of time.

But if it was as hard to find as Cronos had been ... it'd taken them nearly a year to find it, and that had been with Liara working on it as much as possible. They didn't have that sort of time, not with Shepard ... well, not with her knocked up.

She probably wouldn't try to escape, not with him stuck there. He didn't have any illusions about his role - he was to ensure she didn't try to rip apart the facility. And as long as he was there, she wouldn't do a damn thing.

But they'd have to. It'd be hard, since it was only them, and she wasn't at her best and he was, well, himself. Even if Kaidan pulled all hands on deck for this round, it wouldn't be enough to find them in time. They needed to get out and contact the  _Normandy_ , that was that. And if they couldn't do that, they'd have to go to ground. Easier said than done, for them, but . . .

Joker closed his eyes, keeping his head resting back on the wall. He'd think this through along the way. There had to be a way to get a message to her once they arrived ... he'd just have to figure out how.

#

Shepard was dimly aware of a dull ache somewhere in her back and head, but for some reason it didn't particularly concern her. Wherever she was, she was lying on her back, on what felt like metal. That didn't particularly bother her either.

What bothered her was the voice she couldn't quite place as she struggled to swim back into consciousness. It was familiar, but not familiar enough to merit an immediate recognition, especially in her state. Was she ... was she being drugged? That concerned her, as apprehension welled in her stomach.

It was about then that she realized that one of the babies must have been pressing on her bladder, and that suddenly became the most pressing secondary concern. The first, of course, being where she was and who was holding her.

She remembered enough to know  _that_  was what was going on.

"The tests are positive."

"You're absolutely certain." A pause. "And the genetic match?"

"As suspected."

"Excellent. Wait until she regains consciousness and explain her situation." Footsteps retreated, and she struggled to remember just where she'd heard that voice before. A door slipped closed, and the first voice spoke again.

"She should be coming out of it shortly. Be prepared."

As she regained more and more control over her own body, more soreness started to surface. Despite all her efforts to remain still, she couldn't resist the low groan that escaped her half-parted lips

"Good morning, Shepard," someone said, rather too cheerily for her tastes. She darted her tongue out to wet her lips.

"You have to earn the right to use my name," she said, voice rough.

"Very well, then, major. How are you feeling?"

Shepard finally slit her eyes open and glared at him. He was a squat, balding man in a lab coat that looked a size too big for him, an old Cerberus insignia on the sleeve. A name tag read "Dr. E. Couzier." "I've been abducted, one of my marines is dead, one of my friends may be and I'm strapped to a medical table. How the fuck do you  _think_  I feel?"

He made a note on a datapad. "You're in a bad mood, obviously."

"Go to hell. Now why am I here? What are you looking for?"

"I wouldn't worry - you'll be well taken care of. Now, I don't like to resort to threats. But that friend of yours who was with you ... we have him."

"And you'll do bad things to him if I step out of line. Yeah. I get it." At least if they were telling the truth, he was safe for the time being. "I want proof that he's alive."

Couzier shrugged, then drew a datapad out of a pocket and held it up, then switched it on.

:: _Hey, Marrakech, it's me._ :: It was Joker all right - he only used her first name if shit was really serious. :: _They've got me locked up somewhere back here, not sure where. I've managed to avoid pissing them off so far, but you know me - can't keep my mouth shut for too long. I give 'em a few days before they start breaking my legs or something._ ::

:: _You done yet?_ :: A rough voice interrupted.

:: _Do I look done? Look, Shep, we've got this, okay? Just gotta stick it out a bit is all. And I think I know -_ :: His voice tried to speed up before the recording ended abruptly. Couzier tucked the datapad back into his labcoat pocket. Shepard released a held breath, letting her head fall back on the table.

"I can personally attest that he is unharmed, and that any wounds he sustained in the firefight have been taken care of. As for you . . ." He studied his datapad for a moment. "You will be monitored and examined every few days for changes to the pregnancy-"

"Is that what this is about?" Shepard snapped, for the first time pulling at her restraints. As she suspected they didn't move, and only made the several armed men in the room swing their guns up towards her. "So what? I do all the heavy lifting, then you sweep in and what? Make 'em work for you? Use them for genetic material?"

"My employer's motives are not my concern," Couzier replied airily. "You would have to ask him."

"Then tell him to get his ass down here. I've got some serious questions for him."

Couzier chuckled as he tucked the datapad back into his coat. "I'm afraid he has both already left and expressed  _no_  interest in speaking with you. So your curiosity will have to be abandoned."

She half-glared at him. "So I'm being held for no real reason."

"It isn't as if you're in the legal system. There is no such thing as habeus corpus here, I'm afraid."

Shepard restrained herself, settling instead for another solid glare.

"Get her up and into the room. There's no reason for her to be out here."

"Yes, sir." Couzier started towards the door, and Shepard cleared her throat.

"Can I keep the datapad?" she asked hesitantly. Couzier paused, then turned and tossed it to one of the guards. "Appreciate it."

Couzier made a noise that may have been acknowledgment and left through a door on the other side of the room.

At least two weapons were trained on her as the head guard or whomever undid her restraints. When he grasped her arm to pull her to her feet, Shepard jerked it back.

"I may not have much say here," she said, threat inherent in her tone. "But do that again and I  _will_  break your arm."

The guard stared at her for a moment, then shrugged. "On your feet then."

Part of her hoped they'd take her elsewhere in the facility, so she could figure out where they were and how large it was, but they merely motioned her towards a door opposite the one Couzier had entered. When the guard pushed the latch, it showed a small, cell like room on the other side. She was quickly prodded into the room, handed the datapad, and the door was closed behind her. She listened for the chime of the lock and heard three.

"Son of a bitch," she murmured.

The bladder issue quickly rose to the forefront of her mind, and she was thankful to find a small bathroom off the main cell. Once that had been taken care of she sank onto the bed, staring down at the tablet in her hands. She turned it on, and replayed Joker's message. Joker, she knew, was trying to do more than just insist they'd survive this. They had known each other since they were in the same high school on Arcturus - they  _knew_  each other.

Glancing at the camera in the corner she turned her back on it, studying the datapad closely. The back panel - which hid all the connectiony bits and needed to be accessible - was just the smallest bit ajar. Enough that someone wouldn't notice it unless they were looking.

Making sure it was out of sight of the camera, she dug a nail under the panel and pried it off, finding a folded scrap of paper. Joker had gotten into the habit of carrying paper during their time with Cerberus, to give messages to Shepard that he didn't want Cerberus to see. It hadn't changed since, apparently, and she decided she could no longer rag on him for it.

_S - yeah so THIS sucks idiots left me alone for a few mins hopefully I can get this note to u there's a terminal in my cell dont know if u'll have one Im going to try + hack into the network I wont be able to get a message off probly but we might be able to get r/o for this place + I might be able to get urs online under the ladar we should be able to bust out of here in 1 wk mayb 2 theyll probably be watching u more closely sides they cant hurt me if theyre using me as leverage. Fuckers. I'll see what I can do. -J_

Shepard shook her head, then eyed the small terminal on the far wall. He must have scrawled it out in a few seconds to resort to no punctuation and shorthand, especially if the end of the message was any indication.

She had little doubt that Kaidan would tear apart the galaxy if he had to. The problem would lie with their ability to  _find_  them - to date, they had found precious little information on Echidna. Hell, they still didn't know who the leader was - he was as faceless as the Illusive Man had been during the hunt for Saren. Shepard thrust Joker's note into a pocket on the pants she'd apparently been changed into while unconscious and let herself collapse back on the bed with a sigh. Even Liara had found nothing.

No, they would have to try and escape on their own. There was no guarantee that Kaidan would find them before the twins were born, and she didn't want that to happen. She couldn't risk . . . almost protectively and completely unconsciously she rested a hand over her stomach. She couldn't risk that happening. Whatever  _they_  wanted with her children it would  _not_  be sunshine and butterflies. And that even depended more so on who was behind the organization to begin with.

No. They would need to get out themselves, even if Joker would slow them down. The thought to just leave him behind of course never occurred to her - he was her oldest friend. She'd work around it as usual. And besides, she had to rely on him now — the extent of her tech skills had been spotting the slightly-open panel on the datapad. She was complete shit with tech, even if Garrus and Kaidan had tried desperately to teach her how to at  _least_  throw an overload or hack a terminal.

She couldn't do a damn thing. And that . . . That did  _not_  sit well with her.


	32. Chapter 31: Pandering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, I appreciate the threats decreasing except that one angry guest ... anyway I thought I'd update. Last chapter I have fully written.  
> And yeah this is basically why you don't piss the most deadly people in the galaxy off.

 

**Pandering**

Kaidan had, after only months of being a Spectre, realized just why the Council infuriated Shepard so much so consistently.

His first mission had been shortly after his induction, getting shuttled to a colony under Reaper attack with Jondam Bau to rescue a high-ranking diplomat or something. At his debrief they had pretty much blown aside everything he'd bothered to do on top of rescuing the diplomat and told him he'd taken his time, despite Bau's assertion that he had agreed with Kaidan's decisions. And after that, once he had been back on the  _Normandy_ , nearly every report came back with notes of corners cut, something done right, everything done wrong ... And no one should get him started on the comment after Despoina that he was supposed to "keep Shepard from entering into diplomatic relations with an unknown species without the Council's consent."

But this was different. This was a retiring Spectre, a soon to be Councilor, a pregnant hero and Alliance admiral in all but name who had gone missing (not to mention her pilot, widely known and considered the most capable in said Alliance despite certain physical limitations). The Council, he thought, couldn't - or shouldn't, or wouldn't - deny the need to go after them.

Which was possibly why he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Unfortunately we cannot in good faith divert resources at this time," Tevos said.

Kaidan stared at the Council blankly.

"Even with Shepard preparing to take the Council seat she is not a councilor yet," Velarn added. Neither Hackett nor Sparatus looked particularly happy with this turn of events - of course, Shepard had aided the turians most of any council race, while losing Thessia and going against salarian desire to not cure the genophage.

"But Shepard is about to be a Councilor," Hackett added gruffly.

"And as such falls under protection," Sparatus finished.

"Under C-Sec protection. Not under the Council. Besides, she's still a working Spectre."

"On desk duty," Hackett said, cutting Velarn off short. "She hasn't been in the field for over a month. If the Council is not prepared to take action, the Alliance will."

"Rejecting protection for Shepard at the moment is forgetting what she did during the war," Sparatus said, with a sharp look at Hackett. The holographic image shrugged in reply. "Whether either of you like it or not, if she had not stepped in we would have been killed five years ago. Andare we just forgetting the war we just won?"

"No one is forgetting anything," Tevos replied sharply. "Including Shepard's actions. We simply do not have the resources. The Spectres are stretched thin. Our credits are sapping from giving aid to damaged worlds. The galactic economy is projected to collapse. We simply can  _not_."

"And as I said, the Alliance will step in if you do not. Shepard is the only real figurehead we have apart from Spectre Alenko. We need her in the Council seat. Hell, we all do. And Echidna is dangerous. There's no telling what could be happening to her right now."

"The Admiral is correct. The Hierarchy will also not allow for this to happen. Shepard is protected under Council law by the Spectres."

"Tevos," Hackett started, the asari turning to face him. "I'm not sure if you remember this, but Shepard is the most beloved person in the galaxy, and I happen to have contacts inside several media sources. If the Council refuses to help . . ."

"Is that a threat, Admiral?"

"I don't make threats, Councilor."

"Oh I think we can ... what is that phrase, squirrel? ... up enough credits to hunt for a wayward Spectre and her pilot," a distinctly familiar flangeling voice said from behind him. Kaidan turned sharply, drawn out of the combination of shock and figuring out how to politically maneuver half as well as Shepard did by Garrus stepping up to him, flaring his mandibles in what Kaidan now knew was a grin, and holding out a three-taloned hand. "Spectre Garrus Vakarian. You may have heard of me, you know, once or twice."

"Spectre? Since when?"

"Uh, this morning. I was going to drop by the  _Normandy_  and see you and Shepard but my attention was distracted by her being herself." The duo turned back to the Council, Kaidan stepping into a parade rest and Garrus tapping a talon on his pistol.

"Spectre Vakarian," Tevos said. "I do not recall-"

"Well, my training was done under someone who isn't a fan of knocking," he replied wryly. "Someone who also  _conveniently_ went missing today."

"And," Kaidan started as the idea struck him, jolted out of his shock by Garrus' arrival and announcement and with several thoughts in his head. "Locating Shepard does go along with the order to find and stop Echidna that we were previously given. It falls exactly within the mission parameters."

"You cannot guarantee that Echidna —"

"Let's be honest," Garrus replied. "Who the hell else is going to be after her?"

The Council was quiet for a moment, and finally Tevos seemed to relent. The fracture in the asari councilor meant that a solid majority, while perhaps not seeing the importance of recovering her, supported the notion anyway. "You are correct," Tevos said reluctantly. "However, your mandate is still to  _locate Cerberus' successor_ , not to locate Shepard. If the latter falls in line with the former, then that is one thing."

"One last thing," Garrus said, holding up his talon. "Now that Alenko's lost the brains on the  _Normandy_ , he could probably use another Spectre. I'm familiar with Cerberus. I'll be able to help speed things along."

"It'd be a good idea," Kaidan added with a nod. They were bold, which meant they had an endgame. And he knew just what Garrus was capable of - and just how far he'd go to find Shepard and bring her back.

"Very well. Spectre Vakarian, you are also tasked with locating and destroying Echidna," Tevos said, though the reluctant tone still sounded in her voice. "This meeting is adjourned."

As they stepped back down towards the exit from Citadel Tower, neither man spoke. Finally, Garrus made the turian equivalent of clearing his throat. "I came as soon as I'd heard."

"How did you?"

"Liara called me. Knew about the Spectre bit and everything. Thought it might be a good idea for me to join you."

"And just who  _else_ has Liara contacted?"

"I'm not sure. But I'd guess you'd have a few messages on your terminal when we get back to the  _Normandy_. Hope you're stocking up some dextro food."

Kaidan half-chuckled. "The cabinet's still full, Garrus. Shepard insisted on it."

The turian shook his head. "Not surprised. Do we have any leads?"

They stepped into the elevator as Kaidan shook his head. "None. C-Sec is going to send over the surveillance footage, if they get any. They used a comm-blocker. I wouldn't be surprised—"

"If they looped the camera feed in order to throw off C-Sec. Yeah. It's what I would do." Garrus' mandibles fluttered slightly as he thought. "They took Joker too?"

"Yeah. I'm not sure if it's for leverage, or because he was there."

"If it was because he was  _there_ , he'd be dead."

"Yeah. I know."

"Any idea what they're after? Revenge, extortion . . ."

"I'm not sure."

"Well." Garrus sighed. "It's a shitstorm, that's for sure."

"Yeah," Kaidan agreed tonelessly. "Let's get to the  _Normandy._ We have work to do."

As Garrus and Kaidan made their way across the Presidium, they were silent. Kaidan stared towards the reclamation zone for the brief moment it was in view, a dull ache settling in his chest. He would have to cancel the apartment showing - Shepard wouldn't be there to see it. God, if he hadn't been stupid enough to force her to stay on the ship . . . He was an absolute idiot. After Illium he should have known they were going to lure her out somehow — he should have kept her with him, where he could make sure she was safe . . .

Garrus called a cab, and motioned Kaidan into the passenger seat. At his look, he shrugged. "Don't try and tell me you're in a fit state to drive. I'm surprised you got here in one piece."

Kaidan wordlessly nodded and settled in. "We were going to look at an apartment today," he said quietly. Garrus glanced over at him, then gave a small nod.

"Guess that's getting cancelled." The turian directed the car towards the  _Normandy_ 's bay, and Kaidan nodded. "We'll find her, Kaidan. We've got the Shadow Broker, we've got Miranda, we've got EDI . . . We'll find her."

"Yeah. I hope so." They'd come through too much to miss the mark now. But it was a big galaxy with a lot of unpatrolled places to hide in the wake of the Reaper War . . .

"Besides. Sounds like the Hierarchy and the Alliance are both out for blood. Huh. Never thought I'd see that day."

"Me either," Kaidan said.

"So. Probably should start with the docking bay. That's where they got grabbed, right?" At Kaidan's nod, Garrus continued. "Comm blockers . . . Blocked EDI too, am I right?"

"The most she could do was call C-Sec and tell them that an altercation was going down in Bay D-24. By the time they got there, they were gone."

"How many?"

"Estimates at twenty."

"Casualties?"

"Fifteen on theirs. One on ours." Kaidan paused. "Joker was hit, at some point. We don't know how bad."

Garrus swore quietly.

"Yeah. Exactly."

"So they used comm blocks, probably looped the cameras, and hit a Spectre and an Alliance marine stationed on the  _Normandy_  hard enough to kill the marine and take out the Spectre," Garrus mused. "Professional organization. Any signs that they were ex-Cerberus?"

"A few of them had Reaper cybernetic scarring."

"Hm. And you've seen that before on Echidna grunts?"

"The few bases we've raided, yes."

"Between this and the skycar jacking on Illium, it sounds as if this has been planned for a while."

"I was thinking the same thing."

"Someone is manipulating things. Someone with access to Cerberus' records, which means they know exactly how we're going to react. They'll know about Liara and Miranda and EDI, and they'll have to account for it."

"We'll need to go off script."

"Exactly. But if we have no idea who's behind it . . ."

"Then how do we go off script?" Kaidan rubbed his forehead, closing his eyes. He could almost feel the pounding in his head before it started.

The turian glanced over at him, then returned his eyes to the front of the car. "It's not going to be easy."

"When is it ever easy?"

Garrus shrugged. "Exactly. And we've done far more with less. You've still got Traynor?"

"Yeah."

"That might be our token then."

"I'm sure she and EDI are running things as we speak."

Garrus pulled the car into the pad, and they climbed out and started for the  _Normandy_. "We'll need to figure out just who is coming on," Garrus said. "We'll probably have to bring Miranda in. No choice. She knows the most about Cerberus."

They were stopped briefly by the C-Sec crime scene tape, but Chellick spotted them and waved them through. "Some of your crew have been coming back. It appears your AI is calling them off their leave," he explained. "I did let them through for you."

"Thank you, Executor," Kaidan said quietly, before they were both motioned through as well. Garrus and Kaidan rounded the last corner to the airlock, then stopped dead.

"About fucking time you two assholes got here," Jack said, from where she was leaning against the airlock door. Next to her stood Javik, gazing out one of the wide windows overlooking the Citadel, and Zaeed was leaning against the other wall.

"What were you doing, kissing the Council's asses? Ain't like we've got all the time in the goddamn world."

There was another commotion at the C-Sec tape line as Garrus and Kaidan exchanged a look, then turned. Vega hurried up, Miranda close on his heels. "We were on the same shuttle," Vega said, as both drew to a stop. "She filled me in. So. What're we doing?"

#

_Message Log - Major Alenko - 1 April 2189_

**-**

**To:**  Mjr. Alenko, Normandy-SR2 [Encrypted]

**From:**  Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, Rannoch

**Subject:**  Are you serious

_and the first thing you did wasn't call me i had to hear from liara?!_

_i'm on the first shuttle I could get off Rannoch don't leave the Citadel without me._

**-**

**To:**  Mjr. Alenko, Normandy-SR2 [Encrypted]

**From:**  Adm. Hackett, Vancouver, Earth [Encrypted]

**Subject:**  Shepard

_I am restationing LtCmdr James Vega to the_ Normandy _to assist in your search. If there are any resources the Alliance can provide, let me know. I'll do what I can._

**-**

**To:**  Mjr. Alenko, Normandy-SR2 [Encrypted]

**From:**  LtCmdr Vega, Rio de Janeiro, Earth

**Subject:**  Well

_Looks like I'm coming back on the_ Normandy.  _Don't leave without me, Sparkles._

**-**

**To:**  Mjr. Alenko, Normandy-SR2 [Encrypted]

**From:**  [Encrypted - Liara T'Soni], [Encrypted}

**Subject:**  Shepard

_I took the liberty of contacting some of the old crew. I will likely be more effective running intel from my new base of operations. Besides, I'm sure the_ Normandy _will be quite full_ _shortly._

**-**

**To:**  Mjr. Alenko, Normandy-SR2 [Encrypted]

**From:**  Urdnot Wrex, Tuchanka

**Subject:**  I can't leave you kids alone

_Damn it Alenko._

_I can't get there myself - too much shit back here. Some of the clans are acting up. Just stuck Grunt on the next shuttle out though, he should be there in a few hours. Soon as I get the clans under control I'll meet up with you._

_No one messes with Shepard on my watch._

**-**

**To:**  Mjr. Alenko, Normandy-SR2 [Encrypted]

**From:**  Miranda Lawson, Gagarin Station

**Subject:**  Shepard

_Don't go anywhere just yet. I'm on my way._

**-**

**To:**  Mjr. Alenko, Normandy-SR2 [Encrypted]

**From:**  Adm. Hannah Shepard, SSV Orizaba

**Subject:**  My daughter

_You bring her back, Kaidan Alenko. And if you need a dreadnought I've got one._

**-**

**To:**  Mjr. Alenko, Normandy-SR2 [Encrypted]

**From:**  Jack

**Subject:**  I hear there's an opportunity for chaos

_Count me in. I was on the Citadel anyway. Fuck, I need to blow something up._

_-_

**To:**  Mjr. Alenko, Normandy-SR2 [Encrypted]

**From:**  Justicar Samara, Thessia

**Subject:**  Shepard

_I am currently unable to part from my duties as a Justicar. However, I will join you if the opportunity arises._

_-_

**To:**  Mjr. Alenko, Normandy-SR2 [Encrypted]

**From:**  Jacob Taylor, Earth

**Subject:**  Shepard

_I can't make it - got tied up in some of the efforts back here. Sending everything I have with Miranda though - good luck, and let me know if there's anything else I can do._

**-**

**To:**  Mjr. Alenko, Normandy-SR2 [Encrypted]

**From:**  Zaeed Massani, Unknown

**Subject:**

_Goddamn kids keep getting into trouble. Where the fuck did you park that goddamn warship anyway, Alenko._

**-**

**To:**  Mjr. Alenko, Normandy-SR2 [Encrypted]

**From:**  Javik, Unknown

**Subject:**  blank

_I will be there, and we will throw Echidna out the airlock together._

_-_

_Outgoing Message - Major Alenko - 14 May 2189_

**-**

**To:**  [Encrypted-Liara T'Soni], [Encrypted]

**From:**  Mjr. Alenko, Normandy-SR2 [Encrypted]

**Subject:**  A vocabulary lesson

_Liara, I came back to my ship to find Jack, Zaeed, Miranda, Javik and Vega waiting for me, with Tali and Grunt en route, and my message log full._

_You need to learn the definition of the word "some."_

_Needless to say, I appreciate the help._


	33. Chapter 32: A Worst Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here  
> Have a random update

**A Worst Nightmare**

Anyone who had not been on the  _Normandy_ , which tended to be a veritable menagerie on the best of days, may have been surprised by what seemed like the collection of lowlifes, aliens, illegal AIs, Alliance crewmen and Spectres in the clear conference room. To anyone who  _had_  been on the  _Normandy_ , on the other hand, it was just another Tuesday.

"So what? You gonna brief us or are we just wasting our time?" Jack asked from her perch on the table. Kaidan briefly thought about commenting that she was breaking at least thirty regulations, but decided against it. Shepard had never run quite as tight a ship as some commanders, which was probably a good thing considering the people she tended to attract.

"Yesterday morning while I was in a meeting with the Council," Kaidan started. "Shepard received this message." EDI, without moving to touch the terminal on the table, brought the message up on one of the walls. "It replicated the exact thing I would have sent her had the Council needed her presence."

"So she walked into a goddamn trap," Zaeed said, shaking his head. "Thought the kid was smarter than that."

"She went prepared," EDI explained. "Lieutenant Kebelsen, Jeff and I refused to let her leave the ship alone."

"And what happened to you?" Javik replied pointedly, still studying the AI with distrust.

"My platform was deactivated. An especially powerful hack that shut down my ability to control it."

"But you were built with Reaper tech, and I upgraded your platform myself when I reactivated you. Is that even possible?" Tali asked. EDI studied her, then replied.

" _Apparently_ , it is," she answered dryly. "My processors were not damaged, merely the platform. However, a communications block prevented me from accessing my platform, or Jeff's omni-tool. I was unable to do anything except contact C-Sec from the  _Normandy_. Unfortunately as C-Sec's response times are notoriously unsatisfactory, they were very slow in arriving."

"The bottom line is that they were prepared." Miranda was leaning against the window, one arm crossed over her chest and the other holding her omni-tool so she could read it. "They expected Shepard to bring backup. My question is . . . why did Moreau go?"

Their heads turned back to EDI, who suddenly seemed slightly uncomfortable. "Jeff . . . was afraid that we were walking into a trap," EDI said carefully. "He refused to let her leave without him. I believe that, psychologically, it stems from his original inability to help her on the original  _Normandy_. He still blames himself for her death. Despite his decreased ability to aid her, he insisted on going 'just in case.'"

"God damn it," Kaidan murmured, shaking his head. No matter how many times they told him it hadn't been his fault . . . "Traynor. Have you and EDI had any luck?"

The duo glanced at each other, then back. "N-not yet," Traynor said. "Echidna has been covering their tracks."

"Miranda?"

"I've been attempting to determine who is behind the successor organization," she said, nodding at her omni-tool. "But I believe I may have partially determined their motives.  _May_ ," she emphasized. "The first attack in the Wards, where you and Doctor Chakwas were present." Kaidan nodded. "The men from that attack shared the same genetic material as some of the bodies from this second attack."

They blinked. "More clones?" Garrus said finally. "I thought we were all past that."

"Yes, but not of Shepard. I doubt that is their end goal." She waved her 'tool, and the screen changed to a readout. "The attack in the Wards was disorganized and frankly, rather poorly planned. I don't believe it was a serious attack."

"They were tryin' to see how she'd react," Zaeed said, skimming it after a mere moment. Miranda nodded.

"I believe that Echidna has a mole on the  _Normandy_  that informed Echidna as to your whereabouts the day of that attack, and that it was intended to-"

"To find out if she was actually pregnant," Kaidan said thoughtfully, staring down at the table. "It all goes back to that."

Miranda nodded, then sighed. "Believe me, major, when I tell you that a large number of people would be interested in anything bearing both yours and Shepard's genetic code."

Kaidan took a deep breath, managing to compose himself. Everything had just gotten thirty times worse, if Miranda was right.

"And do you know who's behind it?"

"Honestly?" Miranda asked. He nodded. "If I hadn't thrown his arrogant ass out a window, I'd say this has my father written all over it. With him dead, however . . . I can't be sure. Not yet."

"So why take Joker?" Jack asked. "Let's be honest - why put up with his sarcastic ass if you don't actually care about him."

"Leverage," Zaeed said, shrugging when they looked over at him. "What? Don't think I've run some kidnappings in my time? There was this one time in -"

"Anyway," Kaidan said pointedly. Zaeed shrugged.

"That's what we've been thinking," Garrus said. "Know some merc groups that used to run that way. Keep them separate and you've practically got Shepard on a leash."

"Especially Joker," Kaidan added.

"They probably thought it was Christmas when he showed up," Kasumi added. "Wonder what they would have done if she hadn't fallen for it."

"It's too late to ask that now. Miranda, Traynor, EDI. What do we need to track these guys?" They needed to get to work - this was one of those times where they didn't have the luxury of time.

"Another base, preferably before they wipe their drives. It won't be easy."

"Maybe not for you," Kasumi said, a small grin playing on her lips. "I can get data out before they start a wipe, don't worry. It  _is_  me."

"There's one problem," he interrupted. "We don't have any more coordinates."

The conference room was quiet.

"I . . . may have a contact that might be able to help us," Miranda said. "She owes me a favor."

"Hm." Kasumi added simply, then bounced off the table and out of the room.

"EDI and I can keep going over what we do have," Traynor said, as EDI added a short, curt nod. "It isn't much but there might be something buried in there. If we get access to Citadel Control's information on the relay network we may be able to track the shuttle, at least for two jumps."

Kaidan opened his omni-tool and made the appropriate authorizations. "Done."

"We can probably narrow it further," Jack said, looking unusually thoughtful. "They ain't going to stay in Citadel Space, that much is for sure. They're gonna make for the Terminus Systems, even with territory lines all over the fuckin place. Don't want to risk a cruiser or something coming up on 'em."

"She's right," Miranda agreed, though as usual it seemed reluctant. "Staying close to the Citadel is too risky, especially if they know people will be after them."

Kaidan nodded. "Garrus, we'll head down to the Spectre office and see if anyone's talking about Echidna. Miranda, EDI, Traynor, Tali, go talk with Liara and see what the three of you can work out. The rest of you ..." He studied the three remaining team members. "Um, try not to destroy the ship."

Grunt replied with a deep chuckle that was just slightly unnerving.

"Alenko," Garrus said as everyone filed out of the conference room, splitting into two groups - three headed down for the shuttle bay, the rest to the war room comm. "We'll get her back."

The look Kaidan replied him could possibly have frozen magma, or turned away an entire merc group without firing a shot. "I know we will," he replied, voice low, before turning on his heel and leaving the room. Garrus blinked a couple times, then followed him.

Yeah. That should be on a warning poster to everyone in the galaxy, that stare. Mess with Shepard, and there was no power in the universe that was going to keep a certain Spectre from completely destroying them.

#

Liara had been fruitlessly scouring everything for the past thirty-eight hours straight. She knew the trail was running cold. Most people, including C-Sec, would have given up by now. But they weren't C-Sec and, more than that, this was Shepard. The woman who had saved the galaxy, who was going to continue to serve it in an advisory position, who of all people in the entire damnable collection of stars deserved some modicum of happiness for the rest of her life.

She, nor anyone else on her old crew, was going to let her go that easily. Even the people who couldn't help hands-on - Wrex, in particular - were on watch for her, in case she managed to escape and fled to them. The quarians, too.

But Liara knew that, with Joker there, the likelihood of Shepard attempting an escape was low. She would never leave him, and it would likely be almost impossible to safely get them both out. She'd do the same for any of her crew, but no one suffered from any illusions that she and Joker were not all but family.

"I've been catching increased chatter from the Terminus systems. Namely, a region consisting of approximately ten relays."

:: _That's . . . not really narrowing,_ :: Tali said.

:: _It's better than what we have_ ,:: Miranda replied. :: _Liara, can you send us that information?_ ::

"It's coming to your omni-tools now."

There was a distinctive chime, and she glanced up where the four were visibly crammed into the small communications room, omni-tools open and reading.

:: _Tali's right. This doesn't narrow it much,_ :: Miranda said. :: _Are you-_ ::

"I. Have. Nothing. Else. Yet," Liara snapped. "I've been working for over a day, Miranda, I am  _not_  a miracle worker."

Miranda didn't answer - instead, Traynor opted to step in. :: _We'll see what we can do on our end._ ::

"I do have one more piece of information," Liara said. "There was recently a sizable sum of money transferred out of a previous Cerberus front account. Corcoran Technology."

Miranda's head shot up. :: _Corcoran? You're sure._ ::

"Absolutely. Enough to pay well for a group to capture Shepard, I would say, and provide for the tech that they used."

:: _That means something to you?_ :: Tali asked. Miranda shook her head.

:: _It might. Liara, can you look at other former Cerberus companies to see if money has been transferred out?_ ::

"Glyph?" The drone appeared, and Liara nodded. "You heard her."

"Right away, Doctor T'Soni."

"I'll contact you as soon as I know more. Any idea who they have on the  _Normandy_?"

:: _No, but it will not take long,_ :: EDI said, with a sense of certainty only formerly matched when Shepard's clone had locked her out of the  _Normandy_ 's systems. It was the one tone of voice no one wanted to hear the AI use.

"I will check out the  _Normandy_  crew, and see what I can find."

:: _You have access to crew files?_ :: Traynor asked, a little worriedly. Liara looked up.

"You'd be surprised what I have access to," Liara replied with a small smile. "How is Kaidan holding up?"

:: _About like you'd expect_ ,:: Tali replied, when the others seemed to find the question extremely awkward judging by their exchanged look. :: _I'm a little afraid what he might do to the first Echidna guy we find, but can you expect anything else?_ ::

"No, unfortunately. I'll contact you when I know more. End feed." As they disappeared, Liara sighed and yelled for Glyph again.

"Yes, Doctor T'Soni?"

"Run searches for large financial transactions from any company that used to be a known front for Cerberus. See if you can get into Citadel Control and track that shuttle more precisely. And find out if anyone's heard anything about Echidna."

"Right away, Doctor T'Soni."

#

Shepard finally passed into something resembling sleep ... she wasn't sure when. There was no way to keep time in her cell - not even the terminal had a clock, she'd checked and found it was disconnected - and except for the fact that her pregnancy had not continued to progress she would have thought it could have been months.

She'd been too anxious to sleep when the base or station they were being held on entered its night-cycle - the only reliable way she had to tell days, though hours were still beyond her and there was the idea that they could be fucking with her too. Considerably anxious, in fact, finding herself curled up in the dark with one hand wrapped around the dog tags she still wore as she tried to figure out what to do until the lights came back on, announcing the beginning of the day cycle.

She'd also refused to eat at first, though it was less of a hunger strike and more out of concern that there would be something in it to make her docile, though she was sure that nothing safe had been developed yet, but if someone had it it'd be them - or, though this was only slightly less concerning, they were dosing it with eezo to create stronger biotics.

They jumped on that incredibly fast, considering her metabolism, ultimately informing her that she had three options: eating, IV, or force-feeding. Fairly sure that they'd make good on their threats and aptly determining that it was not a battle she would win, she resigned herself to whatever the hell it was that they pushed under the door.

The second day she'd investigated every nook and cranny of the damn cell, looking for a weak point or loose panel or some other thing she could use to escape and finding nothing. Furniture - essentially, the bed, terminal, and chair - had been bolted to the floor, and everything inside seemed to be solid steel. It was almost as if they'd retrofitted this room, but retrofitted it specifically for  _her_. She didn't know what unnerved her more, if she were honest. She could hear guards outside, indicating that she was never truly left to her own devices, and allowed herself a small amount of pride in the fact that she was still obviously considered dangerous enough to merit constant, armed observation.

Part of her wondered how long it would take Kaidan to find them; but if they had barely any information on Echidna now she could only imagine them even locating the base on anything except sheer luck.

It looked bad. Really bad, and as she struggled to examine a floor panel under the bed she thought it could only get worse.

Joker, who was under far less observation than Shepard and in what was once, in fact, a utility closet, had much the same concerns.

He had essentially taken it upon himself to get them both safely out of there and to somewhere relatively safe - enough dangerous people owed Shepard favors that he knew they could find at least someone to lay low with while waiting for the  _Normandy_. Or, at least, he hoped that was the case.

He had a camera in the cell but it somehow managed to miss the part with the terminal, and looked mostly stationary. After all he assumed that no one in particular cared what he did. He wasn't a danger, he wasn't even a threat. If he gave them too many problems they could just break his legs and be done with it. It at least gave him room to work.

Joker levered himself down with a bit of a huff — finding it a bit painful as his arm was still in a cast, and they hadn't been giving him the right painkillers for it — and wiggled under the terminal, working his one good hand into the panel. He'd connect their terminals if he had to crawl through the wires himself to do it, that much was for sure.

He'd get them out of there if it was the last thing he did.


	34. Chapter 33: A Sole Lead

About two days later, nothing had changed.

Miranda had left a message for Kaidan saying that she had a meeting before disappearing that morning, and no one had heard from Kasumi since she had disappeared during the first meeting. Jack, Grunt, and Javik were essentially skeet-shooting empty crates in the cargo hold with nothing else to do, while everyone else hunted for information.

It was indeed the information hunt that drew Chakwas up into the war room, finding the conference room dark and Kaidan slumped over the table, head resting on his folded arms. She sighed and stepped in quietly, receiving a groan just from her quiet footfalls.

"How bad?" she asked quietly, carefully setting down the glass of water she'd brought with her. He winced away from the noise.

"Seven."

Chakwas set down a small vial of medication near the water. "We'll find her."

"I told her to stay on the  _Normandy_. I knew she'd hate it. We fought about it, but she stayed. I thought . . ."

"You thought it would keep her safe. We had no way to know this would happen, Kaidan."

"I should have taken her with me."

"You couldn't have kept her any safer. They would have found a way to separate you. Cerberus  _knows_  her, Kaidan, possibly as well as you do. Maybe more."

"He must have had this planned." Chakwas nodded, knowing Kaidan had probably been working on this without sleep since the disappearance. "Shepard was afraid that there was a failsafe. She worried about a kill-switch, or a secret cloning plan - hell we  _saw_  that - or even that there  _was_  a control chip that Miranda didn't know about . . . What if this was it?"

"If it was, it was stupid. There was no guarantee that she would survive the Reapers — though, if she had not, I doubt many of us would have — or that you would resume your relationship, or that you would even keep a conceived child."

"But she doesn't deserve whatever they're doing to her."

"I know. Shepard has done more for the galaxy than any other sentient being in existence." Chakwas moved up next to him and gently rested a hand on his arm. "We'll find her, Kaidan."

He didn't answer, and she nudged the pills and water closer. "Don't do this to yourself." Kaidan grunted and fumbled for the bottle. "I'll let Willschek know he has the ship and to report to Garrus for anything he needs."

"Thanks," he mumbled, dry-swallowing the pills.

#

Joker's terminal was the easy one. Apparently, taking him along with Shepard had been a secondary decision, likely made relatively quickly after they'd realized he was with her. Because of that, all his terminal needed was some speedy rerouting and hacking so that the power drain wouldn't go into the base's notes, a quick kill-switch so the terminal's usage couldn't be investigated if anyone started to ask questions, and a little jumping around firewalls and passwords through back doors before he had access to the base itself, though most of it was more in the sense of "text only" than the "welcome to the mainframe, feel free to fuck around" he had hoped for.

After his took only a couple hours of dedicated work, he spent another day hacking around as he tried to determine how to remotely activate Shepard's. That one was posing far more difficulties. Due to the fact that she had been an ...  _expected_  guest ... someone had taken the time to manually disconnect and remove the terminal, leaving only the structural components. But he was certain that, as a disconnected terminal could also be used as a weapon in certain desperate circumstances by certain desperate supersoldiers, there had to have been a reason to leave it there. Which meant it also had to have the capability of being turned back on.

It was late the second day when he actually had the idea to use the system against itself.

It'd been solid datamining for the first two. While unable to download or save any of the data he had a pretty solid idea what they wanted with Shepard, the pending kids,  _and_  who was behind Echidna, at least in a very general sense. He also managed to get a solid video feed of Shepard's cell, which meant he was able to keep an eye on her while she paced aimlessly and occasionally yelled at the camera.

Joker navigated to one of the documents he had found earlier, which was essentially a checklist of do's and don't's when it came to Shepard's treatment. He scratched at the back of his neck as he tried to figure out just where to put the new  _do_  he was looking to add.

"Don't speak to subject or allow subject to talk her way out of custody ..." He mumbled to himself. "Don't needlessly agitate subject ... do not give subject anything that may be turned into a weapon in any imaginable form, even if you aren't sure if it can be (addendum: just don't give subject  _anything_ to be safe) ... don't let subject near firearms ... don't leave subject in a position to physically harm you ... come  _on._ "

The 'do' section was surprisingly short, as most of the things had been covered under the extensive  _don_ _'ts_ , and he navigated down to the bottom.

_[Add. 16 May] Mental status of subject in question. Minimal functionality of terminal to be restored by end of day._

That should do it. Minimal functionality would mean that the terminal would be marginally online with the rest of the base — marginally enough that he would be able to sneak through and contact her. And editing this document would cause an alert to go to the team that was tasked with guarding her, and he knew it'd be enough. He did a bit more hacking before saving, making it look as though it was the head of Echidna who had authorized the change before closing the window.

It was a damn good thing he'd spent half of his life hacking things out of boredom.

"And maybe they'll give her a solitaire game or something," he muttered, glancing back at the terminal window where Shepard was again pacing the floor of her cell the same way she had been for the past two days.

#

Shepard jumped back as her door opened, immediately falling into a defensive stance as several of the men likely guarding her cell stepped in, guns drawn on her. They were apparently escorting a technician, who after a wary glance at her set about working on the terminal by the door.

"What's going on?" she demanded.

"Shut up," one of them ordered.

"No," she replied. "What's going on?"

"Routine maintenance."

"Oh, yes, just  _routine maintenance_." She frowned, eying the open door behind them. Almost as if the head commando knew what she was thinking she suddenly found herself pushed solidly back against the wall, the barrel of the large gun he was carrying pressing into her chest.

"I'd stop looking in a marginally hopeful way at that door," he said.

"Just a frankly curious question here," she asked as she caught her breath, one hand resting protectively over her abdomen. "Are you working for what's his face because you  _want_  to, or because he's paying you? Because if he's paying you-" He sighed heavily and pointedly clicked the safety off on his gun. "Point taken. So, is he letting you fire real ammo now?" He glared at her. "It's an interesting gun. I've never seen one like it before. No, before you ask, I'm not going to ask to hold it."

"New model," he said, voice short. "Just authorized it. Fires tranquilizer rounds."

". . . oh." She cleared her throat. "What sort of tran—"

"All done," the technician called. Immediately he was ushered out, and the guards left with the weapons still pointed directly at her until the door's three locks chimed. Shepard warily peeled herself off the wall and padded over to the terminal suspiciously, eying it. Settling herself down, she clicked a few buttons just for the background to come on, revealing an image of a powerful-looking woman with the tail of a snake for legs. Shepard curled her lip slightly before a window popped up.

_Welcome back, Commander. Glad to see that little trick worked._

She stared at the screen blankly for a second.

_Oh yeah, sorry. It_ _'s me, Joker. I may have worked some magic._

Right. She typed back.  _Prove it_.

_Do you seriously want me to tell you how many times I had to shut off the surveillance in Starboard Obs? For the record, it was probably thirty. Or something. Cause you and Alenko had to ruin it for everyone._

_All right, fine._

_Also, your drink of choice is bourbon and you slammed an admiral_ _'s kid into a wall in school for threatening to see how far I could crawl without my crutches._

Shepard closed her eyes in relief.  _Point taken. Are you all right?_

_I_ _'m fine. Nothing's happened so far. Open a solitaire game or something, make it look convincing._

She did, then pulled open that window again.  _Give me a rundown._

_I_ _'m editing your terminal. Pressing the power button will kill your active programs and open something unassuming in about five seconds. Don't try it yet though, we should probably talk._

_Yeah. About how we_ _'re getting out of here._

_Exactly. How are you feeling?_

_Tired as fuck but no different._

_Good. I_ _'ve been doing some poking, got some good and bad news. Good news is we're planetside, in an old abandoned base in the Terminus systems. Bad news - we're on opposite sides of the base._

_How big?_

_Pretty big. Don_ _'t think we ever found this one - it must have remained operational through the war._

_So what does this mean?_

_It_ _'s going to be tricky. I do have a map of the base. There's more though._

_Oh?_

_I have access to the base records. I don_ _'t think you're gonna like it very much._

_Just spit it out._

_I don_ _'t have all of it. I just know that unless you 'prove useful' you're gonna be killed as soon as you have the twins. I'm pretty much fucked one way or the other but I think we both realized that._

_Yeah._

_Also all the orders are being given by a guy signing off as -L._

Shepard frowned and glanced up at the camera before looking back down at the terminal and replying.  _Just -L?_

_Yep. Or someone named Oxley. Looks like he might be the Miranda to the TIM if you ask me._

Shepard's frown deepened.  _Any idea how they_ _'re connected to Cerberus?_

_Nope. Apart from having Cerberus records, I don_ _'t know._

She sighed.  _So what_ _'s our next move?_

_Search me. I_ _'m just your snarky pilot._

Shepard sighed again, heavily, and stared at the screen.

 _Well_ , she finally typed.  _They_ _'re using some sort of tranq guns over here. I'm sure they're mostly leaving you alone._

_Mostly._

_We need to find out how fast that tranq works on me. If he has access to Cerberus records I_ _'m sure he knows it's only a matter of time before I decide to try and escape even with you here. If it's long enough to still get you and get to the shuttles then that's one thing but if it's a matter of seconds then we may have a problem._

_I doubt it_ _'ll work that slow._

_Me too but we need to find out. I don_ _'t want to try anything, though._

_Cause of me? Shit Shepard we need to know how long it takes to work. Maybe they_ _'ll go easy on me if it's your first try or something._

_Joker they_ _'ll fucking kill you._

_Not like I didn_ _'t routinely get shit broken for most my life or anything. You know that. Now listen dumbass I'm pretty much stuck doing shit on this terminal anyway so it's up to you. It isn't like me being able to walk for a bit is gonna change much anyway._

_You_ _'re sure._

_Not like we have much of a choice if we ever wanna get out of here._

With a heavy sigh, she shook her head.  _Let me think_.

_K._

Shepard stood and started to pace, folding her hands behind her as she did so. He was right, of course, but she didn't want to think about the consequences of him being right. But one or both of them could possibly talk their way out of it — and besides, it wasn't as if they wouldn't be able to find out the other's condition once their guards had left.

She returned to the terminal and typed out her reply.  _All right. I_ _'ll make a move whenever they pull me out for an exam, all right?_

_Good. I_ _'ll work on getting my pouty 'please don't murder me' face on._

_Jesus, Joker, don_ _'t fuck around with that okay?_

_Calm down, Shep. I_ _'ll be fine. Pinky promise._

She shook her head.  _I hate you._

_Aww, that cuts deep, Shep. Start pacing or something again, you don_ _'t want them to get suspicious._

#

Miranda tapped her foot impatiently as she studied her omni-tool, ignoring the shimmering light of the Presidium as it reflected off the water by the Conduit. It wasn't the most private area to have a meeting, but it was the only one her contact would agree to meet her in. Years of in-bred distrust of her own network hadn't helped - if there was one thing Cerberus was good at, it was inducing paranoia.

"Nice day in space, ain't it." She barely flinched when the man she was waiting for leaned on the railing next to her, studying the miniature mass relay.

"Hartwell."

"Lawson." Pleasantries aside, he stepped into business. The pressed suit he wore blended in perfectly with the businessmen and diplomats scurrying around the area. "And just what services of mine do you require today?"

"Nothing exciting," she answered, handing him a datapad. "Have you heard of a group calling itself Echidna?"

Hartwell grunted, scanning the datapad. "A bit."

"They took over for Cerberus. I'm looking to track them down."

"What for?"

" _That_  is none of your concern."

"Ain't for your little pet project, is it?"

Miranda resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Information, Hartwell. Either you have it, and are useful, or you do not, and  _are_  not."

"Cool your pretty tits, Lawson."

"If you think that, just because we are in public, I will  _not_  shoot you, you are sorely mistaken." Miranda was waiting to pull out the fact that Hartwell owed her a favor from the war, and knew things that would make him  _very_ valuable to certain interested parties.

"Relax, Lawson. Just having some fun."

"I do not have a lot of time, Hartwell. Either you have information, or you don't."

"'Course I have some. It'll cost though."

"You owe me."

He was silent for a moment before handing the datapad back, then huffed. "Don't know where the head chap's operating out of. Mosta your bases are gonna be planet-side, save a few stations out in the Horsehead.  _And_  they're mostly in the Terminus. Far as I know they've got themselves a pretty little network already, with more than a few ex-Cerberus. Ones that survived the implanting and the indoctrination, of course."

"Where are they getting their new recruits?"

"Probably the same place everyone else is. People who don't have much left to lose."

"Are they still pro-human?"

"Far as I know."

"Do you know what bases they're using?"

"Only a couple. Had one on Chasca, but I hear the Alliance hit it and a couple others."

"Do you know of any  _other_  bases?" Miranda resisted the urge to throw him over the railing. But that would cause a scene, and as they were currently still leaning nonchalantly on the railing and seemed to be holding a simple conversation, she did not want to draw attention to herself.

"Mm. Heard they reopened one o'the bases out on Binthu, and maybe the one on Nepheron. 'Bout all I know though. What you lookin' for, anyway?"

"I need access to a communications terminal before their data is wiped," she replied simply, tucking the datapad under her arm. "That is all you need to know."

"Welp, that's all I  _do_  know. Guess you're shit outta luck then."

Miranda delicately rolled her eyes. "Thank you for very little, Hartwell," she replied sharply.

Hopefully Kasumi, with whatever she was doing, would have better luck.


	35. Chapter 34: A Base on Nepheron

 

"The old base on Nepheron was one of the ones you and Shepard cleaned out," Miranda said, reading off her omni-tool as the shuttle broke through Nepheron's atmosphere. "Before they became overly interested in the Alliance, they were tasked with determining new warfare methods."

"So ... biological agents?"

She nodded at Garrus' questions. "Mainly targeted at turians. My apologies."

"Accepted." He nodded, then chuckled dryly. "I've never been happier to have come down with a flu before."

"Yeah. You were sick when we landed here that time," Tali said, checking her gun.

"And you trust your agent's information?" Kaidan asked, from where he was examining a copy of Miranda's datapad.

She nodded. "Hartwell is an ass, but he's reliable."

"What are we going to need to do to get in before the mainframe is wiped?"

"We'll need to move quickly. As soon as someone hits an alarm, either the wipe will start or a countdown for it will. Procedure varied even under Cerberus, and I don't doubt Echidna went a similar route."

"So ... what are they after now?" Garrus asked. "Just this base, really. We know what Echidna's after."

"I'd assume the same thing as before, since they already had the setup."

"Oh. Well, if no one minds." Garrus snapped his breather helmet on, completely hiding his features. "I'm just going to wear this, then."

"Wouldn't want that ugly ass face of yours getting fucked up any more," Jack replied.

"You're always so touching," he replied.

"Major, we're pulling in," Steve called back, glancing over his shoulder.

"Get as close as you can," Kaidan ordered, standing and making his way to the shuttle cockpit to watch."

"I can drop you right on top of 'em."

"Good."

"About how long does a mainframe wipe take?" Tali asked, clipping her gun back onto its harness.

"It depends on how much information they're storing," Miranda replied. "Fortunately what we're looking for would be considered lower-priority data strings and will probably not be wiped until last. Even an incomplete string would put us far closer to where they are keeping Shepard and Moreau."

Zaeed made a huffing noise as the shuttle settled and landed. "What's the plan? Go in shootin'?"

"Any of the higher-ups will be the back," Kaidan replied. "If someone surrenders, don't shoot them. If they don't, they're fair game. And just in case, don't shoot any canisters. We don't want Garrus choking on his own spit."

"You're so nice to me."

"Just to be safe, everyone should probably wear their masks," he continued, pointedly pulling on his own. With a few grumbles from Jack, everyone but Tali fastened their environmental headgear.

The shuttle hovered a little over the ground, and they dropped out. :: _I_ _'ll be in radio distance_ ,:: Steve said, before the shuttle darted back into the air. Kaidan nodded and waved them forward to the entrance.

Garrus waited until everyone was in position, then at Kaidan's nod slammed his rifle into the lock. He swung around, clearing the doorway, then waved Zaeed, Grunt, Jack and Javik right behind him. The other three would bring up the rear.

The base was much as he remembered it. The front room was empty except for a few automated defenses that Tali quickly took care of before a single shot was fired.

"Just what bioweapon were they dealing with here?" Kaidan asked quietly, as they hesitated at the entrance. Miranda shook her head.

"Apart from the fact that it was focused on turians, I don't know. I want to say it was a modified botulism, but I do not remember."

"We used botulism as seasoning in my cycle."

Miranda glared at him. "I'm certain that they did not think to formulate it for Protheans, Javik."

"Ready?"

"Remember, if we hear an alarm we need to move fast."

"Sure," Jack replied. She was already flared, and he was tempted to just let her and Grunt through the door first. The krogan replied with his chilling laugh, the rest with nods.

Kaidan slammed his hand into the opening mechanism and they were in the main lab. In the center a forcefield rose to the ceiling, as before, though instead of creatures there were multiple lab stations, each with a refrigerated unit and a stack of crates. They would need to get the field down, eventually, but Kaidan knew that the terminals they were looking for would be back in the dormitories, away from the laboratories. They had barely stepped through the door when someone must have spotted them, and an alarm sounded through the base. "Damn it!" Miranda snapped.

"Get back to the server," Kaidan ordered. "Grunt, Jack, Vega, clear a route."

"With pleasure," Jack replied sharply, as Grunt barrelled past them with a loud roar and slammed into a nearby armored commando. As Jack shot forward and slammed a few more into the ceiling, James sighed. "Why me, Sparkles."

"Just get going." Vega opened fire as he followed Jack, catching a man sneaking up on the biotic just before she turned and grabbed onto him, snapping his neck against one of the workstations outside the field.

"I'll stay out here," Garrus said. "Get through to the server."

"Be careful."

Garrus replaced his assault rifle with his sniper and checked the clip. "You're the one running through hell, Alenko."

They skirted along the edge of the chaos created by the others and into the back, after which they ended up in a hallway that went to either side, a closed door on either end.

"Which way?" Tali asked. Kaidan glanced between the two, trying to remember. And what if they picked wrong?

"You go right. I'll go left." He waved Miranda with Tali and jogged to the left door with Javik. Another nod and he slammed his hand into the door, letting Javik sweep the room. It was a simple barracks entryway, comprised of a galley and a small living area. "Not here," Javik announced.

"Whoa!"

They spun as Tali and Miranda slammed back onto either side of the door, gunfire ricocheting into the hallway.

"Found it!" Tali called as Miranda reached out around the doorway, pulling someone into the hallway. Kaidan flared, shooting him as he ran. He tucked a barrier around himself and charged, Javik on his heels.

The people holding out in the main server room were suddenly surprised by an extremely angry, rushed Spectre and a Prothean. A couple in lab coats decided to cut their losses and hit the ground, throwing aside their firearms. A few rounds ricocheted off Kaidan's barrier but he ignored them, swinging the butt of his rifle into someone's face as he slammed another into the ceiling. There was the rapid fire of an SMG as Miranda swung back around the doorframe, joining Javik's assault on the left side of the room. Tali's shotgun retorted as another tried to sneak up on Kaidan, her omni-tool flaring as it hacked the remaining weapons in the area.

Over the gunfire was a slow beeping noise, coming from the server access terminal in the back.

Kaidan snapped the last man's neck before sprinting to the terminal, Miranda on his heels.

"It looks like the wipe's already started," she said, as Javik motioned the two scientists onto their feet, and back against the wall. "We'll have to move quickly."

"Do it." Kaidan opened his comm. "How's things?"

:: _Area_ _'s secure_ ,:: Garrus replied. :: _Find the server?_ ::

"Miranda's on it. Any prisoners?"

:: _Nah. They weren_ _'t fond of us. Probably should tell you though—_ ::

"Son of a bitch!" Miranda slammed her hand into the terminal as it finally stopped beeping. "Son of a  _bitch!_ "

"What." Kaidan's voice was flat.

"The bloody wipe just ended." Her omni-tool flared around her wrist as she began to back-hack the terminal. "I'll see if I can find anything. Tali?"

"Right there." The quarian joined her, omni-tool still open.

Kaidan swore, turning away and rubbing his forehead heavily. This wasn't supposed to be happening. This shouldn't be happening. There had to be something —

"Um, I wouldn't —" One of their prisoners started. His words were suddenly drowned by a loud beeping, and an announcement.

"Warning. Warning. Base set to self-destruct in two minutes."

"Oh fuck  _me_ ," Tali muttered.

"Out!" Kaidan barked, pulling both back from the console and pushing them towards the door. Miranda had already been on her way, pulling the quarian with her. "Javik!"

"Out, primitives," Javik ordered calmly, jogging after them as the two scientists bolted.

The beeping had fortunately echoed through the base, so the other four were already disappearing. Kaidan reopened his comm to Steve, yelling into it as they ran.

"Steve, get back here  _now_! We need an immediate pickup and we'll need to get out fast!"

"Seriously fast," Miranda added. "If that's a Cerberus mechanism then that means there's at least a two kiloton nuclear weapon underneath the base."

They broke through the base at a dead sprint, the shuttle hovering in front of them. They pushed the two captives in and quickly seated themselves, Kaidan pulling the door closed.

"You've got about a minute," Miranda barked to Steve, who spun the shuttle with a nod and pressed down the throttle. Kaidan dropped down into a seat, feeling his frustration mounting again even as the explosion rocked the shuttle, and Steve hailed the orbiting  _Normandy_. He lifted his head and squinted across the shuttle, eying Garrus and James. The turian's head was back on the seat, mandibles flared slightly as he occasionally waved his hand in front of his face, and James was leaned forward, palms pressing against his eyes and looking like he was routinely swallowing.

Kaidan sighed. "You two didn't ..."

Jack shook her head. "The two dumbasses walked straight into an exploding canister of whatever they were workin' on."

Kaidan shook his head, unfastening and walking over as he opened his omni-tool. "Get Chakwas standing by. Let her know that we've probably got two casualties." He scanned James, then shook his head and did the same to Garrus. "Good work, you two."

"Anytime, Alenko." Garrus flailed his talons a bit, finally landing on Kaidan's arm. "Just tryin' to keep you on your toes. Spirits, does anyone have water or something?"

Kaidan gripped onto one of the holds as the shuttle docked with the  _Normandy_. "Javik, Miranda, we'll take our guests up to one of the cargo holds and try and find some answers."

 _And note to self_ , he thought, popping the door and dropping down to the hanger deck, waving Chakwas and her aide forward.  _Next time, EDI goes groundside._

#

The scientists knew nothing. They had simply picked up the bioweapon experiments Shepard had interrupted several years earlier from where the Alliance had merely not cleaned up well enough, and for not the first time Kaidan  _really_ wanted to call up Hackett and tell him that the Alliance was far too good at cutting corners in an extremely sloppy manner.

With the prisoners secure for delivery to the Alliance, he went to check on James and Garrus.

The medbay didn't seem active, he thought as he approached it. As he walked in Chakwas looked up from her desk, the medbay quiet but for the quiet chatter of his two downed men in the back by the server room. "Major."

"How are those two?" He nodded back towards them.

"Acting like small children. What did you expect?" She stood, handing him a pair of datapads. "Both did receive a small dose of the weaponized toxin, but it was mostly filtered out by their hardsuits. They'll be out by morning, I think."

"I didn't realize we kept the antitoxin on board."

"We do. It is one of the more popular weaponized toxins, after all, and has been for over a hundred years." She leaned back on her desk. "I had to play with it a little to make it safe for Garrus, but he'll be fine."

"Good. You say they'll be up by morning?"

"Afternoon at the latest, and I would say some of that will be due to how much they decide to complain about it. You have a very whiny crew, Major."

Kaidan smirked. "Are they really being that bad?"

Chakwas merely nodded her head towards the duo. Kaidan walked back.

"—loco. You're holdin' up two of 'em."

Garrus awkwardly wiggled his talons. "I'm not. I—"

"You ain't got four fingers, so there's no way you're holding four up!"

"I think I know how many I—"

"Okay then, what about me." James held up two of his own. "All right, give me a count, Scars."

"You're, um ..." He squinted slightly. "Two."

"You had to think!"

"I did not."

"Sparkles, back me up here."

Kaidan shook his head, properly deciding to not get involved. "How are you two feeling?"

"Like shit," James volunteered.

"The Doctor says she got to us before it would have been bad," Garrus explained. "So ... that's good."

"Kinda hard to talk though, with the dry mouth and all."

"And I'm still sorting out this double vision thing."

"But we'll be fine."

"Did we get any information on Shepard?"

Kaidan sighed heavily and shook his head. "The scientists didn't know anything, and they triggered the base before finding anything useful."

"Damn. So what now?"

"We hit up Binthu. It's our only other lead, unless Kasumi shows up."

"Binthu." Garrus' mandibles flared slightly as he thought. "That's where we found the admiral, isn't it?"

"Admiral Kahoku." Kaidan nodded. "Miranda's contact heard they reopened at least one of the bases."

"How many are there?"

"Three."

"Damn. Hope the first one we hit is the right now."

"That's provided they didn't just build a new base."

"Let's hope they haven't had time."

"I doubt they will have." Kaidan interrupted, shaking his head. "Even if they cannibalized the other bases, they've mostly been using original Cerberus infrastructure. Why bother, if it's just there? Cerberus had hundreds of active and inactive bases - we still don't know where all of them are."

"What about the information from Cronos?" Garrus asked, tapping on talon on his cybernetic mandible. "Has anyone decrypted it?"

"Not as far as I know. I—" Kaidan suddenly fell silent, closing his jaw and staring off into space. Garrus and James traded a glance, which nearly made the turian fall over.

"Contact me if you need me," he finished suddenly, turning on his heel and stalking out. "EDI, meet me in the war room."

"What did you do?" James hissed. Garrus shrugged.

"I didn't do a damn thing, Vega."

#

Even the name  _Cronos Station_  still managed to give him pause.

It had been the last night, one of huge uncertainty. And as he waited for his call to Hackett to go through, rocked slightly back and forth on his heels, thinking back to everything – the look on Shepard's face when she'd given him her reply; the way she had been when they found Lazarus recordings; then, when she'd left him standing, hopeless, on the  _Normandy_ 's docking bay ramp as she ran for the beam –

"You asked for me, Major?"

"EDI." He turned to face her. "You know essentially every Cerberus encryption, eh?"

"I do. And the 'essentially' is not required."

"Good."

Hackett's image shuddered into view, and Kaidan turned and saluted. :: _Major_.::

"Admiral." He lowered his hand. "I have a request."

:: _Is—_ ::

"It's related to the ... to looking for Echidna." Hackett nodded, and he continued. "Has the Alliance finished going through the records from Cronos Station?"

:: _We have not,_ :: Hackett replied. :: _Do you think there—_ ::

"It may be possible that there's a list of Cerberus bases in there," he replied. "Most of them will probably be abandoned, but it at least gives us a place to start."

Hackett was quiet for a while, then nodded. :: _I will have the records we have yet to decrypt sent over. I am sure EDI will have no problem with them._ ::

"I will not."

:: _Major._ :: Hackett's tone took a completely different direction almost instantly, as it usually did when speaking of Shepard. :: _Any sign of Shepard?_ ::

Kaidan swallowed heavily. "No. And some of the things we're determining about Echidna is making me more worried."

Hackett blinked slowly, then straightened again. :: _What have you found?_ ::

"The last base we were at was working on weaponizing human biological agents for alien species. Garrus and Vega both got hit with it. They're fine - it got diluted going through their hardsuits — but the fact that it even made it  _through_ —"

:: _Is concerning._ :: He crossed his arms, raising a hand to his mouth as he did when thinking. :: _Were you able to recover any information from the base?_ ::

"No. The wipe was complete by the time we found the mainframe, and trying to see if anything was left triggered a self destruct."

:: _Of the console?_ ::

"No. The, uh, entire base."

Hackett was quiet again. :: _Then there isn_ _'t even rubble?_ ::

"Not as far as we could tell. We're on our way to Binthu next. One of Miranda's contacts said that they'd reopened one of the bases there."

:: _Hm._ :: Hackett was completely unreadable. :: _AIS has begun placing agents again. I_ _'ll see if anything has bled through the network and inform you. Alenko._ :: Kaidan nodded. :: _The likelihood is that they are not keeping her with the leader._ ::

"I know. I've considered that possibility. If she does manage to break out, it'll simply put him in danger."

:: _Exactly. You_ _'ve seen her most recently. What is the likelihood that she_ will _make a move?_ ::

Kaidan froze, remembering how she had been the day they'd landed on the Citadel — when they'd traded words that he inherently regretted now. Sure, he may find her again — but the galaxy was a big place, and that likelihood always existed ...

"Honestly, sir?" he finally offered. "Extremely  _high_."


	36. Chapter 35: Attempt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh look, an update! How grand! I'm writing as devilishly fast as I can, now that I've occasionally stopped gaming long enough to do so.

She was beginning to look pregnant.

Shepard eyed her image in her tiny head's small mirror as she held up her shirt, turning to inspect it. While the accumulation of weight on her stomach and hips would have made many other women happy, or even excited, it had a far different effect on the captive Spectre. For her it was far more frustrating than it should have been. It was one thing against her ability to escape — more weight meant less mobility, and weight there meant less flexibility. She had already lost much of her capabilities just from being unable to use her biotics — she didn't need this added restriction.

Not for the first time, she wondered what it would be like to be having a  _normal_  life, or what passed as one in the postwar era. But to have Kaidan with her ... she sniffed, biting her lip as she studied the curve that was beginning to alter the plane of her torso, enough that anyone looking to see if she were pregnant would be able to tell but not enough that it wouldn't have been easy to hide had she not been held by some whackjobs who were banking on it. For what was certainly not the first time she found herself wishing  _he_  was there, that any time now he would cover her hands with his own and everything would be all right.

But no, it was just her in baggy grey sweatsuit, barefoot on the metal floor of what may as well have been a glass cell with the cameras and the eyes she could feel watching her every move.

She let her shirt fall back into place, a slight wet spot the only evidence that she'd been holding it in her teeth. Leaning on the sink, she bowed her head slightly. The head was the only part of her cell blissfully unmonitored, and she needed to ensure the threatening emotions — she would blame hormones — were in check before she left.

How long before she'd be too large to escape? With her shirt down you could barely see it — it looked as if the shirt just somehow managed to hang straight off her chest. But that didn't mean a thing. That meant they had — oh, what had her research said? A few weeks? Maybe a month and a half? — until she wouldn't be able to handle any guards in any real way, and she couldn't ask Joker to make up for it.

A month. She'd say a month.

They had a month.

She left the head, resuming pacing as she did. How long had she been in here, anyway? It had been at least a day since the guards had reactivated her terminal, and the silence was nearly overwhelming.

They could at least play some background music or something. Hell, she'd even take year-old Citadel News Network reports.

She was on the far side of the room from her terminal and had just decided to head back over and open up the shitty solitaire application they'd given her, when the locks on her door chimed. She froze in place, hands settling on her stomach as she whirled towards the door. It opened to admit an armor-clad guard, who approached her with his weapon drawn.

Shepard launched into action.

She cleared the room before he was able to react, driving her elbow into his wrists and wrenching the gun out of his hands, simultaneously driving her knee into a poorly-armored section of his waist and sending him crashing to the ground.

Inadvertently this action put her back to the door, and had she paused to actually think that there would be more than  _one_  guard (or, really, more than two or three), it may have worked.

As it stood, he was one of eight.

Three of them were immediately on her, one of them fighting her for her purloined weapon. While he distracted her, though it earned him a nasty crack in the face from the butt of the gun, another slammed his foot into the back of her knee. Shepard yelped, letting go of the gun as she started to stagger. The last seized her arms, wrestling her to her knees, as the one who had kicked her dug his gun into the base of her skull. She stopped struggling, breathing heavily as she closed her eyes.

Fuck. Three months ago she would have been out of there, no matter how many there were.

"Are you willing to cooperate?" the one holding her arms hissed. She nodded mutely, trying to ignore the feeling of embarrassment at being taken down by four guards, two of whom were currently bleeding. He hauled her to her feet, and the guard who had been threatening her seized her other arm and marched her, limping, out of her cell.

They frog-marched her over to the examination table she recognized from her arrival. Without further words they forced her onto it and, with some struggle, bound her down. Shepard swore vehemently, finally falling limp against the table and staring at the ceiling with a quiet  _huff_.

"How long have I been here?" she finally asked the guard standing closest to her, his gun still held ready.

For a minute she thought he wasn't going to answer, but he did. "Four days."

"Only four days?" It felt like it'd been months.

"That's what I said, isn't it?"

Shepard looked back over at him. "Did you wake up on the wrong side of the asshole cage or something?" He didn't rise to her bait, and she shook her head. With the guards silent, she sighed and let her head fall back onto the table.

The door to the hallway finally zipped open, and Shepard let her head roll to the side. She wasn't sure what she expected, but the person who emerged was the doctor she had met a before, rolling a cart and studying a datapad. The door closed behind him, and he looked up. "Shepard."

"I told you before." She affixed him with a hard glare. "You have to earn the right to use my name."

"Fine. Major." He set the datapad down on a machine cart and wheeled it over.

"Look, I don't care who you are. I'm here because I'm forced to be, not because I'm on vacation. So cut the crap."

"Major, we can do this the easy way or the hard way," Couzier replied heavily. "While I see you are already insisting on the hard way, I would like this to be a one-time event. You understand."

"I don't need this," she argued. "I didn't  _volunteer_  for this. My friend and I got abducted off the Citadel and I got locked up in a tiny-ass cell with nearly no human contact because  _your_  boss is a psychotic nutjob."

"Technically, the fact that the Illusive Man rebuilt—"

"I don't owe his memory or any organization built off a group of defunct terrorists a goddamned thing."

"Major . . ." He shook his head. "Be reasonable."

"Reason has  _nothing_  to do with this.  _Reason_ would be letting me go. You're a smart man, you should realize that."

"Major, do shut up." She fell stonily silent, gaze hard. He waved a hand, and the guards retreated from the table. "Now that we can be civilized, I'll begin the exam."

"This is  _not_  civilized." She tried to move, but couldn't. Cozier moved into the exam she remembered from the last time she'd been in a legitimate hospital, a routine she was sure she'd be familiar with shortly. "I don't get why the hell you need to check me every few days anyway."

"Boss' orders. He's put a large investment into this. He originally . . ." He tapped the syringe of blood he'd just drawn and nodded. ". . . wanted you checked every day. I talked him down from that."

"Thanks," she mumbled. "I guess. I still think it's pointless."

"Do let it go, Major."

Shepard didn't quail, but didn't answer either. Her eyes lingered on one of the tranquilizer guns across the room.

"There." After some silence he finished, and closed his omni-tool. She really wished she could move so she could kill him. "Everything looks normal. We're done here."

Couzier stood and rolled the cart over to its resting place, putting the data together. Her guard undid the restraints and jerked her arm. "Come on."

"Absolutely," Shepard replied as he hauled her to her feet. As the other moved for her other arm, she made her move. The palm of her hand drove into the approaching man's face, dropping him instantly, and her other seized the man holding her's gun. She jammed it back into his face, making him stagger back, then fired several rounds into Couzier's back.

At almost the same time she felt a few different rounds hit her, mostly in her arm or chest. They were small, tiny, and only sharp enough to penetrate the smallest amount of skin necessary for successful delivery. As soon as she felt the first she dropped the gun, holding up her hands.  _One-thousand-one. One-thousand-two_.

Another guard moved in, wrenching her hands behind her back. Her ears started to roar, and her knees buckled.  _One-thousand-thirty._ He kicked the tranquilizer gun away and said something about stupid moves and the promptness of her retribution, to which she thought she made a sort of half-laugh. Her knees gave out, and he was the only thing keeping her from collapsing as she closed her eyes.  _One-thousand-sixty. One-thousand-one._

He dragged her over towards the cell door, and she tried to move. She still could, still possessed some feeling in her limbs. Her feet and hands were starting to go numb.  _One-thousand-thirty._

Her last thought was  _one and a half minutes._

#

"She ... attempted an escape, sir."

He didn't turn. Oxley shifted on his feet slightly, uncomfortable at the silence.

"She is still in custody?"

"Yes, sir."

"What did she do?"

"She merely seized one of the guards' weapons and fired into Doctor Couzier."

"Couzier is alive?"

"Yes, sir. It was one of the anaesthetic weapons."

"Hm." He was silent for a few moments. "It was likely not a true escape attempt."

"Sir?"

"It was likely that she would — and still will — try several times to escape. It is why we had Moreau taken with her. Is she conscious?"

"No, sir. They returned her to her observation module but she is still sedated."

"Good." He took a sip out of the glass next to him, setting down a datapad and picking up another. "Carry on, Oxley, you know what to do."

"Yes, sir." Oxley turned and headed back towards the communicator, plugging in the appropriate contact information for the base where Shepard was being held. In a matter of seconds the security officer appeared, hands folded behind his back.

:: _Sir. The situation has been entirely contained. The subject has been returned to her observation module and is currently sleeping off the sedation._ ::

"Have you given any thoughts to her punishment?"

The officer was silent for a few moments. :: _We were ... hoping that the boss would have a directive for us._ ::

Under any other circumstances it would simply be rote violence. Rote violence worked extremely well on most subjects, after all. However, Shepard's condition, her importance, and (quite frankly) her previous physical damage made rote violence the last option that would be effective. And, because this was — as his employer pointed out — a half-assed escape attempt at best, using Moreau as the leverage they had initially planned for was probably not the best course of action either.

He was merely his employer's assistant, for God's sake. He shouldn't be making these decisions.

"A verbal warning will suffice," Oxley said finally. "She will likely attempt to escape again — be prepared. My employer does not believe this was any more than a test of our defenses."

:: _Of course, sir._ ::

"Carry on."

#

Shepard groggily came to, lifting her head as she blinked drowsily.

She was back in her cell on her cot, where she had apparently been simply dropped and left. She shifted with a groan, moving her left arm out from under her painfully. It felt like she'd been laying on it for so long that her nerves had forgotten it existed, so she let a quiet hiss escape her teeth as she moved it.  _You_ _'ve been shot, stabbed, poisoned, and killed. Twice_ , she chided.  _A little desensitized nerve is nothing._

To top it off, there was a hell of a pounding behind her eyes. She flopped her right arm over her eyes, trying to cut out the bright fluorescent gleam of the lights. God, it hurt.

:: _Good morning, Major._ ::

Shepard grumbled under her breath. Couzier sounded disturbingly chipper, for having been shot with the same shit she'd been.

:: _I_ _'m disappointed. I expected a more impressive attempt to escape._ ::

"Come back down 'ere an'I'll show you impressive," she slurred, hand searching for her pillow to better block out the light. He chuckled.

:: _It does lead us to believe that it was not an actual escape attempt._ ::

After finding her pillow, she indelicately made an obscene gesture towards the intercom.

:: _You are quite fortunate, Major. The boss has decided that you should only be warned against attempting it again. After all, we would_ hate _to need to visit Mr. Moreau, wouldn_ _'t we?_ ::

She mumbled an obscenity and a nasty commentary on his mother and slapped her pillow over her head, sighing when it blocked the light. Fortunately he seemed to have lost interest in her, and a few moments later the lights shut off. Shepard curled tighter in on herself and slowly let herself drift into a half-sleep.


	37. Chapter 36: The Chase

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm not dead!   
> I've started my PhD program and I'm working on finishing my thesis (*screams loudly and pulls out her hair*) but it unfortunately doesn't leave quite as much time for me to do fun things like write. However, I've been encouraged to make time for it, during my recent diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and admitting that it makes me relax. Who'd'a thought ...  
> Anyway, no, I haven't forgotten about this. My characters have been sullenly glaring at me for quite a while, and I think Shepard is getting impatient. And no one wants Shepard to be impatient.

People had avoided him for many reasons throughout his life.

Often it had been because, simply, he was a biotic. Mostly because, not only was he a biotic, but his implant was of the L2 make and that made him "dangerous and unstable." Or it was because other people in his units had accused him of being too "uptight." More recently it had been because one person or another had been pissed about certain things he'd said to Shepard at one point or another over the past couple years. Or, in the general populace, because he was a Spectre and that made him scary.

This was the first time the last reason had occurred on the  _Normandy_.

The second base they had hit had a little bit more information than the first — or, at least, more than they had  _gotten_  from the first one. But that wasn't enough. They were no closer to finding Shepard and Joker than they had been before, and they had no more information to show the Council.

Everyone was frustrated, but he had far surpassed frustration. He was beginning to panic.

The thought of Shepard, most likely alone, dealing with pregnancy and captivity and whatever else she had to be going through, threatened to overwhelm him the longer they went with no new discoveries. And he knew that throwing his helmet into his locker and storming off without taking off anything else had just made Garrus and Tali start muttering at one another again and left the others pretty sure that he wasn't usually like that.

That meant he was back in the Loft, staring down at the datapad that had been the result of Shepard's first, and last, doctor's visit. Just out of his line of vision was the picture frame that had never left her desk, now holding a picture of the two of them at their first 'unofficial' wedding.

"Kaidan, I have received the information from Admiral Hackett and will begin to search for a list of old Cerberus Bases." EDI's voice came over the intercom, breaking him out of his reverie.

"Good. Tell me as soon as you have something."

"Also, Kasumi has asked us to meet her where she has, apparently, been infiltrating. She says she has information."

"Great. Set course."

"Right away."

He waited, but EDI seemed done. With a sigh Kaidan picked up the picture frame, brushing a finger down it.

He would find her, even if he had to tear the galaxy apart to do so.

The desk terminal chimed, and with a heavy sigh Kaidan opened his mail. Liara.

_To: Spectre Alenko, K.; EDI; Admiral Tali_ _'Zorah vas Normandy; Lawson, Miranda; Traynor, Samantha_

_From: Encrypted — T_ _'soni, L_

_Subject: Shepard_

_I had Glyph run some simulations, based on relay data. We were fortunate they made their move so quickly after the War — while the Relays in Council space have been completely reactivated, less than half of Terminus ones have been. Because they_ _'ve been using old Cerberus bases, I had it cross-reference old Cerberus and military infrastructure and reactivated relays._

_The Omega Nebula is, as far as Aria is concerned, clean. I tapped into some of her communications — her people are pretty much keeping it patrolled. Mostly so passing ships pay them, but that_ _'s to be expected._

_I_ _'ve attached a list of relays to check out. They all showed activity the day Shepard and Joker disappeared, and they have one or more former Cerberus bases. Yes, the coordinates are included._

_As I find more information I_ _'ll pass it on. Echidna is being terribly efficient at hiding. Even Cerberus wasn't this quiet._

Kaidan downloaded the list and studied it, resting his head on his fist. If they weren't in the Terminus Systems — though they were all in agreement that was likely — then they weren't even on the right side of the galaxy.

He'd check the Spectre Office, see if anything else came in.

Hell, at this point they could be in the Sahara and no one would know the difference.

There was one thing he hadn't tried. Kaidan sent a message to Miranda, asking her to come up to the Loft.

About three minutes later, the door opened without any announcement and Miranda sauntered through. He'd noticed that, after a few days being on the same ship as her — she didn't really walk, she constantly seemed to own her surroundings. He could only imagine what it had been like to have both her and Shepard on the same ship.

"You asked me to come up?" He noticed that she settled herself on the couch without pulling her eyes away from the datapad she was holding.

"Yes." Kaidan dropped down into the chair across from the sofa, leaning forward onto his knees. "Look, and — don't take this the wrong way — but you were with Cerberus for a while."

Miranda lowered her datapad, arching a perfectly-shaped eyebrow. "And?"

He rubbed his hands together, thinking.

"I needed to talk to someone who might know how they think," he finally blurted out. "We've exhausted nearly every lead and without someone who knows Echidna's methods, we're dead in the water. I know they  _aren_ _'t_ Cerberus, but they  _were_."

"So you need me to try and get into their head?"

He nodded. Miranda sighed, crossing her leg at her knees.

"Echidna would have been more akin to a Cerberus group that had broken off from the main," she began. "Similar to the parts that you and Shepard cleared out in '83." He nodded again. "I don't know too much about the mentality of those groups except that they were extremely xenophobic, whereas Cerberus was just pro-human. Take what we're dealing with now." She made a general hand motion. "This attack was incredibly planned out. I'd suspect it would have happened even  _if_  Shepard hadn't gotten pregnant."

"So you think —"

"Once she'd taken the Council position, they would have hit hard and fast. A nonhuman 'sympathizer' like Shepard would be completely destructive to their interests."

"So what if she'd never gotten out of the hospital?"

"It's very easy to fake a medical mistake. Especially with the shape she was in."

Kaidan dug his hand into his forehead. To think that they would have taken her down so easily if she hadn't gotten out —

"Especially because we have yet to determine how wide their network is. If they had anyone in the Alliance..." She cleared her throat, shifting slightly. "But I think this worked into their plans very well. Neither of us needs much imagination to determine what they intend to achieve." Miranda shook her head. "But I don't know anything that would help us figure out where they're hiding. If I did, I would have put it into our simulations so far."

"But ... why the name Echidna?" Miranda shrugged. "You have to admit it isn't a very ...  _impressive_  name."

"Whoever is in charge is obviously educated," she replied. "And highly so, to know about a character like Echidna."

"Any idea why the name though?"

"Echidna, in mythology, is the mother of Cerberus. It's a form of going back to the roots of the organization — which, of course, means even more anti-alien policies and human supremacy. Along with more infiltration. They may already have agents in the Alliance and on the Citadel." She tapped her finger on her knee. "Which reminds me. When Shepard takes the Council position, we'll have to  _definitely_  triple-check her aides."

"I'm glad you have so much confidence in us getting her back." Kaidan wasn't lying. He'd seen Miranda's record — even from Shepard's reports when she was with Cerberus — and she had one of those drives that should terrify anyone on its bad side. It was little wonder Shepard held her in such high esteem.

Miranda scoffed. "Even if I didn't, I seriously doubt such a trivial thing as  _pregnancy_  would keep her from tearing through at least half their base."

Kaidan chuckled. As much as he never wanted to think about Shepard trying half the things she did on a normal basis ... "I'd be disappointed if she hasn't already tried."

Miranda echoed it. "Same."

#

_J: That went well._

Shepard sighed at her screen.

_S: That shit is nasty._

_J: How long did it take?_

_S: About a minute and a half._

_J: Wow._  She knew him well enough to picture the face Joker was making.

_S: Yeah. When we do make our move, we need to do it fast._

_J: Do you have an idea?_

_S: A bit of one._

_J: Percentage of success?_

_S: About ..._

_S: Goddamn you, you know how I am with statistics._

_J: It_ _'s a guess, not physics. Make shit up, that's what everyone does._

Shepard chewed on her lip.

_S: 1 in a million?_

_J: Seems legit. That impossible, huh?_

_S: Pretty much._

_J: Still think that_ _'s better odds than the whole Collector thing. And the whole "Let's go to Earth and fight the Reapers!1!" thing we've pulled off._

_S: We also had a full squad. And then a bloody army._

_J:_ Someone _woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning._

She chuckled.

_J: So. What_ _'s the plan?_

_S: Straightforward cut-and-run. Next time I think I can, I take out the guards one of the times I get taken out for an exam, and make my way over to where you are. Then, plan from there._

_J:_... _you know, sometimes your simple plans suck._

_S: You have a better one?_

_J: Not really._

_S: Didn_ _'t think so._

_J: So. When_ _'s this gonna go down?_

_S: A couple weeks, probably. I need to get them into a false sense of security._

_J: It would probably be good for them to not be expecting you to bash their heads in._

_J: Um, Shep ... How are you feeling?_

Well, for starters, she felt like an elephant. She could only imagine what it'd be in a few months. Her pants were starting to get tighter, and her head would randomly start to ache and that would aggravate her implant, leading to her crawling back into bed, defeated, and hoping whoever was in control of the lights in her cell would take pity on her.

She'd also started having nightmares again, though whether this was due to the medication she'd been on finally leaving her system or because she'd heard that women tended to have more vivid dreams when they were pregnant, she didn't know.

_S: It_ _'s weird. But I'll live._

_J: You better. Alenko would have my ass. How much of the galaxy do you think he_ _'s ripped through?_

_S: If it_ _'s any less than half, I'll be slightly disappointed._

#

With a few exceptions, Kasumi worked best on her own.

Of course, she didn't on particularly large heists, where she needed several people to watch things she couldn't on her own. But this was a small thing. Simple, really.  _Too_  simple, almost.

All it had taken was a bit of a wardrobe change. She'd swapped out her jumpsuit for a simple lab coat, her regular makeup for something more understated, and lost the hood. She made it a point to only be known with the hood, after all. It made things like this far too easy.

After that, a couple days posing at one of the bases as a new hand from the Boss — no one seemed to know his name, considering he simply signed everything off as 'L' — was very simple. She edited a couple of the incoming messages to include her alias and then strode in with a few datapads as if she owned the place. After that, no one asked her any questions.

Kasumi was, after all, very good at what she did. And it paid off.

Echidna's organization was a lot tighter than what she had seen while working for Shepard under Cerberus. While Shepard had been given free reign to conduct her activities as she saw fit without much "official" oversight, Echidna cells seemed to be run extremely tightly. Someone seemed to be constantly writing reports to both "L" and someone named "Oxley," who if she had to guess was L's version of Miranda. And there were cameras  _everywhere_.

That worked fine for her. She could bug a place like a pro. Without being noticed.

It'd been about four days that she'd been 'undercover,' and her job finally gave her access to the mainframe. After that, it was almost child's play to install a Trojan that started downloading  _everything_.

She'd sent a message to Alenko and company the fifth morning. She knew they'd be there any time, and was in the uncomfortable process of wearing two sets of clothing — her jumpsuit under her lab uniform. It was hot as hell, but that was about it. Hopefully EDI was up with the plan and would hold up her end of the bargain.

Around noon, someone reported a Kodiak shuttle appearing on ladar. A few minutes later, visual scanners identified it as an Alliance shuttle, and someone turned on the sirens.

Kasumi hurried back in the chaos to the server room. Finding that no one had, fortunately, moved in to set off the wipe, she promptly pulled the compressed mainframe data off and turned back towards the door to find the head of the base's security force watching her, gun upheld.

"Oh!" Kasumi covered, pointing over her shoulder at the mainframe. "I wanted to double-check the wipe. You know those Alliance types." She motioned back at the door. "Uh, shouldn't you be ... you know, ready?"

He opened his mouth, and Kasumi took that as her cue. In less than a second she activated her stealth field, leaving him immediately on alert. Kasumi slipped around his back, readying her knife, and it took merely a few seconds to appear behind him and slash his neck in one smooth motion. He staggered before falling to the ground, then fell still. She rushed back into one of the labs, finding the scientists huddled back in a corner. Pretending she was frantic, she joined them, purposefully staying near the front of the group. Gunfire echoed through the base, and she checked to make sure blood wasn't bleeding through her lab coat. That would be a dead giveaway.

After several minutes of extended gunfire as the security force was mowed down (along with the telltale signs of a few biotic detonations here or there), the door snapped open. Kaidan was the first in, gun still ready; behind him strode everyone else, including EDI. Good.

"Free one-time offer," Jack barked. A few of the scientists nodded mutely, immediately showing their hands — the rest followed suit as soon as they realized what the offer was. Kasumi played along, and EDI almost immediately singled her out.

"You have access to the mainframe?" Kasumi nodded, doing her best to look nervous. "Come with me, please."

If the scientists realized that no one stopped the AI from leaving with her, they didn't comment.

Once away from the group, Kasumi shed her uniform and tugged her hood back into place. "Ugh. Didn't think I could take another second in this place."

"I am glad to see you are unharmed," EDI replied. "You said you had —"

Kasumi handed her a datastick. "There you go. Entire mainframe, all nice and ready for you to dissect it."

EDI dropped it into a pocket of the BDUs she'd picked up wearing on away missions and nodded. "I'll compile this with the information Liara sent me once we are back on the ship. Did you learn anything else?"

"Oh, I learned quite a bit. C'mon, let's get them back to the ship. We've got stuff to talk about."

#

"That's it?"

"Well, no one seems to know who the guy is, so it wasn't like I could just ask around," Kasumi replied, leaning against the wall.

"I am absolutely sure that the information we need is somewhere in the database," EDI stated. "I am running all my encryption programs on it as we speak. As soon as I have information, I will alert the ship."

"You ... said that there was someone named Oxley involved?" Miranda asked slowly, drawing her finger along her lower lip as she thought.

"That was one of the names, yeah."

"Tell me you know this guy," Jack said. "Even better, tell me you know where I can punch his fucking face in."

"No, it sounds familiar," Miranda mused. "I can't place it, though. It isn't a common name ... I'll go through my files. If he was former Cerberus I'm sure he's in there."

"Are we even getting  _any_ closer to finding them?" Tali protested. The conference room fell silent as everyone decided it was a good time to not look at each other. Garrus finally cleared his throat and straightened, starting out of the room.

"Hey," Kaidan called after him. Garrus raised a talon, not bothering to look back.

"Just gotta call in a favor."

Jack huffed. "Must be fuckin' nice."

"All right. We'll wait until EDI's broken the encryption on those files and we've gotten it together with what Liara sent us, and hopefully we'll be closer," Kaidan said, trying to sound optimistic. "And when we do find it, we don't mess around. We hit wherever they're being held, and we hit it hard."

There was a series of nods, and he pushed himself away from the table.


	38. Chapter 37: Puggles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the last thing I have written on EAHE for now, and I'm not sure when I'll get to write more, but I'll update as soon as I can. Promise. :3

 

"Sir, I ... think she's fucking with us."

Couzier didn't hear the aide at first, too busy running data from Shepard's last exam while the Spectre paced on a camera just by his arm. At his repeat of his previous statement, Couzier looked up and silently stuck his hand out for the datapad.

The day before Couzier had authorized extremely limited and very monitored extranet access to Shepard's terminal, with only two sites allowed past the firewall: the Citadel News Network, and by that, only the main page that showed various headlines with severe blacking-out from Echidna censoring, and a couple sites he'd told her to read during her exam the day before. Apparently Shepard had determined that she could view the extranet's main search engine as well, even if all of her searches would take her to a blacklisted page, and had also realized that people were monitoring her use in case she'd taken a few hacking pointers from her quarian friend or somesuch. And, apparently, she was quite enjoying herself.

_Recent Search Usage: Terminal 81b:_

_echidna_

_echidna the mammal_

_seriously what sort of name is that_

_it_ _'s a small egg-laying mammal and you should be ashamed_

_so your new recruits are called puggles right?_

_i looked that up before i got here_

_i thought i might need it_

_you know what an echidna is?_

_a_ _'small solitary mammal'_

_good organization name_

_at least Cerberus was sort of intimidating_

_in a_ _'big three-headed dog guarding the gates of hell' way_

_as opposed to a_ _'small spiky mammal that doesn't even have venomous spikes' way_

He didn't bother to read the rest, and silently handed it back. "Block that site. Perhaps that will make her spend her time in a more conducive manner."

"Yes, sir."

#

" _I am the Catalyst."_

_For some reason this felt familiar._

_Everything did. The Ward arms of the Citadel opened, the great hulking form of the Crucible overheat, the dull roar in her ears and the wet copper taste of blood on her tongue and the warm red that covered her arm and her side, the pain of burnt ceramic dripping onto her numbed skin that somehow she didn_ _'t feel — nor did she taste, nor feel at all. And yet she did - or she thought she_ should _._

_But she just saw, and heard._

_It was still familiar, down to the glowing child in front of her. He was familiar too, but not familiar enough to bring him to mind._

_He was explaining something. Something about the Reapers — about synthetics and organics and war and peace. She could barely make it out, let alone follow it. Maybe it_ _'d be easier if she just closed her eyes for a moment ..._

_Whenever she spoke in this dream it was like she was repeating herself, like she was trying to reconstruct an argument through the heaviest fog to ever pierce her mind. Combine with the Reapers ... control them ... destroy them. For some reason those phrases seemed important._

_"Then let's get this over with," she hissed through clenched teeth, stumbling towards the volatile-looking tube to her right._

_"Wait." Was that desperation? She smirked through the pain as she turned back._

_"What? Oh, I'm sorry, you wanted to tell me which one you thought was better?"_

_"Synthesis is the ultimate evolution! Your kind is-"_

_"No," she said flatly. "I don't need a lecture in morality from a fucking pint-sized crazy AI."_

_"This is not about-"_

_"If you take away our morality we're no better than you." She turned back, dragging her increasingly numbing body forward. "Welcome to evolution, bitch." Raising her gun, she opened fire, murmuring under her breath with each word punctuated by a round._

_"I will see you in hell."_

Shepard was jolted awake again, not for the first time. She dragged her hands across her eyes, waiting for them to adjust to the dark room. She was still in her cell, the red bleep of a camera in a corner trained at her. Shepard blinked at it a couple times, then changed the way she was lying and sighed heavily.

This wasn't the first time she'd had this dream. It seemed important, like it was something she'd forgotten that had severe ramifications for something.

Strangely, she'd smelled it. The ozone of the Citadel's exterior, of the space-battle echoing around her; the taste of blood and bile so strong on her tongue that she thought her mouth and throat had been torn to shreds.

You weren't supposed to be able to taste in dreams, were you? Or smell? She groaned and rolled over onto her other side, beating her pillow into a more comfortable lump. And what had he been saying — the glowing thing that had talked to her? Something about controlling the Reapers ... or was it joining the Reapers? Or was it both? But she'd obviously destroyed them — the corpses of the Reapers in orbit around Earth, and still fallen on Thessia and Tuchanka and Palavan were evidence of that.

So what the fuck was going on?

She knew that, from what she'd read, that pregnancy fucked with a woman's head. Maybe her hormones were running wild, making her invent these things.

Or ... maybe she wasn't inventing it. Maybe it was memories coming back.

Shepard shook her head, pulling her covers over her head and curling into as tight a ball as possible. She didn't need this bullshit.

#

Shepard spent the next two weeks or so pretending to cooperate.

It seemed to be working. As she pretended to have given up any hope of getting out, she found that her guards had started to fall lax in their security. They didn't decrease in number, but they did start to pay less attention to her, and they'd started to let her stay unrestrained.

That was how, during her fourth exam since she'd tested out the sedative, she managed to break Couzier's nose (and probably a few facial bones), take out four of her eight guards, and make a break into the hallway. She took out another from around a corner, delighted that he had a kinetic weapon that she quickly relieved him of. With it she managed to take out the last four guards following her with well-placed headshots.

Shepard knew about where Joker was being held. Holding her gun ready she sprinted forward, gunning down another guard as the alarm rang around her.

They were awfully slow on the alarms, she noticed.

She figured she was probably about halfway there when she turned a corner and skidded to a stop, nearly running straight into an Echidna riot squad.

"Put the gun down, Major," the riot leader demanded. Shepard stumbled a few steps back, preparing to swing around back to a different route, only for the rest of the squad to cut her off.

"Fuck," she murmured, sighing heavily. "All right," Shepard called, dropping the gun and kicking it away. Almost immediately the riot leader was on her, kicking the gun further away and twisting her arm behind her back, pushing her into the wall. Shepard stopped herself from hitting the wall with her free hand, struggling slightly but otherwise compliant. It'd be back to the drawing board now. Her stomach fell. She'd killed at least three of their men, and possibly the doctor — there was no way Joker was getting off as easily as before. And it was her fault for not having been fast enough.

Although they hadn't accounted for scrambling the riot squad so quickly. Joker would have to do more research.

"We've subdued the subject," the riot squad captain was saying into his comm, still pressing Shepard to the wall. "Orders."

A few minutes later he pulled Shepard off the wall, and she found herself immediately surrounded by the rest of the squad.

"You have a major problem, Shepard," he snarled, as he applied pressure to her arm and pushed her forward, back towards her cell. She half-laughed.

"I'd say being stuck here is a major problem, yes," she agreed. She could  _feel_  him scowling, but he didn't reply until her cell door was opened. Once inside the riot squad slowly backed out, and Shepard glared back at the door as the locks chimed.

She hadn't seen Couzier when she was being brought back in. They might be really screwed if she'd killed him, though she suspected headbutting him in the face may have had that effect.

:: _Like I was saying,_ :: the riot squad leader said over the intercom. She looked up, clenching her fists. :: _You have a serious problem._ ::

"Go to hell."

:: _I_ _'d be a bit nicer right now, considering where I am._ ::

Shepard sank down on the edge of her bed, closing her eyes. "Don't. Just ... don't, all right?"

:: _Sorry. Boss_ _' orders._ :: There was a pause. :: _Say hello to your so-called friend._ ::

:: _Hey, Shep. So. Not a good plan, huh?_ :: Shepard ducked her head slightly.

"Not the best, no." The only good thing about this situation was that they'd been taking good care of him — too good to just kill him now. It didn't make knowing what was about to happen any easier.

:: _Don_ _'t worry, these guys look pretty nice so far._ ::

"Joker —"

:: _Hey, no worries. Bound to happen sooner or later._ ::

The intercom clicked off, and she dug her fingers into the side of her cot. The waiting was really the worst, coupled with the unknown. How bad would it be? It couldn't be too bad — right? Because if it was, she'd never forgive herself ... She drew a deep breath, waiting, her knuckles turning white with her grip.

The intercom clicked back on, and her head jerked up. "Joker?" she called, voice wavering slightly.

:: _Oh, he_ _'ll be fine,_ :: the squad leader replied. :: _He_ _'s just in a little bit of pain right now._ ::

"Fuck you," she snapped. "Joker!"

:: _Don_ _'t worry ... you still gotta put up with me._ :: She slumped back when Joker finally answered her, even if it sounded like he was answering her through his teeth.

:: _That being said ... he won_ _'t be so lucky next time, Major. Take that into account the next time you wanna do something stupid._ ::

Shepard ducked her head with a weak nod. To say that the failed attempt this time was disheartening would be true; but to say she didn't already have a second plan would be equally as wrong.

"Will you give him medical attention?" she asked quietly.

:: _Boss_ _' orders. Just don't do it again._ ::

She nodded weakly again, letting herself collapse back to the bed as the intercom clicked off.

Oh, they'd do it again ... but they'd do it better.

#

_S: You okay?_

_[Message Log: Gap of 10 minutes]_

_J: Yeah. Fine._

_S: You sure?_

_J: Yeah. Just a clean break across my shin. Casted it and everything as soon as the swelling went down. Should be fine in a week or so._

_S: Fuck. I_ _'m sorry._

_J: We gotta get out of here, Shep, I knew it was probably gonna happen._

_J: We need a new plan._

_S: Joker, I don_ _'t know. Maybe we shouldn't._

_J: You listen here_

_J: We don_ _'t have time for this bullshit_

_J: You got what a month before you start complaining about being the size of a whale_

_J: And as soon as you_ _'re down we're fucked_

_J: I ain_ _'t getting out of here on my own and unless Alenko gets hella lucky they're not gonna find us_

_J: So you stop that mopey bullshit right now_

_S: ok._

_J: Shep_

_S: I said ok_

_J: We just need a better plan this time, ok. Got anything?_

_S: A bit of one. But_ _with this setback —_

_J: Fill me in._


End file.
